Anyone happily alone?

[Dako]

I'm going to hit amazon tonight for some reading.

[Miss M]

Miss M,

 

You are on the top of my list of people who deserve a nice guy to be with. I think the good ones are intimidated by your combo of brains, looks, and heart. And they also tend to get jaded after a bad experience or two, thus making it more difficult then usual to approach someone. But they do need to stop using things as an excuse and start to embrace things when they come.

Hey ShySoul, thanks so much, hon... you're a real sweetheart. But one of the things you say I have is "looks"? Have you seen a glimpse of me somewhere? Hmm? ... I don't remember.

 

But that other description you said... "intimidated" ... that keeps getting mentioned in regards to me. But I feel inferior, unworthy, inadequate. The idea that I intimate anyone is quite a shock to me... but you aren't the only to mention it, so I'm paying attentiion.

 

Maybe if the guys look away, you should go up and talk to them? Don't give them a chance to avoid you.

Being bold like that really isn't my typical style either, but I agree that I need to do it, so I'm having to challenge myself. And I've even done it a couple of times... and it's scarey stuff, but I'm very determined to break out of this limiting comfort zone.

 

Though I have to take myself out of the running on being tagged by anyone. Got my sights set on someone else, a truly remarkable lady. Still, if you want an agent to help you get in contact and extol your virtues, you can count on me.

Oh, that's great news. And I'm really glad you have your "sights set on someone." Good for you. Love to/from another always makes life much sweeter. Wishing you all the best in this new love interest.

 

I'm going to hit amazon tonight for some reading.

While I was out today, I picked up a copy of "Love 101" from the library. I've been single for a long while and I'm really hoping I don't stay that way too much longer, but I want to read it just to see how I've been doing so far as a single person.

[melrich]

Have you seen a glimpse of me somewhere? Hmm? ... I don't remember.

 

I hope he's not talking about your avatar!!??

[keenan]

I hope he's not talking about your avatar!!??

 

 

What are you talking about? I think the librarian dog is really hot!

[melrich]

Dako's dog is hot....sorry MissM, I am making a huge assumption that the dog on your avatar is not yours. If it is...it's only the glasses....

[Miss M]

What are you talking about? I think the librarian dog is really hot!

Melrich, Keenan, this is too funny! Someone else told me that darling puppy in my avatar was also a turn-on.

 

I just don't get it. I thought she (the dog) was a type of joke.

 

Ya just never know what does it for some people, eh?

 

And no, that's not my dog... just a pic I found on the internet. I've seen it in several places so it seems to be very popular... a classic.

 

And oh yes, Dako's pooch is totally adorable... I've fallen madly in love with her.

[ShySoul]

Well, I do think glasses are attractive...... but on a real person, not a dog.

 

And besides, I draw the line at bread. Animals just don't do anything for me.

 

True, I haven't seen you Miss M. But I've written you and read enough by you to have a good sense of who you are. And with the amazing person you are on the inside, I can't imagine that not shining on the outside as well. Like I've always said, when you have the heart, personality, and brains, the physical attraction follows. You yourself said that guys were looking at you, then looking away. Come on and admit it. You're a looker. You've got the guys staring at you and getting them all riled up.

 

On the being intimidating part, it may not be you. They may just be nervous and unsure yourself. You want to look for the nice guys. They tend to be the quiet ones who are shy and may be intimidated easily. I think we also suffer from the same condition. We can be intimidating, even though we don't realize it. When we teamed up on a debate a long time again, I saw you had a firm grasp of logic and a way of taking what's said and spotting flaws in it. You can see through to the truth and what is really going on. And you aren't afraid to say it. It may just be you and how you approach things, and it may not be how you handle relationships. But its there in some ways, and people might see it. I'm not sure how to handle that part of me either.

 

Being bold may not be your style, and you don't have to be overly bold. But with the kind of guy you seem to want, a little more boldness may be in order. You and whoever is lucky enough to meet you are going to need to meet in the middle. Think thats the problem most of the good guys and girls run into. There personality isn't to be bold, so they never take the chance and things never go anywhere. But someone needs to take that chance.

 

And thank you Miss M. Things haven't been easy, and there is still much to work through. But there is at least some bit of hope. And thanks for everything you've done for me.

