Your List

[itsallgrand]

I am curious to hear if anyone else out there has a list of things they are looking for in a partner.

If so: is it in your head, or physically written down?

What does your list consist of?

 

I am a very verbal person. I like seeing words laid out before me or spoken in my ear.

So I have been keeping a list since I first began dating.

It has changed a lot, been revised, snickered at by me, neglected, gone back to.

 

I am still mourning the end of my last relationship which ended a few weeks ago.

I found my list again and have been reevaluating.

 

Love to hear what you have to say on this.

[bobo85]

For me i keep most of the qualities i look for in my head but sometimes i do write some of them down in my journal.

 

I think the most important quality a woman must have to be in a successful relationship is honesty. As long as she is honest with herself and with me i'll be happy. Things might not last forever but at least we can trust each other.

[shes2smart]

When I was single, I had a list.

 

First started working on the list in 1992. Back then it was a physical list on a piece of paper.

 

A funny thing started happening, though...I'd meet guys who had all the qualities on the list, but invariably, there'd be something I left off the list that would come into play. F'rinstance, I met this one guy, started hanging out with him, became stupidly attracted to him, got along great together....and then, oops...I had neglected to specify on my list that my "Mr. Perfect" should be heterosexual.

 

Looking back at my journal, it really was something of a comedy of errors for a number of years. Some important detail left out here or there...usually things so obvious that I neglected to specify them (like he should be single & available or heterosexual or geographically desirable -- i.e. not 4 states away.)

 

Overall, I think a list is a good thing. It does help you focus, and it does give you some guidelines to work with. (Guidelines you have preferably drawn up when you're grounded in reality, in a good mood, not bitter, not giddy with lust, and thinking somewhat objectively) However, there is one phrase I would add to the end of your list, just as sort of CYA....so, you don't get the Universe/God/Higher Power/Spirit/Fate/Whatever-You-Call-That-Thing-Greater-Than-Ourselves demonstrating that there's NO WAY you can list off ALL the things that make up your ideal partner...something along the lines of:

 

"This or something better for the highest good of all concerned."

 

For me anyway, the list became a much more useful tool when I added that phrase, consciously acknowledged there was no way I could think of every little thing, and realized that what I thought would work for me in a relationship and what actually worked for me in a relationship were not always the same thing.

 

Over time, there ceased being a physical list, and it became something more in the back of my mind or strewn about in my journal.

 

I met my husband in 2001. He was the list brought to life. I'd done enough work on it to figure it out fairly quickly.

[Scout]

I had a list, and luckily, met someone who possessed all the primary qualities I needed:

 

- kind in heart

- bright

- funny

- cares about the world around him

- sweet to my dogs

- generous

- trustworthy

- has many of the same worldviews I do

- wants to spend lots of time together

 

Kind of like to think I have those qualities, too, so I felt it was only fair to want the same in return. Of course, we have some differences, but when you find someone that has the qualities you really need - not necessarily "want" - you've got the basic foundation for a lasting relationship.

[Spawn]

i agree with Scout and probably add maturity to that list.

[RandomAdvisor]

Not highly emotional - IE, able to control their anger.

[Prenkle]

A list? I don't have the type of list that you would associate with pen and paper. But off the top of my head, here's what would make me attracted to a guy:

 

- Humurous side, doesn't take things too seriously (definitely need someone who can tell a joke or a funny story)

- Respects my decisions and attempts to see things from my point of view

- Is confident about who he is

- Is kind and thoughtful of others

- Has a passion of some kind (computers, boats, books, it doesn't matter)

- Wants to learn about me and my life (good at listening)

- Direct and honest and open

- Makes me want to be a better person

- If I'm quiet, he wouldn't mind being quiet with me. He wouldn't mind doing nothing with me because the act of just being with me (taking a walk, looking at the sunset) means a lot to him.

[Lunabelle]

Very very important to list on paper -- when you see stuff in black and white somehow it has a different meaning than when it's just carried around in your head. You may be able to see that you actually have conflicting stuff on your list, or that some of your stuff is just way unreal and will never happen! or you may see that it is good stuff, it all needs to be there, it's important to you, and you intend to stick to it.

 

I can't encourage you enough to write it down, feel free to amend and edit as life goes on, revisit the list from time to time as life goes on, re-evaluate, I'm sure you get the picture.

