Why are Men Intimidated by Intelligent Women?

[Dako]

You're shy? Oy gevalt!

I just read your posts. They aren't the work of a shy person at all.

Not in the slightest. Nope.

No way.

[charley]

To Dako Sir, no disrespect intended, but you didn't read very carefully.

 

I clearly said I become shy under a certain set of circumstances. Namely face to face contact with an available woman who I am attracted to. It's the attraction combined with the opportunity that creates the possible reward-and-risk that triggers the shyness. Possibly also lack of experience with women contributes. I'm sure you'll have some smart remark to make about that.

 

I clearly stated that I'm not shy around men, or women I'm not attracted to. Also not shy around women I am attracted to, if I know they're unavailable (married or have boyfriend).

 

Outside of that one set of circumstances, I'm very outgoing.

 

I'm also a very outgoing writer, which you've noticed. Yes, my writing style is outgoing and persuasive. Good. I'm proud of that. I'd hate for my shyness in one area of my life to affect other areas.

 

Most peoples' personalities are multifaceted. I'm shy in one area, but that does not carry over to other areas. It certainly does not carry over to my writing. Thank God.

 

In the area I'm shy (face to face romantic prospect), once I get used to a woman (after weeks to months) I gradually come out of my shell and become my normal outgoing self with her too.

 

Online I'm never much shy because it's not face to face contact, even though some of these women are attractive, they're clear accross the country, not in front of me. Furthermore, shy isn't my writing style.

 

So yes, I'm outgoing online and in writing.

 

I wish I were outgoing in all situations. On the other hand, I do have my own brand of charm for women patient enough to spend the time.

 

Just because a person is shy under a given set of circumstances does not mean they are shy in all situations. There are women here who like shy guys and have experience with them. I'm sure they can tell you I'm correct about this.

 

If you're implying that I'm pretending to be shy to look for women online, I'm not pretending. I am shy under those circumstances I described. I'm not looking for a woman online, but I wouldn't cut myself off from anything either. I prefer to look for women at my local library and at work. However, in those face to face situations, I actually am shy. If I were being dishonest, as you imply, I wouldn't publicly post these things. I could have sent that stuff as all PMs to women and you'd have never seen it. I publicly posted it because it's the truth. The more I think about it, I'm insulted. You've implied, or perhaps even stated that I'm not being honest. You don't know me sir.

 

Sir, if you still don't believe I'm shy under certain circumstances, that's your opinion, but honestly why should I care what you think?

 

Do you at least believe that smart women can find smart men at the library? i.e. - I hope you don't think everything I said is B.S.

 

This is a supposedly free country. With freedom of speech you have the right to be as wrong as you want.

 

Quite frankly, I mostly care what women think. Men's opinions are of secondary importance to me. I don't want to be rude, but there it is. That might explain why of my 7 close friends, only two are men. The rest are platonic women friends. I think I relate to women better than men. That probably has a lot to do with my natural instincts. If a women gets upset with me, I always want to explain that I didn't mean to upset her and say I'm sorry. If a man gets upset with me, I'm likely to ignore him or tell him to stick it. So I suppose it's natural that I get along better with women in platonic context. To bad I'm shy in romantic context, but that's life.

 

Charley

[Miss M]

How did this become a topic about shyness? Feeling intimidated because of a woman's intelligence doesn't have anything at all to do with shyness. Guys who are intimidated by intelligent women will often respond with confrontation, competitiveness, anger, resentfulness, rejection, grandiosity, scorn, etc. I hadn't even thought of shyness as being a response to feeling intimidated... or maybe it's just the type of guys I've been around.

[Daddy Bear]

lol@Dakes--all that bicycling and kite-fiddling really keeps you mellow, doesn't it?

 

for the record, my first wife was highly introverted yet ended up making out with someone else in my house with the lights off, presumably at his behest. so those people do exist.

