Wonderland

[shes2smart]

"They Will Piss On Anyone Who Gets In The Way Of Them Playing The Game"

 

So sayeth W last night as I caught him up on all the goings on this week. He went on to say that he's known for a long time that the core of our old guild was a bunch of addicts and that are also addicts. Then he said what's become the title of this post. All before I could ever bring up the topic of "D'ya think they have addiction issues? Because I do."

 

So, here's the part of the story that shows how out-of-whack they are. We did a server transfer earlier this week. Within 48 hours of that transfer, several people from our old guild tracked us down on the server we transferred to and contacted the leaders of the guild we joined on the new server in game and by email to warn them about us. (For those unfamiliar, there are quite literally HUNDREDS of game servers. We didn't tell anyone where we were going.) They accused us of stealing items belonging to the guild prior to leaving the server and said we screwed them over and were horrible people who probably beat up puppies, kids and old ladies. I didn't take anything off server but what my own characters earned, bought, or crafted. My husband took a few small items that he himself had given them. Both of us had put more game gold and items into their bank than we ever took out. Mind you, we are talking game items -- stuff that doesn't really exist.

 

The leadership of the new guild shared the email with us (with massive apologies and a heads up that it was going to be difficult to read the things they had written) and said, "We'd like to hear your side of things." So we told them. They discussed it amongst themselves. They came back to us and said they believed us and said that our take on things was pretty much what they thought had happened when they got the email warning them about us. They've all been playing and running guilds for a while, and simply said, "Some people take this game WAY too seriously."

 

Everything I ever suspected about the addictive properties of this game were shown in such amazing and unflattering detail this week. Including an email sent to me calling me shallow and saying that I obviously don't value friendship very much. In the midst of all this, I developed a dandy 2 day migraine. At this point I can't tell if it's going to go into a third day or not. I feel kinda dragged out and shaky, and my head still feels funny...but it's not the one-sided pain that's been there since Wednesday.

 

W said my husband's been calling him rather frequently the last couple weeks while all this was going on. He told me my husband has had a very rude awakening about the reality of that group of people he's been oh-so-enamored with the last year or so. I mean, it's not anything I didn't already know. I told W that late last summer/early fall, I was starting to wonder if I was going to end up like one of those Internet "evils of the game" stories where people get divorced. I didn't like thinking about it, so I turned my attention to my freelance and pulled a Scarlett O'Hara ("I'll think about it tomorrow...."). When I did think about it, I'd repeatedly come to the conclusion that there wasn't a whole lot I could do. My alcoholic ex managed to at least teach me that much about dealing with addicts. W said my husband is really regretting and kicking himself for making that group of addicts and the game SO important....and he's been calling W to talk about it...and discuss it....and go over it some more....and review it some.

 

Which would explain why I got The Apology last week. The "I think I finally understand how you must have felt last summer. I'm sorry I did that to you." apology. It kinda surprised me (in a pleasant way), but I feel bad it's been such a rude and painful awakening for him to get to this point.

 

W saw all this stuff before I did. He saw it and he didn't back down from his opinion or question himself. I suspected it, but gave the benefit of the doubt and questioned myself...but my initial suspicions were (once again) correct. I just couldn't predict the lengths they'd go to. On the other hand W did not sound all that surprised when he found out what happened. What kind of twisted BS is that? First you try to prevent me from playing in your guild and when I say, "Fine. I'll go play elsewhere. I'll even go somewhere where you won't ever have to bump into me in the virtual world again." You go out of your way to try and prevent me from playing on another server? What the hell is that? Because that's what the agenda was. We saw the email, we saw who signed it. Their goal was to convince our new guild to remove us their group because of our horrible puppy, kid and old lady beating ways. Fortunately, the new people saw through the BS.

 

But it's over now (at least it damn well better be). I plan to stay far away from that group. If they continue to harass us, we'll deal with it....because what other choice do we have? I'm not going to allow someone else to dictate what I do with my free time (and where & with whom I choose to spend it). The folks running our new guild don't seem like the type of people who'd allow someone else to run their show.

 

Reminder to myself: If they're your real friends, they will understand why you felt you had to move on and support that decision....if they're not, their opinion doesn't matter anyway. Call me shallow and question my values and standards....you've shown where you stand. You WILL piss on anyone who gets in the way of you playing the game.....

[shes2smart]

It's Either A Huge Leap Forward Or I Am A Cold, Unfeeling (W)itch

 

So, I went over my actions in this situation. And even with the resulting fallout, came to the conclusion that my actions were in line with my beliefs and values and consistent with what I know to be true about myself. In other words, I sleep fine at night, thanks for asking.

 

And then I pondered my beliefs about other people's behavior: I can't control what other people choose to do think or do; People always (always) behave in ways that makes perfect sense to themselves; It is each person's job to determine and look out for their own best interests in any situation; Anytime a person acts in their own best interest, someone will likely disagree or not like it.

 

When I filter the outrage that's been directed my/our way through those beliefs, it's easy to let it go and not get hung up in it, because it's not about me. It's about how we choose to react when others don't behave in the way we expect them to.

 

If I have an expectation that "Joe" should act a certain way and Joe doesn't behave that way, I can get pissed off at Joe and tell him he's wrong, he's an ass, and he probably rips the wings off flies....or I can look at what my expectations were, see that Joe didn't meet them and take responsibility for creating the expectations in the first place and revising them to match up more with the reality of Joe in any future interactions with him. If I choose to blame Joe for not meeting my expectations, I hand over my power to Joe. If I take responsibility for creating expectations that Joe had no obligation to live up to in the first place, I keep my power.

 

A week or 2 ago, I was poking around Francis Dunnery's site and reading some of his blog postings. After this drama-filled week in my life, one of Francis' blog entries popped in my head (contains some strong language...not for the easily offended. If you have delicate sensibilities, take responsibility for yourself and don't click. You've been warned.): link removed. I love the music this guy has put out in the last, oh, 10 years or so. Tall Blonde Helicopter, Let's Go Do What Happens, and Man are great albums -- musically, lyrically and in terms of faciliating my personal growth. I love reading what this guy has to say in interviews and when he writes in his blog. But I know (as he apparently knows as well) that not everyone agrees with the way he looks at things. Personally, I think the way he looks at things is a decent guideline for living a fairly content, whole, sane, balanced and healthy existence.

