Down I go..

[Vynde]

Thanks Zomb..

 

Im having a very hard time today, it seems the holidays are getting to me,

 

Ill be honest, I did expect this, but I diidnt expect it to be this bad.

 

Its been 6 years since I have been alone during this time.. I am very depressed. It so hard to picture this time without her after doing it for so long.

 

I dont know how im going to get through this, I feel so weak. Never did I think I would fear this time of year, as its always been such a happy time.

 

This year, I fear it. I dont want to go through it.. Im hurting today.

 

John

[LONESOUL]

John~I'm sorry you are hurting today. I truly do understand that deep hurt.

The holidays are hard, I agree. But we can get through this. I'm trying to focus on the other holiday memories I have, the ones before my ex. I'm

also allowing myself to "daydream a bit about what my life will be like once I am healed and whole again. I'm trying to stay in the postive mode." I have allot to be thankful for this year, so so many things. My health, my family, my friends. We all have things to be thankful for that have nothing at all to do with our ex's. Those are my focus. I'm also trying to focus on with less than myself. If you find yourself with extra time, or cash, so many places our in need this time of year. Give of your time, it does wonders for the healing and

for the humbling. Remember that keeping busy helps. Keep posting.

Take good care~

Lone

[Vynde]

Thanks LONE,

 

Great advice,

 

I guess its the dwelling on the past and negitive that kills us.

 

I will try and focus on the positive. Thank you. Have a great holiday.

 

John

[LONESOUL]

John~yes, it just gets no where, sitting and dwelling on it. It doesn't change anything. I know I am broken hearted and I know I hurt, but I can do things to help myself feel a little better, it's up to me, so thats my thing this year.

I wish there was a magic potion, or a healing doctor somehwere I could hike 40 miles uphill in the mountian to and find who could give me a special tooth necklace to fix our hearts or something, but unless you have a map to that

guy...this what we have. Humanity~love~botherhood of man and of of our

family's and of our friends, Not so bad really? Right? Not so bad at all.

You have a nice holiday as well. You deserve to be happy, don't forget that.

Take Good Care~

Lone

[whoops]

yeah sorry you feel so low but think you have a wonderful family and have great friends and a great life - discover who you are!

[LONESOUL]

okay, where is everybody today? Check in from holiday...John, camber, Z,

whoops, everyone else, how is everyone??

[Stambler]

Hey Lone! Thanks for checking in!

 

I took my 3 year old son to my folks house for Thanksgiving for a few days, he had a ball! It was nice to see my family, Sisters, Brother in-laws, nieces, nephews. They are very loving and supportive, but my folks were ready to start bashing my wife, and I don't need that right now. It was difficult at times (first holiday apart) but we made it and had fun too!

 

My wife and I are still in the same house, nothing has been started yet, but I know she's dead set on this and everytime she talks about looking at houses (she's moving out) or contacting lawyer, my heart sinks. Maybe I just need to let go and when she moves out things will get easier (or will they?)

 

I want more than anything to ask her to try again, but I don't want to grovel or push, so I suppose I should just work with her to get things moving....

[LONESOUL]

Hi Camber~I'm glad you had a good holiday with your son and your family!

Sounds like a tough place to be..I don't know how well I would fair with that..

(living in the same house and all) I hope they (your family) respected your feelings on "bashing" your wife, it sounds as if you feel strongly about that. I don't know if they will get easier Camber. But I know they will at least move forward. The other day you talked about that "fence" remember? Thats the thing about the fence, it's kinda safe enough alright~ in that you don't really have to "face forward" if you don't want to. But a fence is a fence. It doesn't move at all, and sometimes they keep the bad in and the good out...when it may have been built for quite the oppisite. You say maybe you need to just let go. Are you trying to prevent her departure? How many times have you asked her to try again?

 

Take good care~

Lone

[W1nter]

I wasn't implicated in the 'give us an update' list, but I think I will anyways. It wasn't even a holiday up here in Canada, but the weekends are hard enough.

