Wonderland

[shes2smart]

A New Low

 

Not me. I'm actually doing pretty good. The new low has been reached by the radio station. I got an email saying that due to rising costs associated with registering domain names, they're going to be eliminating my station email account along with several other part-time part-timers' email accounts and could they have one of my personal email addresses so I could continue to get the "important" emails....

 

I talked to the guy who helped me set up my studio. My philosophy has always been Be On Good Terms...Nay, Even Friendly....With The Engineering Department. The engineers are generally part of management and are also generally way in the loop for info. It helps that they're engineers and not suits/former sales people. Anyway, I asked the engineer, "So, what's the big savings here?" He said (in such a way that fully conveyed his opinion that this was ridiculous), "About $500 or $600 per year." I don't really give a crap about having/not having a station email address. It's one less thing I have to check. But the pathetic-ness of it... And I'm just waiting fo the time when they forget to send something important (like a schedule change) to those of us who aren't in the company address book anymore. It'll be their own damn fault if I don't get something and don't know I was supposed to show up at a certain time. I will have no problem telling them that in no uncertain terms because I kinda don't care anymore.

 

This holiday season has become like the holiday season at the Job From Hell. Because of the way their fiscal year fell, every December brought the annual job cuts. Now, my most recent radio employer is following this stellar timing. One full time job - gone, One part-timer - gone, Two full-time jobs cut to part-time....and (according to my sources) there may be more....and there may be an accross-the-board pay reduction.

 

After hearing all this, I said, "This is going to sound weird, but in hindsight, I think I got asked to leave at a pretty darn good time after all." The engineer agreed with me.

 

Sudden thought: Huh. If they implement an accross-the-board pay reduction, I wonder if they will include part timers? I mean, I still work there 2 or 3 times a month. If they cut my already measly hourly rate, that may be the final straw for me there. Have to wait and see what happens, but it's hardly worth it for the 5-15 hours a month to me for what they're paying now, let alone if they try to pay me less. I am more than making that up in freelance jobs anymore.

 

Once again, it all works out for my highest good. I was removed from that place before it became pathetic-funny, yet I still have a good enough view that allowed me to see that. Yup. I am still one of God's favorites....

[shes2smart]

"You're Really Doing This"

 

My husband has uttered these words several times over the last (almost) 3 months my studio's been functional. He usually says it after I get offered a gig or after I get paid for doing a gig. I tend to look at him, dumbfounded, and say, "....uh...yeah..."

 

One time I asked him why he sounded so surprised when he noted that I was "really doing this." He said he was used to people saying they were gonna do something, or talk (endlessly) about doing something, but they never did it. I guess that's common enough. I mean, I have seen that happen a lot. People talk about dreams or goals, but the minute those dreams or goals require them to put forth some effort or take some risk or make some sacrifice, it all of a sudden doesn't seem that important anymore.

 

Why am I "really doing this"? Because of the options I had, this was the best one. It was the only one that didn't piss me off or make me scared or strike me as being some form of slow, torturous death. Because someone I know and love and respect had already traveled this road (Mr. Good Hair) and was telling me I could do this and be successful at it....and he'd been telling me that for, literally, years. Because nothing else fit. Because, upon a lot of reflection, this fits in with my life purpose statement and the underlying theme to so many events in my life. Because I'm lazy and don't want to spend 40-60 hours of my time every week busting my ass for someone else.

 

There's not really any lofty goal here. No "I always wanted to be a voiceover artiste" dream. No big love affair like there was when I was in my teens, twenties and thirties and In Love with radio. There are a lot of reasons...but they're not really tied to the work itself. The work itself is just a means to get to the kind of life I want...and that is the goal. And maybe that is what work should really be anyway. In hindsight, I do see a lot of flaws....fatal errors....in the way I approached work when I was younger. Flaws that left me open to be overworked, underpaid, underappreicated and generally treated shabbily by opportunistic weasels.

 

I met Mr. Good Hair in the era when I was working for the boss/mentor/father figure/coach all in one. The two of them are connected in my head and they remind me of a time and place where I worked for and with good, honest people who genuinely cared about and respected me. That one of them is back in my life in a very pivotal way is one of those "you're on the right track" signs to me. Like I got lost amongst some questionable work-mates for a time, but I've found my way back.

 

"I once was lost, but now am found

Was blind, but now I see...."

[shes2smart]

Stupid Quicken Tricks

 

Monthly income breakdown:

 

October 2008

 

Office job - 71.21%

Savings - 20.96%

Freelance VO work - 5.21%

Radio gig - 2.62%

 

November 2008

 

Office job - 69.71%

Freelance VO work - 15.37%

Savings - 9.61%

Radio gig - 5.31%

 

December 2008 (to date)

 

Office job - 67.98%

Freelance VO work - 23.4%

Radio gig - 8.61%

[shes2smart]

Things Work Themselves Out

 

So, after the big blowout that we had about the game and the guild last August, I decided that I would not allow myself to get dragged into any more arguments about it. I chose to turn my focus toward my studio and starting my freelance business, and he was free to go about his business.

