Guy paying more at Christmas?

[hope123]

Girls,

 

In a relationship--do you think the guy should spend more on a gift like for christmas than you? I know a lot of girls and sometimes i think that way too that think they shouldn't give too too much and that the girl should be the one showered with gifts. Not meaning all the time but usually they(the guy) should spend more when it comes to this. And if you look at the media--alot of the commercials are guys giving girls these expensive gifts to show how much they "love" the person. Obviously gifts are not all that matters but just wondering how you view things. Do you try to top the gift he got you last year, go for something more cheap and sentimental, or just get a gift but usually know that the guy will spend more and some part of you believes that he should whether you wanna outwardly say it or not.

One of my friends is really old fashioned--she says she doesnt really buy him a lot of gifts and its usually him who does for holidays or birthdays etc. She thinks its kind of the guy's job to do this. I think she kind of extreme with this but I kind of have to admit that sometimes i just think the guy should pay more--those old fashioned things are hard to go away sometimes..like if the guy is interested after a long time--he will still pay for dinner or open the door for you etc etc etc. This may sound stupid but was just wondering.

[annie24]

I think it depends on the couple and their own financial situations. But why let a price tag define your partner's love for you?

[laboheme]

Perhaps you're right, it does seem like guys oftentimes will give expensive gifts to the women. I feel like maybe it's because women are more prone to showing their affection with gifts out of the blue, getting random things just because they remind them of the guy, or regularly bringing them fresh-baked cookies, etc. So maybe the guys see the holidays as a way to compensate for all the little things that the girl/did bought over the course of the year by buying her a big honkin' present.

 

That said, however, I don't think that anyone should expect their significant others to spend more money on a gift than he/she does, regardless of gender.

[melrich]

I don't think there should be any expectation on who pays more for a gift. In my case my partner generally goes more overboard than I do but it's not the sort of thing I think you want to keep score on.

[hope123]

i'm not saying personally love is a price tag but i do have these thoughts and some of my friends as well..that i shouldn't go tooo overboard on a gift and that it should be more up to the guy something expensive. I just feel like even the media places this old fasioned view and expectation that the guy should ultimately be spending more...on rings, necklaces, earrings etc etc etc.

 

I have bought my b/f things randomly and gave cookies etc

[annie24]

why should the guy be paying more on jewelry, stuff? Just because he is doesn't mean he is a good guy or a good boyfriend. I think it all depends. If he is filthy rich and he is buying his gf a gift certificate to Chili's for christmas, that is a bad sign. If he is a broke student and all he can afford is to cook her dinner and write her a poem, that is a lovely gift also.

[hope123]

I'm not saying it makes them a good boyfriend or person at all.

 

It was just a question because the conversation came up today with 2 people. So i was just wondering. In the back of my mind i still think in some ways the guys should pay more..like for some reason apart of me feels that if i gave him some expensive gift and he gave me this gift certificate to chili's--yeah i guess i would feel something is off.

Its hard topic to explain. Of course it depends on a person's living and all.

I guess for example..my one friend doesn't really get him anything special for every occasion..like she said she might get him a wallet or something and she says that he gives jewelry alot..obviously thats off balance..she knows by now since they have been together long enough(years)--that he will be getting her something nice like jewelry..and she will get him a wallet? She has the means to get something a little nicer(she isn't rich, but isn't poor).

She even told me on some birthdays she didn't get him anything but a card or something. To me--that seems a little extreme not to give a little more.

But she thinks its more of the guy's job to get expensive things.

[annie24]

I don't know - It seems pretty sad that she considers her boyfriend's "job" to buy her expensive things. That reminds me of the saying, "If you marry for money, you wind up having to earn every penny."

 

On the other hand, maybe he likes the wallets and getting gifts on his bday isn't so important to him? I have received plenty of gifts I know didn't cost anything, but I loved them. Like a friend that gives me coffee every year. I love coffee, she hates it, and every year, her relatives buy her coffee for christmas and she just forwards the packages to me. I love it, it is so funny.

