Wonderland

[shes2smart]

But I Didn't Do Anything Wrong, Dammit!

 

So, I have this credit card. And I've mostly used it for low-interest loans. I mean, they sent out a promotional offer - 2.99% interest for the life of the loan with no balance transfer fees because you're such a good customer! - and I took advantage of it to pay the sudden and unexpected medical bills from my appendectomy and getting diagnosed with gallstones. Even with the rather stormy situation with employment and income in the last year or so, I have never paid late and always paid something like $50 or $100 more than the minimum every month.

 

So, yesterday, I get this thing in the mail saying they're raising my minimum payment from 2% of the balance to 5%. I called to ask what's up and was told that various factors are being looked at and all accounts are being reviewed. Basically, what I got out of that conversation was this: Because it's a low interest rate (for the life of the loan) and because I haven't used (and am not, and won't use) the card for anything else, and because I've paid on time & more than minimum every month and kept the low rate, they're not making any money off this account and they want it to go away quickly....so they're upping my minimum payment...and that could be a problem.

 

Guess what happens if you can't make the new minimum? Buh-bye low rate. Hello, profitable account for the card issuer. I don't have enough in savings to pay the whole thing off...well...technically, I do, but I'd have to get into some retirement money and that will cause tax issues, so I'm reluctant to do that. But the fact that I could make this just go away in a hurry if I wanted to is very comforting.

 

Not everyone has that luxury, though...and that bothers me. Y'know, I used to read about stuff like this...the kind of trouble people got into with credit cards. And in a lot of those stories, there was some level of blame on the person -- they'd been irresponsible in making their payments on time or made a lot of frivolous purchases or didn't bother to understand how the credit card worked. But I haven't done any of that. To be offered this low interest for the life of the loan deal, I had to be a better-than-average customer to begin with. Turns out it's a bad deal for the credit card issuer in this current economic climate and they want out.

 

That's nice. There are some things in my life that I thought were a good idea at the time and I want out, too. Unfortunately, I can't just re-write the agreements and hope the other party fails to live up to the new terms.

 

Financially, it's not a huge concern...more of an annoyance, really. Having been a good, responsible customer and having always had a very good credit rating, I have never had to see this side of the finance world. It was easy to think that they'd only do this sort of thing to people who didn't pay on time or who used their cards irresponsibly. But I haven't done any of that, and still, I'm getting asked to more than double my monthly payment. What the......?!

 

More rude awakenings as to the real nature of things, eh? I suppose the the thing to do is send the big chunk you can send them now (without raiding retirement money) and then accellerate the payoff. I wonder if I could get the whole thing ($5k-ish, and all medical expenses at that) paid off by the end of the year?

 

(NOTE: See? See how it's already starting? That I'm turning it around into a game, a challenge, a goal to be met rather than weeping and gnashing my teeth? This is the difference between me and a large portion of the world.)

 

I mean, let's face it, part of working freelance is the income fluctuation -- and that means there's potential for it to fluctuate UP....and even WAY UP, too. I'm not living on a set salary like I used to be back when I was working one full time job and doing a little freelance here and there if it found me, y'know?

 

What is it I always tell people who are starting up with the "use your thoughts to create your reality" stuff? What is it? "Money is one of the easiest things to create." So how's about you dust off those mad money-creation skills you have and take them to a completely new level?

 

The cool thing is, I've never used this card except for the medical bills, so it's not like it runs the risk of being charged back up again after it's paid off. Which is fine, because I'm not liking the way the credit card issuer is handling this. I've played by their rules, yet I'm now being given the same crap their less responsible customers are given. I don't think so. This elf don't play them reindeer games.

[shes2smart]

Drive Home

 

Oh my God....what is it with women driving big SUVs here today? I had 2 near-collisions coming home with women driving big SUVs. One wasn't watching where she was going, the other failed to yield when I had the right of way (and then flipped me off....).

 

Both of you broads are giving women drivers a bad name. Just because you're driving a land yacht doesn't mean you own the road. Aaaarrrggghh!

[shes2smart]

Kitty Says, "U Need Kitteh Lap Time....NAO"

 

The gray & white boy cat has been with us for almost 8 years. I got him when he was about a year old and after I met my husband but before we were living under the same roof. The gray & white boy cat sort of tolerates my husband, but he's always been "my" cat (or, to his way of thinking, I'm "his" person).

 

When I had my work-related nervous breakdown, the gray & white boy cat was like my shadow. When I was home, he was always right next to me except when he had to use the litterbox or eat.

 

My wrists & elbows (particularly on the right side) have been worse than usual the last few days. I don't think my computer usage has gone up any more than normal. I did thin out a row of scraggly, overgrown bushes along one side of the house that involved a lot of manual hedge trimmer/branch lopper/pruning saw and then tear down and bagging of the the crap I cut off. I'm thinking that probably pushed it over the edge.

