Mom's control/influence over my dating decisions.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Why should she force her religious beliefs on him?

Then you say that, and not that listening to radio sermons is insane.

[Luke Skywalker]

My mom is not forcing any religious beliefs on me, as I believe the same thing she does. The only issues here are just privacy issues and respect. I wouldn't mind 'choosing' to listen to something that she wants to share with me on the radio, however, if she 'shoves it down my throat and invades my sense of privacy or space' and flaunts that it's her house and treats me like I'm a second class citizen with no rights then it's a different story. If I want to listen to something on the radio, then it's because I want to and not to please her. I dont serve God to please my mom.

 

I have to stand up to her to negotiate my own space in here hopefully without getting too nasty.

[Brooke657]

I was basically saying she shouldn't force her religious beliefs on him but apparently she's not so I was wrong.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I was basically saying she shouldn't force her religious beliefs on him but apparently she's not so I was wrong.

 

Saying that is not the same as how you said this.

 

sermons on the radio I mean come on that's kinda insane.

[Luke Skywalker]

Situation is resolved. I've told my mom that I am not serving God to please her and that she should let me decide if I want to listen to the radio or not because I may be doing something imporant relating to my job and need the concentration, and so far have negotiated some space. Conflict over for now unless she starts nosing in to what I'm doing. I dont think writing on enotalone would constitute a legit activity to her, especially a thread like this, but hey, she's computer illeterate so she cant know.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Luke its good you're taking a stand against her. You need to start looking for places to live. Apartments that are near your work would be a good start, if those are too expensive start looking farther away.

[quietgrl]

Luke,

Your post about your mom are making me uneasy.Trust me,I know how you feel but this woman is still your mother.Luke, if things are so bad in your house, you need to move out and stop wasting your time getting in disagreement with your mom.The respect between mother and son is starting to be lost here.

[annie24]

I think it would be good to come up with an "action plan." like how to save up enough money to move out of the house within 6 months or so. it might mean getting another job and finding roommates in a small flat, but at least it would be your own place. roommates can also be problematic, but nothing like a mom barging in on you!

[Luke Skywalker]

Carnelianbutterfly,

 

I'm unable to look for an apartment at this time since I already live close to my office and want to stay in close proximity to my Real-Estate office, and furthermore, unless I take a draw against commission I dont have any money for even one month's rent. I'm not used to living in an apartment and dont know how I'd adjust to something like that.

 

Quietgirl,

 

The situation at hand that I posed about has already been resolved if you have bothered reading my last posts.

 

Annie24,

 

I dont know. I am already following an action plan or I wouldn't be going to my office every day trying to make the next deal somewhere.

[annie24]

Annie24,

 

I dont know. I am already following an action plan or I wouldn't be going to my office every day trying to make the next deal somewhere.

 

Well, an even more aggressive action plan then. Not just something that you have been doing for years now, something that will get you out of the house in 6 months. For exampe, my realtor had a side job working in a store when the market was down. something like that.

[quietgrl]

Luke,

 

Your frustration and anger toward your mother isn't over by a long shot because almost everytime your mom speak to you( good or bad).Luke,You take out your"living at home" frustration out on your mom.Your mom gave you a good book or invades your space you go off on her. Your mom is afraid of cutting your umbilical cord so remember that while gaining your independent.You're going to be free luke ,trust me you will be but your mom only actting this way out of fear.

[Luke Skywalker]

Quietgirl,

 

I've decided to read the book my mom bought for me. It seems to have a common sense approach to dating and is not a 'sour grapes' book by someone who got burned and then got straight afterwards (which would be too clicheed and boring for my interest), so it seems interesting.

 

However, my lifestyle naturally fits into that book anyway, since I'm not really dating lots of people or anything. If I have one person in life that I get along with that has a potential to go further, that's good enough for me and am not into this 'relationship/dating with sex' stuff.

 

I fail to see how this book will be helpful other than encouraging me to stay in my shell and thought it may just give me a cynical justification for continuing to do so, but I may still read it anyway for entertainment since the way it's written seems entertaining to read enough.

