You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[SighSob]

I'm already vanishing from my ex's mind too. The very moment she dumped me, she started going out with other friends, and she has a crush on one of these guys too. Knowing that she's having fun and flirting with another guy while I'm - yes - having fun and going out with my friends too, even flirting with another girl but always THINKING ABOUT HER is what makes me sick.

 

I find it unfair. It should be FORBIDDEN to grow out of love for somebody who still loves you so much....

[ouchh]

I'm already vanishing from my ex's mind too. I'm - yes - having fun and going out with my friends too, even flirting with another girl but always THINKING ABOUT HER is what makes me sick.

 

I have gone out with my friends and had a lot of fun, but i also find myself thinking about him he is the first thing that I think about in the morning and my last thought at night. It may sound crazy but it had always beeen that way we were in an LDR so we would call each other 1st thing in the morning to say good morning, throughout the day to see how the others day was going, and at night before turning in to say good night. I became so used to it that now, that is all I can think about doing.

 

In order to try and get him out of my mind I even accepted a date with an old friend, I found myself thinking about him the whole time so instead of letting it be a date I steered it in the direction of just two friends having dinner and a chat. I feel hopless right now, when I started NC was so very optimistic, I know that it will be an emotional roller coaster but right now I'm between anger and frustration...

[metalawag]

It would be much appreciated. My story is on the page before this. I would so appreciate anyones thoughts....

 

Merry Xmas

[zrehman]

Hey buddy ... It seems like she is leaving you in the dark because she isn't talking about something is that very important to you ... the letter you sent her.

 

I'm assuming since she did not talk to you about it, she isn't ready for a relationship with you yet. I'm guessing the reason she hung out with you is because she got lonely and missed having that "someone" around and she knew if she called you ... you would be there for her.

 

If you are strong enough, you can continue to be her friend and hang out and talk to her when you guys have time. However, if your still in love and its hard to separate your feelings from being friends and lovers ... you need to talk to her directly about your feelings and what's the deal with you guys. I mean its December, and you broke up in September, she should have an answer for you.

 

If she can't give you an answer, the best bet is to move on and strop torturing yourself mentally and emotionally over this. You don't deserve it and you deserve to make yourself strong and happy.

 

If she loves you and cares for you, she would not be putting you through this.

[metalawag]

Thanks zrehman

 

Its weird that right after I sent that letter that she wanted to hangout and previously she was against it or never brought it up. I know I cant be strictly friends with her. Thats a no brainer for me. I agree I deserve to know one way or the other. Its been almost 3 months and we have been talking a lot lately due to her calling and messaging me. Next time she asks me out I want to bring it up. How should I go about that? Do I mention the past or do I ask her if we can talk about the future?

[zrehman]

Thanks zrehman

 

Its weird that right after I sent that letter that she wanted to hangout and previously she was against it or never brought it up. I know I cant be strictly friends with her. Thats a no brainer for me. I agree I deserve to know one way or the other. Its been almost 3 months and we have been talking a lot lately due to her calling and messaging me. Next time she asks me out I want to bring it up. How should I go about that? Do I mention the past or do I ask her if we can talk about the future?

 

I can understand your concern. I'm not sure what she is doing, but that letter you sent her maybe striked some fear in her that she might lose you - not sure about this, but it could be many things, but from her actions it seems like she was afraid to lose you hence calling you to hang out.

 

When you see her next time, you can simply just say something like:

 

"It's been about 3 1/2 months since we have been separated. I would like to know were you stand concerning "us"."

 

She should have an answer for you .. if she says she needs more time .. you need to start NC and start bettering yourself. You can't just put your life on hold and expect her to take her time to get an answer for you.

 

If she can't give you an answer that your deserving, go home after hanging out, send her an email telling her that, "You can't be that person in her life were your just a ? mark", tell her you decided that you think its best for me to heal, move on and be stronger.

 

Good luck!

[metalawag]

Thanks again. That is very solid advice and what I needed to hear. I will keep you posted. I expect to talk or see her this weekend. I will ask her where she stands concerning "us". Wish me luck!