 

now, back on track: i have never been anything but extremely turned on by female intellect, but i did encounter one or two quite brainy women in years past with whom i just didn't feel any sort of kinship or spark. is it not conceivable that my lack of interest was misinterpreted as intimidation, since these women were presumably oblivious to my perceived lack of chemistry?

 

this is not to say that some men are not stricken with feelings of inadequacy in the company of intelligent females, as i'm sure that occurs among the dull-witted; rather, i wonder how we can be confident of that assessment in any one particular case without an explicit admission.

 

as to the library gambit: far too limiting. as i've said, there are many other places where smart chicks can be found: art galleries, political gatherings, poetry readings, online help sites... and truthfully, i don't know anyone--at any mental level--who hasn't been to a supermarket at least once or twice.

[CheerfulSprocket]

How’s this for explicit:

 

Once upon a time, I knew a grand guy – all around tops. Smart, kind, warm, funny, considerate, fairly liberated, etc. All good things. So we are feeling some sparkage (mutually acknowledged) and start dating. Not too long after that, during a strange lull in dinner conversation, this man looks at me in horror (honestly like I had sprouted two giant garden gnomes from each ear) and says “oh my g*d, it just hit me – you’re super smart!” And so I said the only that came to mind in this odd situation: “urm, yeah, well, thanks! I think you’re smart too.” Seemingly innocuous enough. Well, Mr. Grand Guy then says, “oh wow, I totally don’t date smart girls.” So I laughed, thinking this was a joke, because, really come on! But when it became clear that he was serious, we had a nice chat about this. As it turns out, he won’t date anyone smart (even if he perceives her to be less smart than him though overall smarter than the general crowd) because he’s so smart that he wants to disengage in his emotional life and just not deal with the pressure. I think he also mentioned that he works with really smart women everyday and doesn’t want that pressure in his private life. His words, truly!

 

So for all the disbelievers, it’s really true – there are some men and women who are smart and consciously choose to be with not-so-smart people! Crazy!

 

 

Sprocket

[charley]

How did this become a topic about shyness? Feeling intimidated because of a woman's intelligence doesn't have anything at all to do with shyness. Guys who are intimidated by intelligent women will often respond with confrontation, competitiveness, anger, resentfulness, rejection, grandiosity, scorn, etc. I hadn't even thought of shyness as being a response to feeling intimidated... or maybe it's just the type of guys I've been around.

 

Hi Miss M: I didn't intend to make this discussion about shyness. That just happened.

 

How did it happen? Well, a very short recap. I much earlier said that a smart woman should look for a smart guy because he's likely to appreciate her intelligence. I'm a smart man and I like smart women. Many smart men do.

 

However, smart men are often shy with women they're attracted to. I've observed this in myself and in many smart guys I know. Not always the case, but often is IME.

 

I've observed that smart guys are usually NOT intimidated by a smart woman, but are often intimidated by a woman they're attracted to. i.e. - intimidated by her looks, not her brains. When I meet a smart women whom I also feel a physical attraction for: I'm simultaneously smitten, but also become shy.

 

That is how the discussion turned to shyness.

[charley]

as to the library gambit: far too limiting. as i've said, there are many other places where smart chicks can be found: art galleries, political gatherings, poetry readings, online help sites... and truthfully, i don't know anyone--at any mental level--who hasn't been to a supermarket at least once or twice.

Hi SlightlyBent:

 

Yes you are correct that the library is to limiting by itself. My short list of places to meet smart people was not intended to be all inclusive. It was just an abbreviated few examples. Your list of examples of good places to meet smart people is much more indepth, well rounded, and is excellent. The supermarket is indeed a good place to meet people. Everyone has to eat.

 

I like the library because I have other legitimate research business there and I'm friends with one of the librarians. So even if I don't meet any women, I'm still having a good time and accomplishing something.

 

I personally have little interest in art because I'm a technical type. thereforeeee, going to an art gallery would bore me and would be dishonest about who I am. i.e. - I'm not going to pretend interest in art just to meet a woman. So I wouldn't personally do that.