[ShySoul]

On the avatar: The avatar we pic says much about us. Miss M, that pic says you are smart, wise, and cute with a dash of whimsy. And those qualities are very much turn ons.

 

Mine? It says I am a goofball. And who doesn't love goofballs?

[keenan]

Ooooh. Avatar analysis. Well, I've used 3 different whirligigs. What does that say about me, Dr. Shy?

 

(Dako, we've hijacked your thread, but feel free to wrestle it back.)

[CarnelianButterfly]

Shy, aren't there some states with laws against molesting bakery products? I know my state has a law about carrying ice cream in your pocket...

[keenan]

Shy, aren't there some states with laws against molesting bakery products? I know my state has a law about carrying ice cream in your pocket...

 

The county I'm from had laws against having more than three pieces of living room furniture on your front porch at any one time, but that didn't stop anyone.

[melrich]

Yep we have hijacked Dako's thread!!

 

Dako if you want I can remove these posts, let me know. But let me just indulge for a minute. I do think there is something to what Shy says, your avatar probably does say something about you. I've never had one and that is because all the other members I looked at, for some reason their avatar made me make assumptions about them.

 

Shy yours was the classic when you had the blonde woman, I thought for ages that you were female, never even bothered to check your profile.

 

Anyway, enough of the thread hijacking. I think this would make an interesting topic in its own right, "What does your avatar say about you?" or "what do you think other people's avatars say about them."

 

Probably been done already but not for a while that I can remember.

[Dako]

LOL I like threads that grow like organisms! No problem at all.

 

I went to the bookstore an found books on everything but living alone.

They had a mountain of sex books, so I guess most people are having dynamite sex instead of living alone.

Or else writing books about sex.

[ShySoul]

Sorry for taking over thread Dako. Hope you got your original question answered.

 

If everyone is up for it, why not start an avatar thread. Think there could be some interesting stories and comments.

 

Melrich - Interesting point you raised. The pick made you think I was female, despite the male gender under my name. And I got another similar comment on it before. What does that say about people's attention to details?

 

CB - Be quiet. I've managed to stay ahead of the law so far, but I think they might be gaining on me. And that could be another thread... weird laws from around the globe.

 

Keenan - I was looking to see if I could come up with what your avatar says about you. If you want to know, let me know.

 

Dako - we return this thread to your hands. Hope you are having fun reading all the suggestions you got.

[keenan]

Sure, start one. Has anyone ever noticed that quite a few guys choose female avatars, but I've rarely (if ever) seen a woman choose a guy's pic? Wonder why....

[melrich]

What does that say about people's attention to details?

 

I don't know what it says about other people but it says something about me that I've always known, I am more visual than i am alpha/numeric.

[Dako]

I like girls, especially ones with a wet nose.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I like girls, especially ones with a wet nose.

So you must be against the use of anti-histamines...

[melrich]

And tissues.

[Dako]

I prefer the enchantingly natural drippy look.

[ShySoul]

I prefer the enchantingly natural drippy look.

 

Who doesn't?

[Miss M]

Well, I do think glasses are attractive...... but on a real person, not a dog.

I usually hate it when people dress their dogs just to amuse themselves. But for some reason this pic made me LOL. When I chose it I really didn't know how to describe it, but yeah, it's just like you said, simultaneously smart and whimsical. I've got a stern and serious side, but I always fall right back into joking around, playfulness.

 

True, I haven't seen you Miss M. But I've written you and read enough by you to have a good sense of who you are. And with the amazing person you are on the inside, I can't imagine that not shining on the outside as well. Like I've always said, when you have the heart, personality, and brains, the physical attraction follows. You yourself said that guys were looking at you, then looking away. Come on and admit it. You're a looker. You've got the guys staring at you and getting them all riled up.

Good points ShySoul, and thanks. But I've gotten so much emotional abuse, I thought the abuse was the reflection of who I was, someone deserving of abuse. And then when the shy guys looked away, I thought they were rejecting me, But then I realized that many of them are just rejecting themselves on my behalf. It was all very confusing. But yeah, you made some excellent points.

 

And also, I just don't see what the guys see in me. But of course I'm not a guy, so I don't understand what turns them on, and so I've tried to accept that it will never make sense to me. And besides I just tend to see my flaws, but there's that self-esteem problem again.

