found..wierd things on girlfriends laptop

[Shocktech]

Well I will try to keep this short and to the point. On friday night I was over at my girlfriends apartment off campus, and she ended up leaving to drop off a birthday gift for her younger sister. I needed to check my email so I helped myself to her laptop while she was out and being easily distracted, I ended up downloading a trailer for that Borat movie. I couldn't find where I had downloaded it to, so I ended up doing a file search on her computers for all Video files. Oh what a terrible mistake that was..I ended up finding my Borat trailer, but along with it was 100 other downloaded porn videos.

 

I really couldnt beileve it, I then ended up really screwing things up by actually opening some of the video files. The first one I opened turned out to be some lesbians, which I kind of laughed at to be honest. "Jessica is into girls..wow" I kind of chuckled to myself. The next ones, however, I didnt find too funny. I will not go into details here, but they involved latex/tied up/punishment type of material, as well as other things I will refrain from mentioning. I opened like 10 different videos before I said enough is enough.

 

 

I'm really not the judgemental type, but the videos I saw totally grossed me out. I saw her today and I just couldnt get my mind off the fact she was looking at that crap in her spare time. I am still kind of in denial I think, this is a girl I can barely get to have a single drink because she is so hyper-sensitive about "polluting" her body and hurting her volleyball playing ability. I dont know, but to me the videos I saw were damaging to the MIND, I was really freaked out by the thought she is into this crap.

 

Should I confront her about it? I have never been in a situation remotely like this and am really at a loss as to what to do. I want to confront her, because I cant stop thinking about it. I thought I knew her inside and out, and this is really throwing everything into doubt. I really wish I had not gone on her computer, what a disaster.

 

And I guess I didnt really keep this short did I, sorry..

 

Rick

[Honey Pumpkin]

I needed to check my email so I helped myself to her laptop while she was out and being easily distracted, I ended up downloading a trailer for that Borat movie. I couldn't find where I had downloaded it to, so I ended up doing a file search on her computers for all Video files

 

I would just question whether you should have helped yourself to her laptop, to be honest. I personally would be furious if someone did that, because I keep my journal on my computer. To me that does seem like you were snooping, unless she gave you permission to use her laptop. If she gave you permission, fine, otherwise I think you were in the wrong. (I think this whenever someone posts about what they found on computers, phones etc).

 

Secondly - fantasy life *is* fantasy life. Unless people choose to share it, it's private. Although I can understand being freaked out by what you found on there - but I think it's definitely a bit about not snooping, to be honest. Although that said, a lot of people HATE their partner looking at porn. You have to decide how important it is to you, and whether to speak to her about it or not.

[sparkle1]

I agree with Honey Pumpkin on this one.

 

Interesting that it isn't the porn that you don't like....its the material.

 

People are into all kinds of things...how do you know, that they are definitely hers? Could they have been something a previous boyfriend down loaded? and she doesn't know its there? If it is hers - its Her FANTASY not YOURS. She's not asking you to partake in this....nor pushing her fantasises on to you.

 

I suggest you work out what you are upset about - was it the material? or that you thought you knew her inside out and this has shocked you?

 

Try not to judge....

 

Sparklex

[TxRedheadGuy]

I can't be sure if the videos are hers or not, but if they are it sounds like she enjoys what is known as BDSM. As long as she isn't forcing you to partake (and at this moment, if you just "helped" yourself to her computer like that, I would be very very furious, especially downloading something) I don't think she is, then it is her choice.

There is nothing disgusting about BDSM, nor does it mean she is cruel or perverted - it is just a different side of human sexuality. Perhaps you just didn't know her as well as you thought and that is what has you upset?

[Shocktech]

I would just question whether you should have helped yourself to her laptop, to be honest. I personally would be furious if someone did that, because I keep my journal on my computer. To me that does seem like you were snooping, unless she gave you permission to use her laptop. If she gave you permission, fine, otherwise I think you were in the wrong. (I think this whenever someone posts about what they found on computers, phones etc).

 

Perhaps I should have phrased it differently, I didnt "help myself" to her laptop. She knows I use her computer when I am at her apartment and she doesn't care, much like I dont care when she uses my car when she feels like it. Did I "snoop" after I saw the videos? You could say that, but sorry, when I saw "Gagged Bondage Slaves" what was I supposed to do? Go about my business like I had never seen the title? I opened it, which was clearly a mistake.

 

 

I agree with Honey Pumpkin on this one.

 

Interesting that it isn't the porn that you don't like....its the material.