 

Anyway, there was that and some random assorted minor annoyances with different people and yesterday was one of those days I didn't really want to be at the office gig. ("What the hell am I doing here? I have a college degree! I used to be a damn celebrity! And I'm here doing data entry?! What's wrong with this picture?") In my head I was all kinds of diva-licious.

 

Came home, ate dinner, took some drugs to (allegedly) help with the muscle and joint pain in my arms, elbows & wrists and went to bed early. Got up this morning and was sitting on the couch contemplating breakfast when the gray & white boy cat plopped himself in my lap, purring. Normally, he is only a lap kitty when it gets cold and he wants to warm up. "Cold" isn't an issue here right now. He was rather persistent about being a lap kitty.

 

The only thing I can gather from this is I was in desperate need of Kitteh Lap Time...Nao.

 

I sent out invoices for recent work I've done. A grand total of around $600. I have 2 projects I'm booked for toward the end of July (which I'm told is when scripts will be ready) and they are $200 each. I also have another project I was tentatively booked for that was $200 (but not sure if that will come through). Oddly enough, I got an offer for a one month trial of link removed for $1. I was going to get a subscription there at some point in 3rd quarter...and, by some stroke of luck, have managed to get work off my profile at that site even though I only have a free membership.

 

Free membership allows you to put up a profile and post a few demos and browse job listings, but you can't submit auditions. You have to have a paid subscription to submit auditions for jobs. However, if a voice seeker happens accross your profile and demos, they can invite you audition for them or they can hire you directly if they want. So, in defiance of the odds at most of these voiceover sites, a voice seeker 1. found my freebie membership profile & demos, 2. invited me to audition for their project and 3. hired me. By the time we're done with the e-learning courses I'm booked to voice for them, it should be a $600 job. I finished (and billed for) the first course in the last couple days. The other two are coming at the end of July.

 

Auditioning for several things a week. Now I have access to postings at three different websites. I've made enough money off of 2 of the websites to more than cover their subscription fees.

 

That's less than a year into this little adventure. Given the message boards at v123, I gather that there are a lot of people who try doing this who cannot say the same. When I compare what I'm making in freelance now to this time last year, there is no comparision. I didn't even have a fully functioning home studio this time last year. 2nd quarter of 2009 ended and I have averaged a squeak over $1000 a month in freelance. 1st quarter I averaged a squeak under $1000 a month.

 

And yet, there's still this feeling that it's not happening fast enough and I'm not doing enough (or doing something wrong). Yesterday there was a feeling that I would be stuck in the office gig forever...or until I totally wrecked my wrists and elbows. As I was going up the back stairs from the shop to my department's office, I could hear the voice in my head, "It's a year later, and you're still HERE." And not in a "Yay! It's a year later and you've managed to do ok here and are still employed!" kind of way.

 

And again, it happens that there's some song they're playing on the hip hop station that caught my ear. And again, I can't relate to all of it (I mean, what do I know about being a young black male rapper? Exactly nothing.)...but the hook and overall sound of it seem to fit my middle aged half-Asian chick "now."

 

Go hard, today

Can’t worry 'bout the past cause that was yesterday

Ima put it on the line cause it’s my time

Hey hey hey heey

I gotta stay on my grind cause it’s my time (hey),

My time (hey), my time (hey)

If you're with me let me hear you say, c'mon

My my, my my, (dah dah dah dah dah)

If you're with me let me hear you say

My my, my my, (dah dah dah dah dah)

It’s my time

[shes2smart]

...And Just When Part Of Me Wants To Doubt....

 

Email from the audio engineer at the local company that's doing the math audio text book. Can I pop over there on my way to the office gig for a couple script changes?

 

And then a reply from an audition I cut a couple weeks back. They want to hire me. $100 for a read for cable in Chicago.

 

Why?

 

Because everything always works out for me....that's why.

[shes2smart]

Synchronicity

 

 

 

Francis Dunnery is hardly a mainstream artist, so when I thought of the series of events that had to happen to make our paths cross, it gave me pause.

 

1996. Still living in the one-room apartment. In an off-again phase with the alcoholic, and spending much of my at home time with the radio tuned to a small, but very cool Adult Alternative station that was about 50 miles away. If I had lived in a different part of town, I wouldn't have been able to pick up their signal...that's how close to the edge of their listening area I was.

 

So, they start playing one of Francis Dunnery's songs and (as is the case) part of the lyrics catch my ear, and it hits close to home to the stuff I was pondering at the time, so I go buy the CD.

 

A while later (about 2 years, basing off where I was living when I heard the interview) the small, but very cool Adult Alternative formatted station has an interview with Francis Dunnery. I listen to it and hear the station's Music Director and morning show sidekick relate how they had received a mis-labeled promo cassette a couple years back (1996ish). He went to listen to it, but soon realized that what he was hearing was not the band that was supposed to be on the tape. It was Francis Dunnery's album instead of the other band's.