 

I had to bite my tongue a few times, but I kept recalling what my ex-college bf said about it. "Well...he could be spending time on worse things -- drinking or drugs or cheating. In the larger scheme of things, this isn't all that bad." And I busied myself with designing CD labels for my demos or designing business cards or creating my website or cutting auditions for freelance gigs or shopping for a production music library at a reasonable price....activities that were moving me forward in my own real life quests and real life achievements.

 

Last night he says he's thinking of resigning his position of quasi authority in the guild because he didn't realize it "had that many strings attached." Apparently the Powers That Be running the guild think he should be spending more time in game and more of his in game time doing what they think he should be doing and not necessarily what he wants to do and/or would enjoy doing. Me, I'm surprised that he didn't expect this sooner. Even though it's not paid like a job, they did ask you to perform this role....and they were going to expect some things from you in return for the position. It's only been since the expansion that the new demands are being made, but he doesn't like it.

 

I told him I was staying out of it. It's between him and them and I am not going to influence the decision either way because....well....because I'm not going there. It's a game, period end of sentence. I refuse to let it have a larger role in my life than that.

 

He went on to complain about the cliqueishness of the guild and all the things I saw last summer that pissed me off. And I'm thinking, "Oh? And you're just now seeing this? It's been there all along." But I say nothing. I say nothing because I don't want anything I say to bite me in the ass later, should he decide to kiss and make up with the Powers That Be (again). I say nothing because I promised myself no more arguing about a damn game that we play with people we don't know.

 

Nope, if he drops this group it's going to be all on him. I'm not providing any input on this decision. But I do see that in my letting it go, he has started to see what I was trying to get him to see all along. Time does some truly amazing things.

 

Even so, I refuse to dwell on it much. My focus is on creating prosperity and creating my freelance business so I can get to that point where I don't have to have a job working for someone else when they want for what they want to pay unless I want to have a job like that.

 

.....only good things......

[shes2smart]

Everything's Alright With The Family (Super Special Christmas Edition!)

 

Without fail, every year, the holiday season brings at least one news story like this: link removed

 

This time year is fascinating in that it brings out both the best and worst in people. It is a time of extremes like no other time of year. What's the best way to celebrate Christmas? Apparently mostly alone, if you want to survive to see another one.....

 

Working at the radio station today. It's more babysitting than anything else. I don't have to do an actual show as all three stations are on auto-pilot today. Had I known that was going to be the case, I would've volunteered for a longer shift. This is a total no-brainer. The person who worked before me was like, "No one told you it was going to be auto-pilot? What are you gonna do?" Well, let's see...I brought a book, I have internet access and there's a TV hooked up to cable here.....I have no idea. However will I keep myself amused during my shift?

 

When I was playing around with the stupid Quicken tricks the other day, I noticed that the last 3 months, I've made close to what I used to bring home from my full time radio job. About $400 less a month. But, still, I was impressed that I'd made up as much ground as I have. I still don't intend to live like this for the long term. My long term intent is to generate enough income from the freelance work that I end up making MORE than I ever could've hoped to in a full time radio gig working for someone else----and doing less actual work for more money. Not doing what used to be 3 or 4 or 5 or more full time jobs for the pay of one.

 

Today is actually the first day in about a week and a half I've felt normal. Been dealing with a minor cold -- lots of congestion/scratchy throat/coughing. But when I woke up this morning that had all cleared & disappeared. So there's another Christmas Bonus for me. (The first one was finding out that I'm getting paid to babysit this afternoon and don't actually have to do a show.)

[shes2smart]

Last Week Of The Year

 

Yes, it's the last week of the year. The week between Christmas and New Year's when NOTHING gets done. I know this. I do, really. But still, there's some small part of me panicking -- OH MY GOD, THERE ARE NO NEW PROJECTS ON VOICE123 FOR THE 4TH DAY IN A ROW! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANY PROJECT INVITATIONS FOR A COUPLE DAYS NOW! AAACCCCKKKK!

 

I'm getting nothing because nobody is getting anything because the vast majority of the world has taken 10-14 days off and won't be back until next Monday. So I'm telling myself to calm the hell down and enjoy the down time. I don't intend to have a whole lot of it after we get into the new year.

 

Saturday, I worked at the office job. It's not bad working Saturdays. It's only until 3pm and they have lunch brought in for everyone. Plus, my department runs with only one person on Saturday, so I work by myself....which is basically how I like it. Anyway, I'm sitting there and I get this email from my husband. He writes to tell me it's, like, 60 degrees and nice outside and we should get out and do something when I get home and do I have any ideas. I email him back and suggest going to a nearby park with a walking trail.

 

When I get home, I learn that's not what he really had in mind. He meant "go do something out of the house" not do anything literally outside. So we ended up driving around and eventually going to dinner and then driving around some more. We had a nice time and all, but part of me was wondering, "why make a big deal about the weather being nice if you don't intend on playing outside at all?"

 

Sunday was the first day I was really feeling up to going to the gym since I got rid of that cold. So I went. He didn't. Dunno why. Don't really care. I got home and he decided to do his token one hour every 6-8 weeks of yard work. Not wanting to blow that, I grabbed the yard vac to suck up some of the leaves while he took care of a couple things he'd been telling me was going to do (and needed to be done) for the last 3 to 6 months. I got a little irritated while I was running the yard vac, thinking about how I get stuck with so much house work and yard work. Our back yard is still covered with leaves from last fall because he kept putting it off and I refused to get stuck with the whole job myself (again) this year.