 

However, when I was younger, I probably would not have thought so. In fact, it's likely I would have thought he was an uncaring ass. Having gone through quite literally hundreds of hours of therapy, eating disorder recovery (twice, now), dysfunctional relationships with an alcoholic, a cheater, and my own parents....I don't see "uncaring ass" at all. I see a mindset that chooses to take responsibility for creating one's own reality through focusing on the ONLY thing we can ever control -- our own thoughts and our own actions.

 

I cannot control that my actions pissed off some people. There was nothing that was done to intentionally hurt anyone. I behaved in a way that made sense to me and that was for what I believe to be my best interest. That other people don't like it (for whatever reason) is of little -- if any -- concern to me. I cannot control their thoughts, their feelings or their actions. I also have no obligation to live up to their expectations of me or their ideas of who I am. I will allow one round of telling me off, but I will not respond.

 

So, I'm lookin' at all this and I'm thinkin'....Damn, that all sounds so reasonable...sane...maybe even (dare I say it?) healthy. Like all the therapy and self-help books and Religious Science teachings ALL kicked in in some glorious "final pieces of the puzzle fell in place and the whole thing works" kind of way. I have either made some incredible leap forward in my being.....or I have reached some new level of cold, unfeeling, horrible, witchiness.

 

Depending on who's lookin' at it, I'm sure it could be seen either way.

 

From where I'm looking at it, though, I'm good with it. I'm not feeling any need to fire off angry, spiteful and vindictive emails with the intent to cause another person some difficulty. I had a pleasant evening raiding with the new guild last night, slept well, had a nice breakfast this morning, cut 3 auditions, updated my checking account, and am going to deal with a few more small chores before I leave for work. I'm at peace with what I've done and my intent behind my actions. On the whole, my life is pretty damn good. And, much like Francis Dunnery wrote about -- if you want to continue to direct your energy my way, go ahead....I'll welcome it.

[shes2smart]

Don't Blame Stress....

 

...when you can blame hormones. The 2-3 day migraine was apparently the precursor of a period that caused no bloating, no cramping, and no physical symptoms below the neck. Go figure.

 

It has been several days since we've heard anything else from the addict guild. That's good. I think it helps that we have opted to not respond to them at all. It takes 2 to argue and we're just not. Granted, they are probably interpreting our silence and lack of response in a far different way than we are intending it, but it doesn't matter. In a situation like this, there is no convincing them of our intentions or our truth....just as there is no convincing us of what their real reasons are. However, I'm willing to acknowledge they have reasons for their actions that make perfect sense to them and they believe they're acting in their best interest. I doubt I'm getting the same level of understanding from them. If I was, there would've been no need for them to send the profanity-laced missives we've seen. But, again, it doesn't matter. I don't have a need to have the last word or leave on good terms or feel like they like me or think well of me. My need was to get the hell away from them, and that's been fulfilled. If they want to invest their emotional energy in hating me...well, send it on over. I can put it to good use.

 

My husband continues to have small revelations about things that have happened over the past year. Incidents that, at the time, he didn't see anything weird about, but now he looks back at and goes, "that was f'd up." He says he feels like he woke up from some sort of dream. I think it's some form of detox. He's left wondering how he got "like that." We talk about that...and the various goings on....a lot. Probably will continue talking about it for a little while anyway.

 

In other news, I got an IVR gig from a new client yesterday. Just a small one, but it breaks the several week, no-new-clients, dry spell, so I'm good with that. Kinda hoping they'll pay through paypal instead of mailing me a check. I'm guessin' my contact at that company will let me know today. The work is already done and sent off, so...

 

I have some stuff to record for the one of my on-going educational clients. I should probably get going on that but I'm waiting for the dishwasher to finish it's wash/rinse cycles. Once it gets into its drying cycle, I can start recording. If I try to record when it's in the wash or rinse cycle, the noise shows up as background hum on my files. The third bedroom (which has been converted to my studio) is accross the hall from the dishwasher and my mic pics it up.

 

On a partially unrelated note...can I just say I'm incredibly thankful that link removed has audio pronunciation guides? Particularly for the stuff the online learning people sent over today. Jeez. It's a good thing I have the big vocabulary and tend to use $3 words on a regular basis. It's coming in very handy, indeed.

[shes2smart]

Acceptance Is Difficult

 

Like figuring out how to accept that there will likely be one day each week where I will do nothing but go to the office gig. Today is that day. Oh, sure, I've loaded & run the dishwasher and auditioned for 2 projects...but I've been mostly screwing around on here and doing a couple of daily quests on the warcrack. Monday, I sent out direct mail postcards and demos and did the IVR project for the new client. Tuesday, I recorded a few more things for the new client and did 2 lessons for my online learning client....and sent out more direct mail prospecting. Both days I also went to the office gig for 6 or so hours.

 

Today, I have hit the wall. Don't wanna do anything prior to go going to the office job this afternoon. Every week I have a day like this (usually Wednesday or Thursday). If I had voicework to actually do, I wouldn't have a problem doing it. But when there's no actual payin' project and it's about doing another day of marketing stuff.....well....the motivation isn't there for 3 days in a row.

 

On some level, I get that this is part of the beauty of being my own boss -- if I have a day like this, I can embrace it fully and just fart around doing whatever. I don't have to even put up the appearance of looking productive. But that fearful part of me keeps thinking that if I allow myself to screw around today, that I won't keep working at it tomorrow. I mean, that hasn't really happened. Even when I was toying with the idea of taking a year off, I never really took more than a day or two here and there off.

 

I dunno. Why do I feel like I always have to be doing something useful/productive? Why do I keep hearing this yelling in my head if I'm not? That if I'm not Doing Something aimed toward building my business that it's just going to fail. I mean, even God took a day off.

 

What do I really HAVE to do today? Go to the office gig. Ok, fine. Gonna do that when it's time. Beyond that...what do I really HAVE TO do today? What is there that's going to have dire consequences if it doesn't get done today? Nothing. Nothing I can think of.

 

In the past 24 hours I have started to become anxious and panicky about financial and job stuff. No real solid reason. The only thing I can think of is that we are fast approaching the one year anniversary of my downsizing. I have gone (almost) a solid year with no full time job. I started amassing stuff for my quarterly estimated tax thing...and based on first quarter of this year, I stand to make about 75% of what I was making before with my combination of 3 part time jobs plus freelance. That's just an estimate. With all the marketing and audtions I am doing, I expect the freelance to pick up more as we go on.