 

But he liked what he heard, and started playing it on the station. That couldn't happen now. With the current state of the radio business, there is no way that could happen now.

 

Not too long after that interview, the station was sold to one of the large radio corporations and the format was blown up and turned into something corporate-programming approved that would be like one of their stations in every other market where they had a station with that same format.

 

So in that small window of opportunity, on this small station that I could barely pull in, the introduction was made.

 

When I really stop to consider all the things that had to fall into place for me to have ever even heard of Francis Dunnery, I have to really doubt that there's much in the way of "coincidence" involved.

 

So, thank you, whoever mislabeled the cassette.

Thank you, Vance & Mason for putting it on the air.

 

The last 12 years of the journey would look very different without Francis Dunnery.

[shes2smart]

1 Year/7 Years

 

It has been one year since I had my last gallbladder attack. Thought that was worth noting.

 

And seein' as how it's after midnight, I have now been married for 7 years....and we haven't tried to kill each other yet or anything!

[shes2smart]

If That's What They Want Me To Do, I'm Not Gonna

 

"They" being the bank that issued my credit card. You know, the I referred to a few posts ago that I used as basically a low-interest loan to pay medical bills? They made the offer of a very low interest rate "for the life of the loan" (provided you kept your account current and blah, blah, blah). I lived up to their terms, and they're not making money off that account, so they're upping my minimum payment.

 

Well, my initial thought was to pay it off quick as possible. Then it dawned on me -- That's EXACTLY what they want me to do. They WANT me to make that go away because it's no longer profitable for them. So, I've decided to go back to my original plan...which included paying off that bill last because it's the lower interest rate of the two credit cards I have.

 

I also decided this: when I get my first freelance voice gig that pays $5,000 (or more), I am taking $1,000 of it and buying a Francis Dunnery House Show as a gift to myself. Oh, sure, we'll invite people over to enjoy the performance with us and I'll do my usual playing caterer thing, but make no mistake....it'll be a big-ass gift to myself.

 

Now I just have to land that big-payin' gig. I'm sure stuff's aligning to make that happen...it's just a matter of when....

[shes2smart]

Hey, It Was 30 Bucks

 

The other day, I get a message through voice123 from someone wanting to know how they can pay me. I'm thinkin' "Pay me for what?" since the sender of the message was someone I'd never dealt with before.

 

About 2-3 weeks ago, I did an audition for a phone thing. It was very low budget ($30) but I figured what the hell...there wasn't much else to audition for at that point anyway, and it was gonna take no more than 5 minutes to record, edit and send it. Anyway, the guy liked what I did and was fine with using the audition audio, so I didn't even have to re-cut one "for real." I gave him my email address and in a couple hours there was $30 in my paypal account.

 

Why can't it be that easy all the time? I mean, $30 for a grand total of 5 minutes work comes out to $360 an hour, y'know? I could deal with that kinda hourly rate.

 

****20 minute time lapse****

 

I had a bunch of stuff typed out, and then realized it was a whole lot of whining and why bother because thinking about it enough to write about it was just irritating me. I mean, there's not a damn thing I can do about it, really. All I know is this: if the house falls into complete chaos and disrepair because I can't keep up with all the cleaning, upkeep and maintenance tasks, it won't be for lack of trying on my part.

 

Thus far...and it has been almost a year since this thought first occurred to me...I haven't said anything about how Captain Asshat started making regular appearances since my income took a nose-dive. I came real close to saying something last night, but decided that was one of those things better left unsaid. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know that there's anything I can do about it...well, short of pulling in something approaching my old income and benefit level.... But even if I could go back to earning that much or more starting today, I would be faced with one of those "what you've seen can't be un-seen" situations. The damage is done, the horses are out of the barn, the ship has sailed, the fat lady has sung...y'know?

 

Where's the balance? I mean, there's stuff you can't control and after a certain point it makes no sense to keep focusing on and thinking about that which you can't control because it starts to make you feel powerless and defeated and hopeless. At the same time, though, ignoring those things you can't control probably isn't all that great a solution, either. It's not like they just go away if you pretend they don't exist or pretend they don't bother you. So where's the balance? How do you manage those things that you can't control but that it wouldn't be wise to completely ignore, either?

 

Since no answers are forthcoming right this second, perhaps it's time to approach it from a different angle. What do I need to do to take care of myself right now? My gut feeling is the answer involves a visit to the gym for some physical activity. And, so, even though I don't particularly want to, I do know this is something that is under my control, so I'll go.

[shes2smart]

This Just In....Michael Jackson Is Still Dead

 

This was a non-event for me. I wasn't a fan...didn't have strong feelings about him/his work either way.