 

I never really thought of myself as being an "active person," but next to him... And yet, he complains when his current jeans start getting too snug to be comfortable. I used to blame my work-related crash and resulting mental issues for the weight I gained after we got married. Now, looking at our respective levels of (in)activity on a regular basis and our respective food choices and eating habits, I'm not so sure my mental issues are entirely to blame for the weight I put on. As I finished the clean-up in the front yard (AFTER having come home from a cardio/weights/yoga workout at the gym), I idly wondered if I have, perhaps, married one of the laziest people I know.

 

New (additional) financial goal for the freelance project: Make enough doing freelance that I can afford to hire someone else to do the yard work....and maybe have a maid service come in once a month or so.

 

He's still going back and forth about What To Do with the guild and his position in it. As such, he's been avoiding going online so the folks that run the guild don't nag him. That means he hasn't been playing nearly as much as he was. What he's doing instead is parking it in front of the idiot box (TV) and watching DVDs. Not a markedly better use of time, IMO...but it's not my time to decide how to use.

[shes2smart]

In My Email When I Got Home

 

"We'd like you to voice this script for (product). We're offering $125 with the amount to include any necessary re-cuts. Please let us know if this is ok with you."

 

Ummmmmmm....lemme think about that a minute. Duh.

[shes2smart]

And Then

 

In my email after I got back from the gym this morning:

 

"I am back from vacation and we are ready to go with the phone greeting. Here's the final script. Any chance we can get this today?"

 

So, between that and the second spot, I did $175 of billable work this morning.

 

That's $175 of billable work in less than one hour of my time....and that includes recording, editing, converting the sound files to the format requested by the client, creating the invoices and emailing the files & invoices to the proper individuals.

 

Everyday should have several hours like that.

[shes2smart]

Where I Am And Where I Am Going

 

What an annoying time at the office gig. Had to deal with a customer who was a major pain in the butt and just couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that my role was to provide initial information and I did not have the authority to negotiate the price of the product. Then, when I asked the sales manager for assistance with this in-DUH-vidual, he acted like it wasn’t his job. Thanks for the help. I appreciate it. It doesn’t help that there’s nothing to do…and two of us working to do it.

 

My boss made up the schedule based on what he remembered from previous weeks between Christmas and New Years…you know…BEFORE the economy took a big ol’ corn-studded dump….so there’ve been too many of us working and not enough work to go around since he left on vacation. It’s not so bad sometimes, but the last shift was with the oh-so-very-quiet-and-shy college kid who isn’t even out of his teens yet. Not that I have anything against him, but there’s just not much to talk about. I mean, he doesn’t play Warcrack. I thought we might have that in common, but he’s a 19 year old who doesn’t play. He tells me some of his friends do….and he doesn’t really get it.

 

Sigh. Think of it as motivation for pursuing more freelance, huh? Like what I did Tuesday morning -- $175 of billable work in about an hour and squeezed into a lot of other things I did this morning. I need to create more of that. If I could get 3 to 5 days a week where I could do $200 worth of projects in the morning and another $200 worth in the afternoon consistently. Dang. That would be something, wouldn’t it?

 

So, we are having a New Year’s Eve dinner party. Us, and the two gay couples who make up most of our “family of friends” these days. The guys we play Warcrack with and who I used to work with at the radio station. I did groceries for the dinner Tuesday morning. I also went to the gym, cooked our dinner for Tuesday night so my husband would just have to heat it up, and did the $175 of freelance work. Trips to two grocery stores near my house failed to yield fresh basil, though. So, I still have to find that.

 

New Year’s Eve Dinner Party Menu

 

Appetizers:

Stuffed Mushrooms

Bruschetta with tomato, garlic & basil topping

 

Entrée:

Caesar Salad

Pasta with Grilled Chicken, Mushrooms & Sun Dried Tomatoes in a Roasted Garlic Cream Sauce

Steamed Broccoli

 

One of the other couples is bringing dessert and stuff to make Appletinis. Not that I’m a drinker, but if he wants to bring over the stuff to make cocktails, I’m not going to stop him.

 

We ended up hosting the party because my husband has to be at work at the normal time (early morning) on New Years Day. I have the day off. The office gig is closed and I told the radio station I would not be available to work on January 1. I like to think of it as setting the tone for the year – More Leisure Time And More Money. Who says I can’t have both?

 

If I can conceive it and believe it, I can achieve it.

 

About 6 months ago, I thought up a home studio that was good enough to do paid voice work. I also thought up a future where I’d record stuff at home, email it out, then get checks in the mail or money in my paypal account.

 

And now, all those things are happening.

 

All the demos and auditions I send out are seeds being planted. Some will grow quickly, others will take some time to bear fruit. But every one I send out carries the potential to turn into a job now or later or both.

 

And that is where my future is. Not dealing with pain-in-the-rear customers or people who won’t do their jobs or figuring out ways to kill time because it’s slow…..