 

It's really only been 6 months. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Getting to the point where it's fairly steady and comparable to a full-time salary isn't likely to happen overnight. That I'm actually turning a profit and earned enough to more than cover the costs of setting up my studio is probably pretty amazing. Other people who have embarked on a similar course probably have not done as well. I have seen people posting on the boards at voice123...about the number of gigs they're not getting and how they only made $500 in several months' or a years' time. I surpassed that in my second month doing this.

 

Mr. Good Hair has been doing this for 15 years. It's not fair to compare your 6 months to his 15 years. I think I might be doing that at some level.

 

So, yes, you ARE doing what you need to be doing -- you are auditioning for any appropriate project that comes down the pike at voice123, you are doing direct mail and getting yourself in front of potential new clients with that and sending out demos, you are getting hired and paid for projects.

 

Prediction: There will come a time...in the not too distant future...there will be a time that you will wish for the kind of downtime you have now. Mr. Good Hair is at that point now....but only because he made it through your current location years ago. So, you need to keep working through this to get that. Part of working through this is dealing with downtime...and remember that's part of the reason you wanted to do this in the first place -- more time to and for yourself.

 

We're coming up on the year anniversary of my departure from the one employer/one full time job/all my income eggs primarily in one basket world. And I've done ok without it. I know that I don't want to go back to that, so I have no choice but to move forward.

 

Forward it is.

[shes2smart]

The WORLD-WIDE Web.....

 

...has gone small town.

 

Farting around, surfing blogs, reading this and that....I stumble accross a blog that seems oddly familiar. The writing style, the self importance, the way it doesn't make much sense but has the tone that it's *your* lack of understanding that makes it nonsensical.....

 

Oh. My. God. It's Mr. Be A Writer's blog. Well, one of them, anyway. My lack of ability to come up with unlimited snappy nicknames did put the Mr. Be A Writer moniker on a couple different individuals....

 

The web may be world-wide, but sometimes that's still not big enough to not run into someone you've encountered before. The good thing is only one of us realizes we've crossed paths. And I feel no need to up that number.

 

My daily dose of schadenfreude....it's almost 2 decades later, and he still doesn't have a book deal.

[shes2smart]

Change Your Focus

 

This week brought: one new IVR client ($125), two small projects from previous IVR clients ($20 & $50), and 1.5 hours for the on-going educational gig which puts my total hours for them this pay period at 4.5 hours (so, $90 pre-tax). I sent out 20 direct mail postcards, 1 snail mail demo. I only put in 3 auditions at voice123 this week. There weren't many projects that I could bid on that were a good fit for me. I mean, I don't sound like I'm in my 20's, I can't do a (believable...) British accent (I can't really do any accents...one of my selling points is that I sound American but have no regional.). Many of the projects posted this week just weren't in my range of ability (I can't pull off "caring mom" sound f'rinstance). I started looking at a couple other voices-for-hire sites to see what some other options were. Sent emails to a couple other VO people asking their opinions on sites other than voice123. Emailed back and forth with the radio station engineer for some technical advice on the new client's IVR project. Stuff just wasn't sounding right and I couldn't figure out why. But we seem to have solved that problem.

 

Plus I worked 24 hours at the office gig (I'm off today and work 5 hours tomorrow) and managed to set 4 appointments (at $15 a pop).

 

But, yet, I've been going about all week alternating between thinking I haven't done enough or I haven't done anything. It's a lack of patience, I guess. Like, "Dammit, it's been 6 months already....why am I not making $4000 a month in freelance already? Slacker."

 

My expectations probably need to be adjusted. That's one of those things I CAN control. I can't control who decides to hire me. But I can keep sending out auditions and doing direct mail pieces to let potential clients know I am here. That's what I've been doing. And so far, I have managed some to convince some people to hire me. And most of those people have sought me out again when they have something else they need voiced.

 

These are all good, positive things that point to an ability to build a base of regular, repeat clients that will grow over time.

 

So why, this week in particular, do I keep going, "It's not enough....not fast enough, not good enough....just not enough....?"

 

I'm looking at it in a non-productive, non-constructive way....and I am the only one who can change that.

[shes2smart]

Well, SOMEBODY Saw My Listing....

 

...or why putting your contact information online is a double edged sword...

 

So, the other day, I get this call from a guy who claims to be from some ad agency. Says he got my number off and is looking for a female VO for a commercial for an allergy product and needs to hear how I sneeze. Tries to get me to describe it, but I've never given much thought to sneezing, so I dunno. I offer to send him an audition. He says no...I can just sneeze on the phone. This strikes me as weird, but I figure I'll play along and see how it goes. I sneeze, twice, and then it starts to dawn on me (given how he's "directing" the next sneeze) that he's probably a fetishist. I claim I have another call I have to take and get off the phone.

 

But, hey....someone saw me on .......

 

The sad part is if he woulda been straight up with me about what he was looking for, we coulda negotiated a price. I mean, what do I care if he wants to perv on me sneezing? I already did VO work on that porn company's phone system sounding like a 900 line girl, so what's a little sneezing for $100 or so?

 

Mr. Good Hair's pithy reply when I told him this story, "Hey, $100 is nothing to sneeze at...."

 

Back to addressing more direct mail pieces. Ugh.

[shes2smart]

Recognition

 

So, I was chatting with my ex-college bf Friday for the first time in several months, and he tells me about this web show.

 

My husband and I watched it over the weekend.

 

We know all these people.

 

Should that bother me?

 

link removed

[shes2smart]

This Week In VO Work

 

2 gigs. Both with 3-figure talent fees. I made more in freelance this week than I did at my office gig. That's how it should be. One was a radio commercial that's going into some nationally syndicated programs. I was contacted by the radio network that provides the programs and programming services. I'm hoping there might be some other projects to come out of that. The guy who hired me for the spot said he really liked the way I sounded. That can't hurt for getting more work down the line, y'know?

 

The other gig is a promotional/sales piece for a "Learn To Speak English" educational program for a South American company. My other experience with overseas work wasn't completely wonderful, but I did (....eventually.....) get paid. So, we'll give it another try. It boggles my mind, though. I'm doing voice work that has been/is/will be heard in other parts of the world. That someone who doesn't know me (or know someone who knows me) hears my audition and decides to hire me.

 

My husband was telling me how he was telling his boss some of my Weird World of Voiceover Work stories. She had asked what I did for work, and he told her, and she didn't quite understand, so he gave her some details. Anyway, she expressed a sentiment similar to what several other people have when I tell them what I'm doing or I give them an update on how it's going. They seem to be...impressed(?)...that I'm doing this and making a go of it.