 

On the being intimidating part, it may not be you. They may just be nervous and unsure yourself. You want to look for the nice guys. They tend to be the quiet ones who are shy and may be intimidated easily. I think we also suffer from the same condition. We can be intimidating, even though we don't realize it. When we teamed up on a debate a long time again, I saw you had a firm grasp of logic and a way of taking what's said and spotting flaws in it. You can see through to the truth and what is really going on. And you aren't afraid to say it. It may just be you and how you approach things, and it may not be how you handle relationships. But its there in some ways, and people might see it. I'm not sure how to handle that part of me either.

Also all good points. (And thanks again for the compliments ) And as to "spotting flaws"... yes, I see that I do that easily, and seemingly without fear, but it's sure not the way to get on the good side of people. So again, it did nothing for my self-esteem.

 

Being bold may not be your style, and you don't have to be overly bold. But with the kind of guy you seem to want, a little more boldness may be in order. You and whoever is lucky enough to meet you are going to need to meet in the middle. Think thats the problem most of the good guys and girls run into. There personality isn't to be bold, so they never take the chance and things never go anywhere. But someone needs to take that chance.

Agreed ShySoul, again you made some very excellent points. And I've been re-directing my efforts to be "bold" with the right ones. It's tough, but since I've been giving the shy guys a hard time about withdrawing, I'm trying to practice what I preach. ... and yes, looking for that one that will "meet me in the middle."

 

Shy, aren't there some states with laws against molesting bakery products? I know my state has a law about carrying ice cream in your pocket...

Is this true???

This is too funny. LOL ... Someone actually made that into a law? And did they make that law because someone had actually tried to put ice cream in his pocket???

Oh, that's very hilarious... and seems like something Groucho Marx would say. LOL

[ShySoul]

But I've gotten so much emotional abuse, I thought the abuse was the reflection of who I was, someone deserving of abuse. And then when the shy guys looked away, I thought they were rejecting me, But then I realized that many of them are just rejecting themselves on my behalf. It was all very confusing.

 

Good points yourself (and this good easily turn into us saying good point over and over again).That's one of the biggest barriers to relationships. People go through emotional abuse and issues with previous relationships, and that makes them doubt their ability to have another relationship. They internalize the issues and blame themselves, even punish themselves for a long time. Overcoming that is difficult, takes time, and there is no clear way of doing it. But its something we all find a way around in time.

 

>) And as to "spotting flaws"... yes, I see that I do that easily, and seemingly without fear, but it's sure not the way to get on the good side of people.

 

I've tried to learn that people will see things as they see them, and even if what you say is true, polite, and has the best intentions, they will often still put you down for saying it. I understand not wanting to be on people's bad side, the self esteem issues that go with that. But I also think that you need to just say the truth, though in a tactful way. If people get it and see what you mean, great. If they want to twist it around or take it personally and get angry, that's there own issues. It can hurt and sting (the pain is still affecting me), but in the end, you have to stand up for and say what you think.

 

Shy, aren't there some states with laws against molesting bakery products? I know my state has a law about carrying ice cream in your pocket...

 

So, here are some crazy laws from my city, good ol San Francisco:

 

Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash. (And I was going to walk my pet elephant Stampy down Market Street)

 

It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. (I'll use old shirts instead)

 

Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street. (Hey, they can't keep me from walking down the street!)

 

It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner. (Actually, this is a good one.)

 

Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited. (99.99% chance that the person who made this law, also broke it. Probably the first to break it).

[Just2B]

My question isn't about sex.

After being here a while, all this drama has me seriously doubting the value of relationships. Looking back at my marriage reveals a number of illusions that vaporized as I healed, and a string of often costly compromises.

Does anyone here have some suggestions for living the simple life?

Is anyone here content to avoid hurting or being hurt and choose to be alone?

I'm fully aware how my question must come accross, but I'm honestly asking.

 

Not surprisingly, this must not be a lucrative subject for the self-help industry.

Yes, look at your motives the next time you want to get involved in a relationship, intimate or not. Then look at what your values are. Do they match the other persons? To find out what your values are look at what you do with major chunks of your time.

[ultrablueviolet]

Your post made me ponder the thought of being alone and being okay with it. In my 50 years, I have never been alone, but have been lonely. Now that my husband is leaving, I am looking forward to time with myself but it is strange not having someone to be accountable to. It will be interesting to see how this all unfolds.