 

However, if a person were interested in art, then it would be a great place to meet people.

 

My point is that the "place" needs to involve an interest and purpose for being there beyond just meeting people. That way the experience is fun and serves a useful purpose, even if you don't meet anyone. Also, if you do meet someone, you'll have a common interest, if you really want to be there.

 

Political rallies to meet the opposite sex? Ya I've heard of that. However, I don't claim a party and don't want to. I'm an independent who agrees and disagrees with some of what both major parties offer. The last thing I want is to deal with politics while trying to have a conversation with a woman. But that's me. For some people this could be a great place to meet passionate, like minded people. For me, it's repellant.

 

How about church to meet people? Here again, this is good for some people and not for others. In my personal experience, not so good. Why? Because you've got a bunch of church busy bodies in your business watching your every move. I hate that. However, my 17+ cousins mostly met their spouses in church. So it works for some people. On the other hand, I've heard a couple of them complain that their paster still interferes in their relationship and business even after they're married. I find that interferance repellant. However, my other 15 cousins are very happy.

 

Very sorry to hear about your exwife. I did put a disclaimer that said there are exceptions to everything I said, and that I make no guarantees about people.

[Daddy Bear]

yeah, i should have said art museums, not galleries. like most people i know, i find it stifling to look at paintings by unknown and semi-gifted artists. however, within the space of two hours at LACMA last month i took in works by Picasso, Rembrandt, Matisse, Rubens, Remington, Winslow Homer and Georgia O'Keefe, to name just a small portion... AND i got into a very stimulating convo there with a young lady who just oozed brilliance and charm.

 

as far as the ex: brought it on myself, learned from it, moved on. but thanks for the kind words.

[CheerfulSprocket]

Just to clarify - my post wasn't meant to belittle Mr. Grand Guy. Of course, clearly we didn't share a common vision re what we want in a partner, but then you know, I really tried to see it from his perspective. I think that he was actually bored and frustrated with women who matched him in IQ intelligence - what he wanted was someone who approached life in an entirely different way. I think that maybe he wanted someone who wasn't so analytical, just because that was so much a part of him and his daily work environment. And also I think that as a type A personality, he unavoidably felt competitive with women who were smart or smarter than him. And he just didn't want to deal with that.

 

I can't say that I can really relate to it for myself, but I could see how he might feel that way. So in his case, I'm not sure that it was so much an intimidation thing per se, but that he just wasn't into smart chicks. He's a good guy - just different strokes for different folks!

[Daddy Bear]

He's a good guy - just different strokes for different folks!

 

everyone is entitled to his or her own position. mine is that having been in a relationship for many years in which i could not communicate with my partner on my own level, i would not make that same mistake again.

[charley]

You were talking about type A vs type B personalities. What do you call someone who switches back and forth according to context?

 

Because that's what I do. I'm type A in my dealings with men and type B in my dealings with women. I don't understand that myself, but that's how I am.

 

Mmm. I entertain and perplex myself.

 

Come to think of it, that's how my sister is. She's very type A with most men and all women. However, with her husband she's a mushy type B. They love each other madly. So it apparently works well for them.

[DamnitJanet]

All I can say in response to this thread is, try being an ambitious female at an Ivy League college and chubby. You'll quickly turn bitter and distrustful of all males, friendly or not.

 

...Okay, so that was only HALF true. You learn to trust the friendly ones but not to fall for them.

 

I've found that high intelligence and a penchant for unhealthy relationships tend to run together between 18 and 25. Many of my smart female friends have had stalkers, creepy exes (but really, hasn't everyone?) and most peculiarly, a male friend who ends up dating her roommate during senior year. As far as ditzes go, they come in all IQ sizes, I assure you. You can be book-smart and street-stupid or flighty. Brilliant men often find it a turn-on because they want to escape from their depressing, high-stress environment, and the smart girls remind them of it.