 

People are into all kinds of things...how do you know, that they are definitely hers? Could they have been something a previous boyfriend down loaded? and she doesn't know its there? If it is hers - its Her FANTASY not YOURS. She's not asking you to partake in this....nor pushing her fantasises on to you.

 

I suggest you work out what you are upset about - was it the material? or that you thought you knew her inside out and this has shocked you?

 

Try not to judge....

 

Sparklex

 

Porn is not the issue.I am not elevated on some high horse here. I don't care if she looks at naked people, I doubt she cares if I look at women as she got me a subsciption to Maxim as a gift, she is confident in herself and I think she could care less. That being said, I think we all have our limits on what we consider at least fairly "normal" behavior?

 

I know her computer doesn't belong to a previous boyfriend because we bought the laptop together on the phone from Dell, she has only had it since she has been with me. ..

 

Please do not get the wrong idea, I did not go into her computer looking for some scandelous material and hoping to catch her with an "Ah hah! look what I found!" moment, this is not middle school. I found something I wish I hadn't by accident, and now I regret it entirely. I am not judging anyone, I am simply saying I am disturbed by it personally. When I saw clothes line pins attached to womens labias, ball gags choking people, and people hung in mid air in pain.. What am I supposed to think? Nothing? Sorry, but I do have my limits and this is the reason I am typing at 2:30 in the morning, because it really is screwing with my head.

[Siriana]

Well maybe she's not into trying these things, but more about keeping them as fantasies.

I can get turned on by imagining sex with 2 guys for example, but I would never do that, because in real life to me it would be gross.

So maybe for her the maximum in real life would be black sheets, black underwear, fake tattoos and gentle roping of the hands with a scraf with some dirty talk?

[FortunateOne]

How's your communication with her? Deep or shallow?

[heloladies21]

The only problem here is your sexual inhibitions and your self esteem issues, both of which you need to quash as making an issue out of this will only make her feel self conscious of her sexuality, make her feel guilty and ashamed, create a gulf between the two of you, and push her away. Not good things in your book I assume.

 

They were just videos and it's only curiosity at this point, and obviously it doesn't coincide what what you're interested in exploring which is fine enough, but constricting her thoughts on this type of matter is one step closer to her dumping you.

 

So really, think about why this is such an issue to you. Is it because she never discussed these fantasies with you? She probably sensed that you would be uncomfortable with this stuff, so can't blame her. Is this putting doubts into your mind as the trust between the two of you? Hmm...maybe you do have reasons to doubt how open she is with you, but this isn't the same thing as lying to someone. I'm not going to lie to you, her not being 100% open with you is not a good thing, but you are the one who has a direct influence on that so you can't look anywhere but your own actions.

[agent1607307371]

Well, unfortunately, when you snoop, that's what you get.

 

Just because it is part of her "arsenal" of fantasy doesn't mean that she wants to engage in it. I think everyone has one idea that they find hot but would never respond that way to it in reality.

 

You're allowed not to find it appealing. Everyone has something like that too.

 

However, I would ask you to sit down and think about what exactly about it makes you react so strongly in a negative way.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Ever considered that she understands you aren't into that sort of stuff, and thus never brought it up? People for the most part keep their fantasies a secret, however they more closely guard that secret when afraid of a blown up reaction, such as yours.

 

She's your girlfriend. Do you care for her? Do you respect her as a person? Do you feel she has the best of intent with you? If you answer yes, then those things are so much more important than some silly fantasy that has you doubting these things.

[dragonzeyez]

i agree with what the above people said about snooping and sexual fantasies. but have you also considered that maybe she downloaded and watched those videos just because of there shock value? i have found things on the internet that i find to be completely disgusting, yet i ended up looking at it just because of the shock value of it.

[eleanorrigby1]

my friend, a female rang me the other week, the same thing, she had gone on 'their' computer and found that her boyfriend had downloaded some porn in exactly the same genre as you found on your girlfriends. she was freaked out, said she was devestated, freaked out, felt ill, didnt know if she wanted to be with him "is this the kind of man i want to marry!"

 

total shock. I think her fear stemmed from feeling not good enough. "I dont do that for him, does that mean he will look eleswhere? does that mean im crap i bed and he has to go and look at other pictures to get him going? what if he leads a double life..."

 

She talked to him about it in the end. He said he was curious, looked it up. They discussed it together. she decided to let him tie her up. she isnt into being hurt, but she doesnt mind the odd nibble. compromise. relationships are about compromise.

 

you need to think about what upset you so much. It isnt just the porn, there is something beneath it. as yourself what is beneath this feeling, what is the feeling, how does it make you feel? what hurts?