[shes2smart]

New Year's Eve

[shes2smart]

So Far, It Looks Like The Old Year

 

The Stuffed Mushrooms from last night were so good they were just wrong. Used this recipe link removed, but left out the mint (couldn't justify buying a package just to use that little in a recipe I'd never made before last night) and added the chopped up mushroom stems. I also used Parmesan cheese instead of the Romano, because that's what I had at home already. But these freakin' rocked -- the were good hot out of the oven, they were good at room temperature after they cooled off, and they were good cold out of the fridge leftover the next morning. Can't ask for more than that from a food item, IMO.

 

It was a relatively quiet and enjoyable gathering of the 6 of us and our two cats. No big, loud, drunken party here. Just a lot of good food, good conversation and a movie trivia game that proved my husband has spent a lot more time watching movies than the other 5 people in the house.

 

If you would've asked me this time yesterday if it was worth the effort, I probably would've glared at you and told you to get the *$!^ outta my way because I still had a bunch of food prep and cleaning to do and I had to be at work at 1. Now that it's over, yeah...it was worth the effort. Even if just for the stuffed mushrooms.

 

It's come to my attention that I am in need of an attitude adjustment toward my job. The last two times I worked have been annoying and I can feel the diva-licious tirade warming up in my head. "What the hell are you doing here, putting up with this customer's/sales person's/other staff member's crap? You made $175 in less than an hour without leaving home on Tuesday morning...and you're going to be making that and much more on a regular basis. That's where you're going. You are better than this place." And while some of that is true -- I did make that kind of coin in that kind of time, and I am heading toward doing that on a regular, reliable basis...the fact is, for now, I need to hang onto this job because I need the regular paycheck. So I can't go around with the attitude that I'm better than the people I have to deal with. And I also can't afford to let the crap that happens there bother me that much. The last couple times I worked, I have been letting it bother me too much and while the "I'm better than this" attitude hasn't surfaced (at least I don't think it has), I can feel it bubbling up to the surface.

 

It's just as well I have today off from both jobs. I need to re-focus and straighten myself and my thoughts out. I work at the office gig tomorrow and Saturday, so no radio station until next weekend.

 

Of our 4 guests last night, the one who is still employed at the radio station and I had a rather lengthy discussion of what-all is going on there these days. It was before the other couple arrived and my husband and radio station guy's partner were watching parts of some movie they were both all geeky about in the other room. I said that, in hindsight, I thought I got asked to leave at a good time. He said that was probably true, and he also said, you look a lot happier since you left there. He had started working there 2.5-3 years ago, and that's when I met him...so just prior to when I really started not liking it.

 

I'd kinda thought that I was in a much better emotional/mental place than, say, a year ago. But, it's nice to have it confirmed by an outside observer as well. It makes me think I'm not completely deluding myself.

 

He hadn't seen my ghetto recording studio yet, so we showed him what we'd done to the third bedroom. They hadn't been to our house for, oh, about a year. When we'd all gotten together, more often than not the gathering had been at their house. They have a larger house and they have dogs. As I understand it dogs are higher maintenance than cats....and they don't use litterboxes. So, we tended to just drive over there. But he thought the set up I have with the two shoji screens was really clever. Ghetto. But clever.

 

Hey, it works. Works well enough that I got hired to read that kids audiobook (among other things). Audiobook work usually requires a very quiet studio. The phone greetings finished product are a much lower-quality sound file, so absolute quiet isn't strictly necessary. With the low sample rate and the stuff you can do in file conversion, you can fix a less than perfect sounding studio for phone audio. Not so much with audiobook audio. So, the ghetto booth looks low-tech, but sounds like something more expensive.

 

Alright, I need to do something today. I don't know what, but I have a day off and I'm gonna do something, dammit.

[shes2smart]

Someone I Only Barely Knew

 

But I'm going to the visiting hours to pay my respects and offer condolences anyway.

 

I got a call yesterday from someone out of our circle of BDSM friends. One of the community members passed away on the 31st. I'd only interacted with the woman at a few parties, so I did not know her all that well. A group of us are going to the viewing later today. I'll catch up with them at the funeral home since I work until 6.

 

I imagine this sort of thing is going to get to be a more frequent ocurrance as I get older. Not that this woman was all that old, really...mid-50's. Not that it was entirely unexpected...she'd been ill for a while apparently. That would explain why I hadn't seen her around or heard about her for a while. Well, her illness and the work schedule upheaval in my life that has made getting to the weekly BDSM social gatherings difficult.

 

So, yeah, office gig then funeral home. Then home to the start of the regular Friday night Warcrack raids....the 10 person raid, not 25. Not geared enough to do the 25 person content just yet. We tried last night, though. All aboard the failtrain. Woo-woo!

 

That's my day today.

[shes2smart]

Sometimes, It's Eerie How It Works Out

 

Alright, so at some time in the last couple days, I got into the T-titled songs on my ipod. Back in July or August, I decided to sort the songs in my ipod alphabetically and listen to the whole thing from A-Z anytime I was in the car and had the ipod with me. So...into the T's.

 

I leave work, jammin' along fine. Get to the funeral home for the viewing. About an hour later, I leave the funeral home, get in my car to drive home. I had gotten out of the car in the middle of a song. The next song that comes on as I'm driving home from the visitation:

 

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[shes2smart]

How Did You Manage Do To That To Yourself?

