Who takes heartbreak harder? Men or women?

[drum4god]

I am reading all these posts, and I noticed something strange. There seems to be more men here than women. I know heartbreak doesn't discriminate genders and all heartbreak blows, but its seems to me that men heartbreak a lot harder.

 

I think the fact that men take longer to commit, and when they do we give it all we have. I know I do. I also believe women are more conditioned to handle heartbreak more than men. Some of us men have ego's the size of Texas and believe we will never get hurt, and when it happens it such a huge blow to our egos.

 

This was not meant in anyway to discount women's feelings, or offend anyone. I just have to go by what I observe, and what I have experience in my life and others. All heartbreak hurts, and every situation is unique, but generally speaking I believe men seem to take heartbreak much harder than women.

 

What do you think?

[Big Jim]

i agree completely. Myself, girls i have dated etc, came and went, ive been rejected and have done the rejection, and i never fliched, however once i commited to someone, and it didnt work, i was crushed 100 times harder than i thought i ever would be.

[Echo]

Women tend to have a better "support system" when they go through break ups. We cry, have friends to talk to etc. WOmen simply go through the emotional trauma of a break up sooner than men do. I think men stuff their feelings...or channel it differently, through sports, work, or drinking. I just think men simply deal with it differently. WOmen are emotional..and men look for logic in their emotions.

 

Let me ask you this: When a breakup occurs....why do men wait 6 months to realize they made a mistake? The first 2 or 3 months after a breakup is when a woman is usually mourning her loss..by the time the man comes around and says he "made a mistake"..we have moved on.

[RayKay]

I disagree....grief is very individual and this forum is but a small segment of the population.

 

I can attest that myself, and many women take heartbreak quite horribly. If you really looked around you would see many women whom indeed are broken, and hanging on to whatever they can - it's all about perspective though and what you are looking for.

 

I do have a theory why you see more men here though. Women tend to have a broader emotional support network. It is socially acceptable and welcome for them to go to mothers, sisters, friends and grieve, ask for advice, get a few hugs. I think for women the pain is more "open" so they tend to be able to heal with more support from the people around them, they get those feelings out and feel some relief from that. They start the healing process sooner as they have that support, and that freedom to express their feelings and grief more readily. Just as men do, women put a LOT of investment into a relationship as well, and just like men, can see all their love, hopes and dreams crushed. There is no "conditioning" for that.

 

For men, well you don't see men too often going to their buddies and letting the tears flow and talking about how they fear they will never love or be loved again - thye don't have that same "emotional network" women do. So you see more of them around here, looking for people to listen without judgement, and to find advice to support their "hopes". Most friends would tell you to move on, there are other women, while here you can find more people giving advice on how to "win them back".

[CharLit]

I'm generalising somewhat, but very broadly speaking I'd say the fact that you see more men here than women probably has more to do with more women having friends to whom they can freely vent their emotions: men seem a lot more hesitant to do that and might feel more comfortable coming to an anonymous website to talk about things, rather than showing their vulnerability to those around them. I think having your heart broken is equally painful for everyone.

 

 

edit: heheh, rayKay's reply wasn't there yet when I wrote this - I can read your mind, woman!

 

edit2: and Echo said the same thing too... great minds think alike I guess

[renaissancewoman101]

I think with men, they like to act strong so they dont like to broadcast how heartbroken they are about the breakup so they find ways to grieve, etc that dont allow their friends, guys they hang with, find out. Plus on here there is a sort of anonymity when you post about breakups, desperation, etc. No one here really knows who you are in real life, have met up with you, etc., so here you can air your dirty laundry and not worry about how people here think of you, or that you can run into them later on and wonder what their opinion of you is like.

 

Women post on here because they want to know how a guy thinks and, in understanding how a guy thinks, the woman uses that as a way to plan how they can get their own ex's back.

[BellaDonna]

I think the way a person (whether male or female) takes heartbreak depends a lot on their self-esteem. Those who do not think highly of themselves to begin with are likely to have a feeling of hopelessness and being unwanted for much longer than someone who has a healthy sense of self-worth.

 

A lot of reaction to heartbreak also has to do with one's attitude. Are they an optimist or a pessimist? Are they self-motivated, or so they tend to be helpless and wallow in the face of adversity.

 

Heartbreak is going to be very painful to anyone- however I think it is personality, and not sex/gender, that has a lot to do with how "hard" an individual takes heartbreak. It's the diference between moving on and not moving on- and leanring from the heartbreak- or marinating in it.

 

 

BellaDonna

[arwen]

I agree with BellaDonna. I had zero confidence in myself the first time around, and this was by far the worst break up ever. I thought my life was worth nothing without him. In fact, it was healing from that break up that made me stronger for other break ups.

 

I have been on many forums, and there were more women than men there. That is why I stuck to enotalone, I needed a male perspective on the situation at that time

 

Ilse

[Nathalie1970]

Women tend to have a better "support system" when they go through break ups. We cry, have friends to talk to etc. WOmen simply go through the emotional trauma of a break up sooner than men do. I think men stuff their feelings...or channel it differently, through sports, work, or drinking. I just think men simply deal with it differently. WOmen are emotional..and men look for logic in their emotions.

 

Let me ask you this: When a breakup occurs....why do men wait 6 months to realize they made a mistake? The first 2 or 3 months after a breakup is when a woman is usually mourning her loss..by the time the man comes around and says he "made a mistake"..we have moved on.