 

In other words, if you're female and very bright, you're screwed until you're old enough to want to date men several years above you, because men your age who aren't as smart as you are feel intimidated or judge based on looks, and men just as smart as you or smarter are ALSO attracted to dumber women because they need to maintain intellectual superiority and a sense of escapism.

 

Then again, this could just be a Harvard trend.

[charley]

Regarding Dammit Janets post:

 

You are very insightful. Many of the things you said are the same things I said earlier.

 

Particularly the thing about smarter women and older men. Yes. Middle age men (25+ and especially 30+) are often attracted to younger women, especially if they are smart. This is often a two way attraction because of emotional and intellectual compatibility, in addition to physical attraction.

 

It's not just women who have problems with looks and smarts interfering with dating. Mostly women perhaps, but some men have similar obstacles.

 

I'm a smart guy and I look 8 years younger than I am. I'm 38, but look 30. That means that women my own age usually don't want me because they don't want to be seen with a guy who looks much younger than them. The nice thing is that I can date smart younger women (typically 23 to 30) because these smart young gals seem to prefer me and I prefer them. That's awesome, in my opinion. If the gals my own age don't want me, I couldn't care less because the younger gals are just as smart and often hotter.

 

When I was in my 20s, my young looks were a terrible problem. Imagine a guy 22 who looks 16. What woman in her 20s wants to date a guy who looks 16? I was reasonably muscular and 6', but had a baby face. Likewise, imagine me from 25 to 30 still looking only 17 or 18. Once again, what woman in her 20s wants a guy who looks 17 or 18? The young face was a huge disadvantage. Now it helps me.

 

All through my 20s, I really only had two groups of women who were attracted to me: High school girls who thought I was still in high school. No thanks. Anyway, their parents would have freaked. My other option was women in their mid to late 30s who found it sexy that I looked 18. I went for the latter choice. Actually, it would be most accurate to say the latter choice went for me. I was shy, but it didn't matter since my 36 yr old g-friend was outgoing and a bit aggressive. When we got together, I was 23 but looked 17 or 18. She was 36. So I was her boy toy. I'm not complaining though. She was super nice to me always. I've never been treated that good before or since. She also liked the fact that I am intellectual. She was a very smart, professional lady. She enjoyed dating a younger guy who looked younger still. It was great for me too.

 

Point being, it's not only women who have these problems. Yes, I can relate. Quite frankly, I never got to date a young woman in her 20s when I was in my 20s because they didn't want me. Now they do. i.e. - I've never been out with a women my age or anywhere near my age. My age group women never wanted me because they were uptight about a guy looking younger than them. They still are. I used to feel bad about that. Now I realize that I'm lucky in this regard.

 

Sometimes an age difference can sweeten a relationship for both people. Not only because an intellectual young person can (sometimes) find an intellectual equal in an older person, but also because in my experience, they appreciate each other more.

 

FYI - I'm shy with women in romantic situations partly because in my 20s I never had a need or an opportunity to develope certain dating people skills. i.e. - my older g-friend(s) took care of everything. I just had to cooperate a bit. Now that I'm the older person, I need to be more proactive. This is a big change for me. However, I'm working on it.

[jumper71]

I personally cannot stand it when a woman acts dumb or is in actuality ignorant of most things in life. Intelligent women do not put me off, it is the main thing I look for in women, but difficult to find, not to sound rude but I think many grow up with experiences that to get a guy interested in them they must stroke his ego by playing dumb. Conversation is key in any relationship and if you can't get any going then it is not worth pursuing. I don't care how attractive someone is, but if they do not know who ran for president last election, no comprehension of basic geography ("Isn't Japan in China?"), and basically is clueless to all things outside of celebrities and MTV, then forget it. Emotional intelligence is a whole other issue. I do have a thing for unique quirky women, an artistic or creative side is super hot.