 

So, earlier this week at the office gig, I processed a credit application that was just a mess. I went to follow up on it and the finance department was going, "Um...I don't think so...." One spouse had just over $500,000 in debt the other had a tax lien of $400,000. Every further detail just made you go, "What the heck were you people thinking? And now you want to get another loan?"

 

I was sitting there figuring out how I was going to break the news to these people when my boss called in. I told him about the situation and he tells me to put it on his desk and he'll deal with it when he comes in. He said when it's that messed up convoluted one of the finance people needs to make the call, not our department. And I was relieved because I just couldn't see talking to these people and not blurting out, "What the heck are you thinking?" The punchline is this: it looked like one of the spouses had worked or is still working in the financial industry. Not sure what their exact position was/is, but I find it disturbing that they may have been or are in a position where other people are coming to them for financial advice.

 

But, hey, that's a slice of someone else's life. Not mine. My life is mostly being clouded by pre-menstrual hormone-related irritablity, annoyance, fatigue and minor depression the past few days. I know it is hormone induced because there is nothing in the outer circumstances of my life that has changed, I can look at a calendar and go, "yeah, it is about time..." and I'm having the phantom cramps. Still, it's been hard to move and difficult to maintain a positive outlook the last few days. And to think I was like this more often than not in previous versions of my life......

 

So, the focus of my life when I get like this now can be summed up in three words, "Just. Start. Already."

[shes2smart]

Just Sound Like You Know What You're Talking About

 

So, I got my first voiceover gig for a project that I have no clue about. They sent me the copy last night and I have NO earthly idea what it means. It's for some web-based training program for an organization that does technical work. The audition was the first two paragraphs of the full script. I didn't have a clue as to what they were about when I was reading for the audition either.

 

However, it is well written enough (in terms of sentence structure and basic rules of grammar and punctuation) that I can fake it and sound not only like I know what I'm saying but that I actually care about it, too. Faked it well enough that I was told the client loved my voice and delivery on the audition and just read the whole script the same way. For what they've agreed to pay me, I can do that....just as soon as the early-morning, I just rolled outta bed sound has worn off my voice.

 

I am almost feeling normal today. After much build up (with the accompanying annoyance, fatigue and depression) the bleeding finally got underway with a mild migraine, intense cramping and extreme difficulty staying awake. That all happened on Wednesday-into-Thursday. Yet again, I find myself wishing I knew what causes some months to be worse with the build-up and start and some months to be not so bad.

 

Tax things are starting to arrive in the mail. Yippee.

[shes2smart]

...And When You're Done With That

 

So I finsihed the techical website read that I didn't understand, went to email that file and got an email from another client.

 

Seems I'd sent them an audition for a different project a few weeks back. Not sure if the project was shelved or still being scripted or if they picked someone else. Anyway, they got my audition for that, liked it and decided to ask me to work on another project instead (?...in addition to?).

 

Uh, ok. You think I'm gonna even consider saying no? Good thing I had today off.

 

So, here's what today looked like: got up, played a little Warcrack, posted here, had breakfast, recorded, edited, uploaded & sent out the first project (tech script), got email with another script, called that client, cut an audition for a 3rd project, went and had some lunch, came home, talked to the producer for the second project to get instructions, heard back from the 3rd project requesting a second audition ("can you read this a little slower but with the same energy level and enthusiasm?"), recorded & edited the 2nd project, recorded the slower read audition for the 3rd project, uploaded and sent out the audio for the 2nd project and sent out the alternate read audition for the 3rd project. Oh, yeah, I also took an hour and a half nap at one point because I was feeling headachy.

 

Total billed today: $300. Possibly another $100, depending on how that audition turns out.

 

More days like this, please & thank you.

[shes2smart]

And I Got The Third Gig, Too

 

Still have to do the actual work, but there's another $100 in the pipeline once that's done. I checked paypal and technical script people paid me sometime last night. That makes 2 paypal payments this week. Wewt.

 

The second project I did yesterday was interesting. Not quite as interesting as the porn industry phone project a few weeks back, but still I found this amusing. If you live in the US, I am sure you've seen those TV commercials selling some product or the other that you absoultely can't live with out -- plus a ton of "free gifts" -- but only if you call the toll free number NOW. I have now been paid to utter (well, actually, "enthusiastically say") the infamous phrase "But, wait...there's more!" for one of those kinds of sold-on-TV products. I will likely have a cow if I ever happen to see "my" ad on TV.

 

There is an absolutely insane array of voice projects out there. Way beyond radio and TV commercials. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that companies will actually pay someone like me to voice their phone system greetings...even though I have been paid for doing just that by several different companies.

 

I sometimes want to kick myself for not doing all this sooner, but then I remember things like: I didn't always live in a place where I had enough room or enough quiet to have a decent home studio, and you used to need a lot more pricey equipment to set up a home studio (reel to reel machine, mixing board, blah blah blah)...my set up is a computer, some sound editing software, a good mic and mic processor. A venue like voice123 (where I am getting most of my work) didn't exist until just a few years ago -- you had to go hunt up every ad agency, video production house, company that might need voice work and contact them individually...and keep contacting them because they might not even need anything the first time you contacted them. Now it's just a matter of submitting auditions to companies and individuals who are actively seeking a VO talent. And let's not forget the wonders of paypal -- back in the day, you were stuck w-a-i-t-i-n-g for paper checks to be mailed. I mean, still get paid by check and there'll always be some slooooow paying customers, but paypal makes it easier and more likely for some people to pay the same day.

