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SuperDave71, I haven't been on in quite sometime. I couldn't resist posting when I saw you were back. Welcome Back! How are things going? Here is a rundown of my happenings. I Finally had contact with my ex. I unfortunatley broke the rules of NC. I texted to his work email Happy Birthday very nonchalant. I also added that I thought he was right about us and that it had been the wrong timing for us. I wished him the best of luck, and left it at that (it was my acceptance goodbye). I went about my business and did not expect for him to text me back, I figured he would read it and delete it or just delete it. I was very shocked that 2 days later he sent an apology saying that he hadn't checked his email in quite sometime but thanked me for wishing him happy b-day. he told me about his birthday and that he bought a pet. He said he was sorry for hurting me and thanked me for being such a great person, he mentioned our time together with an inflection of didn't I think it was great blah blah blah... he then asked my permission to call me. I did not text back immediatley 1. because I was thrown that he even responded as I had just decided to say my last goodbye to him and did, & 2. beacuse I wasn't sure how to respond. my resopnse was finally congratulations on your pet thank you for the compliment have a great day. I don't know if it was the right thing to do because his response brought so many emotions flooding back. I did not mention anything about accepting his calls. He has texted me since then the last was to wish me a Happy Valentines Day, but I did not respond because I'm afraid to get hurt again. My story is on your - you want your ex back things to do.... forum I was sooo determined to maintain NC and I was doing great but then his Birthday reminder popped up on my phone. I caved because I'm a sucker for special life events. I'm not good with communication (lately) or I would have texted him back Happy Valentines Day but I also think that in doing so I would have left it open for him to wonder about us. I am still moving I am going at the end of this month to procure my living arrangements. I still haven't mentioned it to him as I dont feel he needs to know until I am there and only if it is going to affect him directly. i.e. we have to be in the same place at the same time. Other than that I believe that part of me just wants to stop hurting. I thought I had done that but then stupidly I texted him goodbye and got the response I never thought I would get...what do you think I should do? What would you have done? I realize now that I still care and the main factor in our breakup was the distance between us but now that that gap will be closed should I give him the benefit of the doubt and let him know I'm moving there?

Its been hard these past few days. Be careful I've had the same experience with another ex and all he will want if you don't put a halt to it now is to "come over & cuddle". you will find yourself back at square one. I looked at housing and found some really great places. I'm ready to make a decision as to where I will live. I have been told that it may be a good idea to contact him when I get there and let him know, so that when we run into each other he will not be shocked out of his socks. What do you think? I thought maybe I should keep working out and when I do run into him I will knock him out of his socks with my appearance. Maybe get him thinking he made a mistake when he sees that I didn't roll over and perish. I have maintained NC and plan to until I have made my move. What do you think?

I know I won't die but it sure felt like it this weekend! I'm going through the "should I call him to make sure he didn't forget about me or misplace my number" phase. I know the answer is no he didn't but try telling my heart that. We said we would give it a couple of months and its only been 1 month, but Good Lord it has been the longest month of my life! Been trying all different kinds of projects, I can't even concentrate long enough to keep my focus on the task at hand... ARGH! Somebody give me some insight. I keep telling myself to be strong. I know I can get past this, but my stubborn side wants him back and wants him back now. Don't know what good it will do we would still be in an LDR at least until my move in a couple of months... Martyrdom, Metalwag, & mijo, How are you?

I have gone out with my friends and had a lot of fun, but i also find myself thinking about him he is the first thing that I think about in the morning and my last thought at night. It may sound crazy but it had always beeen that way we were in an LDR so we would call each other 1st thing in the morning to say good morning, throughout the day to see how the others day was going, and at night before turning in to say good night. I became so used to it that now, that is all I can think about doing. In order to try and get him out of my mind I even accepted a date with an old friend, I found myself thinking about him the whole time so instead of letting it be a date I steered it in the direction of just two friends having dinner and a chat. I feel hopless right now, when I started NC was so very optimistic, I know that it will be an emotional roller coaster but right now I'm between anger and frustration...

I started a new workout last night! We'll see how long I can keep it up!

mijo, I was driving to meet some friends and was stopped at a traffic light and I was in such a hurry that instead of selecting my friends number I accidentally selected his (it was the next one on the list of contacts). To make matters worse, the text if you didn't know who I was talking to or about seemed like I was going to meet someone for a tryst. Either way I sent an apology text for "invading his space" during this NC. I then vowed to myself that I would start NC all over again for myself the countdown remains in force. He will have a certain time period to contact me, before he has lost his chance. I refuse to put my life on the back burner just because someone decided to have cold feet. My only problem now is figuring out what length of time. Any suggestions anyone? P.S. mijo starting to work up excitement over the move again! There has been a new development with regards to that... it appears as though a family member may be moving with me. I can start over and have someone who cares about me (unconditionally) living with me!

