You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[Rickster]

Well.. there's no use blaming it on each other. The best way to solve conflicts is to communicate and tell each other about how you feel. But after reading your posts, it sounds like you won't care. It's up to you what you want to do. Just take what I said lightly.

As I said before, people only remember the mistakes and never the accomplishments. It's like if you were the coach of a football team and won many trophies previously, but all of a sudden in one season you do so badly, the fans would only talk about the bad performance and not the illustrious history of your career.

I think it's quite hard not to say and do bad things in a situation like your's or mine. It's just we were angry and at the same time sad, and it played with our minds. It's like in the spur of a moment we just blew up.

 

I'm not sure about why she would say she loved you and then withdraw her words. But.. you know, people do things for a reason, so I guess she has her reasons for doing that, and you, I and the rest of the forums won't know the reason. We can just speculate, but I hate doing that, it makes me think about it way too much, and give me wrong conclusion. I hope that whatever you choose to do, it be the right thing.

[SuperDave71]

Just remember .....actions ALWAYS speak louder than words....

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[SuperDave71]

Rickster, You still out there my friend? If so, how are you doing? Your Friend, SuperDave71

[asha84]

Dave.... you're the best !

[SuperDave71]

asha84,

 

 

Thank you so much...but I am far from it. I hope all is well with you...

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

SuperDave71

[caliboy_2007]

Thanks Dave for such a nice thread. I never really lost her but I can vouch for what Dave is saying.

 

Granted I did what I'm about to say BEFORE I read Dave's thread but I can say it's TRUE.

 

She wanted a "time off"... I couldn't give it to her, made EXACTLY all the MISTAKES dave said don't do... I did them and got absolutly NOTHING out of them. Pushed her away so much that she said afterall, "she loves me but she's not in love with me"... you know how hard it hurts... oh yeah, it did... I was driving here and there crying in the car so nobody could see me... I lost 10lbs in 5 days.

 

LONG story short, it was funny yet made me CRY that the moment I STOPPED doing and basically STARTED DOING NOTHING, took less than a week that she came running into my arms... I SWEAR by it.

 

The moment I started caring for myself, was the moment she felt the love she had for me I guess... I never found that out, it's a guess but I did find out that all those stupid things (not giving her space, calling to hear her voice, sending mails, text, did all that) was just PUSHING HER AWAY MORE AND MORE... The moment I started to be the man and stand up and get on my feet again and not think (not as much at least) about who she's with and what she's doing, etc... she came back running to me and I WAS STRONGER THAN I HAD EVER FELT.

[SuperDave71]

Great point htoudiee,

 

 

 

Sometimes love is truly there but it needs a bit of shaking up like a snow globe every now and then...

 

If we all loved someone like they will NOT always be there, I have a feeling we could be lot happier in certain relationships...

 

Thanks for the post..

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[Rickster]

Hi SuperDave.

Yeah Im still here. How are you doing now? Im doing pretty average at the moment. Ive sorted some things out. Wouldn't say Im happy nor sad. Not heard from you in a while, what have you been doing?

[SuperDave71]

Rickster,

 

I am doing well myself and I have been wondering how you have been. How do you feel about your current situation? How did you deal with everything you have been through? I am sure there are many people out there who would love to read how you have handled your situation.

 

I am glad that you are still alive and kicking. Please continue to take care of yourself and post if ya need me.

 

 

Take care my friend,

 

SuperDave71

[Rickster]

Me? SuperDave, I'm really no inspiration to others like how you are with the rest of these people seeking advice. But if you and everyone really wanted to know what I did. Well... the answer is simply nothing... like what you've always said. I'm not back with her, but we do occasionally talk on the phone, and figuring out what really happened made me more relieved because atlast I knew what my mistakes were. I figured that I can't make her happy by not letting her have what she wants, and I accept that. She tells me she prefers life now, and I'm happy for her, although not for myself. But I'm fine. There you go, I'm really neither happy nor sad. I guess some people may disagree with what I do, but people have different tolerances and mindsets. SuperDave thanks for asking. I would love to hear from your experience now.

[nmbrc193]

thank you soooo much you jus preveneted me from makin a bad mistake...wat if you happen to run into her in public....jus say hi?????or jus start a casual friendly conversation?

[SuperDave71]

nmbrc193,

 

If you happen o run into her..all you have to do is be yourself and say hello and smile....DOn't make a big deal out of it and understay your welcome. Just pretend to be fine and go on about your business.

 

 

You can do it!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[hjc]

understay your welcome.

 

Great phrase!

[Rickster]

nmbrc193,

 

If you happen o run into her..all you have to do is be yourself and say hello and smile....DOn't make a big deal out of it and understay your welcome. Just pretend to be fine and go on about your business.

 

 

You can do it!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

Exactly what I was going to say. If you try to make something out of it, you'll feel more nervous and everything just breaks down. And quite often they can see you're nervous. Do what you feel like doing, say what you feel like saying. Don't think about it.

[sunflowerEyes]

i have a dilema though. I completely agree with what you said but... since before my ex and i were even close to going out we said that we would be best friends, no matter what, for the rest of our lives.... we're broken up but, we still talk, as best friends.... what the hell do i do now??

I posted another thread about my situation and would like it if you gave me some advice.. please.

