Anyone happily alone?

[Asphyxia]

Does anyone here have some suggestions for living the simple life?

Is anyone here content to avoid hurting or being hurt and choose to be alone?

 

i dont believe there is a way to live a simple life, at least not for people who's minds are constantly in a warp of struggle and philosophy naturally.

 

I usually am alone and avoid talking to a girl that i like very much because im a coward or im not ready to take control of my mind and feelings.

But also because, yes, im afraid. I think i am most fearful of being rejected or of what people might think of me. I dont think its the way to be. I think because humans are naturally social creatures, we need not to be alone even if it seems to be your own personal character. Its not healthy. I choose to be alone but i dont think its a good thing, so im not content, and i want to improve and fix that and hopefully grow up. Its ok to be alone for a little while to gather yourself (after a breakup or something), but it shouldnt be a very long while, you have to grow out of it.

[keenan]

I usually am alone and avoid talking to a girl that i like very much because im a coward or im not ready to take control of my mind and feelings.

But also because, yes, im afraid. I think i am most fearful of being rejected or of what people might think of me. I dont think its the way to be. I choose to be alone but i dont think its a good thing, so im not content, and i want to improve and fix that and hopefully grow up.

 

How old are you?

[Asphyxia]

17.

 

heh, sorry if i dont make sense or seem juvenile. I know the creator of the thread is older and coming out of marriage, i thought id write my useless thoughts anyways

[ShySoul]

Not useless. We can learn something from everyone.

 

In my mind, the only way to not be alone is to be comfortable with being alone. Life is full of paradoxes like that. When you don't think about being alone or not, you are more focused on just you. Thus you do what you like, have fun, improve yourself. You are happier. That happiness enables your natural personality to shine and thus it attracts others to you. The problem comes when we try to live up to expectations of being social or of acting like we are supposed to. We put so much pressure on ourselves (even more so for people naturally quiet and shy) that the pressure is the biggest obstacle to getting anywhere. I find that removing the pressure, makes it all easier.

 

Don't think about the girl (yes, I know how hard that is). Just concentrate on being you and becoming happy with yourself. When you are, then you will feel confident and you will just be able to talk to her. There will still be some fear, but you will be better able to contain it.

[Miss M]

Okay, just piping in to say you're NOT being juvenile, and your thoughts are NOT useless. In fact, you wrote almost the exact words I've also been writing about myself (and also to others) for the last few weeks. (I'm almost 50 btw) I'm much too isolated... it's become a bad habit, and I need to tap into my courage, break out of this shell, start socializing again. I'm naturally a social creature, and that aspect hasn't been adequately taken care of. So I totally agree with you. And I guess I need to grow up too. And at 70, 80, 90, I fully expect to be still "growing up."

[Asphyxia]

heh

 

this thread isnt about me though, i was mostly answering the question of the thread.

[ShySoul]

Knowing the creator of the thread, I don't think he'd mind. So if you have anything you want to ask about, go ahead. Or you can start your own thread if you want.

[keenan]

Yeah, don't sweat it. Dako is good at sharing.

[Dako]

I like curly threads. Often they wander to good places.

 

BTW, at a gathering by the bay of guys aged 38-65 I brought up the subject of living alone for good. I was surprised how positive they all were after the usual banter about my sexual orientation, complete with graphic imagery. LOL!

 

We all opened up about a need for freedom and autonomy and a sense of disappointment at our failures. We got into a real confab for a while that was silenced by a passing female.

We agreed that was the problem.

[PersonalGrowth]

Dako,

 

I have come to believe it's critical for each person to be content being alone in order for a relationship to work. I was content (period), living in the moment, and enjoying my freedom and independence for a year when I met my current boyfriend. I wasn't sure whether I was ready for a relationship, but we connect so well and he is so incredibly special, that I didn't want to turn him down as I believe he is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of catch. For the first time, I have approached a relationship with no end goal (i.e. getting married) and have just taken it as it comes. He is the love of my life, and we have taken it very slowly. I have continued to build up my life and enjoy my alone time throughout this one-year relationship. And while on one hand I want to spend the rest of my life with him, on the other, I am in no way ready to live together or marry.

 

I am part of a women's group and this was a topic of discussion at a recent one. Unlike me, the majority of the members are married, stay-at-home mothers and there are a couple of other singles like myself. I was quite surprised that the majority of us women thought that some type of "unique" setup would be ideal. One very happily married woman said that she and her husband agree that if they had the money, the ideal would be for each of them to live in their own house, on the same block, because both of them are very sensitive to their environments (color of walls, etc) and they both prefer different environments. Many of us liked the idea of living separately long-term while in a committed relationship to keep from losing ourselves.

 

Back to my original point, no one else can MAKE us happy. If we have not done the sometimes wrenching personal growth work necessary to achieve happiness on our own, even the best partner in the world will not be able to do it for us.

[Dako]

PG,

 

I think you get my drift!