 

So, while I could've done this sooner, I didn't. And I didn't because it wasn't time yet. But last year, it was time and I did it when I was at the right time for me to start it.

 

We have icy, snowy, crappy winter weather today....and I have to find my way to the radio station at 2 this afternoon. Joy. It just needs to warm up 1 or 2 degrees, and the freezing rain will become just cold rain and make my drive to the station that much easier. It's got 3-4 hours to straighten itself out. Here's hoping it does so....

[shes2smart]

Oh, It's Just Rain

 

By the time I left for work it had warmed up that 1 or 2 degrees necessary to turn "freezing rain" into "rain" and melt what ice had formed on the main roads. So, there was no "It Took Me An Hour To Get Here" trudge to work and no slammed busy with weather related announcements and cancellations and info while I'm on the air. And that's fine with me. I can sit here, babysit the stations, talk on the air occaisionally, post on the board and read trashy celebrit gossip rags they keep in the studio. I haven't been here since Christmas day.

 

Really, with the way my freelance has been, I am more than replacing the $100-150 I am making here every month. I don't know if I am quite ready to fully let go of this yet, so I won't. I think I might've been ready had there been 6" of snow on the ground and getting here was a pain in the rear this afternoon. That wasn't the case, so I guess I'll come back for another round in 2 weeks.

 

So, after my falling out and guild drama over the summer, I have kept a pretty low profile. I do what I want in game, I'd sign up for stuff but stopped expecting to be allowed to go. Things changed up some since more people we actually know in real life became involved with the guild...first the two gay couples, then a couple who was one of their college roommates, then that couple's nephew, then a guy that one of the gay couples works with, then that guy's teenage son. We have enough people we know in real life to create groups to do 5 and 10 person content.

 

Anyway, my husband started seeing more and more going on within the power structure of the guild that he didn't like. Basically, it was all the things that I saw and that bothered me last summer. He's seeing them now (finally). After thinking it over for a while and having a few run-ins with the people who are really running the show, he decided to resign his guild officer position. Well, they way they've handled that and some of the things that have gone on and been said since then have been a real eye opener for him. See...I was never in that "inner circle"...but he thought he was. Guess what? He's not. He doesn't really talk about it much. I think it bothers him, maybe more than it should. We're still in the guild (for now) but we find ourselves doing more with that little grouping of people who we actually know in real life...and not so much the ones we only know through the game. The ones who are friends...not "friends."

 

I feel bad for him. If there is one thing I'm too familiar with it's the crashing disappointment that comes when you wake up to the fact that someone you thought was "more" turns out to be so much less than what you thought they were. In some ways, I miss that first little grouping of people we started this game with. We had all started playing around the same time (Fall 2006) and had no clue what we were doing (for the most part). I miss my (at the time) 19 year old quest buddy. He's still got toons on our server, and I see him on occaisionally. Still talk to him every once in a while. But he's in another guild with some of his real-life buddies and he has a job where he works overnights, so I don't see him on much. He's probably doing something frivoulus like sleeping during the times I'm normally on.

 

Doesn't really matter what we're talking about though, that was always the energy and atmosphere I liked best. The beginning of something -- the newness, the innocence, the great aspirations and hopes. And you can't be in that place forever. Even if we were to assemble that grouping of people we started off with, it wouldn't be the same. It probably wouldn't be bad. In fact, it would probably be rather enjoyable. But it wouldn't be the same....

 

Just like if I could go back to a time where radio was what it used to be. I might find some enjoyment in a brief visit, but it wouldn't be the same. When I first came to these stations in 2004, it was a bit like turning back the clock. But the changes in the industry eventually caught up to this place, just like the did at the employer from hell. First it was one or two jobs a year missing, then it was 3 or 4.....then it was "we're going to run the secondary signals with no full time staff." I'd already seen that happen at the employer from hell.

 

Try as one might, there's not really any way to go back to that time when it was all new. (No matter what "it" may be -- a computer game, a career path, a relationship....) Realizing that and waking up to find you're past that initial newness is sad at best, incredibly painful at worst......

[shes2smart]

A Textbook Case

 

"Hi We have a new project we'd like to use you on. Should be on going for a while. When can we get started?"

 

Paraphrased email from the local audio textbook place I auditioned for back in November. I had the feeling I'd hear from them after the first of the year. Now I have.

 

The two projects I did last Friday -- the TV "but wait...there's more!" commercial and the technical script I didn't understand -- both of those companies already paid me through paypal. I also got paid for something I did 2 months ago and was pretty much thinking I'd been stiffed on. All in all, between paypal and checks in the mail I have been paid a squeak over $700 for freelance voice work in the last 2 weeks. 6 months ago, I didn't even have a working studio. A year ago, I hadn't even seriously considered doing this.

 

Today, I am going to the radio station to do a spot for a regular client. I will see where I used to be. I will hear the complaining and whining. And I will leave there, an hour later, thinking, "Nice place to visit, glad I don't live there anymore."