 

But I have to admit... if a boyfriend gave me second hand coffee as a christmas present, I would be a little... shocked. especially since when I am in a relationship, I try to put some effort into buying the guy something I think he might like and have a use for.....

[hope123]

Speaking of gifts..i am bad shopping for guys..i feel they are sooo hard to shop for.

 

Do you think this is a good gift..a cigar humidifier..its supposed to keep them in really good condition due to the humidity you can adjust..something like that...he doesnt smoke them often..but i figure even if he doesnt smoke them often, its good to a have a place where they wont go bad.

It comes in this wooden box, with glass on top..kind of nice..

and then i was thinking like something for his computer like a printer...

[annie24]

I know someone who got that for her boyfriend, and he liked it. if someone is into cigars, that is a good gift.

 

my rule.... hm... I try not to have the gifts "unevenly matched." do you think he will do something similar for you? a good humidifier can be expensive. I mean, I wouldn't buy him a humidifier if he is cheap and doesn't usually buy you something for your birthday or christmas.

[hope123]

well the one i saw online was nice it was thankfully only $70..i just have to make sure he doesnt have one already. I wouldnt say he is cheap..i really don't know how much he will spend but i doubt it will only be $70..last year he took me to a concert...for my b-day he got me roses and earrings and took me out to dinner..so i wouldnt say he is cheap.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Heck no.

 

I enjoy an egalitarian relationship. I pay 50%, I expect to do about 50% of the work. How can women expect guys to respect them if they have such ridiculous expectations?

 

As for Christmas...I dislike it, and I suggested to my BF that we don't bother with gifts, its not as if we need anything anyway (and I don't buy for/receive gifts from other people anyway).

 

However, he really likes Christmas. So as a compromise, I said that he'd be the one person I'd buy for, and I've bought him something semi-practical for his new house that he wanted anyway.

 

BUT

 

He's now saying things like "What do you want/would you like?" I know he's already bought me a whole lot of random things, like a blo*dy McFlurry maker to name just one, and now wants to get me a "big/proper" present on top of that!

 

I'l put up with this materialism though because I love him. He knows how I feel, but its his choice, his money...why a McFlurry maker?! I'd be lying if I said I understood him completely.

[valiantv]

I think too many people see gifts as a tax or a debt. I am a little worried that I will spend more than her because I think she will feel bad about it! I don't see that if I spend x-amount she has to pay me back with a gift equally as valuable.

 

(Having said that I will feel bad if I spend less than her so maybe it's a bit hypocritical of me)

[Batya33]

At this time of year I am VERY glad that I do not celebrate christmas and have never dated someone who has (and never would - I only date within my religion) - if I did celebrate christmas I would insist on ignoring the emphasis on gifts in favor of the spiritual meaning.

 

I think that a gift from a man to his girlfriend should be romantic and generous. Romantic can be a poem, something homemade, jewelry, a CD that holds special meaning - there is a wide range from free to expensive. Generous - can be the time or thought he puts into it or the money he spends on it or some combination of the two.

 

Having said that, typically in my relationships it has worked out that the guy has spent some more on me than I did on him but that was not an expectation. I am very uncomfortable asking for a specific gift unless it is inexpensive (like a favorite coffee bean that I know a bf will be able to get when he is out of town on business, that I cannot get where I live, for example).

 

I will say that I don't like cheapness so, if we have been dating awhile and I have a rough idea of the range that he can afford (based on what he's told me about himself, where he suggests we go on dates, etc) if it is something way out of that range or he acts cheap or tacky about it (complains about the price, tells me it was on sale or some similar TMI) then I probably wouldn't be happy. Luckily that has happened rarely in my life.

 

I know there is "pressure" as in "what did he get you?" and I think that is awful. A friend who gives an "opinion" on whether the gift was sufficient is not a friend I would like to have other than in very small doses perhaps.

[Batya33]

I don't agree that all gifts reflect materialism in a person. I think it is normal and natural to want certain "things" to enhance your life or put a smile on your face. Sometimes I find people are not into giving gifts because they fear that it will make them too vulnerable and that receiving gifts will tip the "50/50" scales of a relationship.