 

I have been in relationships with very intelligent women, successful women and it was great. There is no need to flaunt this or that, I am quite modest and prefer that as well. It is never a good idea to tell someone they are stupid concerning a topic, or how much more intelligent you are, in grade school that might seem acceptable but shows real immaturity and where their mindset is. Show me a girl that reads on a regular basis, is compentent at what she does, likes to explore and learn new things, is cute, and has the emotional side (cries at movies, loves getting flowers) and I'll give you a million dollars. Actually, there are many women out there like that, just not so many at the clubs and bars.

 

Men on the otherhand... Egos run amok in men, many feel they have to prove something either by being smarter, better, whatever, or the feel they do not have any worth. Outside of being able to do things like play sports, bet, compete, one-up people, make money, they feel they lack any intrinsic worth. Left to their own devices with no outlet many guys lose it. I've seen this with guys after a breakup, after losing a job, not making a team, it shakes their very existence because it is as if they have lost all value since they had none in themselves. As men age they start to realize this and become a bit deeper, thus the saying that women mature earlier than men.

 

Its a fine line and we all walk it but if you are having trouble meeting intelligent guys, try the bookstores, coffee shops, anywhere, if you are just going to bars and clubs you have a chance but it is much slimmer.

[Miss M]

i have never been anything but extremely turned on by female intellect, but i did encounter one or two quite brainy women in years past with whom i just didn't feel any sort of kinship or spark. is it not conceivable that my lack of interest was misinterpreted as intimidation, since these women were presumably oblivious to my perceived lack of chemistry?

Yes, it could be just as you say it is... but also, it could not. Just as you express skepticism about the accuracy of the other posters' comments here, conversely, how could we be sure that your interpretation of your circumstances is true and accurate? For instance, when you write...

i wonder how we can be confident of that assessment in any one particular case without an explicit admission.

... we could also wonder that same thing about you. Were those women really "oblivious to [your] perceived lack of chemistry"? Or did you just misinterpret and misunderstand them? And should we doubt your report of the incident because we can't get an "explicit admission" from them to verify your account of it? You see, there's just no way for any of us to know for sure who's telling the truth here. I guess it's unfortunate that we can only ever get one side of the story, because we simply can't verify it one way or the other in such an imperfect system as this. So what do we do?... Should we all just routinely express doubt/disbelief about the accuracy of each others' posts? And are we each being foolish to think that we are the only ones who best know our own particular circumstances?

 

I don't agree with a lot of what PocoDiablo writes in these boards, but I REALLY like what he wrote in his signature... "Advice given is only as good as the details you provide, and even then it's just an opinion. No one knows the situation as well as you do, so trust your gut."

 

 

Hi Miss M: I didn't intend to make this discussion about shyness. That just happened.

 

How did it happen? Well, a very short recap.

Um, charley, it was simply a rhetorical question... and the "recap" wasn't actually necessary at all... but thanks just the same.

[charley]

Perhaps it isn't that some men fear intelligence. Perhaps they fear an aggressive Type A woman who brings that attitude home. Then no one can relax at home. No one can relax around a control freak.

 

My grandma and my sister are both Type A at work, but they mellow at home and are fun to be around in their homes. (grandma is gone now, but I remember how she was)

 

However, my mom is an irritating Type A at home who won't let anyone relax. Always giving orders, picking, nagging, criticizing someone (me, dad, sister, etc). She always has to control everyone. I hate it. That's why I confine visits to my mom to one hour. I always have an excuse planned for why I can't stay longer.

 

So perhaps this is less of an intelligence issue and more of a personality issue. Just an idea.

Perhaps it's not an intelligence fear at all. Perhaps it's a fear of Type A women.

 

I'm not afraid of Type A women because I assume they can turn it off at home. However, if they can't or won't tone it down at home, then I don't want to spend time with them. These things become apparent when you spend quality time with someone.

 

In my past relationships, I was about 2/3 submissive with women. I was happy with them making 2/3 of the decisions, but I wanted to retain 1/3 of the power. That's me. Other men vary. My prior lady friends were Type A outside the relationship. Inside the relationship, they toned it down to varying degrees. I don't want to be the master or the dog. I want to be partners. Other men vary.

