Mom's control/influence over my dating decisions.

[Luke Skywalker]

luke,

What are your job skill by the way?Do you have phone ,computer ,clerical or any other skills.

 

 

Of course I do, but the salaries of these 'office' jobs are crap. No way you can live the big life with that stuff. Real-Estate has a future.

[quietgrl]

Of course I do, but the salaries of these 'office' jobs are crap. No way you can live the big life with that stuff. Real-Estate has a future.

 

 

A good office job in your area is crap.What!

[annie24]

Of course I do, but the salaries of these 'office' jobs are crap. No way you can live the big life with that stuff. Real-Estate has a future.

 

well, yeah, real estate has ALWAYS had a future. but..... where is your money? what is your plan to have things take off in the next few years?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Of course I do, but the salaries of these 'office' jobs are crap. No way you can live the big life with that stuff. Real-Estate has a future.

How much are you making now? Cuz crap is still better than nothing!

[Batya33]

Of course I do, but the salaries of these 'office' jobs are crap. No way you can live the big life with that stuff. Real-Estate has a future.

 

What does living the big life have to do with making enough money to rent a room somewhere?

[caro33]

Yes, Luke. Most of us got to be independent as adults by having some crap jobs, getting by, and working up to where we are.

 

For example, I spent years working in a call centre for an airline as a shift worker so I could pay rent and study during the day. I left home at 18. I am now on maybe as much as seven times the wage I was on then. People just do this stuff.

 

By the way, in my last post I was pointing out that you allowing your mother to dictate your life is NOT an economic decision. Living under her roof is not the same thing as allowing her to determine who you go out with etc. It is not the same as calling her your SO.

[Luke Skywalker]

By the way, in my last post I was pointing out that you allowing your mother to dictate your life is NOT an economic decision. Living under her roof is not the same thing as allowing her to determine who you go out with etc. It is not the same as calling her your SO.

 

But if I live under her roof than I have to honour the rules of the house especially if I'm not contributing.

[Luke Skywalker]

What does living the big life have to do with making enough money to rent a room somewhere?

 

Because if you settle for a job that's going to pay crap than you have to consider the potential opportunity cost of time going in that direction. For example, if you take a living wage job, then you just get paid 9-5 to exist, maybe you have enough to pay the rent on a shared apartment and food - plus independence. However, if it is Real-Estate, then time invested has no income maximum - you could literally make big money as a Real-Estate agent.

[Luke Skywalker]

well, yeah, real estate has ALWAYS had a future. but..... where is your money? what is your plan to have things take off in the next few years?

 

There has been a few changes. I've switched to a Real-Estate office that is closer to this house, allowing me to have more control as to being in that office. Since most of the business is really time-management, if I have a better control of that, then in either two companies I worked with before, then I think there is a great potential for improvement.

 

Obviously, I want to build a client base where I'll be getting 80% of my business through referrals, or have lots of clients, and eventually, when I have a good income, move into Commercial Real-Estate to make the really BIG bucks - there is no limit.

[Batya33]

Because if you settle for a job that's going to pay crap than you have to consider the potential opportunity cost of time going in that direction. For example, if you take a living wage job, then you just get paid 9-5 to exist, maybe you have enough to pay the rent on a shared apartment and food - plus independence. However, if it is Real-Estate, then time invested has no income maximum - you could literally make big money as a Real-Estate agent.

 

I disagree- it depends on your priorities. You could take the 9 to 5 job and at night go to school to learn/study a more marketable skill or take a 9 to 5 job with room for growth and promotion.

[annie24]

i know that my real estate agent takes a second job when things are slow..... she has a family to support so she doesn't have the luxury of waiting around for "the next big sale."

[caro33]

But if I live under her roof than I have to honour the rules of the house especially if I'm not contributing.

 

Oh come on Luke. There are rules of the house and there are rules of the house. Even as teenagers living under our parents' rooftops we tend to learn that the rules are things like:

 

- You don't eat in front of the TV, you eat at the table. You will be home for dinner at 6pm and you will eat what's put in front of you.

- You don't take girls back to your room.

- You make sure your room is clean and all socks are off the floor.

- You must be home by 8 pm on weekdays and 11pm on the weekends.

 

These rules do not tend to include WHO you date when out of the house, or HOW you live your life in general. When parents start to overstep the mark on these issues, the teenagers realise it's time to move out, to do whatever is necessary to establish themselves so they may pursue their own lives.

 

Two points to note:

(1) "House rules" do not tend to mean you have to consider your mother as a your SO/girlfriend replacement (and let's not even go to the insinuation here).

 

(2) The house rule examples above were for a teenager, not a 30 year old man. I would imagine a 30 year old man would have a great deal more leeway about his own needs and there would need to be a way for his needs to co-exist with his parents' rules for him to even be sharing a house anyway.