 

It puzzles me. Because I look at it and I think, "Well...what other option did I have, really? What else could I have done?" Oh, I suppose I coulda looked for another radio job, picked us up and moved somewhere else, and crossed my fingers hoping I'd still have a job the next week. That didn't seem like a viable option, really. I guess I coulda gone back to school and trained for some other job. But, there's nothing that I'm that interested in to justify spending that much money for school. The one thing that I'm interested enough to want to go learn (cooking), is something I know I don't want to do for work. I can't justify the cost....so that's out. The office gig I got is good enough, the company's good, my boss is a cool guy to work for....but it's not what I want to do for the next significant chunk of my life. I don't want to be there because I *have to* 5 years from now. So, really, with the talents & skills I do have, what other choice did I have?

 

And when something is your only choice, failure is not an option.

 

I dunno what anyone else in my situation would have done. Obviously, other people seem to think I had more options....maybe even things they see as easier options (?). I have no fall back plan. The only outcome is to make this work and be successful at it, period, end of sentence. Even if I'm freaking out or scared or looking at my bank account and going, "I don't know where the money's coming from...but I have to believe it will be there when I need it...because it always has."

 

I need to remember this as I work on first quarter estimated taxes in the coming days.

[shes2smart]

On The Up Side...

 

I should be glad that I was able to generate enough income through my VO work that I owe $500 in first quarter estimated taxes (federal & state combined). I'm sure there are some people who want to do VO work who didn't generate that much income in the past 3 months. I'm sure there are people who are subscribed at voice123 and submit audtions and don't get that much work to require that kinda tax bill over an entire year.

 

I am not one of them. So, I do have (another.....) the $500 estimated tax bill. Hey, I've got about 2 weeks to figure out where it's coming from. A lot can happen in 2 weeks....

[shes2smart]

Oh, It's You Again

 

The radio network I did the spot for last week had another project posted at voice123. I didn't notice it was them when I put in my audition for it.

 

The dude hired me again.

 

Boo-yah.

 

Finished the sales presentation for the "Learn to Speak English" program and sent it off today. The producer (the guy who hired me) likes it, but we are waiting for client approval. I was looking at his website while I was uploading the audio file for delivery. He's in Argentina. That's still pretty trippy to me...that I can record this piece of audio in my home and it's going to be heard by people on the other half of the globe. Had I started doing this seriously 20 years ago, I doubt I would've even had the ability to easily audition for this job, let alone actually do the work.

[shes2smart]

What Happened To Wednesday?

 

That's what I'm asking myself now, even though I know the answer.

 

It started at about 6am when I woke up and my neck and shoulders were so tight, it felt like if I moved my head, the muscles would just break. My sinuses were blocked and the pain in my head was reaching up from the back of my neck and pressing down...like a giant arm with a hand on top of my head. My husband massaged my neck and shoulders a little before he left for work, and I tried to go back to sleep. Got up around 10 and thought if I moved around a little and had some tea and some food, I might start feeling better.

 

I didn't.

 

By a little after 11, I decided to take a Zomig (my last one) while I still had a couple hours to sleep before I had to get ready to go to the office gig. I considered calling in sick, but it was really only 3 weeks ago that I left early one night because of a migraine...and I have estimated taxes that have to be paid...so, unless I was at death's door, calling in wasn't really an option.

 

So, I took the Zomig, called my doctor to get a refill called in to the pharmacy, and went back to bed. I'd like to say it was a restful sleep...but it wasn't. It had all sorts of weird, vivid, off-the-wall dreams that prevented me from feeling terribly rested. It was like my brain never shut off. The alarm went off at 1, and I felt groggy and achy...but my head wasn't hurting as much, and my neck and shoulders weren't as tight as they were at 6. I took a shower and got ready for work....and felt loopy from the Zomig and physically crappy from the receeding migraine.

 

About 4:30 yesterday afternoon, I started feeling like I might live. The rest of my shift went by quickly enough. There was plenty of work to do, so that usually makes time pass faster. When I got home, I had some dinner and then had to re-cut the audio for the dude in Argentina. His role in this project is that of "producer," he's not the final client. While he liked my initial read just fine, the client is of the opinion that my first read was too fast. So, I re-read it last night, edited it this morning and just finished uploading it.

 

It's weird how some clients are just thrilled with whatever I send them and some are so nitpicky. Radio network guy (who I did 2 spots for in the last week) just asked for 3 different reads right off the bat. I can deal with that. I can also deal with the fact that he sent payment through paypal within 48 hours of getting his audio...both times. So, there's $300 of the $500 I need for the taxes. Again, it just materializes out of nowhere when I need it...but only if I stop freaking out.

 

I lost most of the day Wednesday and am having some difficulty adjusting to the fact that today is Thursday. I still feel kinda tired and dragged out from the migraine today, although my head doesn't hurt. My neck and shoulder muscles are sore and achy but not tight. They feel like a muscle feels after a severe cramp passes.

 

As I mentioned earlier, the Zomig I took yesterday was my last one. I called the pharmacy last night to see if my prescription was ready and how much it was. We have crappy high deductible insurance. Basically, we have to cover $4,000 in medical bills before the insurance will pay anything. After the $4,000, the insurance will only cover 80%. Anything prior to that $4,000 deductible may be eligible for a discounted rate if we see an in-network provider. The discount looks like this - I recently had my annual mammorgram. It was billed to insurance at $150. The provider was in-network. I haven't satisfied the deductible, so the insurance won't pay, but since I went to an in-network provider, I only have pay the discounted amount of $88 to the provider myself. Unless some catastrophic event happens, this isn't insurance as much as 40-some-percent-off coupon.

 

Turns out this $4000 deductible also applies to prescriptions. I assume the discount applies as well. My doc prescribed 6 Zomig tablets. To break them out of the pharmacy will cost me $128. There's not much point in getting upset about it. I need to have this medication. 6 tablets will likely take me through the better part of a year....possibly more. Still, there is a part of me that wants to be outraged by this. But who would I be mad at? The insurance company? My husband's employer (for not having better insurance)? My husband (for quitting the job at the bank that paid more had really good insurance?) The radio station (for cutting my job and elminating that insurance option)? The drug manufacturer? Myself for not saving more money when I was making more money? I mean, there's no one clear target for my ire, is there? I don't think I should get the medication for free, but I think paying just over $20 for one pill is excessive. I already avoid taking them unless it's absolutely necessary, so it's not like I'm popping them anytime I so much as suspect I might have a migraine.