 

However, there's someone in my neighborhood who is apparently wrecked by this news. And their way of expressing their grief is playing Michael Jackson CDs on their home stereo, non-stop during most daylight hours. They live behind me and about 4 or 5 houses over.

 

So, the question you should be asking yourself is, "How the heck do you know they're playing Michael Jackson CDs on their home stereo during most daylight hours?"

 

Because it's loud enough that 4 or 5 houses over I can still hear it in my house.

 

It was hot and humid enough that we had been running the air conditioner for the last couple weeks. Between the noise the AC unit makes (it's pushing 30) and the double-pane glass in the house, we can't hear much outside noise when the AC is on. But it got cooler and less humid a few days ago, so the AC went off and the windows were opened.

 

And that's when we started to hear the Daily Audio Tribute To Michael Jackson.

 

Enough already. It's been, what, going on 2 weeks now? Please grieve quietly and privately.

 

Y'know, I was wrecked when Freddie Mercury from Queen died, but I didn't feel the need to inflict my grief on all my neighbors in a 6 house radius.

[shes2smart]

The Fortune Cookie Said It....It MUST Be True!

 

All the effort you are making will ultimately pay off.

[shes2smart]

The Cookie Is Not A Lie

 

Shortly after I posted the wisdom of the fortune cookie, I got an offer for a $100 freelance gig I auditioned for last week. A read for a video production company's demo reel. Already read it, edited it and sent it off. I expect there'll be some money waiting for me at paypal in the next 24 hours.

 

I had the TV on while I was eating breakfast and channel surfing. Happened accross one of the religious channels with a TV preacher talking about how fear does not come from God, it's not God-made.

 

I always like doing the random TV and radio surfing and landing on the religious channels just to see what the broadcast evangelist is saying. Because sometimes, it fits what's going on in my head at that moment. When it does, I tune in for a while, when it doesn't (which is most of the time, really) I just move on. I don't believe in coincidence, so there's a reason I cross paths with something that mirrors what's happening in my head at the moment.

 

Answers are all around us if we can stop our own brain chatter enough to listen.

 

So, no fear. Fear is not of God, not made by God and does not have a part in God's plan for us.

 

...like a bird that sails the thermal sky

trusting the invisible...

How can I fall...

How can I fail...

When I'm Jonah, Jonah, Jonah.....

inside the whale....

[shes2smart]

Just To Preserve It

 

This week's stats at v123:

 

Based on the rankings you have received for your submitted auditions and proposals during the past year, we have calculated an link removed of 271.83 for you.

 

Your audition/proposal ranking score is greater than the ranking score of 89% of all Premium Subscribers (89 link removed).

[shes2smart]

True Dat.

 

link removedlink removed

[shes2smart]

And The Voice Said....

 

"Y'know....you're not responsible for another person's happiness."

 

It almost sounded like Francis Dunnery.

 

I must ponder this concept.

[shes2smart]

Whoa...I Made What?

 

Last week, I got hired for a project by someone in Great Britain. It was the voiceover for an instructional DVD for a product. I was supposed to have the script first part of the week, but there were some issues on his side and I ended up getting half the script Friday and the other half on Saturday.

 

In the interim, I submitted an audition for another project...oddly enough a voiceover for an instructional DVD for a different product. Friday afternoon when I was at work, I got a call on my cell phone from the production guy who is doing the DVD. He was calling to tell me the client picked my audition out of the 40 that were submitted and I was hired if I wanted the gig and was available. So, I agreed.

 

I had to work at the office gig Saturday morning. When I got home, I had the late script from the guy in Great Britain (20 or so minutes of audio) and I had the other script that I'd been hired for on Friday (30 or so minutes of audio).

 

Both clients wanted their stuff by Monday.

 

So, I spend about 6 hours late Saturday afternoon-into-evening recording, editing, uploading & billing for both of these projects. When I got done it dawned on me.

 

The project from Great Britain was posted with a talent fee of 200 GBP (a little over $300 US dollars). The other project was posted with a talent fee of $600 (which is the highest paying single project I've done to date....if you don't count the 2 ongoing educational VO gigs I have).

 

In 6 hours I made $900 doing voice work from my home studio. Great Britian guy already paid me. (I

 

Now the trick is to do that kind of thing consistantly. Like, I could deal with doing that kind of billable work say, 2-3 days a week. I'm kinda giddy about the whole prospect of it...although some of the "celebration" was knocked out of these events by other things that went on this weekend. But maybe now the thing to do is focus on this: By my own effort and skill, I made as much in 6 hours on Saturday as I would working 3 weeks at the office gig...or a little bit more than I used to make in one week at my old full-time radio gig. In 6 hours. Without leaving my house. Without dealing with anyone in person.

 

I did that. I pulled in that kinda coin.