[BillyJean714]

Dream Man:

 

1. Has a good heart.

2. Humble

3. Good mix between Macho/Sensitive. Not overly macho, but a masculine kinda guy with a sensitive side.

4. Smart

5. Perceptive

6. Politically aware

7. Not thrift

8. Family-oriented

9. Listens to all types of music, minus country/heavy metal.

10. Doesn't own a gun

11. Non-violent

12. Sense of humor

13. Believes in good causes that benefit humanity.

14. Loves his mother and cherishes the little things he has in his life.

15. Considerate

 

Bonus - If he knows how to fix computers, do heavy duty stuff that I cannot do - mow the lawn, change oil (he's got to have some knowledge of car repair, cuz I'm completely oblivious when it comes to these things).

[Kevin T]

I've already posted mine, so if you do a search, it should still be around here somewhere (since Enotalone never deletes old posts; which I find so odd...) lol

 

Anyway, it's kind of pointless to post it on here anyway. I mean, this isn't a dating site! (If it were, I wouldn't BE here!!) I'd run the other way! Heh.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Not really much of a list person, and I'm pretty adaptable, but there are a few things I've picked up in the past 2 years.

 

1. Can't smoke, nor do any sort of drugs.

2. Not a heavy drinker

3. Needs to be able to have good convo's with me

4. Doesn't tell me to stop it, if I'm upset and crying.

 

Yup, thats all.

[itsallgrand]

Thank you all for the input! It's something I've always been curious if other people do - never really talked about it before.

 

My list, oddly enough, gets shorter over the years. Yet more precise and the Must-Haves are totally non-negotiable.

 

In the past, I feel I was too picky - and picky about the wrong things.

I know I passed by some great men bc of silly notions I had. Which is unfortunate.

 

Dream Man:

10. Doesn't own a gun

 

LOL. That cracked me up! That's really cool...I never thought of that before.

[hosswhispra]

My list:

 

1. Accepts me for who I am. Doesn't mind if I need a lot of space at times because he understands that's how an introvert recharges-actually finds this trait attractive, too.

 

2. Loves to travel. Has the same sense of wanderlust as I do.

 

3. Loves to write-so I picture him poetic/artistic

 

4. He's heterosexual (in honor of S2S point )

 

5. He has mesmerizing blue eyes, he's tall and he's athletic. Gosh. I love his muscles! He's my blue-eyed lothario.

 

6. He's monogamous

 

7. He exercises and keeps a healthy lifestyle (i.e. no drugs, no alcohol, doesn't and never has engaged in casual sex, he doesn't gamble, he's not a workaholic no addictions!)

 

8. He loves to take me on long drives with the coolest tunes playing on the radio

 

9. While close with his family, he's not a Momma's boy

 

10. He isn't controlling. He doesn't take advantage of my genuine nice and easy-going nature

 

11. Doesn't get frazzled when I PMS

 

12. He's kind to people and animals

 

13. He respects nature

 

14. While he appreciates the value of a dollar, he's not fixated on money. He manages money well- he's not cheap, either.

 

15. He vents anger in a positive way. He won't ever physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally or spirtually abuse me.

 

16. He's spiritual

 

17. He's so smart-that's such a turn on for me!

 

18. Loves science and has an interest in how things work/how to fix them

 

19. He won't mind it if I ask him to come in the basement with me

 

20. He'll respect my twin bond-maybe he's a twin like me.

 

21. He is supportive of my mental, spritual, emotional growth.

 

22. He likes my friends/family and he gets along with them too.

 

23. His family treats me well. They're respectful people.

 

24. He doesn't partake in gossip, nor does he talk behind anyone's back

 

25. In his "past" life he believes he was a horse, too

 

26. He is affectionate towards me.

 

27. He gives me the warmest hug, I've ever had

 

28. He's okay with my untidyness. He doesn't mind cleaning up!

 

29. Doesn't mind stopping for coffee.

 

30. He makes me smile.

 

31. He makes me laugh.

 

32. He inspires me.

 

33. He doesn't laugh at me when I ask to meet the captain.

 

34. He loves making chocolate covered bananas for me

 

35. He loves my reddish hair, my blue-green eyes and my fair skin. In other words, he's attracted to me!

 

36. I am attracted to him spritually, mentally, emotionally and physically

 

36. He is attracted to me spritually, mentally, emotionally and physically

 

*I will add more, later*

[Maya_A]

Most impt. to me are:

 

Kindness

Emotional & spiritual: maturity, intelligence, sensitivity

Physically active/exercises

Humor

*Blond hair & blue eyes at least wouldn't hurt either - just an inborn natural attraction...