 

We've had grey skies and rain since the day my wife left me and it was terribly depressing. Yesterday we got the first snow of the year - pretty early for these parts, actually. Right now a crisp white snow is covering all the ugliness that this Autumn brought to me. It's washed away all the nasty reminders of the person who left me and who she's become and everything seems new. I'm actually doing pretty good!

 

--Winter

[LONESOUL]

Hey Winter! I'm glad you checked in as well. Good to hear the snow is

making you feel a bit better. Maybe it's like a cleansing of some sort.

I'm down here in North Carolina, the leaves are pretty much gone now and

I am very glad to see the change of season as well. Out with the old, in with the new.

Take Good Care~

Lone

[Vynde]

Hello guys/gals,

 

Im happy to see that everyone had a good holiday, and time well spent with the family. Its funny, I was dreading thanksgiving this year, because I thought I would be consumed with past memories of my wife and the many thanksgivings we had spent together.. but I didnt. I was with my family and friends, and made new memories. My mind did drift from time to time, but for the most part I realized how lucky I am to have such a supportive family and that they will always be there no matter what. Thats a good thing.

 

Im sure that we all will see improvments once the holidays are passed, including New Years.. I do feel very slight improvments in how Im feeling. I take comfort in knowing that it will get better, and that these minor improvments will grow.

 

I thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me as well as your great advice, and I hope that we continue to use utilize this forum in that postive way as I know for a fact that it is a huge support measure for me.

 

I keep the Orange story close to my heart Camber.. Im trying to put it to use. Let go of the orange

 

You guys are great. Im so greatful.

 

John

[LONESOUL]

John,

Great news, thanks for the update! Sounds like you had a good holiday.

Camber's orange story is good one I agree. He should read it again himself maybe ehh?

 

we are all in this together!

 

Take good care~

Lone

[Stambler]

You guys are gonna make me cry! I can't tell you all how wonderful, and I mean wonderful, it is to hear all of your holiday reports. It sounds as if we are all coming to terms with this. I think if we stick together, we all might just pull through!

 

Lone - excellent idea about the "check-in". I think you've started something very powerful here! And W1nter - of course you're more than welcome to join us!

 

Lone, you said about fences: "sometimes they keep the bad in and the good out...when it may have been built for quite the oppisite." Now that sounds very philosophical, but I need some more explanation (a bit thick today). And as far as me asking her to try again - I did, as many times as she told me she wanted to split up, and she did try, every time, but I think she had it in her head that it wouldn't work (she's very difficult to deal with). Anyhow, it's a loooooooooooooong story!

[doyathink]

I've been following this thread since day one and I have to tell all of you I think I see improvement!

 

I wonder if any of you would be interested in a support system for each other. I see you are here but have you considered an emergency 'need ya now' system? There were a couple of days I honestly feared for Johns safety and wondered if he would be back, you were sinking lower and lower with each passing day.

 

This is simply an idea that occurred to me one day while wondering if he was alright...I thought...someone needs to call him! He needs support right now! Maybe you Camber, John, Winter and Lone need to ponder this seriously. You four have formed a bond here and if one of you are in dire need of a shoulder, your support system would only be a phone call away... There are days I have seen desertnomad at the end too....ALL of you are just outstanding support for each other. I applaud you all for your courage in the face of darkness.

 

John, in one of your posts you said you miss looking at the stars on a clear night. I have a challenge for you...all of you. On Thursday, November 30th at 9:00 pm go out and gaze. Spend a couple of moments in thought. Think of one thing you want to gain in the near future and come back here and report to everyone what that one thing is that came to you in your moment of clarity.

 

Big hugs to all of you and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here. Wishing all of you the best life has to offer.

 

dyt.......

[Pegasus]

On Friday, November 30th at 9:00 pm go out and gaze.

 

Ahmmm... November 30th is Thursday. Anyway, a very good words, doya. Maybe would be good to do it both on Thursday and Friday. I will add my story soon since I went through similar stuff (and still going through) so it may show you all it will get better.

