SuperDave71 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 Hi Rosie, Why do you feel as if you are struggling? You have been doing so well? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
ILoveMyself Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Try posting this in a separate thread, you might get some more responses to your queries. Anyhoo, did you tell her you were going NC in the first place or did you just start it? No I did not announce my NC. I just dont want to. I am very emotional person and dont have the courage to say her that I can not be her friend anymore or interested to talk to her any more and if I do I will not be able to stop myself from crying in front of her and honestly I dont want to cry in front of her because its worthless and she would think I am playing manipulative games. I know that she is with somebody else right now and she knows i am not responding her than what makes her keep calling me and not leaving any messeges after i dont respond. I honestly have started hating her for this a little, why is she playing games with me. Link to comment
ExarionUniverse19 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Long post coming up here... OK, thanks for the link. We're pretty much following the same rules, though the phone has never been an issue -- we don't communicate that way. I don't really have issues with online tracking, but I have been doing some... er, stalking. I'm not going into detail here, and I HOPE my ex doesn't find this site and this post! Actually, I shouldn't care, since I'm doing NC. I didn't post yesterday for my first update because I was busy! I simply didn't have time to post here, which I consider to be a good thing, because it means I'm keeping busy... so I'll post for both days today. Day 1 Fortunately, the healing process had already started before I officially started the challenge, so Day 1 wasn't that hard. I thought about it, but I didn't see her today! I intend to not see her at all for the next 30 days, though it might happen, in which case I won't let it get to me. Anyway, I kept busy watching sports during the evening, and school work during the day. And for the first time in weeks, I didn't go online to check her whereabouts. Wasn't too difficult, but I still miss her... Day 2 I had a few thoughts today about getting back together... but I'm trying to block them from my head. Again, I didn't see her. And I didn't check online. It seems like keeping NC going for 30 days shouldn't be a challenge -- the challenge will be to heal and move on. Which NC is designed to do. So I'm doing well, but I know that there will be adversities in the future... which I'll have to deal with. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 I wonder what is happening with Shaker. Link to comment
ILoveMyself Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Hi Superdave Read my post and replies "Started NC to get Back But now Dont feel to get her Back " Please please please reply me and tell me not to pick up her phone or contact her. I am really strugling right now. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Please please please reply me and tell me not to pick up her phone or contact her. I'm not SuperDave, but DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HER. What good is that going to do? How will that make you feel any better? It will cause more pain. Take some time, get your head on straight and gain some perspective. Time away will make you see the situation for what it is. I've done this, and look where I am! (laughing as the tears roll down my cheeks) But Seriously, DON'T CALL. Just relax, have a few drinks, and talk to some friends. LOST will be on soon, so you will be ok. Link to comment
misskitty Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I am starting this no contact, not becasue I want him back, I want him out of my life. He was abusive. I keep finding myself with fairy tale thoughts, that he has magically changed and now wants me back. I am no longer allowing myslef to check up on him on the internet. I have no problem never speaking/talking to him. But the internet thing is going to be the hardest, and right now I am so tempted to do it, even though it makes me upet every time I do. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Day 44 Hi Rosie, Why do you feel as if you are struggling? You have been doing so well? Hi SuperDave, I've been utterly perplexed. I know I'm under undue stress, in large part work-related, but that's the way it's been for me for a long time. I thinking about going to grad school, moving to CA, and I'm truly under siege at work. My boss is pushing me to start a major new project, when I'm already working 10 to 15 hours most days. But to keep it simple, that's often status quo for me ... especially when I'm in the midst of a stringent -- ok, completely unrealistic -- deadline. I've literally been stumped. Tonight in therapy my therapist suggested it was all part of the grieving process. She suggested the first month or so was easy because I was in the anger phase. She says I'm now in the sadness / grieving stage. Supposedly ... if I can last that long (what choice do I have, truly?) ... the final stage is acceptance. Not sure if this is accurate. My head's pounding too much and I've had a really, really dreadful / emotionally packed day. I have a high regard for my therapist, and I've read often the break-up emotional phases are anger / grieving / acceptance. Is this your experience, SuperDave? Is this your experience other wise friends and brave break-up NC warriors? As I've never had a long-term relationship before, I have no firsthand acquaitance with this process. Nitey nite for now, -Rosie Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I went through all 5 stages of bereavement before I found myself back to normal in my experience. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Day 84 NC - I'm feeling good and getting better Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Day 9 I feel very depressed today. Not sure why. Rosie, I have been reading a book on separation and divorce, and it says that it takes 6 weeks for the human body to truly feel the loss of another person. For us, it has been 44 days since we last saw our ex's, which is a little over 6 weeks. I think that might be the reason we are both so down right now. I have been miserable all week. All I want to do is talk to her, and tell her to stop all this nonsense and come home. I know she isn't ready yet, and I'm not ready to take her back either, but I'm in a lot of pain. Back to the job hunt today. I need to do some laundry as well. Should be a boring day. I have the movie Swingers, and I hope to watch it. See if it helps. I think I had dreams about my ex all night. That might be why I am in such despair today. I have been thinking about her a lot. It's too much. Today I feel: Depressed, Sad, Unhappy, Desperate, and Alone. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Same here Mac. I want to do the same thing as well, especially this Its been over a month since I last saw her in the flesh so to speak and about 2 and a half weeks since we last spoke. Think that 6 week thing kind of makes sense. Im feeling it today. Swingers will make you feel better. I thought it was great Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Though I've been sorely tempted to break NC, with the ex basically harassing me by phone and text message, today is Day 13. I'm still so angry, and hoping the anger will be gone by Day 30. But I know I'm up for this challenge, I have no intention of breaking NC whatsoever. [edit]: I've always wondered why this really important thread is in the "Getting Back Together" section, though. ?? Link to comment
papalazarou Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 [edit]: I've always wondered why this really important thread is in the "Getting Back Together" section, though. ?? Probably because after 30 days you will be in a better frame of mind... It will be up to you if they want them back and lets say you did and they said no then you should be (relatively) sufficiently healed to be able to take it, having done 30 days NC. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Probably because after 30 days you will be in a better frame of mind... It will be up to you if they want them back and lets say you did and they said no then you should be (relatively) sufficiently healed to be able to take it, having done 30 days NC. Yes, I agree with this - but it is a very heavy concept and covers a lot more ground than that. I think it's moved past being catogorized. NC is just a (healthy) doorway to lots of possibilities..... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Hello everybody! I haven't posted in a while... I've been busy having fun hehe. Maybe many of you won't remember my story, but I got dumped for another guy, you know, the grass is greener... well, turns out my ex just broke up with the new guy a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't help it and two days ago I added her to my MSN and unblocked her, and started talking to her again. It was kind of awkward at first, but soon we started joking and catching up... I ended the conversation on a high note and blocked her again. I just wanted her to shake the ground under her to see if she will look for me again. I know she probably doesn't deserve another chance, but I like her too much and feel strong about her still, plus I don't completely blame her for what she did to me, she was 18 at the time (she just turned 19). I know people don't change in 3 or 4 months, but still I am curious to know if she appreciates me more after her failed relationship with the new guy... What can I do? should I let her come looking for me? any thoughts SD? anyone? thank you all! Link to comment
ExarionUniverse19 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Day 3 Spent a lot of time thinking about her today... I'm trying to stop, but I can't seem to think about her much. To make things worse, I saw her today when I was waiting for my 2nd hour teacher to open the door to the classroom... I really wanted to not see her or have any contact with her for 30 days... but it couldn't be avoided today. Good news is that spring break is coming up next week, and there's no way I'll see her then! So in addition to being a time for relaxing, spring break will serve as a good time to heal. I still haven't completely let go... in that I still think about reconciliation. I try to tell myself not to think about reconciling, because it only delays healing, but it's a struggle... so I'm a little concerned about that. But I think time will heal my wounds, so I'll be fine. Overall, a decent day. Every day I'm healing, so it should keep getting better... Link to comment
solarplexus Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Day 6-7. Hahaaa. I stopped to count already and started the see the real truth (what ever it is, it is my truth) TijuanaJones, seems that you have done very well. If you are doing so good, it is now your decision to give her a chance or not. Whatever you do, do help yourself. Good luck. Link to comment
Ottersmom Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hi everyone, Well here I was, 73 days in, and boom, an email. An odd email wishing me happy birthday, and a big apology for hurting me and a long sentence saying he only had "good thoughts and feelings" about me. hmmmmm I waited to respond for 2 days, because frankly, I didn't know if I wanted to. But I did and just said surprised to hear fom you, thanks for the birthday wish. To which he immmediately responded that he hadn't written to me because he thought I didn't want him to. OH. I thought it was because he told me we shouldn't date right now and he had met someone more compatible than me. 5 months ago! Well, I wrote back several days later saaying he was right, I hadn't wanted to hear from him, and that it really had nothing to do with him at all. I just did the things that were good for me, and he wasn't one of them. You see he had never wanted to break contact with me. He had said that over and over. But it was an impossible situation to me...to keep writing each other, and not see each other. Ridiculous. Anyway he said he understood the NC. And respected me for it. Then he said he missed me very much, and to let him know if he can still write. SO???? What do I do? I know this may sound like a dream scenario to those of you fresh from a breakup and just starting NC, but let me tell you: NC works!! I have moved far from the place where my heart would have jumped just seeing his email address pop up. I have reservations, even though I do miss him too. He hurt And I'm wary of him. I've gotten so far into taking care of myself, that he just doesn't touch me in the way he used to. Anyway, that's what's happeneing here. A big wish of peace for all of you. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Day 45 When Macgyver pointed out that I've now not talked to ... more importantly heard from ... Rex for six weeks, it made my heart sink. It seems everyone else has this flurry of sightings and text messages and phone calls, etc., and although I know that would really make the challenge all the more difficult, it's still disheartening that I've not heard one syllable. Yeah, yeah, it's called a break-up because it's broken. Sure I was the dumper in this situation, as Rex seemed to want to start to sleeping with new person and see me (how delightful), and I really need to get a grip on the grim reality of my situation, I seem to have really bad wiring. Consequently, I'm thinking about a 100-day NC goal for myself now. ... mind you, one day at a time. -Rosie Link to comment
Shaker Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Rosie, I remember feeling that way, too...that everyone was hearing from their exes, or having some kind of way of communicating (even if it was only over the web). Mine certainly wasn't chomping at the bit to see me, and really, I think I was better off because of it (even though it didn't feel that way at the time). What it made me realize is that I wanted to feel like, or be, the kind of woman who is unforgettable to some one...and that wasn't going to be the case with my ex. TJ, I'd suggest you keep it cool. Don't pursue her. Also, remember that one break up is rough, more than one with the same person gets even more difficult. And think carefully about whether she deserves another shake at things; she did break your heart, and there are 19 year olds in the world who are more sensitive about that sort of thing...... Link to comment
BrokenHeart82 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Just wanted to pop in and thank SuperDave for all his advice...day 7 for me! Link to comment
lonelyfish Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Count me in on this - this will be day one for me! Even though he's on the other coast I feel I need to do this as he now has a "girlfriend" but wants to keep me as a friend. I was supposed to fly out today to see him for my vacation but canceled since he told me about this new girl 4 days prior to me leaving!! I know he will try to contact me via email for he loves the things I write and say. I will not look at his Myspace account either!!! Great challenge! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Day 10 Already? I had an interview today. It was going great until I met with the design director, and her found some problems with my portfolio. I am going to add what was missing to my online portfolio, and hopefully show some initiative. Still feeling very low, empty and depressed. I am trying to move on. Every time I think of my ex I try to remember to tell myself she is gone, and to forget about her. I'll let you know if it works. I also made a list of ALL of the BAD things she did to me, to try to help me get mad, and realize I don't want to be with someone like that. It helped a little, but I need to read it again. It's nice to see Shaker on today!! Today I feel: Alone, Depressed, Confident, Empty, and Sad Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hello everybody! I added her to my MSN and unblocked her, and started talking to her again. It was kind of awkward at first, but soon we started joking and catching up... I ended the conversation on a high note and blocked her again. lol that made me laugh..its funny to find out that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. haha well anyways... I'M Back!! after a week of "absense", really though i was just getting adjusted to school. .i love it!! big change..i'm finally experiencing what i lost when i was with my ex. college life without a girlfriend is life that is truly busy. Day- 7X-8X, just got super adjusted. major change from going from semester system to quarter. anyways im still "looking" for myself at this place, haven't really made any friends other than my suite mates, but im not to worried about that. well yesterday night was the first night, where i wasn't reading, doing hw, or research. so i went clubbing with a couple of my friends in Hollywood. I think i got to the point now where im not sure if clubbing is for me. really. i feel like its a waste of time and money now...but thats just my personal opinion. i think now im just going to spend my free time, if i ever get any just doing my usual hobbie, cars and shoes..also it kind of struck me yesterday as well, "why am i trying to find a girl at a club?" i think thats when it hit me that i think im trying to hard now.i think im better off with that one girl from church. but honestly, i just wanna take my time now and just relax. if it comes to me, good, if not, im not bugged by it, because i would rather meet my soul mate in the long run, then find someone that im going bump heads with for awhile then be back on that journey to recover again. oh well. well i just got back from pumpin iron, and im going to eat lunch. i notice in one week i gained weight cause of stupid subway. lol. it's good to be back people and im glad some of you guys are hold on strong!!! remember keep that pride and show them (ex's) were not the ones the EFFF'd up!!! Link to comment
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