DamnitJanet

I consider myself a 1 or a 2 on the Kinsey Scale, definitely more attracted to men than to other females, and I've never actively pursued a long-term relationship with a woman, so I'm not really concerned with my sexuality too much. I would, of course, prefer him to be bisexual or straight, but I'm not going to have a fit if he's gay. I just want to save us both some unnecessary awkwardness if at all possible. So, on vote for gay, one vote for straight? XD

Okay, I know there are stereotypes galore surrounding drama, musical theater and the like. Try to ignore outdated information and use only personal experience or firsthand knowledge if at all possible here, because these days there are a gazillion gay-vague guys in the performing arts, and they aren't all 'flamingoes.' I'm really stumped and I could use some good advice. I'm working with an off-Broadway summer theatre organization. Most of the men in the ensemble (in fact, all but two out of eleven) are gay, but I couldn't pick out one of the straight guys until I heard him talking about pictures of him with girls on Facebook and how his girlfriend caught him cheating. The principals, on the other hand, are about 50/50. Three of them are married, two are gay (one flamboyantly so), and two are unknown. One of these unknowns is a guy I like. We hit it off immediately--we share the same political views and sense of humor, etc., and I thought we were unconsciously mirroring each other's posture and making an unusual amount of eye contact. He's always happy to see me and goes out of his way to finish conversations with me. But this is an actor I'm talking about, and I've been wrong about one or two before. Here's a short list of characteristics and actions I can think of that might possibly indicate his sexuality (or the fact that he likes me, but I'm less concerned with that as I am with whether to make a move). Then again, they might simply indicate how my bizarre mind operates. Here goes: --he hangs out with straight guys, girls, and by himself. I've never seen him interact much with the male ensemble except for the other straight guys, though that was mostly pure chance. He does talk to the ensemble females a bit more than the males. --he adores Diana DeGarmo from American Idol. I can't remember whether he said it was because she was hot or talented or both, but I overheard him saying this --after giving him several opportunities to slip in a mention of a girlfriend or a partner, he didn't take the bait. The only girl he mentions around me is his sister (twice, offhand), and not in a way that compares me to her. --he has a tenor voice that one could stereotype as 'gay' if one were petty. He hates his voice and has said so twice. On the one hand, I had a male best friend who was as horny for girls as you can get, but he always had a high, nasal voice that labelled him as * * * * *. On the other hand, the guy I like's voice is similar in pitch to another (very gay) actor. No lisping or sibillance, but it does make me wonder. --he reads the NYT and uses his laptop religiously (I think it has Diana DeGarmo as the background) --his clothing: he wears a t-shirt with a logo on it and jeans, occasionally a striped shirt with a collar, really grungy and worn black and white checked sneakers that remind me of junior high skater boys, and a baseball cap with some obscure sports team emblem that I don't recognize. --he owns a cat. --he says "Totally" a lot. In fact, it's every other word out of his mouth. --no ring on the ring finger as far as I've seen, but that's meaningless when you work on Broadway. --he doesn't wear his tees so tight that they show off every muscle on his chest like the male ensemble members do. --he doesn't smell bad or good (ie, no cologne). --he's shorter than average and moderately attractive (his face), he's in his early thirties, I'm in my mid-twenties. I don't know. I am so sick of finding out the embarrassing way that I have no sense of 'gaydar' whatsoever. Please help me, for the love of pancakes! PLEASE!

All I can say in response to this thread is, try being an ambitious female at an Ivy League college and chubby. You'll quickly turn bitter and distrustful of all males, friendly or not. ...Okay, so that was only HALF true. You learn to trust the friendly ones but not to fall for them. I've found that high intelligence and a penchant for unhealthy relationships tend to run together between 18 and 25. Many of my smart female friends have had stalkers, creepy exes (but really, hasn't everyone?) and most peculiarly, a male friend who ends up dating her roommate during senior year. As far as ditzes go, they come in all IQ sizes, I assure you. You can be book-smart and street-stupid or flighty. Brilliant men often find it a turn-on because they want to escape from their depressing, high-stress environment, and the smart girls remind them of it. In other words, if you're female and very bright, you're screwed until you're old enough to want to date men several years above you, because men your age who aren't as smart as you are feel intimidated or judge based on looks, and men just as smart as you or smarter are ALSO attracted to dumber women because they need to maintain intellectual superiority and a sense of escapism. Then again, this could just be a Harvard trend.