[zrehman]

Thanks again. That is very solid advice and what I needed to hear. I will keep you posted. I expect to talk or see her this weekend. I will ask her where she stands concerning "us". Wish me luck!

 

I'm glad I could help!

 

Good luck bro!

 

Remember, you are a good person and if she doesn't see that, someone else will.

[metalawag]

Guys I need some help today. Im sorta freaking out today. I texted her "thinking of you, Merry Christmas" and didnt hear back. Back on Thanksgiving she texted me at 7am and woke me up. Today nothing. After just one week ago today we went out and had a great time. I feel like I did at the start of our relationship right now. Im hurting and not going to do anything crazy like contact her again today but man what can I do. I hate this feeling.

[zrehman]

Guys I need some help today. Im sorta freaking out today. I texted her "thinking of you, Merry Christmas" and didnt hear back. Back on Thanksgiving she texted me at 7am and woke me up. Today nothing. After just one week ago today we went out and had a great time. I feel like I did at the start of our relationship right now. Im hurting and not going to do anything crazy like contact her again today but man what can I do. I hate this feeling.

 

I'm sorry to hear that bro. One thing you can do is NOT TO CONTACT her again at the moment. If you call/text/email again after sending that text and not getting a response will show that your needy.

 

Did you get a chance to meet up with her and ask what the deal is between you guys?

 

If she doesn't text you back ... relax, breathe. Don't read too much into it. Focus on other things today to keep your mind occupied or read some threads on the forum.

[metalawag]

I didnt get a chance yet to ask her out to talk. I was planning on doing that today, assuming I talk to her. Maybe she will call later but not sure why at the moment Im feeling so needy for her. Yeah reading these threads does help. A little wine and some threads. I even smoked a cigg and I hate smoking. How are you doing with your NC today zrehman?

[BusyNAbroad]

A question to everyone:

Do you think that if you're in NC with someone (e.g. she dumped you), you shouldn't even write her "merry christmas"? Something very casual, like "Merry christmas to you and your family. Best seasons' greetings!" without anything revealing that you're still interested in them?

[metalawag]

Probably not a good idea but you could always mask it as a mask text. Send it to just her but say something like. "Merry Christmas everyone" Then you are sorta still sticking to NC but she might not reply and it may make you feel worse. Think how she would feel if shes weak today, thinking about you, and she doesnt here from you at all.

[metalawag]

Probably not a good idea but you could always mask it as a mask text.

 

as a mass text i meant

[zrehman]

I didnt get a chance yet to ask her out to talk. I was planning on doing that today, assuming I talk to her. Maybe she will call later but not sure why at the moment Im feeling so needy for her. Yeah reading these threads does help. A little wine and some threads. I even smoked a cigg and I hate smoking. How are you doing with your NC today zrehman?

 

Hey

 

If you read my thread, you will know what's up. I talked to her last night cause she emailed me and was texting me that she will buy a plane ticket for me to come see her or she would come fly to me. She wants to be friends and wants to focus on that first with us and then see were it will take us. I asked her what if I am friends with you and I end up getting hurt and she responded that she can't promise me anything cause she isn't planning anything ... she just wants to go with the flow basically.

 

People told me that NC is better than LC ... especially since i love her deeply and will have a hard time separating my feelings from her when talking to her.

 

I still have to get back to her and let her know what I am gonna do.

[zrehman]

Probably not a good idea but you could always mask it as a mask text. Send it to just her but say something like. "Merry Christmas everyone" Then you are sorta still sticking to NC but she might not reply and it may make you feel worse. Think how she would feel if shes weak today, thinking about you, and she doesnt here from you at all.

 

If she broke it off with you ... you don't owe her anything. Stand your ground. Let her be the one to send a text like that to you.

 

Remember she made her decision ... and remember what SuperDave said ... be NONEXISTENT.