[annie24]

of course, there is nothing wrong with reading the book. i'm sure it has some good points in there, even if you don't agree with everything it says. However, the fact that your mom gave it to you, to discourage you from dating is kind of weird. definitely, she needs to butt out and you need to distance yourself from her.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Carnelianbutterfly,

 

I'm unable to look for an apartment at this time since I already live close to my office and want to stay in close proximity to my Real-Estate office, and furthermore, unless I take a draw against commission I dont have any money for even one month's rent. I'm not used to living in an apartment and dont know how I'd adjust to something like that.

 

You're 30 years old and don't even make enough money to support yourself. Its time to get a new job. You could spend years working as an real-estate agent and never make it any where. Get a real job that pays regularly and move out of your parents place. You're not getting any where with this job and you keep using it as an excuse for not moving out. You need to change that or you will always be stuck at their home.

[Luke Skywalker]

Carnelianbutterfly,

 

I know what you are saying. I've decided to give this one last kick in the can (sounds like I'm maintaining a bad relationship and trying to make it work in an ecomonic sense I guess) before quitting.

 

I'm always worried the day I quit then there may be a deal I may have made the next day if I didn't quit today if you know what I mean. I'll give it up to September this year.

 

Unlike any Real-Estate office before, I'm here from 9:30 am to 9:20 pm with two 1 hour breaks in between and I'm doing 'something' when I'm in the office. If I keep up a focus and disciplined reguime, which is the first time I've really commited to do this, then perhaps the results may be different from the last two-three years that I have been at it.

 

I'd agree with you if there is no fundamental change in the way I'm doing business year after year, but if I"m revamping my whole structure and being way more disciplined than before, then I think I owe it to myself to give it one last kick in the can before thowing the towel, and feel, as long as I'm busy doing 'something' Real-Estate related during the day, then there is an 'accumulation effect' that will be realized.

 

The saying is 3 times lucky. I went to three different elementary schools before I found the right one. This is the 3rd kick in the can. Otherwise, I'll be in a 9-5 job, thinking that this one last time I may have been a success, if we just tried just a bit longer, but gave up before the dream could be realised and I wont be able to live with that.

 

Finally, you just dont walk into a 'good job' overnight - I'm already a licensed and qualified agent and want to see if this could be a good job in this new reguime.

[quietgrl]

Luke,

 

What are you talking about that the book wants you to stay in your shell.I never got that impression from reading that book.The book is the total opposite because what i got from Josh Harris's book is you should enjoy your singlehood and preparing yourself for marriage or long term commitment relationship before "dating" the opposite sex.I agree with Josh 100%.A person shouldn't "date" unless they are ready to settle down.People should stick to friendship only and when they are ready for a commitment "date".

I'm not "dating" because i know i'm not ready for marriage or LT relationship but I'm enjoying my male friend for now.

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke,

 

What are you talking about that the book wants you to stay in your shell.I never got that impression from reading that book.

 

I haven't read my book, but that's my rough impression before getting into it. Since I am not really into the dating scene or that into chasing women and am sort of in a 'shell' in that regard. I dont understand dating that much in the first place so I fail to see how that book would apply to anything.

 

It's like reading a book saying saying how to stop smoking when I'm a non-smoker, if dating would be construed to be a bad habit like smoking. In that sense, that book could only reinforce my current type of lifestyle, which is to focus on my future, not getting my time and energy bogged down on dating, which seems to be the trend here anyway.

 

The book is the total opposite because what i got from Josh Harris's book is you should enjoy your singlehood and preparing yourself for marriage or long term commitment relationship before "dating" the opposite sex.I agree with Josh 100%.A person shouldn't "date" unless they are ready to settle down.People should stick to friendship only and when they are ready for a commitment "date".

 

Right, quietgirl, you are talking from the stanpoint that most men you've encountered dont want commitment, right? I dont feel that I have enough choice in life to worry about more restrictions to freedoms I dont even have.