[Luke Skywalker]

Well, my mom has undertaken to spend $ 20.00 on a book that discourages dating and wants me to read it and expects me to say "gee, thanks mom for buying this book for me to discourage me from dating".

 

The title of the book is "I kissed dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris.

 

I told my mom, that I bet Joshua Harris doesn't live at home with his parents and mom and thereforeeee can afford to have real experiences to write a book about and told her I'd read it whenever I'm good and ready.

 

Stuff like this really irks me. I hope to be a very successful agent as I think I'll be happy if I spent at least one year of my life away from home and be a real adult for a change, even if I'm all by myself, this crowding is starting to get to me. Anti-dating books now - what's next?

[annie24]

I am glad you are staring to see the light Luke!

[caro33]

Yes, use the force Skywalker

 

I think your mother has an agenda here, and it's your challenge to withstand it and find your own way.

 

An anti-dating book, I'm intrigued. How does it propose people meet and find love? (Does it involve parents choosing I wonder?)

[Altruist]

I haven't read allthe post Luke, so forgive me if I make comments that yo have heard already. The first thing for you to do is to stop seeing the 18 year old. It would be good both for you and for her because she is recovering from the betrayal that she got from a 29 year old man. Chances are high that she could eventually turn that anger towards you. She is very young. What she needs for now is some time to be alone and come to terms with her predicament.

 

As for your relationship with your mother IMO, what you need to do is move out and allow yourself to make your own decisions. Do it for yourself. You're 30 and if you hope to have a fulfilling relationship and some kids in the future you need to be independent and to start respecting yourself right now. Unless your parents are sick, there is no need for you to be living with them.

Of course, that's just my opinion.

[quietgrl]

Luke ,

 

Have you read Josh Harris book"i kiss dating goodbye" because that is a very good book especially for christian like yourself to read.I wouldn't let the tittle fool you. I'm not a christian and i read both of his book.It has some very good points about"dating".

[Luke Skywalker]

I haven't read allthe post Luke, so forgive me if I make comments that yo have heard already. The first thing for you to do is to stop seeing the 18 year old. It would be good both for you and for her because she is recovering from the betrayal that she got from a 29 year old man. Chances are high that she could eventually turn that anger towards you. She is very young. What she needs for now is some time to be alone and come to terms with her predicament.

 

It's a bit late in the day for this advice since there is no more problem or issue. She has dissappeared out of my life.

 

The 18 y/o girl has dissappeared out of thin air. The last message she wrote to me was she was sick, and wanted to know how I was doing. Her cell phone was offline afterwards (when a communication was attempted the following week), and she has not returned my email.

 

Nevertheless, I'm not assigning anything to her on my Green-book since I kissed her, and got my first kiss from her (book of rejections) and am just moving on.

 

As for your relationship with your mother IMO, what you need to do is move out and allow yourself to make your own decisions. Do it for yourself. You're 30 and if you hope to have a fulfilling relationship and some kids in the future you need to be independent and to start respecting yourself right now. Unless your parents are sick, there is no need for you to be living with them.

Of course, that's just my opinion.

 

It is obvious that this is the solution.

[Luke Skywalker]

My mom has intruded into my room with a radio so I have to listen to a sermon on the radio, and if I tell her to knock before coming into the room, then she thinks I must be up to something (or why would I not want her to crowd me). I think she has been going bezerk lately. I stayed home today due to a snowstorm, now I think I made mistake and should have gone to work just to stay away from here.

 

That does it, if there is a snowstorm, even if it's bad weather condition, I'm still going to make it a point of duty to go to my office, and thus away from here.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You could put a lock on your door.

[Brooke657]

Just because a girl isn't a virgin doesn't make her some . Your mom is borderline insane....sermons on the radio I mean come on that's kinda insane. What the hell would you be up to that was soooo bad in your room. I mean if my parents were gone sure yeah I could be doing something "bad" but if they're home noones gonna be doing something they wouldn't be ok getting caught doing. Your mom sounds like a classic control freak.

[Luke Skywalker]

I was defending my mom in a court case because creditors sued her on unpaid debts and was going to show up tomorrow to represent her. Now I'm pulling out. I also owed her debts and I'm telling her to sue me if she ever wants to see a cent as there is nothing in writing.

 

I'm so angry at her intrusions that this house can get sold under power of sale by the creditors as far as I care, she doesn't respect my privacy, then I dont respect anything either.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Your mom is borderline insane....sermons on the radio I mean come on that's kinda insane.

That's not insane, that's how people can listen to a sermon if the don't make it to church. It may not be something you do, but that doesn't make people who do mentally defective.

[Brooke657]

That's not what I was trying to say. If your into that kinda thing and you like it fine whatever but if his mom forces him to listen to sermons on the radio that's stupid.

[Brooke657]

Why should she force her religious beliefs on him?