EddieRentz Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I am on Day 3... would've been day 6, but she emailed me on Saturday. Amazing, I was out buying furniture for my new place and I kept thinking that I wish she was there with me to pick things out, that I wanted her input - but I refused to call... SO while I am picking out my couch she emails me asking for the names of short term furnished housing providers (that I had already given her a few days before). She is renovating her place in MARCH and is freaking already about having a place locked up for March 15th. Anyway, I didnt write back for a few hours, then I felt bad and gave her some names (I am in the biz), nothing more.... So she writes me back and says, "thanks so much, I was starting to freak out and post on Craigs List..." At first I felt bad for her and was glad I was able to help... until yesterday. For some reason I thought about that exchange again and a lightbulb went off in my head. I thought to myself, "You flippin' clear-headed, self involved * * * * * * *!!!" You basically threw me out on the street on two days notice after meeting some wildly inappropriate guy that lives clear accross the country, no couples counseling, no working things out after more than 6 years together. I am living out of laundry bags in my parent's guest room for a month, I am 3 days from the start of my lease for which I still havent been able to get a solid move-in date from management..... and you have the gaul to tell me (and actually expect me to empathize with the fact that) you were freaking about where you are going to live in mid March???!!??!?!?!? I have to admit, everytime she contacts me, I feel like I get to see a little bit more of how incredibly self-centered she is.... Now I am moving 3 blocks from her... let's see how that goes. I have been practicing my "I dont see you" walk through my neighborhood... Wish me luck. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 rxguy I know the feeling. I posted a profile on link removed, suspended the account the next day, but put it up again by Friday just for laughs. I've even gotten some responses, but haven't read them yet. I think I need to be in the right frame of mind, and I don't really see myself as an online dater. Pisces Princess, Ha. I think we're partners in this. I just found a place on the weekend, and moved in yesterday. The move is very difficult, and I'm dropping off my set of keys today. It seems symbolic, and I think it'll be a hard step once I put them in an envelope and slide them under the door. It's so tempting to enclose a note, but I won't. Instead, I'll wrestle with unpacking. Link to comment
andreap Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 O.k., whew...I made it through another day....but barely. Ladies....do any of you find yourself far more emotional and tempted to do something (i.e., text, or email) when your "hormones" kick in? This is always the hardest time for me! Well, today will be day 5 of the challenge for me and day 21 since I actually went NC.....BUT...I can't lie....I AM really wondering why I haven't heard from him since the parking lot incident....Now the "what if's" as SD calls them are kicking in "What if he never contacts me again", ...I know that NC is not about luring your ex back in....but realistically half of me is doing this to heal and half of me is doing this in hopes that he will come crawling back again....but this time w/ some substance behind his words!! Besides aren't we all on here under the title "Getting back together"? ALso, everything I have read...online, on here, and in books , states that you need to go NC for at least 8 weeks in order to help the process of reconciliation???? Ugg!!!! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Hi Shaker, How long were you living together? Sad thing is I used to LOVE living alone, now I am terrified and we only lived together 1 year and 2 weeks!!! Keep wanting him to beg me to go back, but he seems perfectly happy rennovating our old home! x Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Hi all...hope everyone is doing well and being strong!!! You know what I'm not going to keep posting what day it is.... I made my NEW NC date for my birthday next month.....on the 9th. Exactly ONE month from today...so it will actually be 37 days! Anyway....nothing new to report really. In a way I am glad I haven't heard anything else from him. Makes it easier for ME. The less temptation the better. One thing I keep thinking is....this has been going on far to longDo I REALLY want to waste another 6 months or year of my life on this crap? It's easy to lose track of how much of your life is consumed by dead end relationships. I will no longer participate in that. I have the day off today....I intend to enjoy it!!! Be strong everyone!!! Link to comment