[metalawag]

I read your thread a couple days back and didnt see the update. Sounds like she is def interested in something. I cant give good advice at the moment but if I were you I would be hopeful but at the same time have some fear of the pain all starting over. Like you said getting hurt again.

[BusyNAbroad]

zrehman. ok... In case I don't want her back romantically, but just as a friend, would it be OK?

[metalawag]

zrehman if I dont hear back from her today should I go back to NC? I know I will be upset since she asked me out last week, went out with her, had a great time... Then she cant even say Merry Christmas or anything today. It seems so odd. She still has a bunch of my stuff I didnt get when I moved out and she was supposed to get it all ready for me months back but has kept putting it off. I know if it is over I do want that stuff back. Its not just little things I can let go. Should I bring that up in a week or so after not hearing from her? Am I getting ahead of myself? Damn last week I would have said there was a 95% chance we were getting back together now I feel the exact opposite. I dont know what happened.

[zrehman]

zrehman. ok... In case I don't want her back romantically, but just as a friend, would it be OK?

 

Do you want her back as your gf eventually or do you just want to be strictly friends?

[metalawag]

zrehman. ok... In case I don't want her back romantically, but just as a friend, would it be OK?

 

Hes right man dont do it. When did you guys break up? How long have you had NC? It will be a big statement to her and I promise you she will wonder why she didnt hear from you or what you are doing. Let her wonder thats in your best interest not only in getting her back but in being strong for yourself.

[zrehman]

Metalawag, I'm not an expert on relationship or the female mind, because if I was ... I wouldn't be in my current situation.

 

However, after reading what you wrote, I got this notion from your ex.

 

Now this is what I think was going through her head, I could be wrong, but its just a thought.

 

Now, you hung out with her last week and you guys had a great time. I'm thinking, she probably was missing you or the idea of "someone" in her life ... just like we all have our moments that we feel lonely or alone. She knew she could turn to you cause you would be there for her. You hung out with her and you made her laugh and you both just had a great time, like you said.

 

As of today or this week, she isn't feeling that void or sense of loneliness, hence her not being in contact with you. I don't know too much about your relationship with her, but it seems that when she feels lonely and alone, she turns to you and there you are being a great friend with expectations hoping to get back with her.

 

I feel like she is using you when she needs you. I think what you need to do, is contact her ONE more time, be aggressive and ask about you guys and what she thinks about it. If she can't give you an answer and needs more time ... give her exactly that ... NC and I mean complete NC ... if she calls, ignore. If she texts, ignore. If she emails, ignore. Only reply back to her when you think you have the strength to hear her voice without getting all needy.

 

If you continue to let this happen you will break yourself apart! You will be depressed and needy for who knows how long ... FIND OUT THE ANSWERS that are important to you and if she can't give them to you or is beating around the bush ... cut her OFF. Make her realize what her life will be like without you there in her life.

 

Good luck!

[zrehman]

Hes right man dont do it. When did you guys break up? How long have you had NC? It will be a big statement to her and I promise you she will wonder why she didnt hear from you or what you are doing. Let her wonder thats in your best interest not only in getting her back but in being strong for yourself.

 

Metalawag ... look at the advice you are giving right here. Its great advice and it makes perfect sense!

 

You know exactly what YOU need to do in your current situation, but your letting your heart get involved. Think with your head and not with your heart ... I can promise you if you do that, than you will make the right decision without a doubt!

[BusyNAbroad]

Actually we were not in a relationship. To sum up the story, we were something like very close f**k-buddies but also had a good friendship (are honest to each other about our lives etc.). We didn't see each other for 4 years and she came to visit me from over 1000 miles far. On that day, I was tired and stressed and nervous for various reasons, had a closed attitude and I didn't have sex with her. She probably got very angry about that and didn't talk to me since that day (exactly two weeks today), didn't send me romantic text messages on my phone (used to send around 1 a day), doesn't greet me when I'm online on messenger.

[metalawag]

Hey Z

 

If you have a little time here is my story. You have a good head on your shoulders and I would appreciate any feedback you could provide