 

Some men want to be the master. They aren't going to want a Type A woman. Those guys are no catches anyway, IMO.

 

Other men want to be partners. Possibly equal partners, or possibly some other balance of power. These guys like some Type A behavior in a woman at home, but not to much. It's like spice. A little is nice, but to much is bad. I'm talking about within the relationship and home. You can be as Type A at work as necessary. I'd respect that.

 

There are very few men who'd want a woman to be totally Type A at home and everywhere. I have a friend who does, but honestly I find it hard to respect him. His 100% Type A domineering, mean wife sets me off. That's amazing that's she sets me off because I'm normally mellow and submissive with women. It's the way she belittles and abuses him that gets me angry. For me, it's hard to respect him and impossible to like her.

 

I think these are some issues that men have with Type A women and often associate intelligent women as being Type A. Type A ladies, use your superpowers for good, not being a bully. Find a way to let him know that you are kind. Kindness and consideration are the best way. i.e. - asking and caring about the other person's opinion and feelings. This should be a two way street.

[CarnelianButterfly]

For all the guys on here that say "I like smart girls", cute, and whatever, why are there none of you around me?

 

I chose engineering over art school, but art still very much a passion. I love to read and enjoy quirky movies and theater. I've also been told I'm very cute and funny. However, I've remained single for so long I honestly thought I'd never date. I like to talk about serious topics when I'm relaxing because I think debate is fun, this doesn't exclude my work, its as open a topic as anything. I know a lot about what I do and I really love what I do. I know a lot of people don't like to talk about work, but why should it be such an issue if a women enjoys her work and wants to talk about it? It seems like such a petty reason to reject someone. Is it such a horror that someone doesn't spend their free time watching television or just converting oxygen to carbon dioxide?

[nottoogreen]

Wrong place, wrong time. Why could you not have been in Hong Kong or Dallas or San Franscisco 20 years ago - I was 25?

 

My sister is an aeronautical design engineer working on NG transports, she will be 40 this month - single.

[tmp0620]

Serious topics aren't fun to talk about... and arguing isn't the best way to make a good impression on someone. Try flirting... sometimes the most fun, entertaining thing to talk about is nothing.

[Dako]

CB,

Try Talking about him and his interests. Admire his car.

Feel his biceps and swoon at his tassled loafers. Ask his favorite color, and his opinion of Bud vs. Coors. Let him burp the alphabet without interrupting. Watch Nascar races with him. Learn his favorite drivers.

Be feminine, watch your weight and you'll land a real hunk.

[tylercdurden2004]

However, I've remained single for so long I honestly thought I'd never date. I like to talk about serious topics when I'm relaxing because I think debate is fun, this doesn't exclude my work, its as open a topic as anything.

 

Yeah debate can be fun however in a relationship "debate" may not be considered the best way to spend time with a SO. Save the debating for when "relationship issues" come up. Think about, you debate with your SO about politics, science, economy, philosophy, whatever, do you think they are going to really want to debate when it comes to "real" issues. Again I would save debating for a "once-in-a-while" thing and for dealing with relationship issues.

 

During the dating phase I would say this is pretty much no go area. I personally dont want to sit down with a girl I am getting to knwo and start talking philosophy, although I do love it, not when I am trying to get to knwo a girl. The whole point of dating is to find out if this person is a suitable mate. Being able to discuss philosophy does not translate into being able to connect with me emotionally nor being able to raise kids with me.

 

 

I know a lot about what I do and I really love what I do. I know a lot of people don't like to talk about work, but why should it be such an issue if a women enjoys her work and wants to talk about it?

 

Same thing that is wrong with having a man who likes to talk about his work. Do you really want to hear about his job sweeping floors at the factory, how many cars he sold this month? Put yourself in his shoes. And its great you love doing what you do but you are missing the point: They may very well not care what you DO. They may be more interested in what you have to offer emotionally, personally.