[shes2smart]

Math

 

That's the textbook read I worked on this morning. It's the narration for a Flash animation that accompanies a math textbook. I did reads for 6th, 7th and 8th grade level classes. Stuff like "how to figure out the area of a rectangle" and "how to multiply and divide fractions" and "how to use math to figure out things like the total price of an item with sales tax."

 

Different audio engineer than the last time I was there. This guy wasn't as laid-back/quiet as the first guy, but I got along fine with him, too. That studio facility is so gorgeous that it brings tears to your eyes. When I was waiting for the audio engineer, I was looking around going, "Damn. They're paying me to be here....." The audio engineer told me there were close to 1,000 of these animated lessons they're doing and there's 3 or 4 VO people who'll be reading. I don't know if they're divided up by grade or if we're each getting an equal share or what. All I know is it will be on-going work for a couple months, and that's good.

 

I got home and found out my cats had a VERY exciting morning. They were both in the living room looking at something. I followed their line of sight and there was a bird on top of the vertical blinds on the sliding glass door. How the wild bird (small, brown and very freaked out) got into the house, I don't know. We have a fireplace, but we had the chimney capped and it has glass doors on the front of it. The bird would fly around the front part of the house, with the cats in hot pursuit, land, rest a few moments, then try to get away from the cats again.

 

I gathered up the cats and put them in other rooms with closed doors, then went back out to the living room and opened the front door. The bird needed no encouragement. It saw the open front door and made a beeline back out into the stupid cold weather. I closed the front door and let the cats out of the bedroom and they went back to where they'd last seen the bird. They were looking around, sniffing, then looking at me and meowing. "Hey! Where'd that bird go? What'd you do with it?"

 

I would dearly love to know how/when that bird got in here.

 

I imagine the story it would tell to its little birdie friends. "Oh, man...I thought it was a good idea...go in there, get warmed up. But there were TWO CATS in there and they were chasing me all over! I'll put up with the cold....."

 

As for the cats, they're acting like I deprived them of some great treat by getting the bird out of the house. If they were kids, they'd be whining about how they never get to do anything fun and I'm a mean mommy.

 

Other than going and reading the math textbook thing, I also did a requested audition for a client I did another project for a couple weeks ago, I made rib rub and barbeque sauce, I did 3 quick re-cuts to correct pronunciation on another project, and I've cleaned the main bathroom. And had lunch. I have a couple other things on my to-do list today (clean the kitchen, do groceries) but I'm not sure they're getting done. At least they're not getting done right now. Maybe in a few hours I will feel like moving, but I'm kinda done for now.

[shes2smart]

The Patient Is On Life Support

 

...and the plug is being pulled.

 

link removed

 

I weep for my friends still in the business. I weep for those I know who are still (for the moment) employed there. I'm not sure if I feel more sorry for those who will be asked to leave on (reportedly) the 20th or for those who will still be employed there at the end of the day.

 

I should probably feel worse for the ones left behind.

 

The timing of it is interesting. I mean, if you really believed this was the right thing to do, why would you try to hide it behind a bigger news event? It's howlingly apparent that far more people care about/are interested in Barack Obama's inauguration than what happens to a bunch of radio people. This will get lost in the shuffle and the spotlight will go on the larger event.

 

But some of us will know what you're doing. And some of us have seen the way you operate for years.

 

We just didn't even imagine it would've ever come to this.

 

You didn't buy my silence in 2003....and you won't have it now.

[shes2smart]

Implosion

 

Mass exodus from our Warcrack guild last night. Not our merry little band of fun-loving freaks, but rather the group that was getting very exclusionary and basically sucking all the fun out of the 25 person raids.

 

And, all of a sudden our merry little band of fun-loving freaks' stock just went up. But, hey, when 15+ people exit what's supposed to be a 25 person endeavor...any remaining players' stock goes up. Our group contains 2 of the 3 remaining main tanks in the guild and the only raiding boomkin (me). Yeah...that same toon they couldn't figure out just what to do with last summer. In last fall's expansion pack, Blizzard finally started creating a role for that toon. And, lemme tell you, the sucking up has already started. People who haven't said 2 words to me in months all of a sudden started IM-ing me in game wanting to chat.

 

Yeah.....I think I'll stick with my merry little band of fun-loving freaks who I know in real life and who are friends....not "friends." It's amusing to watch, though. Seeing all the things I suspected about these folks be confirmed. I wasn't out of my mind back then...there was nothing really wrong with me, other than being a little quicker on the uptake about the truth of this particular group's dynamics before those around me.

 

That's a common theme for me though...in hindsight, realizing that I know more than I give myself credit for. At the time, I doubt...I second guess myself. Then, later, I realize I never should have. That my perceptions were pretty much on the mark more often than not. And where am I doing that now, hmmmm? I mean, it's really not that big a deal when it comes to stuff like the Warcrack guild and the group dynamics of that. But when it comes to other things, like, say, belief in one's ability to make a serious go of supporting oneself doing only freelance voiceover work. Then that second-guessing and doubt can be deadly. And I need to stop it.