 

15 months after being asked to leave the radio business, I did THAT.

 

The hell with everything else -- That is worth taking some time to celebrate and be impressed by.

[shes2smart]

I....Just....Can't.....Do....It......

 

Got invited to read for a project posted to voice123. Radio spot. Regional, possibly national. They're looking for the kind of uptempo, "hey! you can trust me!" kind of read that I can do real well. Posted talent fee is $200-300. But it's for a weight loss product...one of those kinds of "take-a-pill-and-solve-your-problems" products.

 

My own personal beliefs will not allow me to submit an audition for that one. Much as $300 would be nice....I just don't want to be associated with that type of product (even though the likelihood of anyone knowing that's me on the spot is next to nil).

 

The cool thing is, I'm not really anyone's employee when it comes to voicework, so I don't have to read for anything I don't want to (for whatever reason).

 

For this particular project and product, that's worth more than $300.

[shes2smart]

You Really Believe THAT?

 

More and more, when I'm interacting with people, at some point in the conversation they will make a couple statements that reveal something they believe -- either about themselves or other people or life in general. And I ponder their belief and it makes me wonder how they can believe something that pretty much just makes their life more difficult or miserable. How can you hang on to a thought or idea that is not serving you well and never review it or question it?

 

I have navigated some rather difficult waters this past year. I'm not through this (ugh) transition yet -- this re-thinking of one's work and career and all the areas of life that touches....this reviewing of many different aspects of my life as I'm in this age bracket where part of one's tasks is to set the direction for the second act. Scrutinizing beliefs and where they've gotten me and what needs changing...that's become the daily stuff of my life in the past year. So perhaps that's why I've become aware of people around me not doing that same kind of evaluation.

 

Other people's beliefs are none of my business. They can believe whatever they want. But when they start whining and complaining about things in their life, but aren't willing to examine how the ideas they have got them there... Well, I'm not the most sympathetic of listeners. If they have an expectation that everything (and everyone) around them should change and they shouldn't have to change a thing about themselves....I'm even less sympathetic (if that's possible).

 

A gal I know...and have known since we were pre-teens...has this idea that she accepts as Absolute Fact. "All men cheat," she says, "that's just how it is." Consequently, every man she's been involved with has cheated. It's been so long, I don't remember for certain, but her parents may have gotten divorced because her dad was cheating on her mom. But this is what she believes about other people and relationships: All men cheat. I can't say she's exactly happy with this belief. It's more like the acceptance of an uncomfortable fact....like ice and snow storms in cold weather are an uncomfortable fact.

 

Only it's not a fact. It's an idea she has. One she's never pondered or challenged or considered changing. One that has had a direct influence in who she chooses to become involved with with and what behavior she deems acceptable within that relationship.

 

Where am I holding myself back and standing in my own way because of ideas I'm not reviewing and revising and outdated beliefs that don't match reality and don't serve me well?

 

Because the bottom line is this: I cannot change someone else's ideas and beliefs. It is not in my power to do so, nor is it my place to do so. The only ones I can change - the only ones I am responsible for changing - are my own.

[shes2smart]

Let's Go Answer-Shopping!

 

But if I start getting answers I don't agree with, I'll delete my thread or argue with people who have the sheer unmitigated gall to tell me something I don't want to hear.

 

I guess the only person's time that matters or is valuable is your own, huh?

 

But, hey, it's really no concern of mine if you keep doing the same thing over and over and keep getting the same result over and over and stay stuck in the same situation. I tried to help.

 

Just don't ask me to assist you again.

[shes2smart]

What Is It About Radio?

 

So, I've been emailing back and forth with one of my clients this week. I did a voiceover for this guy's company's demo reel...basically a sales piece convincing people why they should use his video production company. He was real happy with the way the finished product turned out and he posted it on some videographer's message board he's part of to show it off.

 

Next thing he knows, he's getting replies to his thread and they're commenting on the voiceover work I did. From what he said it was stuff along the lines of "Who did your VO?" So he posted my contact info. Then emailed me to see if it was ok. From there we started talking about radio. Turns out he worked in radio for about 10 years when he was in his 20's (he's about my age), then got into video production because he wanted to do stuff like have a family and a house and silly things like that.

 

Anyway, the conversation started me thinking about how many former radio people I know who've gone on to run their own business after they left (or were asked to leave) radio. There's a lot of them. In fact, I think there's more of them than there are former radio people I know who've gone on to be employees of other (non-radio) companies.

 

And I was wondering....is it some set of personality traits that draws us to radio AND makes us more likely to strike out on our own afterwards? Or is that our employment experiences in radio were so horrendous that we just can't see our way clear to working our asses off for someone else/some company again? I mean, I can see where both things are true for me....and some days the "horrendous employment experience" theory is more true than others. It just seems like I run into a lot of former radio people (I've been hired by a number of them to do VO work), and most of them are running their own businesses now.