 

I dunno. It's been almost a year of not having a full-time-with-benefits job and sometimes I just get tired of the struggle. Yes, things are better financially than they were 6 months ago or right after I was let go...but they're still not where they were before I got canned. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get back to that level of income again....it seems so far away. This is one of the reasons I cannot allow myself to watch the news. They always have these stories about people who've blown through all their savings, are losing their homes, and blah, blah, blah and who still haven't managed to get anywhere near the level of income they used to have before getting downsized. I don't need to see that. Especially not now.

 

For the most part, I have tried to be positive and focus on what I DO have and how things have improved. But it's hard to stay in that mindset all the time. It's particularly hard when, after just paying $600-some in 2008 taxes, one is expected to come up with another $500 for 2009 taxes, $128 for necessary medication, $88 for a necessary mammogram, and whatever other crap is a "need" not a "want."

 

I think I might just go back to bed. I really don't feel up to dealing with anything today.

[shes2smart]

51 Weeks

 

It's been 51 weeks (more or less) since I was let go from my full time job. I'm fast approaching one of those mythical "milestone" points -- 12 months post-downsizing. All that stuff I read pointed to the 12-24 month (or 12-18 month) time period as the time when people get into the groove of their new path. Hopefully that includes more income restoration as well.

 

I mean, I'm a lot better off (in a lot of ways) than I was 51 weeks ago, but I'm not where I want to be. I'm getting to where I want to be, but I'm not there...and I'm not always the most patient person in the world. I wanna know RIGHT NOW where I will be when another 51 weeks has passed. Is that too much to ask? I hear the question being answered with the amused chuckle of God/Spirit/Universe/Higher Power/the Force.....

 

I have decided that I'm ready to let the part time radio gig go. I'm finishing out this month and then I'm done. I have yet to let them know this. I will probably do that next week. Kinda brings it all full circle for me. I got my first radio station gig in April 1984, I left that job and moved here in April 2004, I got asked to leave full time radio in April 2008, and I'm leaving it altogether in April 2009. There's a certain symmetry to it. Realistically, I'm working a whopping 10 hours a month there (on average) and bringing home about $100 (after taxes & pay cut). I'm not even making enough there for them to take out Federal Tax anymore, so in that regard, I have to treat it like freelance income. Anyway, I'm not enjoying the work, I don't particularly like the station, and I can easily make up that $100 a month with freelance...in less than 10+ hours of time. I can't think of any compelling reason to keep hanging out there at this point, which is a good indication that it's time to go. That and we're coming up on severe thunderstorm and tornado season. Truth be told, I don't want to have to deal with that, either.

 

Yesterday, I went and read another section of the math textbook. There's something I couldn't have seriously imagined myself doing 51 weeks ago. Now, I've been there often enough the receptionist tells me to "go on back" by myself. Mr. Good Hair got me an on-going weekly grocery store spot. I read the first half, he reads the second half. Dunno how long this'll go on, but the initial buy was for 4 or 6 weeks. I got the first script last week and the buy order was on the top. One of the stations they're buying time on is at Dysfunction Junction (aka the Employer from Hell, the people who tried to work me to death). Kinda funny, really. Wonder if anyone will notice.

 

Finally remembered to get more postcard stamps so I can send out more direct mail stuff. I was writing up postcards for a while this morning. I'll do address harvesting either today or tomorrow. My goal is to use up the stamps I bought yesterday before the postage increase goes into effect. I'll need to order more postcards in the next few weeks, too. I've got 60-some left. Which is weird because I initially ordered 100...and I've gone through a roll of 100 stamps and still have 60-some postcards. Not that I'm complaining...I'm just curious as to their counting method. I'll be ordering from the same place. I liked the job they did, bonus cards aside.

[shes2smart]

Holiday Weekend

 

So I'm off today. Only doing work for myself, don't have to be anywhere else. Went out to run a few errands earlier. Ugh. That was a mess. Went to a Big Box Mart store to get a few things (hair spray, toothpaste, milk...) and was a little surprised to see the place packed and crawling with people in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday.

 

Then it dawned on me -- Easter is Sunday. Big holiday weekend. Lots of people were probably already off work today which would account for the Saturday-sized crowd. The big displays of candy and potted lillies right at the door were a dead giveaway.

 

I was finding it difficult to focus and do what I had gone there to do. All those people...in my way...and totally oblivious to their surroundings. I was torn between wanting to yell at them for not watching where they were going and running out of the store and going back home as quickly as possible. The older I get, the less able I am to handle being in crowded places. Sometimes I wonder if I am developing some sort of neurologic disorder. I find myself feeling as if I'm watching someone else's life. I can't really describe it better than that. But it's as if I'm not in my own body and I'm just kind of watching things.

 

I wrote my resignation letter for the radio gig today. That's not entirely true. I copied a resignation letter template from a website and plugged in the correct dates and names for my purposes. Just have to print it out and deliver it. I put Monday's date on it. That gives them a little over 2 weeks. For my every-other-week shift, that should be plenty of notice. It's my little gesture to the Universe -- I'm letting this go to make room for something else to come in.

 

It rained last night and most of the morning, so yard work was not a reasonable task today. I'm doing a couple loads of laundry instead. So I can say I did something today. I put in auditions for 2...no...3 different projects (one of which already got favorable feedback. I'd rather have it be a paying gig....but favorable feedback is better than nothing.) Printed out my various March bills for my records. Did some bookkeeping stuff. I got checks from the radio station, my office gig, and the on-going distance learning gig today. Transferred money over from paypal in preparation for the estimated tax payment next week.

 

All in all, things that were either mundane and boring or anxiety producing...but needed to be done.

 

What I really want to do is take a nap. I have been sleeping a lot this week. I can't tell if it's just an extreme variation of "I'm having my period and am just physically wiped out" or if it's a manifestation of a depression outbreak or what. Just like last month, this month's bloody mess has had an obvious lack of crampy/bloaty symptoms and has manifested it's discomfort in headachy symptoms...including last Wednesday's day-sucking migraine. Which, like last month, was the 2-3 day precursor to the actual onset of bleeding. If those are my choices, I'd rather have the crampy/bloaty symptoms. Cramping usually resolves in an hour or so. The headaches.....not so much. Especially when my "special" migraine medicine is $21 and change a dose. I can buy 1000 ibuprofen tablets for a similar amount...and that'll ease cramps for months...maybe even over a year....as opposed to $21 to make one migraine go away (maybe).

 

Did I ever really, truly appreciate how nice it was to have decent health insurance when I had decent health insurance? Like when I had to have the surgery to fix the herniated disk in my neck? Or when I had my foot surgeries? Did I really and truly appreciate it? If I ever have good health insurance again, I know I will.