Martyrdom, NC is supposed to be about you. It is supposed to make you stonger and more confident with yourself. It also serves its purpose by getting them to wonder "OK they were blowing my phone up with calls, now I get nothing. I wonder whats going on with them?". I got some advice yesterday that went as follows: If you really want to get back with your ex, you need time to clear your head and become rational again. Then you’ll be able to see where things truly fell apart. You’ll also be able to open real lines of communication when there’s a little time and distance between the two of you... Take it as you will, but it helped me to realize that right now. I need to focus on me more to make myself more desireable to anyone including my ex. I had a setback in the NC so now I'm back at day 1. UGGGHH!!!!!!!!! It happenned unintentionally and I was sooooo embarrased but it happened and there is nothing I can do to correct it except, start NC all over again.... I was so very determined! All I can say is never text your friends while waiting for a green light. mijo, How long did your NC go before he contacted you? I could just wither form my embarrasment! Javagirl, How are you? Any happenings?

Mijo, How are you? Been having a hard day. Been trying hard not to call him, so I've called everyone else in my phone. I'm trying to keep determined but today is particulary hard and I cant piece together why.

Martyrdom, Way to go! Don't go overboard with the ignoring, just don't let her know what you are thinking.

Martyrdom, It will be a love/hate thing for a while. You may want to thank her for introducing you to her bf. It will throw her off a little. Don't let her get to you, she may think that she is doing you some good. whatever you do don't let her know what you are thinking or how you are feelling. Try to make some friends of your own or get in touch with someone you haven't talked to in a while. In the meantime try this- I wrote an anger letter (the letter you write your ex to tell them how you are feeling but you never mail to them and once you've read it you shred it) I told him everything that I had been feeling and the pain that it put me through. I read it and I must admit it was a very strongly worded letter, but I found that I felt better. I was also a little embarrassed at myself, but through not sending the letter and not telling him directly I saved face, and held on to my dignity. Try it, let me know how it works for you. You may find that there are more issues than what you originally believed. Remember shred it once you are done, this act may give you a sense of freedom.

mijo, I know it is a very vicious cycle, I have been there many times this past week and it is only Wednesday! I want to know if he is thinking about me and I found out that he did ask about me. But this little part of me wishes he had called me and asked me. I'm at the angry stage right now which means I am on the horizon of getting better, but I can feel myself slipping backwards when I think about our relationship. Our biggest argument was about the distance. Now that I have come so close, and that gap will close, I don't want to hang on to hope if there is none. I keep telling myself that I will make the move and not try to think about it.

judy1111, Have you evre done the NC before?, if so, What were your results with it?

Javagirl, Good thinking! Hope all is well. Mijo, How have you been? Things are definitely moving better right now. Had dinner with an old friend and genuinely laughed for the first time without thinking "what is he doing right now? does he miss me?" When the thought finally passed through my head I thought "Who cares? I had fun today!" Then I scolded myself for the earlier lapse in strength, looking at his myspace a couple of days ago. Hope you are doing well.

Martyrdom, Wow you seem to have a lot on your plate. To be honest with you she seems to be playing games with you, and if I remember high school correctly it seems that she was hiding the relationship with this other person from you till she felt strong enough to break it off with you. Here's what a lot of us on this forum have been doing... go out have fun, make friends, when she calls you'll be busy get involved in looking for a good college that will benefit you and have the types of programs that you would like to excel in. When you find the ideal school call them up and find out if they have early orientations where you can find out about clubs or groups that get together and share common interest. Get involved early make friends early and you will find that NC will go a lot faster. It may also give her time to mature. When she does contact you you'll find that you made the decisions that were best for you when it came to school and your future. Don't let her know how you feel over and over it will just push her away. If you have to continue to ride with her to school put on a smile keep your answers to her questions short, don't give into her whims. When you go your separate ways smile and wish her a good day. But if you can try to avoid riding with her to school. NC will work but remember its about you not her. Try reading through this entire forum and you'll find out what its all about. Keep your head up and your poker face on, soon they will all wonder about it. I've been NC for 3 weeks now and I've found out he asked about me. But as I've told Mijo, I am determined to ride out the NC till he contacts me. At that point I hope that I am doing well enough to make the decision that is best for me.