[CrazyKing]

I guess that women's lists are always kinda 100 points long when they add the things they forgot...

 

Men have just a few things they need... lol

[Portage]

Short and Sweet:

 

Loves to laugh

 

Loves weekend get aways

 

Loves to eat and create dishes along side me (this could be pushing the envelope)

 

Loves to laugh

 

Even if he hates camping IS willing to experience it and compromise

 

Oh yeah, Trustworthy will not even make my list, this is a given

 

One more, confident but humble...not a braggart.

 

Did i mention loves to laugh??

 

And compassionate to others...esp animals.

 

Okay, maybe not completely short...but all valid points.

[loveandhate81]

i have a list somewhere around my apt, just got to find it. but off the top my head i will list what i remember.

 

1.nice

2.caring

3.thoughtful

4.tall

5.good looking to me

6.ambitious

and so on! where are you, i'm waiting

[Mrs.Murder]

Hmmmm i never wrote a list but I'll give it a go (Warning: I'm pretty picky!)

 

1. He is honest and I can always trust him. He also trusts me.

2. He is straightforward with me, not passive aggressive.

3. I feel safe when I'm with him, I know he will protect me from harm, and would never harm me in any way.

4. He is well educated and very smart... can hold interesting conversations

5. He is ambitious and goal orientated...wants to do something great with his life.

6. He can be silly and make me laugh

7. He likes to live a healthy lifestyle... works out, cooks healthy meals with me

8. He must be very open-minded!

9. Makes good financial decisions... knows how to save money, invest money ect.

10. He has to be at least somewhat romantic.. buys me flowers or writes cute love notes

11. Likes to experience new things with me, and travel to new places.

12. Is confident in himself, but not cocky.

13. He is family orientated.... I can get along with his family, and he makes an effort to get along with mine.

14. He is not controlling... he respects that I have my own life and I need space sometimes.

15. He has a passion for something... anything.

16. He does not smoke... he can drink but not heavily.

17. He isn't a slob.

18. He wants to have children and get married one day.

19. He inspires me to be a better person.. and supports my journey of self improvent.

20. He loves me.

 

 

BONUS: He is tall, with brown hair and blue eyes.

[SBV]

Mine are:

 

1. Good looking & not overweight

 

2. Good hair.

 

 

Ok, I wouldn't go out with someone who was into any form of animal cruelty, so I care about that. But I'm pretty easy on a guy's personality and things he's achieved or whatever. As long as he wasn't an ass, then I want to at least be attracted to him aesthetically. I don't care about things like 'he has to make me laugh' or 'he has to be well educated'. As long as I got on with him as a person then that's cool. I think I can get on with all sorts of personalities and I don't judge someone on their education, humour, financial situation or anything like that. I am most picky about someone's looks though. 99% of guys I don't find attractive.

[Raiden]

 

• Intelligent. I'd have to be able to have good conversations with my girl.
  
• Mutual physical attraction. I'd have to find her attractive, she'd have to find me attractive.
  
• Sense of humour. We'd have to be able to laugh together.
   
  

 

You know what? That will do for me.

[estrella28]

Mine is pretty short:

 

1. madly in love with me

2. extremely attractive

3. honest

4. ambitious

5. wants a family

6. emotionally mature

7. fun to spend time with

 

Yup...that pretty much covers it.

[Clarity]

Let's see...

 

She must be:

 

- Beautiful

- Physically fit and active

- Intelligent

- Fun

- Caring

- Just generally lovable.

 

 

Is that too much to ask?

[hers]

Here's my list:

 

--loves animals

--likes to get out and do things but doesnt mind staying home

--either drinks very little or not at all

--no drugs

--doesnt want or have children

--spiritual but not religious

--FUNNY

--likes to make up little stories about me (just b/c it's cute)

--considerate and thoughtful

--shares a common interest with me

--loves my dog

--independent

--has good parents and is close with them

--not racist, judgemental, overly negative, or anything like that

--can be firm with me when i'm doing osmething wrong but not make me feel like crap about it

--likes to spoon

--really good in bed

--takes my neuroses in stride and understands that sometimes i'm a little crazy

 

yeah, i'm sure htere's more but i can only think of those. my therapist had me make this list once and this is what i remember (plus a couple things added)

[onewithbooks]

I am a member of the 4 H club

 

Hygiene

Honesty

Heart

Humor

[CrazyKing]

I am a member of the 4 H club

 

Hygiene

Honesty

Heart

Humor

Finally a woman who doesn't have a list with dozens of points...