 

Right there with you Echo, everything that you have written is true. I will add to what men do is with their drinking, they find women to bed down and take their mind off of the ex and feel macho.(I could be wrong, but I am talking from my ex bf experience) I don't know if they do it out of spite or what but it still hurts me in the end and I feel the loss all over again.

 

And a question for the men out there, why do you wait 6 months to call and say "I want you back"????

[lillady898]

I don't really think you can pinpoint only ONE aspect of why we deal with certain situations the way we do, such as a terrible break-up.

 

Among other factors, it could have some to do with the horomone differences in men and women (which in itself also varies), learning from past situations (i.e. how they were raised, previous break-ups, etc.), social influences from their community, and most importantly, their own intellect. (Some of which may also be weighted in certains direction due to sex-differences.)

 

That's why it's so difficult to generalize human behavior.

[Echo]

LOL Nat....you notice this too huh? Must be a "guy thing".....

[Dako]

It's obvious to me that women handle it much easier.

Why?

Because I'm a guy.

[Echo]

LOL Dako...yes, we are the "epitome" of evil and steel hearts!

[octopus]

I say it directly depends on past experiences. Having gone thru this, I think i've learned a few lessons.

It's also related to self-esteem and emotional stability.

It's also related to your response towards rejection (goes with the above)

 

I don't see where gender makes a difference in any of those. But the ladies' support system definetely helps in feeling you're not alone, or the only one to live this. So does this site.

[yeawutever]

Women tend to have a better "support system" when they go through break ups. We cry, have friends to talk to etc. WOmen simply go through the emotional trauma of a break up sooner than men do. I think men stuff their feelings...or channel it differently, through sports, work, or drinking. I just think men simply deal with it differently. WOmen are emotional..and men look for logic in their emotions.

 

Let me ask you this: When a breakup occurs....why do men wait 6 months to realize they made a mistake? The first 2 or 3 months after a breakup is when a woman is usually mourning her loss..by the time the man comes around and says he "made a mistake"..we have moved on.

 

I dunno about that, being a woman myself I hardly ever cry, tend to get mad mainly and go turn the radio very loud, or just write posts here. I don't like sharing that much, I just feel like writing here is enough, don't have lots of friends either, not so much. Don't really tell my folks nor anyone that much, I rather either write them here or solve them on my own.

[calgaryguy]

I disagree , If a woman gets over her break up in 2 - 3 months , then why is it that we read about people getting back together after 6 months, a year, 2 years . They havnt funny moved on if thats happeneing.

[Mun]

I was always under the impression that men moved on quicker than women......until I came on here. Some guys will be sleeping with lady #2 and still be pinning over the ex...hmmmm

[jigsaw]

Right there with you Echo, everything that you have written is true. I will add to what men do is with their drinking, they find women to bed down and take their mind off of the ex and feel macho.(I could be wrong, but I am talking from my ex bf experience) I don't know if they do it out of spite or what but it still hurts me in the end and I feel the loss all over again.

 

And a question for the men out there, why do you wait 6 months to call and say "I want you back"????

Everyone's situation is unqiue. I dealt with my breakup in the "feminine" way, by turning my friends into a gigantic support group, a lot of time was spent talking about feelings, and not hiding from the pain. I didn't bed down any strangers, drink heavily, or do anything to feel macho. I let those reactive breakup emotions run their course, even though it hurt a lot.

 

I don't think it had anything to do with any specific time frame, but six months later I have a much greater understanding of myself and everyone around me. I have gained perspective. It's interesting that I now have insight into the failed relationship that I never did before, and yeah... six months later I do want her back. Of course, I was the dumpee, so my situation probably doesn't apply to your generlization.

 

I advocate the feminine approach to handling a breakup, don't hide from the feelings, sort them out, learn from them.

[selfi]

Yeah, what is it with men and their '6 month' time frame. ?!?!?

[solo34]

Well could it possibly be that women tell us that "we never want 2 see U again, it's over, so don't come back. I made a mistake with U and we're not meant 2 be!!" so when we finally are at our breaking point of realizing how damn miserable we are, we can't take it, so we reach out 4 our ex girls because NOBODY but them can heal the pain; by then U figure that we're not worth it anymore. Just my opinion, but could that be the reason? I myself DID NOT give up, I continued trying, but I found out that my ex has a new man in her life....so now, it's up 2 her 2 come back 2 me....that's if it ever even happens.

 

-Solo34

[deejay74]

i don't know if this has anything to do with it, but in my experience, i've been dumped twice, and both times the ex had someone else to jump in the sack with immediately. i dumped someone once, and i had no one lined up to do that.

 

all my guy friends who've been dumped had the same experience. their exes had someone else lined up.

 

so in my opinion, i think it's easier for girls to get over it because it's *usually* easier for them to find someone to get their minds off their ex. either by sleeping with that person or taking comfort in them.

 

also, all my guy friends seemed to have taken it a lot harder in general.

 

no offense to the females, just giving my experience.

[Dako]

My first breakup was similar, She moved out while I was at work and got married to a guy she barely knew that day. Talk about a seamless transition for her! She had a baby 9 months later,

I doubt she felt any heartbreak at all.

[solo34]

HOLY SH** Dako.....that's ONE cold woman. She's got issues that are beyond reason. Take care, man.

 

-Solo34

[Dako]

Luckily that was long ago. I imagine she's having a really strange life somewhere.

[Echo]

God help the poor bastard she ended up with....lol