 

I mean, the weird thing is, I've collected (not just billed but gotten money in hand) close to $800 in freelance this month. While I am thrilled, happy and thankful for that, there's this other part that goes "yeah? what if this month's a fluke?" It's not helping that I've gone a couple days without some sort of paying project. Here's the funny part -- as I type this out, I realize how truly ridiculous I'm being. I billed for a phone VO last week, got directly asked to audtion for another gig (didn't get it), and had a session with the local audio textbook people. The weekend and Monday (a holiday for many people) go by with nothing and I'm getting panicky. Get ahold of yourself.

 

I do know that I need to expand beyond voice123 for projects, though. Just not 100% sure how to do that. I cold-called all the video production houses, cable companies & TV here locally and sent out demos already. It resulted in one direct hire (for $50) and indirectly resulted in me getting hooked up with the audio textbook people. Do I do that for other cities in other areas? I mean, it would just be a matter of looking up listings in online yellow pages and then making the calls. Would it be worth it? I suppose, if nothing else, it would give me something potentially productive to do during these down times...instead of, say, flipping out and doubting myself and my ability... I suspect it's time for another chat with Mr. Good Hair. "So...what do I do next?"

[shes2smart]

Cry Me A Freakin' River

 

Oh, hey, a 40% pay cut, you say? I can give you all sorts of money saving tips, guys. The last year's been a little tough for me, too. link removed

 

They weren't my last radio employer. (That company was and still is actually pretty good as radio companies go.) But the Great Crash of 2003 happened at one of their locations and was due, in part, to the conditions brought about by their corporate culture.

 

I'm having a really hard time mustering up any sympathy for their "plight." After the havoc they wreaked on an industry I loved, I'm of the opinion that they're reaping as they've sown.

[shes2smart]

37%

 

That's how much of my income this month came from collected freelance VO work. In fact, according to Quicken, I brought home more money this month (from my part time office gig, freelance VO and every-other-weekend shift at the radio station) than I used to from my full time radio gig.

 

Huh. Now I just have to do that every month....and start shifting the % from freelance VO stuff higher.

 

That "doing it every month" issue has been a source of concern this week. The auditions I sent out resulted in nothing. The only thing I did this week were a couple of re-cuts due to script changes from the technical "what the heck does that mean?" script I did a couple weeks ago. He offered me $50 for each go-round of re-cuts, and since he was offerin'...who am I to turn him down?

 

I tell myself that this is part of what you sign up for when you work on a freelance basis -- there are going to be days/weeks where you won't have anything. That downtime/time off is part of the reason freelance was appealing...but the flip side of that is no work means you're not getting paid, too. I also point out to myself that this week of slow on the freelance front was counterbalanced by setting 8 sales appointments at my office gig (at $15 a pop) and getting one referral bonus when a friend of mine made a purchase. So, the money was there....just not from the exact source I might've ideally wanted. But it's still money, and it's all good, y'know? It all spends the same. The thing to take away from this past week was this -- I was still provided for. Maybe not in the way I thought it should happen, but I wasn't dropped cold...I was still cared for/provided for.

 

I still recall from the James A Ray book... "If you truly understood who is always beside you, you would never be afraid." I try to remember more. Most of the time I do, but I still have those moments of panic and moments where I lose focus.

 

I am winding down a month where I made as much in freelance as I used to consider a good amount of freelance for an entire year (back when I was still in full time radio and liked it...). I did it once, I can do it again.....and again....and again.

 

I brought home more this month than I used to from my full time employment. I did it once, I can do it again....and again....and again.

[shes2smart]

A Year Ago This Week

 

Is when it started falling apart. I was just looking back and it would've been the last week in January 08 when I was "asked" to pick up the midday show on the other station. That was the beginning of the end of some things and the beginning of the start of some other things.

 

Was it worth it....deciding that I wasn't going to give THAT much to a job again? Oddly enough, earlier today, I was thinking about all the stuff I used to do at the job from hell. And how it didn't get done after my crash and after I left post-crash. And how it didn't really matter in the larger picture. Now, some 5 years post-exit, it's like I was never there at all.... So, looking back, knowing what I know today...was it worth it, drawing those lines and telling them I wasn't going to do multiple shows?

 

Yeah, it was.

 

The last time I saw the Program Director of the station I'm on now, he said, "I just wish I had a full time place for you on my staff." It was nice to hear that, but I don't know that I'd take it if he did. Nothing against him...he'd probably be a decent guy to work for. It's just that where the business is and where I am at this point in my life don't really mix. I coasted for a long time with no challenges...and it made me lazy and bored and disssatisfied.

 

Maybe it'd be different if I was single and didn't have my husband's income and benefits (health insurance) to fall back on. Maybe I would've just sucked it up a year ago and took on all they had asked and more and taken the attitude "I'll do anything just to stay employed," like so many radio people (who are still employed) have. But, I'm not single and I do have those spousal resources. This is the reality this version of me is dealing with. In some parallel universe, the details are different....but not here.

 

I posted on another thread earlier this afternoon about cutting off my relationship with my parents, so combined with my previous thoughts about the job from hell and my saying no a year ago, the theme for today seems to be about defining, setting and defending boundaries.

 

The ones I have now feel pretty good. And that is something not everyone can say.