I just turned 25! And have never dated :(

[CluelessGuy321]

Yup.

 

2 days ago, there was this hot girl at a party. She was like a 9 out of 10. A tall 5'11" brunette with a gorgeous face.

 

She smiled whenever she looked over to me, she asked me things, drew me a picture (literally), hugged me when she left and thanked me for inviting her.

 

I think I could barely get out a complete sentence whenever she was around me. I was weak in the knees and all that. I'm about 26 now, and I wish I could get over that.

 

I spoke to a mutual friend later and he said that she commented that she "enjoyed my company." I didn't even speak to her much >_

[Caldus]

All you have to do at first is just ask questions. Let her do the talking.

[Altruist]

Just imagine that she's ant other person. Do thingd one step at a time. Don't immediately think of her as a girlfriend.

[Miss M]

Yup.

 

2 days ago, there was this hot girl at a party. She was like a 9 out of 10. A tall 5'11" brunette with a gorgeous face.

 

She smiled whenever she looked over to me, she asked me things, drew me a picture (literally), hugged me when she left and thanked me for inviting her.

 

I think I could barely get out a complete sentence whenever she was around me. I was weak in the knees and all that. I'm about 26 now, and I wish I could get over that.

 

I spoke to a mutual friend later and he said that she commented that she "enjoyed my company." I didn't even speak to her much >_

Wow, and there were probably some other shy guys watching you both, watching her smile, talk to, and hug you, wishing they knew how to attract her attention like you did. Yeah, they probably saw you as the smooth and suave one with all the luck and skills.

 

But as you can see, even without doing anything, it actually doesn't take all that much to get a woman interested. Geez, unless we're lesbians, we're just naturally wired to like guys. I mean, we couldn't stop liking yous even if we wanted to. And that's probably what Night Pumpkin and princessjasmine were trying to say, "attracting a girl/guy is the easy part" because WE'RE ALREADY ATTRACTED, even when you think you aren't doing anything special. And "hot" women are no different, because we/they all have that same basic wiring, to like the guys. (BTW, that's why I also said a bum knee wasn't enough to make a woman sideline you... gosh, besides the knee, there's sooo many other wonderful parts of you that are still interesting to a heterosexual female, such as intelligence, sensitivity, cuteness factor, masculinity, biceps, ahhh, yum.

 

And a lot of women are also worried about whether you will reject us, hoping you will pick us to be that special "ONE," hoping we're saying all the right things, hoping we look good enough for ya, hoping we're good enough to attract your attention so you'll want to see us again. If you knew how much women also worry about all of that, i.e. being accepted, you'd probably be amazed. Your worrying is all for nothing.

 

And if you really know you'd be wonderful in a relationship, the right woman for you will be very glad you stepped up, (or showed up)... because for her to be alone, or to have to deal with a bunch of jerks, while she looks and waits for the good guy to show up, well, that get's old really fast. So... just do both of you a favor, eh?

[biddo]

Yup.

 

2 days ago, there was this hot girl at a party. She was like a 9 out of 10. A tall 5'11" brunette with a gorgeous face.

 

She smiled whenever she looked over to me, she asked me things, drew me a picture (literally), hugged me when she left and thanked me for inviting her.

 

I think I could barely get out a complete sentence whenever she was around me. I was weak in the knees and all that. I'm about 26 now, and I wish I could get over that.

 

I spoke to a mutual friend later and he said that she commented that she "enjoyed my company." I didn't even speak to her much >_

 

wow...hot chicks are awesome...i wished there was more hot chicks at work

[fredthebread]

Join an organisation like amnesty international or do a salsa class, lots of women there! The more you interact with women the less shy you will be around them. Maybe you should figure out what your underlying beliefs about yourself are, that are making you shy.

[Night Pumpkin]

Why are you guys judging the girls you meet by how "good looking" they are ? What is good looking anyway....

 

A good looking girl won't make you more happy. If won't even make sex better. Sex feels just as good with any girl. What really matters if that you are wtih someone who loves you. Who cares if this girl drew a picture of you or something...does she love you ??? That is all that matters

 

I strongly agree with Miss M also. You don't have to do all those special things to attract girls. OK, for me, I used to lots of things thinking it would attract girls. Those things, esp. on those websites like fastseduction and link removed really are of little use. I tried the techniques and had little success. The success I did have with women has been when I am just being myself. There have been times when I have done absolutely nothing, and a girl who I never expected to attract found me attractive and started to flirt with me. You don't have to do something to make a girl like you. She either likes you or she doesn't, and there is nothing you can change about that.