tribecagirl Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Hi AndreaP! YES!!!! YES!!! & YES, again!!!!!!!! I know exactly what you're going through! Females hormones are a B****! No pun intended! It was weird because like a week before the hormones kicked in, I had a "who gives a f*** about him attitude." When they finally kicked in, I went on a serious crying jag!!!!! It was awful! I didn't realize it until I started to make a mental note of what was going on. The last time, was much better because I knew that it was the hormones making me feel blue and the pain was not as strong. More like a mildly dull ache, but I could handle it and I didn't cry anymore. But as we all know, NC is not for them to come back to you. It's all about Y-O-U! I can't lie, I went NC, initially, for him to realize the amazing woman that I am, then I started to think, "What if he never comes back?" Then what? He would have moved on with his life and I'm stuck pining for him. I just keep thinking about what my mother explained to me and that is women love hard. And how many stories are there about women who have fallen madly in love with a man only to be hurt really badly and you never move on with your life and miss out on other opportunities to love someone else because you keep thinking about this ONE MAN? Some women have actually had mental breakdowns because they were so hurt. Think about it, if you had a mental breakdown over this one man and you ended up in a looney bin, do you think he would care? Do you think he would come and see about you? I highly doubt it. Make a mental note of this. He's off riding in the sunset blissfully and you're all torn up inside and looking like you saw the devil himself. I know that's a pretty brutal way to think, but it snaps me back into reality QUICKLY! Do NC for you! Trust me, I know how you feel and I wouldn't tell you this out of spite. I never thought I'd speak these words because I was feeling like pure s***! But each day, I've been getting stronger and I hope that I can keep this momentum going. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 Hello everyone! You guys are doing GREAT!!! I am soooo proud of each and every one of you!! Despite the hurt and the sadness...you are doing NC FOR YOU which is EXACTLY what it is intended for!!! KUDOS TO YOU ALL!! Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Thanks Dave.... I will be honest in saying it gives me SOME satisfaction that I know he goes online everyday...probably expecting soemthing from me..and nothing is there. Just knowing I'm NOT reacting keeps me strong. This is definetely a challenge in self discipline. Link to comment
andreap Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Thanks Tribecagirl for the motivation! I have also been trying to "warn" myself in advance to not let my hormones bring me further down....seems to be working. I also noticed that in the past a lot of my nutty behaviour would always seem to coincide w/ this time as well....better now to know about it and be able to have some control over it! My situation is a little bit different than most. I actually left him...over a year ago!! He has always come back in contact w/ me....but cannot commit to anything...the "cycle" went on for an entire year until I finally broke it w/ this challenge!! He tried to contact me since this challenge started and even followed me one day into a shopping plaza to talk to me....but I have held strong!! I have told myself that unless he is ready to COMMIT to reconciliation and do things the RIGHT way (in a healthy way)....I will NOT respond to any of his attempts at contact....so far I am hangin' in there....but these past few days I have been wondering just how long it's going to take him or if he has givin up on this little "cycle" w/ me altogether? who knows. I am actually trying to stick to MajorD's "perfect plan" and focus on ME. I have been working out a lot more (even training a friend), renovating my place a little, and trying to stay busy!! That's the plan! Good luck to you as well! Link to comment
tribecagirl Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Well, if you left him for not realizing that you are special, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! Stay NC. If he keeps contacting you after you made it clear to him that you aren't going to be jerked around until he is serious about you, then he's being selfish. If he stops his antics, take it as either 1) he's tired of playing around and realizes that you're serious and takes what you mean into consideration and ready to make a full commitment or 2) he realizes that you're not to be played with and he'll leave you alone as you've asked him to do all along. If he respects your wishes and he comes back later, hopefully, he'll be a better person. As I've read many times, when and if he does get himself together, maybe you would have moved on and you may not even want to deal with him on that level anymore. Either way, good luck to you!!!!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 I say we all go out to Dinner.....Lady Bugg's treat and Tribecagirl can buy dessert and after dinner drinks for everyone since she has already told me she is going to buy Microsoft from under me. I may have to offer a TRILLION BAZILLION MILLION DOLLARS *sigh* -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Just looking for reassurement here I think. My ex just IM'd me Michelle says: Hey... know u dont want me to talk to you really. But just checking you're cool? Michelle says: Hope ur good. Michelle says: Shell I shouldn't reply right? I don't want her thinking I'm being childish or that I'm still hurting. Plus there's every chance I'll see her on my way out of the building as we work together and then I'll just have to say hello anyway. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..DO NOT REPLY!!!! YOu would break the challenge!!! DON'T DO IT...or I get permission to duct tape you and throw broken "Twinkies" at your head!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I guess if reonciliation was on her mind she'd try a little harder than that right... but part of me thinks that EVEN IF that's what she wanted, she'd need to start the contact somehow to achieve that. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 Don't do it....you made a promise. If she wants you back....NOTHING ( Not even 30 days) could keep her from it. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