 

Okie

[LONESOUL]

DYT~ I'm in great company here aren't I? These folks are a fantastic support system, and I am very fortunate to be going through this period of change

with them to both to guide me and share my heavy load. I'm not sure where I would have been on this path without the good people of ENA. I thank you all for your support~and I am here and in and extending both hands to each of you as well.. I have no answers,

but I have friends. I accept your challange to gaze at 9:00 pm on November the 30th and hope that you will be joining us. I have to go.. I am looking for

something to switch out with Camber's orange when he is not looking!

Take good care~

Lone

[LONESOUL]

Camber~about the fences. Ever heard Desperado? Honestly, it's cliche' but

we build fences, both physically and emotionally. We do this both to protect

what we value and to show ownership or boundries, no? But sometimes, these

fences we build, they keep us locked in I think, we refuse to climb down and open the gate, because we feel safe inside our fences~or on top of them,

we are fearful of the other side..even if wehere we are is no longer good or good for us. We have to climb down, walk through to better life where we can whole and meet that someone to love us. We deserve it. So cliche' or not, here you go :

 

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses

You've been out ridin' fences,

for so long - now.

Ohh you're a hard one.

I know that you've got your reasons.

These things that are pleasin'you

Can hurt you somehow.

 

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy

She'll beat you if she's able.

You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.

Now it seems to me, some fine things

Have been laid upon your table.

But you only want the ones

That you can't get.

 

Desperado,

Ohhhh you aint getting no younger.

Your pain and your hunger,

They're driving you home.

And freedom, ohh freedom.

Well that's just some people talking.

Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

 

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?

The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.

It's hard to tell the night time from the day.

And you're losing all your highs and lows

aint it funny how the feeling goes

away...

 

Desperado,

Why don't you come to your senses?

COME NOT CLIMB down from your fences, open the gate.

It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you.

You better let somebody love you.

(let sombody love you)

You better let somebody love you...ohhh..hooo

before it's too..oooo.. late.

 

 

 

Take good Care~

Lone

[Vynde]

John, in one of your posts you said you miss looking at the stars on a clear night. I have a challenge for you...all of you. On Friday, November 30th at 9:00 pm go out and gaze. Spend a couple of moments in thought. Think of one thing you want to gain in the near future and come back here and report to everyone what that one thing is that came to you in your moment of clarity.

 

I think that's a great idea, and I would defiantly like to partake in it.

 

I can't agree more that we have a good thing going here. It's hard for me to imagine getting through this process with-out the support of the ENA team.

 

Today, I seem to be having a really good day. I know how rare they are so I'm taking advantage of every second that I don't have that pressing pain in my chest.

 

Quick story;

 

Last week I had over-heard a co-working talking about how she had to move out of her apartment that weekend and she didn't know how she was going to do it all.. She was an older woman, Id say late 60's.. After hearing her dilemma, I thought about all of you and the advice you had given me about helping out other people, volunteering, etc. So that's what I did. I introduced my self having never met before and told her I would be more than happy to help her move. She was taken back and very happy.

 

Long story short, I helped her move, and in the process met a wonderful woman who I seemed to click with right off the bat. We did exchange numbers at the end of the move and since have had a few really good conversations. I know I'm not ready to start dating again, I have much more healing to do, but my point is I took the advice ENA (all of you gave me) and not only did I feel good about helping someone in need, I met a wonderful person that has the potential to be a great friend and possibly more.. Who knows? Just like you said, another door opened.

 

I cant thank you guys enough, it's really a blessing.

 

John

[Vynde]

By the way LONE, great posting!

 

/tips hat

 

john

[Stambler]

John -

 

Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa for you!

 

\\

 

I'm SO happy to hear about what you did (and getting her number - whoooaaa)!!!!!!