[biddo]

o was with someone that loves me ....

maybe i pass that by,,,,,nah i doubt it ...

if someone loves u and u dont love them back .. then its not love

love cannot be forced upon, or given just to reciprocate.

love is self willing, natural and mutual.

if u love some one and they love u back then thats love.

[Caldus]

I have to kind of agree. I mean there has to be some physical attraction (for both people too).

[galaxy71]

I completely disagree with some of the posters here. If it was that easy to attract a woman, the OP wouldn not have had to start this thread in the first place. There are plenty of guys who go years without getting any sex. Yes, heterosexual women are attracted to guys. But they are much more selective about who they date than men do because women get approached all the time. Women also don't have the same sex drive that guys have. That's why a lot of average-looking women get bombared with male attention through the online personals.

 

Men are attracted to a women's looks. Women are attracted to a guy's looks, personality, confidence, and sense of humor. For guys, attraction is an on and off switch. On the other hand, women's attraction for men is much more gradual. There is a reason why a lot of guys spent hundreds or thousands of dollars to learn how to attract women.

 

For most of my life, I did not know how to attract women. I did not know how to dress sharply, and I also did not know how to flirt. This is a problem that is pretty common among a lot of guys. Not only did I not know how to attract women, but a lot of women in another forum tried to convince me that women ONLY cared about looks. Whether a woman was attracted to me or not was something that I had no control over. There are a lot of guys who have been mislead into thinking that women care about as looks just as much as men do. If you check out the different dating advice websites in the internet, you will see a lot of MISinformation about how women are attracted to men. In addititon, there is a large amount of guys who cannot attract women no matter how hard they try.

[Miss M]

The point is... Cluelessguy IS attracting women, and plenty of them too. He's just not doing anything about it yet. For example, I think that woman at the party would be a perfect one to follow-up on with a serious inquiry, a phone call, an invite for coffee, or something. After all, she smiled, talked, thanked, and HUGGED him. Gosh, I think those are the kinds of clues that would cause a guy to go ahead and make the leap.

 

When the nice guys who would "be a great guy to be in a relationship" don't respond and step forward, then more and more the only guys left to interact with women will be those who "bombard" us with blatant insincerity... and then they just toss women away like worthless trash. Can you really blame us for not wanting to sign on for something like that? geez I've often been told that I have a low sex drive just because I don't put up with being treated like a disposable piece of garbage, bleh. ... definitely not true, but I guess it makes for a convenient excuse when some guy doesn't want to treat me right.

 

BTW, it's not that women have low sex drives (the runaway sales of women's sex toys prove that's not true IMO.) I'd say it's just that many of us don't like being treated like some guy's throwaway trash.

 

To get dates a guy has to be willing/able to put himself out there, take risks, show some obvious interest in the women, meet her partway, and start engaging in that "mating ritual" of looking, smiling, talking, flirting, asking, and following through. Typically there's no easy way around that simple fact. But if he doesn't/can't/won't do that, I guess that's okay too. But it's still not something you can attribute to a woman's supposedly low sex drive.

 

BTW, I caught a guy checking me out several times today while I was at Starbucks. The last time was so unmistakeable, I caught him dead-on in a straightforward lingering gaze from accross the room, busted. But when I looked over at him, he looked away yet again. [sigh] There are a lot of guys like that, repeatedly looking at me, but looking away when I look back at them. I'm willing to meet a guy halfway (or sometimes even more), but if he keeps looking away, well, I'll just leave him alone.

[Leonhart]

When the nice guys who would "be a great guy to be in a relationship" don't respond and step forward, then more and more the only guys left to interact with women will be those who "bombard" us with blatant insincerity... and then they just toss women away like worthless trash.

 

To get dates a guy has to be willing/able to put himself out there, take risks, show some obvious interest in the women, meet her partway, and start engaging in that "mating ritual" of looking, smiling, talking, flirting, asking, and following through. Typically there's no easy way around that simple fact. But if he doesn't/can't/won't do that, I guess that's okay too.

 

Bah.

 

Too much work.

 

There should be a simpler way.

 

I'm not advocating arranged marriages, but they had one positive point: You didn't have to do anything to get a woman. Kind of nice, for us kind of guys.