 

Talk to her.

[applepie]

What people like to watch in porn often has no reflection of what they want to do in real life. Admitedly, I've watched some pretty nasty stuff myself but I don't want to do any of it! I think most girls have watched porn but most are discreet, or are good at hiding it.

 

I think if you are going to go snooping on someone elses computer then you can't get upset about what you find. I wouldn't confront her because that would be very embarrassing for her. If that were me, I'd die if my boyfriend mentioned it to me.

[doyathink]

He said he didn't go snooping for it. Lets be friendly and stop accusing him of this...it isn't the point here anyway.

 

OP...if the two of you are ok with viewing porn to begin with then I would suppose what you decide to view is up to the person viewing it.

 

Maybe this would be a good time to talk to each other about what boundaries the two of you want.

[Iceman26]

I might sit down and tell her the truth. You were looking at a film preview and noticed these other videos and you are curious about why she has them.

 

I know its hard not to be judgemental, because if I saw that crap I would be just as startled as you are.

 

The best thing I feel you can do is bring it up and let her talk about it and go from there.

 

Good luck dude.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Worse comes to worse, variety is the spice of life

[Meow18]

I can understand where you are coming from. That can be quite shocking!

 

She knows you use her computer. Just tell her what happened. You are innocent. It's not as though you went on her computer to check her email and snoop to find something about her.

 

I think that it's important to talk about these situations in a relationship. Honestly, they might not even be hers. But until you talk about it with her, you are going to assume and be disgusted by it. Maybe it's not what you think?

[Day_Walker]

If anyone found the porn that I have on my computer, I am sure that they would be shocked by what they found because there is some stuff that I have downloaded for shock value. Of course the person looking at my computer would not know that. If I was to be confronted about my collection, there would be know way I could take that conversation serious.

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

I understand where you're coming from entirely. My GF and I will buy porn together and she likes the anal stuff, whereas I do not. I'm very much turned off by the idea, but I recognize that if I let her do her own thing without my intervention/judgment, she won't come asking me to do something I don't want to do.

 

Sidenote: One ex asked me to tie her up when we were being intimate and I refused (dunno, it just seemed too weird for me). We found a "happy medium" in which I would hold her arms above her head. Sometimes compromise is all that's necessary.

[applepie]

He said he didn't go snooping for it. Lets be friendly and stop accusing him of this...it isn't the point here anyway.

 

OP...if the two of you are ok with viewing porn to begin with then I would suppose what you decide to view is up to the person viewing it.

 

Maybe this would be a good time to talk to each other about what boundaries the two of you want.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to accuse. I hope no offence was taken...but did he have to watch 10 of these porn clips? I would think 1 should be enough.

 

Anyway, what I'm really saying is, it's pretty normal behavior for girls these days. I wouldn't get too freaked out.

[doyathink]

Sorry, I didn't mean to accuse. I hope no offence was taken...but did he have to watch 10 of these porn clips? I would think 1 should be enough.

 

Anyway, what I'm really saying is, it's pretty normal behavior for girls these days. I wouldn't get too freaked out.

 

LOL apple....well, you and I would have stopped with one....maybe...but I would suppose when you get shocked like that, the mind just needs to know ALL of it...

[timjd]

When I saw clothes line pins attached to womens labias, ball gags choking people, and people hung in mid air in pain.. What am I supposed to think? Nothing? .

 

Umm, thankfully this is pretty tame compared to some of the stuff out there, i.e. group sex, golden showers, scat/vomit porn, women dressed up in diapers, body alteration, (not to mention illegal sites).

 

Your girlfriend is probably exploring fantasies she has secretly held for years, and that feel perfectly normal for her. It is very easy and tempting now with the internet.

 

Don't just come out with it- she will freak out. Gently bring round the subject of fantasies when you are in an intimate moment, get her to open up. come on, you must have fantasies too!

[jodiedee]

give her another chance its proably a fantasy get out if she asks u for it

[Survictor]

I do find it funny that everyone comes out in support of the femae here. If it was the guy and he was "addicted to porn," you would all be saying she had issues and needed counselling. lol.

[ScreenagerX]

I do find it funny that everyone comes out in support of the femae here. If it was the guy and he was "addicted to porn," you would all be saying she had issues and needed counselling. lol.

 

So true

 

Personally I don't really see the problem here. Maybe its just me but I'd be stoked to find out my GF might have a little fantasy thing going on, it wouldn't even matter what it was. The hardest part I can see is how to bring it up into conversation & get her to open up about it then what to do with it