You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[zrehman]

Actually we were not in a relationship. To sum up the story, we were something like very close f**k-buddies but also had a good friendship (are honest to each other about our lives etc.). We didn't see each other for 4 years and she came to visit me from over 1000 miles far. On that day, I was tired and stressed and nervous for various reasons, had a closed attitude and I didn't have sex with her. She probably got very angry about that and didn't talk to me since that day (exactly two weeks today), didn't send me romantic text messages on my phone (used to send around 1 a day), doesn't greet me when I'm online on messenger.

 

Ok. Well yours is a complete different story. I think you owe this "friend" of yours an apology for acting the way you did when she came all that way to see you. She probably will give you an attitude back, but can you blame her??

 

She flew/drove 1000 miles to see you!! I would be upset if I went out of my way and saw my "friend" and they gave me attitude with no explanation.

[metalawag]

Actually we were not in a relationship. To sum up the story, we were something like very close f**k-buddies but also had a good friendship (are honest to each other about our lives etc.). We didn't see each other for 4 years and she came to visit me from over 1000 miles far. On that day, I was tired and stressed and nervous for various reasons, had a closed attitude and I didn't have sex with her. She probably got very angry about that and didn't talk to me since that day (exactly two weeks today), didn't send me romantic text messages on my phone (used to send around 1 a day), doesn't greet me when I'm online on messenger.

 

Sounds like she is just mad at you. I know with booty calls they eventually will hit you up when they are in need of emotional or sexual support.

[zrehman]

Hey Z

 

If you have a little time here is my story. You have a good head on your shoulders and I would appreciate any feedback you could provide

 

]

 

Hey bro ... I read that thread and if you remember I was the one that told you that its been 3 1/2 months since you guys broke up and you have EVERY right to be asking what's going on with you guys ... is it heading into a romantic relationship or does she just wanna be friends.

 

You need to know what's going on?? If you don't, your just gonna kill yourself wondering everyday.

 

Take my advice, get some answer from her first. Once she gives you the answers, let us know what she said and we can take it from there.

 

1 step at a time buddy. We will get you there eventually whatever is in the best interest for you.

[BusyNAbroad]

So... in my personal case do you think it would be OK to send her a nice Christmas greeting (even personalized)?

 

For me she is something between a good friend and booty call. I mean, we used to literally spend hours and hours of webcam and skype talking about science, philosophy, life, everything. And then about sex.

[zrehman]

So... in my personal case do you think it would be OK to send her a nice Christmas greeting (even personalized)?

 

For me she is something between a good friend and booty call. I mean, we used to literally spend hours and hours of webcam and skype talking about science, philosophy, life, everything. And then about sex.

 

Yes definitely! I think you should even go to the extent of sending a small gift to her apologizing for the way you behaved. She deserves an explanation for your behavior.

[metalawag]

Hey bro ... I read that thread and if you remember I was the one that told you that its been 3 1/2 months since you guys broke up and you have EVERY right to be asking what's going on with you guys ... is it heading into a romantic relationship or does she just wanna be friends.

 

You need to know what's going on?? If you don't, your just gonna kill yourself wondering everyday.

 

Take my advice, get some answer from her first. Once she gives you the answers, let us know what she said and we can take it from there.

 

1 step at a time buddy. We will get you there eventually whatever is in the best interest for you.

 

Thanks Bro. Today just sucks but I will ask what I need to know as soon as I get a chance. It does help posting and reading in here. Seriously I would do some dumb sh it if I didnt have this board.

[zrehman]

Thanks Bro. Today just sucks but I will ask what I need to know as soon as I get a chance. It does help posting and reading in here. Seriously I would do some dumb sh it if I didnt have this board.

 

We all have been in your shoes ... we all have done dumb * * * * ... you are not alone.

[metalawag]

Seriously man thank you. Its funny that a random stranger on a message board can be more kind on Christmas then someone you thought you were going to marry and have children with. I appreciate your advice and hope things work out for you, whether you decide to see her or not.