I had three years alone before my marriage and was very happy without any woman in my life. I often look back fondly at that period. Today I was motorcycle shopping and felt at peace with being a single guy.

I can't imagine being married again. Been there, done that. I'm sure this sounds like bitterness.

What if it's not?

What if it's better to live without a critic?

What if it works?

[brando]

Then it works for you.

 

 

No critic, i like that one.

 

 

You will be ok Dako, and thingsd will change for you. And change again.

 

 

Maybe you will meet a iker woman, and spend time travelling together on the open road, who knows what will be brought to you tomorrow, i think the trick is not to prjudge or predetermine anything.

 

I think you know this though.

be well,

brando

[Dako]

Thanks, brando. You're a contender!

[DN]

Thanks, brando. You're a contender!

 

lmao

 

Dako - I love your sense of humour. I'll buy you a beer sometime and in return you can entertain me for a while.

[Dako]

Thanks, DN

 

I'm sipping an Arrogant Bastard ale.

 

To DN!

[DN]

 

 

This one?

[Dako]

Yes, made just a mile away from me. Good stuff.

[Msnak]

Since I just found this thread today, I'm going back a few pages to this quote. (Left in the sentences I watned to highlight.) It makes absolute sense.

 

Think of the late bloomers in dating, they think they're miserable because everyone around them is dating, with someone, in love, going out....and then, when they finally meet osmeone, they find out it takes work, you get hurt and people can let you down.

 

Suddenly, being on your own a while ago wasn't so bad. But like a drug that society pushes on us--we go onward and pursue relationships. Sometimes we lose ourselves along the way.

 

So, when we get knocked down, suddenly, everything stops and we are forced to redefine ourselves, what we want, who we want to be.

 

You can do that when single and unencumbered by another person.

 

And keep in mind there is a difference in being alone vs. being single vs. being lonely.

 

You can feel lonely or alone in a relationship.

 

On a personal note, I was such a nerdette in high school through college, that I only dated during summer break, pretty much. Never getting fully involved because I had bigger passions--my education or establishing a career.

 

Well, for the most part, my education is fine (I'm a grad student) & so is my career (FT professional). I've traveled, met zillions of people and had a blast. But society's weight of me being alone for TOO long got the best of me.

 

What did I do? Became almost bent on seeking a marriage mate last year. Met trash and got hurt.

 

I've never felt such pain. It's enough to make me NEVER want to date again because it feels like a sick game. But I'm getting over it. I won't let a few duds ruin me or my attitude about relationships. If something comes, it comes.

 

In the meantime, I've rediscovered myself--the self I nearly lost.

 

My life has gotten so much better--but again, it's because I'm single, alone and unencumbered. I surround myself with people too often to be lonely or to dwell on the negative, sour parts of life.

[Caldus]

Eh, I manage.

 

I am an excellent student at my college and it looks like I might actually be getting an internship in the summer. Only problem is, of course, I can't remember how to enjoy life anymore. Not that I hate it though. Just so occupied with work and other stuff for the longest time that I just don't actually enjoy going out the rare times I do go out.

[Caldus]

Not looking for anyone of course...

[yeawutever]

Well alone has many definition if wut ur saying means if ur happy being single. My answer would be that for the meantime I'm ok with it, relationships aren't easy, they cause troubles also and I can imagine I would then have to balance study time, writing here and being with my SO, activities, it would be like doing diff things at once and at the same thing, u get a lil stress over it. Also it's cool when ur single, ur not worrying about saying good things to that special person or that ur gonna hurt him/her nor u getting hurt. So yea, I'm not really interest in a b/f yet, a friend, ok, a date, well ok, but no further than that, unless I were to really get so attach to that special SO, but I would have to see more than just his nice physical appearances, much more than that.

[Tesseract_Witch]

Does anyone here have some suggestions for living the simple life?

Is anyone here content to avoid hurting or being hurt and choose to be alone?

 

What do you perceive the "simple life" to be, Dako? And as for harming people, it can easily be achieved (not using "achieved" as if it is an accomplishement) with or without the help of another...trust me.

[Dako]

I mean no involvement.

 

Let's say you go on a date, one thing leads to another, etc.

You're now involved to some degree with a person, and one of you may want to take it further, but the other does or doesn't. A conflict may erupt either way, regarding the "rules" or the difference of desires. Avoiding this drama is what I call a simple life.

 

As far as not hurting someone in a relationship, I've never pulled it off. Maybe I'm just a cruel, thoughtless guy. I doubt it, though. If you can manage not to hurt someone you love, you're a rare and wise person.

[Tesseract_Witch]

I thought 53 was the new 35...

 

LMFAO!!!!!

[Tesseract_Witch]

As far as not hurting someone in a relationship, I've never pulled it off. If you can manage not to hurt someone you love, you're a rare and wise person.

 

If you manage not to hurt someone, that someone--or maybe you--just aren't human! No WAY can you ever see eye-to-eye all the time--sometimes, just clashing beliefs can be hurtful without either party realizing the damage they are dealing.