[scotty77]

Bah.

 

Too much work.

 

There should be a simpler way.

 

I'm not advocating arranged marriages, but they had one positive point: You didn't have to do anything to get a woman. Kind of nice, for us kind of guys.

 

Ain't that the truth!!

[Miss M]

Bah.

 

Too much work.

 

There should be a simpler way.

 

I'm not advocating arranged marriages, but they had one positive point: You didn't have to do anything to get a woman. Kind of nice, for us kind of guys.

Simpler? Aww, then sites like fastseduction and sosuave would be out of business, (and women would no longer be "bombarded" either).

 

Of course if you're the kind of guy who simply can't be bothered... well that's probably a whole different thing.

[nord]

Hey dont worry about, you dont look that bad mate, just got to concentrate on being postitive, confident ,dressing well and being relaxed around women, dont see them as potential partners just see them as friends people to get on with

 

Sounds stupid what I do around women is try and think of them as a male friend in terms of how you act, talk, what you say, the way you are as a person, that helped me be a bit more confident around attractive women, it can sometimes be impossible tho if you really fancy them

 

Im actually 38 and ive never dated so you should'nt be fretting at 25, with me its more to do with how i feel about myself inside, im just not good enough !!!, never will be !! but i still mingle and interact with women where possible, I just seem to come accross as one of those guys who just isnt interested or is gay (neither of which is the case)

 

I do / have felt the same way you do but you have to get on with things, you've a hell of a lot more going for you than I have

 

Go get em kidda

[Night Pumpkin]

Dude,

 

If you want to be happy, you have to stop thinking that girls are going to make you happy.

 

Your romantic relationships should only be part of one's life; they should never be part of one's entire life. Your relations with your family, your friends, you co workers, and others are also very important. And you should have some passions outside of romantic love.

[iwishiknew]

I can't attract any girls at all! From my experiences I had, I always been turned down and rejected because I lack of physical attraction or simple words.."I am ugly"...I have been told that many times..I know bacuase I am on hotornot and my rating is a 4 (alot of ones and twos)..That has been the case for me since I was a teen and still today I haven't had a gf or even had my first kiss....I am a nice, caring, athletic guy but when it comes trying to get a girl or a response from an online ad, its so hard to get a response back..I wish a girl would like me for who I am and give me a chance and not like me by judging me on my appearance and looks.

 

From what I see, looks and physical attraction is very important key to have to attract the opposite sex. Yes its also about personality, being honest, caring, loving but having physical attraction ties it all together..At this stage I am kinda giving up hope..

[galaxy71]

Don't lose hope. It's more than just physical attraction for women. Mick Jagger looks like an anorexic girl, yet he attracts lots of women. Prince is barely above five feet, yet women love him. This guy I know is morbidly obese, yet he dated a lot of women because of his personality and sense of humor. Last night, this girl had to be dragged away by her guy, because I charmed her in only a few minutes of conversation. This is coming from a guy who had extremely poor, social skills a couple of years ago.

 

You need to learn how to dress like a confident man. You need to learn how to walk like a confident man. But most importantly, you need to learn how to talk like a confident man.

 

I saw this nerd get the phone number of this sexy, tall brunette at a nightclub one time. Instead of asking boring questions, he intrigued her with his conversational skills. IwishIknew, you should seriously check out the websites mentioned in this thread. Those websites are geared toward self-improvment. Its a place where men who are experienced with women teach social skills and confidence to inexperienced guys. Do you really think that you are going to improve yourself when some of the people in this forum feed you simplistic platitudes about "being yourself" and "You should be friends first"?

 

A lot of guys act stiff and polite around women they find attractive. Whether through the feminist movement, the growing rise of single-parent households, genetics and family upbringing, men have been deluded into thinking they could attract women by pleasing them and seeking their approval. Rather than being their true selves, a lot of men have become wussy, robots around the women they like. On the other hand, the guys who are attracting the women are having fun telling stories and teasing the women they adore. Rather than just asking her the same mundane questions over and over again, these guys are making women laugh and taking them all over the town. These guys are aggressive and take the lead. A lot of guys don't know how to be men. Instead, they have become passive, nice guys who are afraid of taking a chance.