 

Again, I reiterate that I'm not into the dating scene, I'm one of the guys that never really got into that. The book can only establish the fact that I'm not missing out on anything.

 

I'm not "dating" because i know i'm not ready for marriage or LT relationship but I'm enjoying my male friend for now.

 

What makes one ready for marriage or LTR? I dont know if I'm ready or not, maybe I am, just have to get married right?

[quietgrl]

Luke,

 

The best thing for you to do is enjoy your singlehood,become a better man and become a woman best friend first not lover(The advice i got from the book).You shouldn't be worried about sex or "dating" the opposite sex unless you're ready to commit to a monogamous relationship with a woman. Luke,you should be out there creating as many friendship as you can with people not living in a shell.

I know i'm not ready for marriage because i'm not ready to give my mind,body and soul to one man just yet.I would like to get my career going first and have money investment in my name not my husbands/LT boyfriend name.I would like to meet more men too.What about you? Do you want to get married and deal with more or less issue then you have now.

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke,

 

The best thing for you to do is enjoy your singlehood,become a better man and become a woman best friend first not lover(The advice i got from the book).

 

It's not as simple as that. I do not understand 'best friend' or 'lover. These are all forms of interaction to me, one of them sounds more inferior than the other. I thought friendship was an inferior type of interaction and that's the impression that I have here.

 

I suppose, I am not that keen in 'friendship' interactions where I'm attracted to the woman, because I end up passionately hating the woman afterwards when she has sex or develops a relationship with someone she really likes and feel like I'm being strung along under the hope there oculd be something down the road, like some Bermuda Triangle and something always goes amiss, unless I'm really not attracted to her and am genuinely comfortable with friendship.

 

In that light, it would be safer to have no interaction of any form at all with the opposite sex until I meet my future spouce, unless there is a clear business or spiritual purpose involved rather than have relations with some inferior standard of interaction where you end up feeling like a second class citizen in a girl's social heirarchy.

 

 

You shouldn't be worried about sex or "dating" the opposite sex unless you're ready to commit to a monogamous relationship with a woman.

 

Sure, I'm always ready to commit to anyone and everyone who is interested to commit with me, so then I should be worried about something then?

 

Luke,you should be out there creating as many friendship as you can with people not living in a shell.

 

You dont just create friendships, friendships are proven by people earning trust, and very few, if anyone, qualifies for a friendship. Frienships as I have seen are inferior positions on a social ladder to women I'm attracted to.

 

I know i'm not ready for marriage because i'm not ready to give my mind,body and soul to one man just yet.I would like to get my career going first and have money investment in my name not my husbands/LT boyfriend name.I would like to meet more men too.What about you? Do you want to get married and deal with more or less issue then you have now.

 

I want to get married. I would like my wife to deal with issues I have.

She should be a sugar mom I suppose.

[isisastaria]

I AM A SINGLE MOM! I don't know how old you are, but that's not the best reason to pass someone up! As a matter of fact, there are a lot of reasons why we're better to hook up with!

My fiancee gets along GREAT with my kids...and we are extrememly compatible.

[Luke Skywalker]

I just had a talk with my mom. It turns out I really freaked her out.

 

Consider this thread I wrote earlier:

 

 

It turns out my mom really freaked out last November and since then she has been praying that I find the right girl.

 

So far I'm seeing someone in a more regular basis that I meet last month on the internet, and my mom likes her, and she's a born-again Christian that's in charge of youth choir and has no children, she's pretty enough and doesn't have lots of guys chasing her or has any other issues.

 

My mom really said she freaked out with that November-thing and how I over-reacted to reading the music lyrics of that other girl. My mom told me not to see that girl last year, but didn't think I'd go so far as to go on adultfriendfinder to get laid and base the motivation on a rejection read into someone's music lyrics.

 

It was worth it. I enjoyed learning that my mom really freaked out at this and this was probably the worst stunt that I ever did in here. I love it when mom freaks out.

[quietgrl]

Luke,

 

(crossing finger and toes)good luck with the youth choir woman. cheering for you little bro.