 

I remember what Mr. Good Hair told me when I asked him how he decided to do full time freelance VO & production work. He said he realized that he was "unemployable" because he'd had enough of working in radio stations and watching all the stupid crap that went on and could no longer keep his opinions to himself on how things should be done.

 

My client said something else about his move out of radio...something about getting "too old" to do it. For the stations/formats he was working on, I could see that. But having that comment bounce around my head for the last 24 hours, I wonder if there's more to it than just format. Maybe "playing DJ" is a job that's best suited for someone who isn't looking backward at 40. In part because, under 40, you're still young...and kinda stupid...and probably still have the capability to be so crazy in love with a job that you'll give up large portions of you life for it. And maybe I'd still be like that if I hadn't had the Great Crash of 2003. I don't know, and there's no way to tell.

 

One good thing about my time in radio (aside from the daily training in how to do voiceovers) is that it gives me a sort of instant bond with the former radio people who hire me. We were both radio people at some point in our pasts. In some ways that gives us a shared history, even though we never worked together.

 

And sometimes, we even still try to play "Connect The Dots." *

 

*"Connect The Dots" - A game that will be (subconsciously) played in a roomful of radio people who don't know each other. They will start comparing notes on where they worked, when they worked there, and who they worked with until they come up with some person in common --- even if it's "Oh, yeah, I heard of that guy....he worked with someone, who worked with someone else, who worked with this gal, who married her show co-host who got divorced because he was fooling around with the receptionist and I worked with the receptionist at a station in Ishpeming in 87."

 

I don't care who they are, if they are radio people (or former radio people) and they get thrown into the same space with other radio people (or former radio people), they will automatically play "Connect The Dots" without thinking about it or realizing it.

[shes2smart]

One Of Those Cheesy Inspirational Internet Fables

[shes2smart]

You Think Your Life Is Bad?

 

You could have one of these tattooed on you. That'd make it worse. link removed

 

I mean, really....what were these people thinking? Were these people thinking at all?

 

Speaking of seeing things that make you say, "what were these people thinking?" We went to the State Fair yesterday. I'm a little sunburnt today, but otherwise none the worse for wear. Did some Gallstone Gambling and indulged in some crappy fair food with no ill effect. Walked around a lot, saw some horses, and saw plenty of ridicule-worthy stuff. All in all, a good fair-going experience this year.

 

Last week, I had lunch with the engineer who set up my studio. Caught up on stuff. He's still of the opinion that I am (and am going to) do very well with the VO stuff. I keep saying that it's not happening fast enough for my liking and I really need to be making a lot more than I am to make it into a full time thing. And he tells me the same things my husband tells me -- that it hasn't even been a full year yet, and I've come pretty far in a short period of time building up from nothing, and it's a good sign that I've had so much repeat business and on and on and on.

 

I know that. And I'm glad they can see all that (and point it out to me when I can't), but much like that spoiled rich girl in the Charlie & The Chocolate Factory story -- I WANT IT NOW, NOW, NOW!

 

It's chiropractor day. I suppose I should go get showered & dressed for that, huh?

[shes2smart]

I'm Sellin' Breakfast Cereal

 

Well...I'm selling retailers on the idea of selling breakfast cereal, if you want to get nit-picky about it. VO for a sales presentation touting the benefits of displaying/selling this particular line of breakfast cereals at your retail outlet. Waiting on a script right now.

 

Also waiting on another e-learning/tutorial script. It's a previous client and my contact there asked if I'd have time to voice it for them "sometime this week."

 

So that's what I have going on VO work-wise. $500 in projects I don't yet have scripts for. Joy. I imagine I'm going to have to learn how to adapt to this --- waiting on other people and then having a bunch of things come in all at once.

 

I had to do something about my 401k account with the radio station. Since I'm not an employee anymore, their plan doesn't allow me to park the money there unless I pay management fees. They gave me 90 days after my last day of employment to figure out and let them know what I wanted to do. While I'm not doing badly with freelance, it's not enough to live on....been averaging around $1000 a month so far this year. Combined with what I make at the part time gig, it's almost enough to just get by....most months. Some months its not quite enough.

 

Long story short, I cashed out what I had in that 401k account. It wasn't a huge amount (I'd only been contributing to this one for, like, 3 years), and it's not my main retirement savings (other than the rollercoaster ride the economy's taken that money on, it's still intact). Didn't want to do it, but the hard, cold reality is I need the money.

 

I know I will get more freelance work than what I'm getting now. I'm still in the "building" phase. I knew that going in. 12-24 months was the pretty consistent answer when asking people who do this full time. The first 12-24 months were tough financially. I also know my husband is applying for other jobs (moves up) where he works, and he also just got a merit raise. I also have to believe that, at some point, my current employer will either give me a merit raise or want to bump me to full time.