[zrehman]

Seriously man thank you. Its funny that a random stranger on a message board can be more kind on Christmas then someone you thought you were going to marry and have children with. I appreciate your advice and hope things work out for you, whether you decide to see her or not.

 

It's my pleasure. I hope things do work out for you.

 

As for me, I think I'm gonna call her up tomorrow or the day after and let her know that I think I need time to myself to heal and become a stronger person and staying friends isn't gonna make that happen for me.

 

I mean, if its proven on this forum that NC is the best way to go ... why doubt that. I think the experiences the thousands of people have gone through on here and wrote about even scientifically is the best way to go.

 

I'm going for NC

[metalawag]

It's my pleasure. I hope things do work out for you.

 

As for me, I think I'm gonna call her up tomorrow or the day after and let her know that I think I need time to myself to heal and become a stronger person and staying friends isn't gonna make that happen for me.

 

I mean, if its proven on this forum that NC is the best way to go ... why doubt that. I think the experiences the thousands of people have gone through on here and wrote about even scientifically is the best way to go.

 

I'm going for NC

 

You are a pimp! Its tough but you know what to do. F* ck being friends

[zrehman]

You are a pimp! Its tough but you know what to do. F* ck being friends

 

I really thought about it.

 

Fine, we can be friends. We will talk here and there, keeping in contact with each other. What happens when we fight and argue over something stupid because I let me emotions take over ... isn't that gonna push her away even more ... that's gonna make her think ... "Gosh, I'm glad we are just friends and not together" ... that will just give her the reason she is looking for to be ONLY friends.

 

I know that if me and her were together ... we would work out so much better than being friends.

 

Like SUPERDAVE said ... if you do NC, you can't do anything wrong and you can't push her away.

[metalawag]

Exactly. Being friends is giving her comfort and hurting you. Thats the way I see it. I couldnt be friend with an Ex unless I broke it off with them. You dont need more "friends"

[SighSob]

Exactly guys!! That's why after my ex sent me a friendly merry christmas text like we are best friends and there's nothing wrong with her dumping me out of the blue and not giving our 2.5 years relationship a second chance I answered "you were FAKE with me. I have many questions but I don't want to know the answers. I'd rather just keep a nice memory of our story and especially of you, so please get out of my life. I'm already doing better."

 

I broke a "fake" NC (since she was basically just waiting for me to accept the dumping and become her best friend) to start a new, serious one. After what I said, I basically blocked myself from breaking NC in the future...I would just look TOO ridicolous!

[magnex]

Exactly. Being friends is giving her comfort and hurting you. Thats the way I see it. I couldnt be friend with an Ex unless I broke it off with them. You dont need more "friends"

 

 

nah it really is possible in time, my ex ex, were together for 4 years, my first REAL love, never apart, were like best mates too, she left to work abroad and her parents stepped in, we broke up, all i got was a letter!! i was broken for a year getting over her, i loved her so much, 11 years later we are close friends again, i still sort of love her but not like that, i have someone else now (who im having a bit of space from at the moment as she is having major problems, see my other post) and my Ex ex has another partner..

 

but yeah in a nutshell, i never thought i could be friends with my Ex ex but time is what its all about...

[Joel Barish]

Exactly. Being friends is giving her comfort and hurting you. Thats the way I see it. I couldnt be friend with an Ex unless I broke it off with them. You dont need more "friends"

 

Technically I did break it off...even though once we kind of started drifting back together, SHE told me she wanted space. So yeah, you are probably right in relation to my situation as well. Its probably hurting me, and helping her.

 

Although I'm actually really good friends now with my first EX. We never really stopped talking, although it was very intermittent at times. So knowing that makes me think I can manage it. The newly christened EX and I are trying to remain friends. I have a great fear of my ex-gf's resenting me....? IDK why, cause its never happened. I just have this stereotype of a broken-up couple hating one another and talking bad about one another...and I just don't want that.

 

So even though I think maybe its not the right thing to help me move on, I just don't ever want someone I loved so much to be just a nobody to me...or me to her. She's like family now...and though it may hurt, and make it more difficult, I really don't want to just totally cut each other out.