[shes2smart]

Countdown

 

This is my second-to-last radio show today. Through a series of unexpected events, and because I am a "team player" I ended up working both places today. At least the office gig bought my lunch. I've got 4.5 hours at the radio station, then I can go home.

 

It's weird doing this and knowing this is the second-to-last time. Trying to remember the things I liked about this. I can remember (in a logical, unemotional way) a time when I loved this more than just about anything....but I can't remember what it really felt like. Much like remembering a break-up or some of the craziness with the alcoholic -- I can relate the cold, hard facts...but the actual depth of the emotions at the time aren't so clear anymore.

 

I find myself recalling a couple of specific time periods in my work history -- early to mid 90's, when I still worked for my boss/mentor/coach/father figure....and then a time around 9 or 10 years ago, when the word "voicetracking" was being introduced to my vocabulary, but before I realized what the ramifications of it were. And bits and pieces of my time doing college radio...when I was first learning this craft and loved it so much that I was thrilled go on the air for free, just so I could be on the air.....

 

Now it's 25(ish) years later and all I'm thinkin' is, "Well, it's $50."

 

I remember being 19 and just getting hired into my first paying radio gig....meeting people in their 40's doing this...and I couldn't understand how they could be so blase and cynical about it. I thought to myself that I'd never be like that -- with no passion and being so...callous about it. But here I am in my 40's and guess what? I'm sitting here thinkin', "Well....it's $50." And I'm realizing how naive I was at 19. All the things I didn't know that my then 40-something co-workers did. How things change so much over time that what you once loved simply does not exist anymore. How events beyond your control come along and change you in ways you can't even begin to comprehend, let alone imagine.

 

****

 

The story goes that film maker Kevin Smith maxed out his credit cards to make his first movie, "Clerks." Now I wonder, when he was doing that, did he struggle with doubt? Did he wonder if he was doing the right thing or second guess himself thinking he was doing something Really Stupid?

 

It seems like a common theme in the stories of people who are successful. Somewhere in their past, they took risks that the more timid among us might call stupid, irresponsible or long shots. It becomes part of their personal legend. But the ones who ultimately become successful -- what was it like for them in the midst of it -- before they knew the outcome? I wonder because that's where I am now. I'm in that part where you commit to the idea you believe in and you have to take the risks...the leaps of faith...to get where you want to go.

 

So, really, there's more to walking away from the radio gig than just $100 a month. It's the risk. It's the symbolism of shutting the door and saying, "My future is not on this road." The Universe has been kind....giving me this last year to wean off it. From full-time to weekends/fill only to every other weekend. I've had a year to get used to the idea. I've had a year to change the way I see and define myself. For the longest time, I saw myself in those terms -- a radio dj, a radio person, an announcer. When I was a lot younger, a HUGE amount of my identity was wrapped up in that. But it's not anymore...and walking away from it is a way to acknowledge that.

[shes2smart]

An Open Letter To Kim C.

 

Dear Kim,

 

We have had no formal introduction, but I do know a few intimate details of your life. I'd rather I didn't know them, but you left me no choice.

 

Now, Kim, I'm sure you're a nice enough person. And God knows, we can all fall on some hard times now and then. But is that any reason to give YOUR creditors MY phone number and say it's yours? No, Kim, I don't think it is.

 

I can certainly understand why you don't want to talk to these people. They're not very nice. And they seem awfully suspicious. I mean, they seem very skeptical when I say I am not you and that I don't know you. They tell me they'll remove my phone number from their database, but I keep getting calls for you. I'm really starting to wonder if they ever do remove the number from their database.

 

Perhaps at some point, they will tire of me and my constant, "No, I'm not Kim C. No, I don't know who she is. Can you please stop calling me? This is my business number, it's not Kim C's number. It's been my number for the last 2 years." Then I can return to peace and quiet and the odd random phone call that's to be expected when one's phone number is on the internet since it's on one's business website.

 

Kim, Kim, Kim....didn't anyone ever tell you those payday loan places are a Bad Idea? Perhaps you had no other options. I don't know because I don't know you. I have no idea who you are or what your story is. All I know is you owe money to some people and, at some point, you told them my number was your number.

 

For the love of God, Kim, would you please get your #%^! together and contact your creditors with current information on how to get in touch with you? At the very least, could you stop giving out my number and telling people it's yours?

 

Thanks. Really.

[shes2smart]

Stick A Fork In It

 

I turned in my resignation from the radio station yesterday. The Program Director was actually in his office between tasks when I got there. The guy is normally a moving target. It's the first time in quite literally months that he's been in his office and available when I happened to be there.

 

I think he was expecting to hear that I'd gotten another full-time radio gig. He seemed a bit puzzled when I said the freelance was going well and so was the office gig. It was all very "nice" and "pleasant" and "socially acceptable." Which I found a little irritating (oddly enough). I mean, if I'm really that talented and you like me that much, why am I not working here (or somewhere similar)? The irritation didn't show up til later, so the real-time interaction wasn't tainted by it. When the temporary warm feeling from having all that sunshine blown up my skirt wore off a couple hours later, that's when the irritation hit.

 

In my head, voices of insecurity and fear (probably my mother's voice as it's a mix of fear, insecurity and belittlement) second guess and ask if I'm doing the right thing - just walking away from this job. The voice of logic & reason (and probably the voice that speaks for my highest good) replies: "A job that only pays $100 a month, that you don't like doing, and that has to be juggled and coordinated around your office gig." What I know from years worth of metaphysical studies says, "If you want something new in your life, you have to let go of the old first so there's space for something new."

 

This is the first time in 30-some years that I won't be employed by a radio station or working toward being employed by a radio station (like I was when I was in high school and college). That should be a big deal, shouldn't it? Right now it's more "Oh, hey...here's an Interesting Factoid!" than some big emotional/transition thing.

 

I've been listening to the hip hop/R&B station in the car a lot lately because it's quite often the least crappy of my alternatives. There's this song out now. I looked up the lyrics and most of it I can't relate to -- some sort of macho gangsta, watch-my-homies-get-shot-up-life-on-the-street-is-tough stuff. But there's a line in the chorus that sums up where I am right now....

The old me's dead and gone, but the new me will be alright.

[shes2smart]

Stick A Fork In It

 

I turned in my resignation from the radio station yesterday. The Program Director was actually in his office between tasks when I got there. The guy is normally a moving target. It's the first time in quite literally months that he's been in his office and available when I happened to be there.