 

Point being the income situation will not remain as it is. It will trend upward again.

 

But, still, it doesn't stop the low-level freak-out I have been doing since I made the call to close the account and got the check in the mail.

 

16 months post-downsizing (not that I'm, y'know, counting or anything) and I'm still dealing with "transition" crap. Ugh. It's not on a daily basis like it was a year ago...but it still demands my attention every once in a while. Next April will be 24 months. I am falling into the trap of wanting that to be some magical date where all that's been wrong miraculously goes away or gets fixed. Previous experience with these things tells me it likely won't be like that. It'll be more of a gradual-small-improvements-over-time-in-an-ongoing-fashion kind of thing...not waking up one day and everything being perfectly resolved.

 

But I can still fantasize about having that, can't I?

 

I went to the radio station yesterday to drop off some tomatoes for the engineer. When we had lunch last week, I told him I had a bunch of tomatoes just about ripe and asked if he wanted some. He said he did, so I went out and picked about 2 pounds of tomatoes off the two plants in my garden (they did really well this year) yesterday morning and took them to the station on my way to my office gig.

 

As I was walking up to the building, for just a split second, I was thinking, "Dammit, I used to work here...I freakin' BELONG here...why don't you people see that?" But it was just a passing thought, really. If I hadn't had to decide and deal with the 401k stuff in the last week, I probably wouldn't have had that thought at all. I've never had it the other times I've been there since I quit the part time gig last April. And it's not like I spent the rest of the day dwelling/ruminating on it. I went to my office gig, punched in, did my work, punched out and went home and hadn't given it another thought until now when I went to write about it.

 

I have not been in the greatest frame of mind the last week or so. Some of it...perhaps the majority of it...can be attributed to having to deal with the 401k account. (Have I mentioned I really didn't want to take out that money? Have I mentioned the voices in my head screaming that because I'm "squandering" that money now I'll end up living in a cardboard box by the side of the road when I'm in my 60s? Have I mentioned my mother's "there's a huge catastrope around every corner" outlook and fear have probably taken up rent-free space in my head again? Dammit, didn't I just evict her a few months back? I have to do it again?)

 

The voice of (I think) logic and reason says I wouldn't be taking out the money if I didn't really need it. Yes, given my past actions with money, I'd agree with that and agree that it's true. The voice of (I think) logic and reason says I took about 3 years to save that money, and I will build back up again when I'm not struggling just to keep up with mortgage payments and the other bills I have. I know that to be true as well.

 

Y'know what? NOW is when I should be fascinated with hearing Famous People Stories. The stories I was fascinated with a few months ago -- Kevin Smith maxing out his credit cards to film "Clerks", Bruce Springsteen recording "Born To Run" knowing it HAD to be a success or his record company was gonna let him go...stuff like that. THAT'S the kind of thing I should be thinking of. Not this BS crap about living in a cardboard box by the side of the road because I cashed out 3 years' worth of a 401k when I well and truly needed the money to supplement what I'm currently making to get by.

 

Yet, it's up there again....the naggy, annoying voice telling me to stop playing around and find a Real Job. A Real Full Time Job With Benefits And An Annual Salary Like A Real Adult.

 

And then I come smack up against this: We are all given talents and abilities. What I got was this voice, the ability to read copy without sounding like I'm reading, the ability to connect with people I will never see through the spoken word. What ELSE am I really qualified for, given that set of talents an abilities? There are people who put in great amounts of effort to deliver a piece of copy like I can....and they just can't. I see them posting on the voice123 message boards, talking about how HARD it is to get hired, and how they've been a paid subscriber for a year or more and haven't gotten one gig.

 

And I'm thinking, "Damn. I managed to make back what I'd spend on subscription well within the 60 day free trial they gave me. I've made back my subscription several times over in the last 6 months...." All this without having to REALLY STRUGGLE with the actual work like some of those people do. I can't buy into the idea that this is the wrong way to go. This is what I was given the talent and skills to do, and this is what I should be doing. Radio? That 25 years in radio was probably the best possible training ground to learn how to do this. I turn out quality work faster (going by client responses a lot faster) than other VO people who don't have a radio background.

 

Everytime I dragged my sorry ass to the radio station and did a show even though I might've been sick or depressed or pissed off....and still managed to sound good on the air - I was learning. Everytime I got by on a meager radio salary and still managed to save money - I was preparing for doing this. Everytime I had to deal with stupid or obtuse listeners - it was teaching me how to handle boundary setting and dealing with clients. Everytime I asked engineers questions about how crap worked - I was learning. Everytime I picked up "extra duties" beyond being on the air - I was picking up skills I'd need to own, operate & run my own business.