 

I think the great part of friendship and romantic relationships is that by definition it never can be 50/50 - sometimes I need my friend more than she needs me and vice versa and because we are friends there is no sense of always needing to balance the scales, like there is in a business relationship. I hope that it is roughly equal in the sense of time and attention given but it is nice and comforting to know that no one is keeping a score sheet.

[lovecrazy]

For Christmas this year, the boyfriend is spending more on us. He bought us a new pug puppy. And I am completely broke this year...so I am spending half of what he did.

 

Last year, I spent more, because he was out of work, and was broke. So we kinda take turns.

 

I seem to go over the top with Birthday's, and other things, but for big things, he does it..pugs, clothes etc.

[honeybee]

My bf and I always put a benchmark on how much we spend. This christmas we decided on $150 each and went shopping together so that we could chose our presents. We usually end up getting one nice thing for the price we chose. We do this for birthdays too. It's pretty much 50/50 but occasionally I see something and will just have to buy it for him but he will take me to dinner and a movie to thank me and pay for everything. So yeah I'd say 50/50.

[pinkelephant]

Maybe it's because I haven't been brought up in North America, but I expect the guys to spend more on the girls. I would be taken back if the guy doesn't pay on dates or suggests to split the bill.

 

I don't expect him to pay all the time, surely, as time goes on it'll be around 70/30. Him paying 70% of the time, me 30%. I hope I don't sound like a gold-digger, but there's just something more romantic about the guy paying and not have a date be like a business transaction.

 

I'm even like that with close friends. Sometimes I pay, sometimes you pay. But we never split things in half. Of course, with friends it'll be closer to 50/50, depending on our financial status.

 

Same for gifts. I definitely expect it to have a higher value, whether that'd be because of the consideration & time or money that was spent on them.

[lilred]

I think if you are both in the same place in your lives (e.g. both students or both working) then I believe that it the guy should buy the bigger gift. I kinda agree w/ pinkelephant. Which girl doesn't like a generous guy?

 

I know that a BIG turn off character for my girlfriends in a a guy is cheapness. Honestly I would feel a bit bad if I got him a ps 3 t and he got me a microwave (homage to previous posts) : )

 

I think it's all a part of chivary e.g. opening doors, planning dates, etc..

[may-louise]

it all depends on a lot of things. like last year i wanted a watch and he wanted a sword(his a collector) but this yr he needs a new phone but i just want a night out with out kids so it all depends on what they want and need

[Momene]

It depends on how much you get paid, etc.

[hope123]

I really don't know what to buy and time is ticking.

 

Do you think a handheld GPS thing is a good gift? My b/f doesnt travel long distances usually though....so maybe its not worth it?

[RayKay]

I think it is more important that you really put thought into whatever it is.

 

I am a student again and don't have a lot of money (negative money actually!); my boyfriend is not, but he also put the deposit on our home this year and is paying back loans so he does not have a lot of money either.

 

 

I have got him a couple little things - one practical he needs, one that he will really like as he will know I paid attention to what he likes. On my side I have no expectations of what he must spend; I am really more impressed by the though of it! I know he has good taste and when he is unsure, he asks someone whom does! Ha!

[rocio]

Personally I love receiving presents. I love holding them, shaking them, guessing what they are, and then ripping them open. I don't like to receive expensive things. It makes me feel indebted. I would rather receive lots of cheap presents than something expensive.

 

It's also important to put thought into gifts. The gift should show that you know your s.o. well enough to know what they would like. There's nothing worse than getting a crappy gift that had absolutely no thought put into it whatsoever. To me, that matters more than the price tag.

[hope123]

Well u i thought of a cigar humidifier..its nice, has a glass top. But i saw a cherry wood box at his place and i am pretty sure that is one too because i saw the hydrometer...i dont know if i should get him the one i saw..i thought of this nice gift and then i see it as his place..the one i see online is a lot nicer. What do you think?

 

And then i was thinking of getting him a printer..like an all in one..he has a lap top.