 

Although I consider doing that every few days or so...just a lot of totally contradictory emotions surrounding this dilemma.

[SighSob]

jaylh25, you're so right.

[BusyNAbroad]

She (the booty call+friend case) didn't reply

And I see her active on Facebook

 

She hates me

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She (the booty call+friend case) didn't reply

And I see her active on Facebook

 

She hates me

 

She probably doesn't hate you. Just let it go. Carry on with your own life. Her opinion of you should not determine your opinion of yourself. Just keep working on yourself and making improvements. Do it for yourself and never mind her.

[BusyNAbroad]

Just let it go. Carry on with your own life. Her opinion of you should not determine your opinion of yourself. Just keep working on yourself and making improvements. Do it for yourself and never mind her.

 

I am already.

 

But if a person doesn't even reply to a normal Christmas greeting... doesn't it mean there is something totally wrong??

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am already.

 

But if a person doesn't even reply to a normal Christmas greeting... doesn't it mean there is something totally wrong??

 

Even if she did reply it wouldn't mean things are totally right. The only thing you can do right now is accept that she doesn't want to be with you...and don't contact her again. Let her contact you.

[naturesown]

there is no such thing as ex's if there was ever love there, relationships may change...one or the other may move on...even so caring and tenderness never end if it has been love.

If it wasn't love then it is the same old BS from one relationship to the next....and it is always the other person's fault.

Joe

[Martyrdom]

So mine wanted to hang out today...we went and got a snack and talked. She wants to be friends, ( she left me 3 weeks ago... ), and I told her I couldn't just be her friend. It was either more than that or pretty much nothing. She said she missed me...well. You got a new BF the day you broke up with me, your own damn fault >_>. It felt good to be the one in control this time, because she wanted to be my friend like I still wanted to be her BF when she was leaving me. She started to tear up and stuff...all well.

 

Don't want to be 'just friends'; would suck knowing she has a BF and she would know I still want to be together...

 

I guess I wait it out now and hope she wants to come back sometime?

 

Man, I have no friends. I had to get over this stuff on my own Good thing for The Mars Volta, I suppose I'll go back to listening to music or getting better at guitar!

 

I bet shes already over it, having fun with her friends.

 

Any advice on what my next step should be?

 

Was anyone else's Christmas break lame / boring? Two weeks of just..meh... : /. Reading books though; read a few Kurt Vonnegut and David Sedaris...

 

Good luck to everyone else as well, hope things work out better for you guys!

 

Edit: Stream of consciousness much?

[Joel Barish]

Keep reading, and writing, and listening to music. Get it out. Expand your mind. Its easy to want to wait it out...but you can wait it out by getting over it too...if she decides to make a go at you again one day, it won't matter whether you miss her or you're over her. You'll be in a much better position to make that decision if you've got some perspective and you haven't been totally pining for her the whole time. So mourn her, and do what you gotta do, but don't feel like you have to wait on her.

[Martyrdom]

Keep reading, and writing, and listening to music. Get it out. Expand your mind. Its easy to want to wait it out...but you can wait it out by getting over it too...if she decides to make a go at you again one day, it won't matter whether you miss her or you're over her. You'll be in a much better position to make that decision if you've got some perspective and you haven't been totally pining for her the whole time. So mourn her, and do what you gotta do, but don't feel like you have to wait on her.

Good advice, and thank you.

 

Any advice on coping with...thoughts of..."what if shes _________". She was my first everything. I wasn't her first, but I was her longest relationship I believe...

[SighSob]

You can't cope with the "what if shes"...just try to avoid them. I try to keep my mind busy and as soon as I see that I am trying to picture what she's doing I start singing random tunes....it kinda works. Just live your life man, I am doing a lot of physical exercise and I'm playing drums and I want to learn to play bass too...then sometimes I let it go and I remember all the good and the bad of my relationship, and wonder what she's up to, if she's missing me, if she's ever gonna change her mind...but I try to go back to my life as soon as possible. You should do that too...don't pretend you're not thinking about her, just accept it and try to do your best to get out of this horrible situation...