 

I think he was expecting to hear that I'd gotten another full-time radio gig. He seemed a bit puzzled when I said the freelance was going well and so was the office gig. It was all very "nice" and "pleasant" and "socially acceptable." Which I found a little irritating (oddly enough). I mean, if I'm really that talented and you like me that much, why am I not working here (or somewhere similar)? The irritation didn't show up til later, so the real-time interaction wasn't tainted by it. When the temporary warm feeling from having all that sunshine blown up my skirt wore off a couple hours later, that's when the irritation hit.

 

In my head, voices of insecurity and fear (probably my mother's voice as it's a mix of fear, insecurity and belittlement) second guess and ask if I'm doing the right thing - just walking away from this job. The voice of logic & reason (and probably the voice that speaks for my highest good) replies: "A job that only pays $100 a month, that you don't like doing, and that has to be juggled and coordinated around your office gig." What I know from years worth of metaphysical studies says, "If you want something new in your life, you have to let go of the old first so there's space for something new."

 

This is the first time in 30-some years that I won't be employed by a radio station or working toward being employed by a radio station (like I was when I was in high school and college). That should be a big deal, shouldn't it? Right now it's more "Oh, hey...here's an Interesting Factoid!" than some big emotional/transition thing.

 

I've been listening to the hip hop/R&B station in the car a lot lately because it's quite often the least crappy of my alternatives. There's this song out now. I looked up the lyrics and most of it I can't relate to -- some sort of macho gangsta, watch-my-homies-get-shot-up-life-on-the-street-is-tough stuff. But there's a line in the chorus that sums up where I am right now....

The old me's dead and gone, but the new me will be alright.

[shes2smart]

Celebration!

 

Sorta. If one can celebrate the one year anniversary of one's downsizing, then I guess that's what I'll be doing today.

 

5 years ago today, I turned in my resignation from Dysfunction Junction. That seems like a really, really long time ago.

 

Today, I am sitting here like a lump with little to no motivation. I cut one audition, which already got rejected, and re-cut a couple lines for math textbook people. The audio engineer found out I had studio facilities at home, so they only have me come in for multiple-page reads. When they have minor changes, I just record them here and send them over. I also wrote up a few post cards for the next direct mail blast. But mostly, I've sat here in my bathrobe and looked at project postings that I can't or won't audition for (I'm good, but no matter how hard I try, I'm not gonna be able to sound like a Male voice guy...and some projects just have "trouble" written all over them, so I stay away from those) and told myself if it wasn't raining that I'd be outside doing yardwork. I'm probably lying about the yardwork, but it sounds good...and it makes me feel better for about 2 seconds.

 

So, it's a year since I had the employment rug pulled out from under me. I'm a little disappointed because I had hopes of being further along than I am. Maybe if that whole world economy thing hadn't tanked, I would be. Heck, if it hadn't all gone to hell in a handbasket, I'd probably still be employed at the radio station in some capacity right now.

 

Sigh. If I'm still in this spot in another year..... I don't want to think about that. There will be upward movement from this spot. Just like there was upward movement from the spot I was in a year ago when I was told I had no job.

 

A random thought about endings/partings....maybe it's only possible to have a good, amicable parting when you really don't care.

[shes2smart]

Heh...If Only I'd Known 20 Years Ago...

 

 

[shes2smart]

The Odd, Random Memory

 

Fourth grade (?)...around there. Having some short class assignment about "What I Want To Be When I Grow Up."

 

I put down "Freelance Writer."

 

At least I got the "freelance" part right.

[shes2smart]

Oh, No, Really, It's Fine...

 

...can I get you a drink? I was just going to fix one for myself. link removed

 

"It's just a flesh wound."

[shes2smart]

That's One Good Move I Made

 

The server move, I mean.

 

It's been about a month and a half now since the oh-so-dramatic server move. I cannot believe the difference it made. The new guild is a totally different reality. We still have more people than raid slots, like the old guild, but the way they handle things in the new guild is far more fair and allows *everyone* to go at least 2 times each week. The way they do it here, you also end up playing with all the other people in the guild who raid, not just the same core group every time. We also go on old content runs with another group once a week. Another bonus is that these people seem to get that we'd like to play together. There has been none of the "we'll take your spouse, but we won't take you" BS that was routine on the other server. If one of us goes, the other goes and is in the same group. They do that with all the couples they have in the guild here.

 

So, after playing with these folks and watching them work together in different groupings clearing content I'd already seen/learned. (They were a few months behind our old guild on the content progression curve) It's been my observation that, on the whole, these folks are simply better players than the group we came from. They also have a lot less individual ego, so they don't sit there and tell you what awesome players they are...which is a nice change.

 

My husband is also amazed at the difference and is glad we moved over here. He tells me this frequently while acknowledging that I chose a really good server and guild to move to.

 

Yup. I like to think of it as one of those little road signs....one of those little snippets of proof that I can pick a destination, get there, and find out it's a good place for me. It's easier to pick a new server and a new guild than it is to build a business, but I did one, I can do the other. There are similarities...in both situations, I have a certain talent. In both situations, it's necessary to make connections with specific people to be able to use that talent for mutual benefit. In both situations, those connections (relationships) need tending to continue the benefit. It just takes longer with the business than with online gaming. Oh, and let's not forget, I did have the savvy and backbone to walk away from what was a bad deal for me....regardless of the drama, initial backlash and fallout.

 

Yeah. All of that.

[shes2smart]

Today I........

 

...submitted an audition for a gig that pays $2250. For a VO for 4 TV spots. They're not even national spots.

 

Dunno what my chances are. As good as anyone's I guess. Since it's all so highly subjective on the receiving end -- it very often comes down to this: does the client like the way you sound? Not the producer or the casting person, not the flunky who they hired to screen the audtions, not the gatekeeper at the VO website who checks the auditions for quality standards.....if the client doesn't like the way you sound, you're not getting the gig.

 

So. This is the first four-figure talent fee gig I've auditioned for. I got a subscription for another VO site because one cannot make a full-time living on voice123 alone. There seem to be fewer jobs posted on the new site, but the jobs that are posted appear to be higher-paying gigs than the bulk of v123 gigs. (V123 has a bigger volume of gigs, but the bulk of them are projects paying $300 or less) The talent roster on the new site appears to be folks who've been doing this a while. In terms of talent, it kinda looks to me like the new-to-me site is upscale department store and v123 is Wal-Mart. The new site came recommed from a full-time VO talent and my sorta-supervisor at the on-going e-learning gig.