 

Ok, not to be a party pooper, but I'm having a bad day. guard down here, letting out my weak side because I need some support:

 

I've fallen back deeply into NOT wanting my wife to do this, but I know I can't talk to her about it, because it will just push her away. She will start to cry and tell me how much this is killing her (go figure). We need to be civil and loving for our son right now.

 

What is really killing me is that feeling of not being able to "connect" with someone who used ot be my soulmate. I want to talk more about this with her, but she only wants to talk about the arrangements for splitting up (housing, job, etc...).

 

And the other thing that is really, really bothering me, is that people are saying stupid things like "She wants a divorce, show her the door, don't give her anything" or "Fight for custody of your son and boot her out on the street - it's her choice" and my family... "You don't desrve this, why is she doing this to you?"

 

I think you all know that at this point the last thing one wants to hear is ex-bashing and people who don't have a clue basically telling you you're getting walked all over.](*,)

 

On the lighter side - I like the stars idea DYT (you probably know what I want already).

 

So, I guess it's my turn for a bad day

[desertnomad]

Count me in on counting the stars. Might be a bit buzzed but Im in.

[LONESOUL]

Hi Camber~

The bad days suck, they really do and my heart goes out to you friend.

5 years is a very long time~and we know you share something very special in your son. That will not change, you are his parents and will always be.

He was born of what you shared, and it's a good thing.

Take comfort in knowing that, and in knowing he is loved.

I'm not sure at what point I accepted the the fact that my ex no longer wanted to be in a realtionship with me, and or more importantly, that I could not do anything to change her mind. We were together for 7 years, but I stayed the last two for

her son. She actually stopped wanting to be a couple about 4 years in, it was a hard time for me. It took me the other 3 years to finally accept that it was over. I too felt we were soulmates. The thing is Camber, for the time she made the decision that she no longer wanted to be with me it was already over. SHE had changed, I was holding on to what I percieved to be "us", "her"

but it was not ever the same. You will know when you have had enough.

I don't mean that to slam your ex or pass judgement, thats not for me to do.

But the kind of love that you yern for can no longer be found with this woman, because she for whatever reason is no longer willing to partake.

It will be for you to deciede when you will overcome your anguish. My immedate thought/guess for you Camber, having read your threads, would that you will do this when you realize that not letting go is actually not going to help your son. He needs both parents true~but just because he doesn't see arguing, that doesn't mean he gets the full effect of having parents who are happy, happy in their lives. Kids know that I think. They know allot more then we give them credit for. You have to let her go Camber. Even if it is just to find out what she was looking for was right there the whole time.

Until you do, she will never know, and she will not be content until she finds out. You are going have to make some decisions. It won't be easy~but you will be okay. You will be okay Camber! (oh and once you have healed, you will connect on that level with someone again, if that is what you choose,

You will not spend you days wondering what you can say or do to keep her from leaving) You have things you need to be working on for yourself, we all do... use your time wisely for that.

Take good Care~

Lone

[LONESOUL]

John,

Thank you. Wow. I am so so glad you came here!! Good for you, reaching out to help someone else. (again!)Watch for the rebound, thats not usually real helpful, but other than that all I hear is good news from you. Keep doing what you are doing! Today is my 40th birthday, if anyone would have told me I would be feeling this okay right after my break up happened 6 months ago I would have thought them to be crazy...but time heals...it does, and friends along the way make all the difference.

Looking forward to counting the starts with you guys and gals~

Take good care

Lone

[doyathink]

~Okie, your right...I ment Thursday...lol....I dont think Friday is good if everyone is going out drinking, might look a bit odd to look at your buddy Budda sitting next to ya at the bar and say, well...I have a star to go ponder on dude..*burp*...get er done! LOL!

 

~ Camber, I'm sorry. Let go of your orange! No seriously...focus on being her friend only right now....

 

I will be out there too, I hope it doesnt rain.... (nomad doesn't have to worry about rain, he lives in a desert)

[Vynde]

Happy 40th LONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

"Life begins at forty".

- W. B. Pitkin