[iwishiknew]

I know its more than just physical attraction for women..To me it doesn't seem like it at all, I guess from all the rejections and turndowns I had since I was a teen, and in my 20's really put an hard impact in my heart..I don't go for high standards trying to get hot models or perfect 10's cause I know I am way out of their league..I go for cute, average, athletic girls but I just can't attract any at all..I dress up normal, I am nice and polite, caring, all the good stuff girls want but absolutely nothing..What websites are you talking about? Do you have the links for it?

[galaxy71]

I know its more than just physical attraction for women..To me it doesn't seem like it at all, I guess from all the rejections and turndowns I had since I was a teen, and in my 20's really put an hard impact in my heart..I don't go for high standards trying to get hot models or perfect 10's cause I know I am way out of their league..I go for cute, average, athletic girls but I just can't attract any at all..I dress up normal, I am nice and polite, caring, all the good stuff girls want but absolutely nothing..What websites are you talking about? Do you have the links for it?

 

A few years ago, I was bitter and depressed after one of my female friends married her classmate. This girl flirted with me, but I did not know how to flirt back. As a result, she dated the guy who became her future husband. I was so depressed and bitter because I knew that it would be a long time before I would attract another girl. Than one of my friends told me about a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It's a book about how a nice guy writer became a casonova after he joined an underground, online community of Don Juans. Once I finished the book, I was excited and I found out about all these websites that teach guys how to interact with women by modeling themselves after guys who were extremely successful with women. You have the fastseduction, themysterymethod, and the venusianarts website.

 

These websites take a lot of beating on this forum. A lot of it is justified. But you know what? These self-righteous critics need to ask themselves this question. Do any of these guys who start threads in the "Love and Soulmate" folder and the "Dating and Shy People" folder show any improvment? The answer is a big, fat, resounding NO.

 

Being nice is not enough to flip the attraction switches for women. Trust me, there is a big difference when a girl is being friendly to you versus when she is attracted to you. Last night, I was talking with this girl, when I started becoming playful with this rock, scissor, paper game. Out of nowhere, the girl started giggling like crazy, and asking me all these personal questions. Her male friend with benefits tried to drag her away, but she resisted. That is attraction. You can't get that type of reaction being nice and polite.

[Leonhart]

I think a lot of the criticism is over the fact that those sites portray an ideology of using women for nothing more than sex. I.e. the goal is to seduce as many women as possible, sleep with them, then move on to another 'target.' A lot of the information is good and useful, but there's definitely a problem with that kind of ideology.

[Caldus]

I agree. I like their advice but that is not my goal.

[Leonhart]

Nor is it mine. I am only interested in pursuing a SERIOUS, commited relationship. Not a one night fling.

 

But whether you're looking for a soul mate or a temporary girlfriend, those sites can provide you with a lot of useful tools to achieve that goal. I'm not saying I agree with everything on those sites; I couldn't. Some of it is contradictory. But most of it does have its truths and uses.

 

I think every shy or unsuccessful male should look over some of those sites and take in what they can.

[CluelessGuy321]

I agree with Galaxy71.

 

I've been too nice and stiff around attractive women. It's a hard barrier I'm trying to break. I get a lot of good advice on dressing to look confident and attractive from my metro sexual friends and good looking women I know (friends' girlfriends), and I think I've noticed a huge leap in confidence by dressing up - not only for social events, but casual clothing as well. A nice pair of jeans and a fitted T-shirt go a long way <_>

 

Anyways, it does seem to be a skill that anyone with 1/2 a brain can pick up, but I can't seem to be able to. I probably need to be placed into much more social situations and learn how to interact confidently in new situations that would otherwise make me feel anxious or unsure of myself.

 

I've sat with older friends, and watched how they operate with random women, and I can tell - I have a LONG way to go in starting a conversation and getting women's attention like these guys.

[Miss M]

I've sat with older friends, and watched how they operate with random women, and I can tell - I have a LONG way to go in starting a conversation and getting women's attention like these guys.

I find this puzzling. You say you WERE talking to a woman, and you had her attention... and she was talking, laughing, smiling, thanking, and hugging. And you even received (or she SENT[?]) positive feedback later through that mutual acquaintance that she enjoyed your company. So weren't you already doing all the things you say you're trying to learn to do?

 

She smiled whenever she looked over to me, she asked me things, drew me a picture (literally), hugged me when she left and thanked me for inviting her.

Um, that picture that she drew... was it a map to her house? ... (Aw j/k... well... sorta... )