 

I debated about subscribing to the new site, but my husband was like, "Go ahead. I think you'll do well there....just a feeling." We'll see. If I land even one of these 4-figure talent fee gigs, it was worth the subscription fee.

 

However, I think it's best to treat this the same as any other audition. Meaning - forget about it after it's been submitted. Pretend it never happened. That way, if you don't hear from them, it's a non-issue.......and if you do hear from them, it's a pleasant surprise.

 

For today, it's enough that I had the opportunity to audtion for a gig that pays more than I used to bring home in an entire month when I was working full time. Because, at some point, I will be landing those kinds of gigs on a regular basis. There will come a time that I'll pass on these $75-100-200 jobs because I'll be busy doing stuff that pays four figures per project. That's where I see myself...even though the reality presenting itself to me in this moment looks different than that.

[shes2smart]

This Is The End

 

The end of my radio career. Last shift, one hour into it. It is a gorgeous, warm, sunny day...the first really warm, knock-out spring day we've had this year. I like to think of that as another road sign -- the Universe saying, "See? You could be enjoying this gorgeous day if you didn't have to be at the radio station. But there'll be more...."

 

Yesterday, I got a phone call from an ad agency. The production guy who called had gotten one of my blindly-sent direct mail pieces, had gone to my website, had listened to my demos and had a project he wanted me to give him a quote on. He told me he thought my rates were reasonable and because of that he'd likely use me on future projects as well. This is the first response I've gotten to the direct mail pieces that I've been sending out at the rate of 10-30 per week since late February. The post cards and postage don't cost all that much, so if I even get one paying gig, they pay for themselves plus extra.

 

It was very gratifying to get that phone call because I'd been wondering if *anyone* was even reading these things. Now I have an answer -- "At least one. And he was interested enough to go to my website and listen and liked what he heard enough to call me and hire me." That's one. There will be others.

 

It's really weird. There are times I feel really confident and good and positive about the direction I'm going with things work-related....and then I have those times where I'm freaking out thinking I'm gonna have to tap into my retirement savings just to get by....and what am I gonna do when that's gone...and I'm gonna be living in a cardboard box by the side of the road...... Sometimes I have these opposing thoughts within mere hours of each other.

 

I've been having both in the last few days because I've been aware this is my last shift at the radio station and I'm ending this job today. I'm voluntarily leaving a job at a time when a good portion of my income is.....shall we say.....flexible...and the portion that's relatively stable (from the office gig) isn't enough to get by on in and of itself.

 

After I turn in my keys (proably today since the office manager seems to be here working for some reason), it will be the first time in 25 years that I will not have anytime-I-want access to a radio station. It will be the first time in 25 years that I will not be part of a radio station. That sounds really weird to me. Once past the weirdness, it feels right, though. New and unfamilar....but it feels like it fits better than being part of a radio station had been feeling.

 

I've been working on and contemplating the idea of myself as "not part of a radio station" for a while now....probably since some point shortly after I was asked to leave full time employment last year...but now that the last tie is being cut, there's a surreal feeling to it. Like, "shouldn't I be more upset about this than I feel right now?" Occaisionally, I am. There's like this sort of sadness that comes over me thinking about the various highlights and good times in my radio career...and how I'll never have that again. But all the things I remember are from 10 or more years ago. There's very little (if anything) recent I remember fondly. The bulk of it is from the time I was working for my combination boss/mentor/father figure/coach and when Mr. Good Hair was a co-worker, and when stations had full staffs of full and part timers and there were people in the building 24/7....

 

I remember screening the calls from the religious nutbags for the short lived "Ask the Pastor" show that ran on Sunday nights.

 

I remember screening the calls for the call-in Astrology show on Saturday mornings.

 

I remember loading the commercial carts into the automation racks for the next day.

 

I remember going in Saturday afternoons to do an air shift after Mr. Good Hair and going in early just so I'd have some extra time to talk to him.

 

I remember standing out in the parking lot and watching the fireworks while we simulcast the music soundtrack on the station....and monitoring the station on our car radios which were cranked with the car doors open....

 

I remember having to time out the music and talk to hit the top and bottom of the hour newscasts from the network.

 

I remember running the board for countless football & basketball games and not having one clue what was going on. I remember the one sportscaster who liked it when I was running the board for his broadcasts. Since I had no clue what was going on in the game, I actually paid attention. The guys figured they knew what was going on and when they'd be calling for a break and would tend to leave the room....and they weren't always right about break times.

 

I remember long phone calls on Saturday nights from my boss/mentor/father figure/coach....before I was on his staff. In retrospect, I think it was those phone calls that made him fight to get me moved over to his staff and working for him.

 

I remember the night I was (figuratively) banging my head against the filing cabinet and whining at Mr. Good Hair about my latest Dating Horror Story.

 

I remember when JD uttered this bit of profundity on why it was good to work nights: "If they don't know who you are, they can't fire you."

 

I remember being on the air Saturday afternoons and gabbing with my friend R.

 

I remember the first time I walked into the studio at the campus radio station, taking one look at the on-air control board and thinking, "Oh, my God...I will NEVER understand how that thing works or how to use it."

 

I remember the stalker listener who used to send pictures of random things and cassette tapes of rap music to me.

 

I remember having to accompany ticket winners to a concert and then accidentally losing them at the show. They were following us one minute, the next minute we turned around and they were gone.......

 

I remember having to change the 10" reel to reel tapes of music on the automation system for the Easy Listening station every two hours. You have not lived until you've heard the 101 Strings version of "Stairway to Heaven."

 

I remember the Sales Manager who made a habit of hiring attractive women in their 20's to the sales staff....and how maybe one out of every 10 of those girls could sell radio time.

 

I remember when I got appliances in lieu of a raise.

 

I remember when my boss/mentor/father figure/coach managed to score the entire Queen catalog on CD from a record company and gave it to me as a bonus because he couldn't give me money.

 

I remember the when the new owners asked my boss/mentor/father figure/coach to leave the building after the sale to them was complete.

 

I remember when the newsroom was fully staffed.

 

I remember razor blades and splicing tape and typing cart labels.

 

I remember hating to have to leave at the end of my shift.

 

I remember when the highlight of my day was the 4 or 5 hours I was on the air...the other 19 or 20 hours of the day were just marking time til show time rolled around again.

 

I remember the unfortunate (and screwy) circumstances surrounding Mr. Good Hair's departure from the building...and I see the path he followed after he left the building.

 

And it's his example I've chosen to follow.