[queenofvalidation]

Ah, the "friends zone". Stuck there meself. Well, here's one for ya. My "friend" is awesome in person-He's my bestfriend/lover/soulmate/boyfriend all wrapped up into one. But he will not call me or take my calls or spend 1 moment of alone-time with me for that matter.

[sunflowerEyes]

i see, well, that terrible and im sorry he wont talk to u. I guess i should consider myself luky that my ex is all that u said but still wants me in his life. I'm sorry that i have to realize something like this from your bad situation, but for wat its worth.. thank you.

[Rickster]

Well, my ex doesn't talk to me unless I initiate it first. But it's still something so I'm happy with what I've got. Sunflowereyes best thing to do now is just leave it that way. Think of it this way... For now you are best friends with him and communication is still open. If something develops out of this then so be it, but if nothing doesn't, atleast you know you've retained your friendship status. It's a win win situation. And maybe this is the time you're starting to get to know each other again, and he doesn't want to jump into the relationship too fast.

[sunflowerEyes]

rickster: But is it wrong of me to talk to him about a relationship? I mean, he still tells me he loves me all the time, and kisses me and such.. its very confusing.. i know i should say to stop all that, but he continues to tell me we're going to go back out.. but then there's the issue about the future...

 

heres my thread, if u could, please read it so u get the full story and let me know wat u think..

 

 

thank you

[Rickster]

Well now that I read it the situation isn't what I had expected. I recon you need time to think about this yourself. I remember the days when I refused to do NC, and people kept saying NC was good cause it kept your mind away from him/her. NC worked differently for me, it gave me ample time to think about stuff I could have possibly done wrong, in a calm state. And that's why my period of NC's were considered short and cut up into many segments. I think you should tell him to stop kissing you and telling you "I love you". Tell him that both of you are already separated.

 

Give yourself and himself time to think about what you want and what he wants with NC. And when you do contact him, find out what he really is and his true character. I'm sorry I'm no expert... But this is my opinion.

[TornTattered]

Hey Rickster.... question for ya. You said that you initiate the contact with your ex and that are happy with that. How exactly is the situation with you and the ex?

 

I feel that i could talk to my ex in a civilized manner and have a good time at it ( and have one time since the breakup over a month ago ), but i am perplexed. I am teetering on whether or not i should stay with the NC, or just send her a closure letter ( a civilized one.. nothing mean ) just so i can move on. I dont feel that i can trully move on without getting these things off my chest. And isnt the whole idea of NC to get over them and work on yourself. So it seems that I am either damned if i do, and damned if i dont. I just dont want to hurt anymore. Ive fixed myself in everyway... and this is seemingly the last step. Either **try to move on without getting these things off my chest, or move on with getting these things off my chest. I'd love to have her back, but i only (frustratingly) see this happening in my dreams. I just dont want it to come down to years from now where i regretted not getting these things off my chest.

 

Am i thinking too much with my heart, and not enough with my head?

[ebsmith1]

I've read a lot of this thread and it's a good one. Most of the people seem to be men who have lost their women and I think all of your suggestions work for that. However, being a man yourself, please answer, does this apply for women who want a man back?

 

I was with my guy for over 3 years. He proposed then dumped me a month later. He immediately (if not before) started seeing someone else from out of state. He told me that he loved me but needed some space to "get right and do stupid things" and hoped that I wouldn't give up on him while he got himself worked out. Contact clearly isn't working for me, but is there hope of NC working when it's a guy you are trying to win back?

 

Thanks!

[ebsmith1]

Anyone out there?

[chick_hell]

greetingzzz ppl..

thanks superdaze..its my lucky day i have found this site..n got to know there r millions of ppls having similar problem wit me..gosh praise d lord..kiddin!!..yeah im in da same boat...broke up wit my bf a year ago as he was kinda controllin my life..got out of it but jus realized hw much love i have for him wen he's wit anotha gal rite now...i know he still inlove wit me though he's commited wit dat gal...yeah i did the crap stuff(b4 i browse thru dis website) like call,msg even meet him)..yeah after checkin out dis site..i realized i done a mistake...digging my own grave!!!...i stoped immediately..no more calls,msgs or whatever...yeah i wanna wait for now and get a better outcome rather than action now and spoil everythin...thanks guys.......

gonna stick to yer advice...love u guys...

[Rickster]

To me I don't believe in closure letters. If you want to tell someone something, why not tell them face to face or in voice. Written words are emotionless. If she wants to talk then let her talk. Let her do what she wants. As I said, NC to me was just the short period to give myself so that I can think without any frustration and anger. It made me think about her feelings, what she wants best, and what I could do to please her wants, and analyze the situation. My goal is to ultimately make her happy, and I can only do that if I give her what she wants. What can I do if she wants away from me? The hurt will go away once you realise this. Well it did for me atleast. But I must admit, it took a long time for me to realise it. I used to be afraid of talking to her, because of many reasons, like fear of saying something wrong, fear or hearing something else from what I was expecting, fear of rejection, and over analyzing things, I hated to over analyze things. But as time past, and realizing that I need to be myself if there is any chance she's going to get back with me, I grew not to fear my fears. I can tell you everytime hear the beeps in the dialtone my palms got sweaty, and if I had a good conversation I would jump in joy, if I had a bad conversation my heart would crumble.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is just be yourself, do what you want to do, and don't be afraid of saying or doing what you want to do. If they are going to love you again, they need to know the true you. If you feel NC is good for you, then do it. If you feel the need to talk to her, then do it.