 

Voices of fear and doubt and whatever-all-else is not serving me in my head be damned. You will NOT convince me that I'm not EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be. I AM EXACTLY where I am supposed to be, and doing EXACTLY what I'm supposed to be doing.

 

Just like I KNEW I needed to be/had to be/and was going to be on the radio from the time I was 15 until the day I landed my first radio gig -- I know the same thing about doing full time freelance VO work. I have fallen into the all too common trap of getting hung up in very transitory surface appearances and forgetting the real Truth of my being:

 

I am one of God's favorites.

Everything always works out for my highest good.

 

And so it is.

[shes2smart]

"Sun" Dried Tomatoes

 

If by "sun" you actually mean "oven," then, yes, I am experimenting with "sun" dried tomatoes.

 

Because last Tuesday, I pulled a very large (several quart capacity) bowl full of Roma tomatoes off those 2 plants I have. Gave most of them to the engineer, cooked with some, farmed out the rest to one of my husband's co-workers. One week later, I got another heaping bowl of ripe Romas off the same 2 plants. My husband took some to work, and in an attempt to use as many as possible ourselves, I am trying out some directions I found online for "sun" dried tomatoes using the oven instead of the sun.

 

They have been in the oven for 3.5 hours now. They are still too wet, but they are starting to look like the sun dried tomatoes I've bought in the store. They're heading the right direction but need more drying time. I took the seeds & the goo out of them so they'd dry quicker. ("quicker" meaning 4-6 hours instead of 10-12) The house smells like roasting tomatoes. Not a bad smell, as odors go.

 

Actually it's been a very productive morning. I got up early, picked tomatoes, cleaned, cut, cored and seeded the ones I'm drying and got them in the oven, unloaded & re-loaded the dishwasher, had breakfast, sent out my direct mail marketing for this week (I had a dentist appointment yesterday), scooped out the cat boxes & took out the garbage, cut up the half watermelon that was in the fridge, swiffered the kitchen floor.

 

Yesterday I was witness to what can only be described as an Automotive Miracle.

 

One of the warning/idiot lights came on in my car when I was coming home from the office gig last Thursday. No big deal. That particular warning light is usually some sort of emission control issue, so it's not something that needs to be addressed RIGHT NOW(!!). This is especially no big deal anymore as my office gig is in a car dealership with a service department, I have access to the service appointment schedule and I'm friendly with the some of the people in the service department.

 

Idiot light stays on all weekend, and I'm figuring I'll just let the guys have a look at it when I'm at work Monday. On my way to work Monday, the damn light goes off...by itself. I tell one of the desk guys about this. They hook it up for a diagnostic. They find a code, but it's a non-specific code. They narrow it down to two things. Visuallly check both things and find nothing amiss. They tell me keep driving the car, see if the light comes on again. Until then, it's not worth my money or their time to replace anything because nothing's obviously broken right now.

 

If one of the two things it might be is getting ready to go belly-up, they're both about $200 repairs....and that's before my employee discount. So it's not anything stupid expensive to fix, even if there wasn't a miraculous repair.

[shes2smart]

Oh, Yeah....I Used To Have That Cassette.....

 

I used to walk around the neighborhood listening to it on my walkman. It was, like, a million years ago...when I lived in the one room apartment. Before my husband, before the cheating ex....heck, it may have even been before the alcoholic ex... A lifetime or two ago, at least.

 

Now I have the CD.

[shes2smart]

Weird Dream

 

I dreamed we bumped into my alcoholic ex while we were out. He was working as a parking lot attendant downtown. We parked our car and I kept purposely not looking at him, but he knew it was me. Then he started following us. We got back in our car and were sort of nervous-laughing about how terribly pathetic he was being.

 

A few days later he showed up at our doorstep after having used the car's license plate to find our address.

 

It was just kinda weird. He didn't really *do* anything but it was kinda creepy that he was stalking me.

 

The thing is, in real life, he'd never do something like that because it'd take way too much effort on his part. I remember when we broke up and he threatened to do stuff like that, but other than make a few unwanted phone calls, he never did anything.

 

Go figure. Then again, it just occurred to me why he crossed my mind. I initially met him right around this time of year (cringe) 15 years ago. It's one of several significant personal events that occurred around the time of the annual Perseid meteor shower.

 

Alright, so maybe it's not so weird after all. In any event, I don't need or want to know what he's up to these days. We'll just leave it at this: I hope he's well, I hope he's happy, I hope he got sober & got his &^@# together.

 

In current news....

 

Today, I bought tires. My car still had the original tires on it (well...3 of the originals and one replacement) which had over 66,000 miles on them. It was time. Probably past time. So, there went $320ish on what I like to call "necessary, boring and un-fun stuff."

 

But, hey, I have a set of new tires and got a free alignment because I bought a complete set of tires. Yup. That's My Exciting Life.