 

 

It seems like such a petty reason to reject someone. Is it such a horror that someone doesn't spend their free time watching television or just converting oxygen to carbon dioxide?

 

I watch maybe 2 hours of TV a week however if thats what people want to do all the more power to them. Would I date a girl who likes to watch TV as opposed to going hiking, mountain biking, drinking at the pub, whatever I like doing? Probably not. I like girls who are well rounded and outgoing. That said I equally would probably not be interested in a girl who chewed my ear off everyday about moutain biking as a girl who chewed my ear off about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

 

I think a great point was brought up earlier about men not wanting to come home to have to "think". Doent mean these men want to sit in front of the TV and convert oxygen, however they spend 8,10,12 hours a day thinking why on earth would they want to do it at home?

 

This is what I mentioned pages ago about being "boring". I want someone who can stimulate me in everyway but who can also shut it off when they see me losing interest. I want someone who is fun and easy going. This doesnt mean stupid or air headed. But I spend my whole day thinking 24/7, it doesnt stop, I dont want to have to perform like some monkey for my SO. I want a break. I they want to discuss philosophy, science, politics, great, do it at work, at a club, where ever. Doenst mean I dont appreciate indepth conversations with SO's just means I prefer it to be in teh minority of my time spent with them. And yes I do need a smart girl to keep up with me, one that is smart enough to know when I have had enough.

[Daddy Bear]

arguing isn't the best way to make a good impression on someone.

 

now THAT is a fact.

 

conversing on an esoteric level is one thing, but when we try to drive our points home with browbeating and demagoguery, our intelligence is overshadowed by our obnoxiousness--and that's what people don't like.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Tylercdurden2004, well I guess we'll never date, oh darn...

 

Me and my boring self know what I like and changing that just to win a man is very much against my principals. I don't debate all the time, I don't talk about work all the time, politics, religion, philosophy, whatever. I like a large variety of things and generally can converse about most anything (with the exception of TV or hiphop music). Most of my opinions are drawn from how my emotions and logic work together, I rely on my gut feelings about people and situations. I really don't think logic is applicable to the whole world. I think you and I have very different approaches to how we get to know a person. I don't think either way you do it matters so much as finding someone who will respect you for yourself and treat you well.

 

PS: As for turning off your brain, I envy that, I really can't. I take sleeping pills so I can get some sleep because even though I'm physically exhausted my mind is still buzzing along at its own insane pace. Without drugs I'd be awake for days.

[tmp0620]

PS: As for turning off your brain, I envy that, I really can't. I take sleeping pills so I can get some sleep because even though I'm physically exhausted my mind is still buzzing along at its own insane pace. Without drugs I'd be awake for days.

 

You should work on that... try meditation, it's really refreshing.

[tylercdurden2004]

Whoa whoa whoa! Who said anything about us dating!

 

Sure you should find someone who respects you for who you are. However what I am hearing is complaining that guys dont like smart women and wont date them. This I see as untrue, as evidenced by the men on here and men I know in the real world. So if you have a problem or complaint you have two options really:

 

1) Dont complain.

 

2) Do something to change the situation.

 

Anyone can make up any number of excuses as to why they may not be able to get dates. I could and for that matter anyone could say "I am too smart, too good looking, too althletic, too nice etc" and that why no one will date me. But these are excuses, and others somehow have to bear the brunt of the above and in this case "intelligent" persons inability to connect with people in the dating arena. I know a few people that have a lot of friends that they connect with but have difficulty connecting with potential dates. The one thing they have in common is lack of confidence in dating.

 

The "I am too intelligent to get dates" excuse is no difference than hearing guys come on here and say "girls wont date me because I am too nice." Really its lack of confidence the the realm of dating. Confidence in other areas does not translate into confidence in dating.

 

If you choose not to make changes that are maybe needed in order to connect more with potential dates you can always immerse yourself in situations that fit your needs. Join the debate club, mensa where ever it is you can find intelligent people who will accept you for who you are.

 

PS No I cannot turn off my brain, in fact I would say its never off.