meantime Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 You know the rules. No contact. She doesn't need to know you are doing good or anything about you. Are you doing good? Anyway day four for me and feel very fortunate I don't work with my ex. Z part of NC is learning not to be concerned with what she may be thinking you are thinking. She lost those rights to you when you guys broke up. Be well. Link to comment
tribecagirl Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I say we all go out to Dinner.....Lady Bugg's treat and Tribecagirl can buy dessert and after dinner drinks for everyone since she has already told me she is going to buy Microsoft from under me. I may have to offer a TRILLION BAZILLION MILLION DOLLARS *sigh* -SuperDave71 Maybe I'll buy the restaurant we'll all be eating in too, SD! A ROUND OF CHEEZY POOFS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 HA HA HA HA HA HA... You are too much!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
BONO Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Just to let you know I am following this thread with interest. Superdave, you know the reasons why. Good challenge, may I be as bold to ask where you got the idea from ?? BTW - I have still given up smoking Scruff Link to comment
honeyspur Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I guess if reonciliation was on her mind she'd try a little harder than that right... but part of me thinks that EVEN IF that's what she wanted, she'd need to start the contact somehow to achieve that. You got it - you're really getting the hang of this! The reason you don't contact, is there is nothing clear or progressive about her message. She didn't say, "I know you don't want to talk to me really but I really want to see you face to face so we can work out a step by step plan on getting back together. Let's work out a time and day - Friday's are best for me....." see what I'm getting at here? You need definates. You need commitment. Accept only that from her. Link to comment
needingadvice Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Hi Superdave and everyone! Day 5 Today i started my new job - i was very nervous about starting as still feel very tearful and didnt want to show myself up at a new job with new people, but it went well. it actualy did me good as i've been at home for 6 weeks with the holidays aswell and i've had too much time to dwell on things, so being in a new environment today did distract me more and at times i felt as if nothing was wrong! it still hits me at other times, especially if you have a moment alone - i find my mind wondering back to him and sometimes the pain hits me like im being punched in the stomach, it totally overwhelms me and i feel so many emotions, including anger at him - then it passes and im ok again for a while. i had about a 1000 emails he'd sent me throughout our 5 years. ive already deleted 90% of them but for some reason there were 1 or 2 ive not deleted. ive decided it's time to do it now - they are only words which his actions didnt backup. i feel i have to start letting go, aswell as NC, it's time to let go of the past..not really had too many urges to break NC. i just feel pretty set in my mind at the minute that doing this would achieve nothing but more heartache for me..this doesnt mean i dont think of him or miss him, but there is only so many times i can live through this pain and i know that the only way to have a chance of feeling happy again is by doing NC. Hope everyone is doing ok today Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Well I didn't reply and I closed my messenger. Thanks so much you guys... and my DIG buddy! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 Scruff, I got the idea from thinking about a popluar show on the Food Network believe it or not (Iron Chef). I am a chef and I have people trying to challenge me all the time ( Just friendly competition)... I was sitting at my desk at work and I was thinking of my next challenge and I was reading the board and it HIT me....I thought to myslef...HOLY MOLY ...what a GREAT IDEA!! Why didn't I think of this before!! So, I started the SuperDave71 -NO CONTACT CHALLENGE! There ya go...The low down CONGRATS ON THE QUITTING SMOKING BY THE WAY!!!!! THAT IS AWESOME !!!!!! Keep it up Scruff!!!! Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
meantime Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Great job needingadvice and the part about the words being useless bc they did not match the actions...very powerful thing to think about. My ex would always say when his promises never came true..."well I meant them when I said them"...whatever that means. Good job and good luck at your new position. Link to comment
needingadvice Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 hi meantime - my ex used to say EXACTLY the same - "i meant them when i said them"!! i think that gives me strength also - when i read the forums and see that so many people have been told similar things by their exs - i wasnt unique, so many people have been there and are there now. it's reassuring to know we're not alone. hope you are doing ok Link to comment
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