I would rather not know I know it will hurt me either way. I received the same text only it was from a friend not my ex. Stay strong at least you know he has thought about you, and hasn't forgotten you. Just remember with my previous NC ex it gave me "desireable results" at first but I kept going back finally I saw it for what it was "he was using me". Be careful don't get your heart broken so many times that you can't put it back together. Honestly I think that you are doing better than you give yourself credit for, if you decide to do LC as opposed to NC think it over hard... remember NC got him to contact you in 4 weeks, Imagine what double the time strict NC will do. I have come to the decision that I will wait out the NC for a total of three months, if he does not contact me in that time he will have lost his chance. I will not spend my life hurting nor will I sit here and shrivel up. I will continue to do as I have done and go out with my friends and be with my family. If he does I will go LC until after the move & make my ultimate decision at that time. The ultimate decision will be if I want him in my life as a friend, can I accept that? or Will I have to end the relationship all together?. Today is day 19 only 74 more days to go ( basing it on 31 days per month) only time will tell. I have had the same dillemma I want to text him to see how he is doing I wont Lie I kind of cheated and looked at his myspace his status was Bored beyond belief. I almost felt elated at that. After which I just wanted to call him and exchange jokes over the phone. I fought the urge and watched a movie instead "placed my phone in another room on silent" Good that you went with your family to eat keep up with things like that and if they ask questions just express how you feel about the situation.

javagirl, don't fret just remember that you need to become the person you once were that is the point of the NC. Once you are there you may not realize it but people will look at you in a different light. That is part of the reason NC works everbody likes to be around confident people. Smile, get dressed up, put on your make up and go out and face the world! But do it for you, you'll be surprised at the results. I blushed yesterday. I was at a stop light and the car next to me started to blare its horn I turned and realized it was a car full of handsome men. They rolled down their windows and told me to smile, one of them shouted that I was beautiful. I smiled and blushed because it felt good to be noticed and complimented but at the same time it was bewildering. It's hard to try and not think about the other person when you have feelings for them, you want to call, text, run into them "by accident", don't. Just try and surround yourself with friends & family go do things that are fun but require a little bit of concentration. Time will pass a little faster and before you know it he will more than likely call you to see how you are doing, chances are he won't be doing as well as you.

Hey Mijo! How are you today? Things are starting to get a little better. I still have my moments when I just want to say the heck with it I'm going to call him. Last night I found out that he went out with his buddies and their significant others. The thought came to mind again that he had found someone else. I still miss him, but the move has me very excited to the point that the pain of him not being in my life is lessened. Hope all is well with you. Remember Chin up!

Hey, Well the thing is we will be living in the same town. Last night after work I had a really hard time. I ended up deciding to get everything organized so that by the time the move comes around I won't have too much to worry about. Needless to say I have been thinking about him 24/7. I have been wondering if he is missing me as much as I miss him. When we got together he was the one determined to get me to be with him. I can't help but feel abandoned. The worst part about it is one of our mutual friends called and said it might be better for me to move on because right now he is so confused he does not know what he wants. It crushed me when he said that because the first thing that went through my mind was "he has someone else". Scotland- Don't jump to conclusions just because hise facebook or myspace does not show male friends that live there does not mean he does not have them there. But also keep in mind we are doing the NC for ourselves. I know it hurts to not know what he is doing or thinking, or whether he is thinking about you or not. He does it will be a matter of time before you find this out, but by then you may not care. Be strong look ahead but don't delude yourself be honest with yourself first.

I is good to know that you want him to be a part of your life now what needs to be done is you need to get past the grief of not being with him and past the awkward stage so that when you feel you are ready to break the NC you can face him as you not as the shell of a person who thinks "if i so much as breath he might disappear from my life" The point of NC is for us to get back to being ourselves the people they originally fell for. I don't think that many people realize that when we feel the slightest change in a relationship that we change to try to keep it when in reality what we should have done was stay ourselves and ride out the tough spots- it would have made for a more confident person when the other approched us about the breakup. Last night was hard for me too. It took everything I had to not try and call or text. I know what you mean about seeing other people with their companions. It is very hard to wald down the street or through a shopping center and see all the happy couples holding hands, talking, & laughing. You get a jealous twinge and think "what about me?" I had that once and I want it back. You will have it again just become yourself first but keep in mind that it may not be with him. I have to remind myself that on a daily basis. As for the move I knew about two weeks before the break up but I had planned on waiting till Christmas to tell him. When we broke up it seemed as if though I told him at that moment he would have viewed it as a desperate measure to try and keep him. When the time comes for the move I will contact him if he hasn't already contacted me to let him know. I think it would only be fair. But I will say that I am determined to not break NC. I want to respect our decision and give us both time and space. It will only help me gain ground when I do finally see him. Surround yourself with friends, throw yourself into your work. when you least expect it they will call. Like I said my first time with NC my last ex contacted me after 4 weeks (he actually came over) I greeted him at the door he asked after my health and asked me how I was doing emotionally. I informed him I was fine and that I had just a couple of minutes as I needed to get some rest. He asked again if I was alright I said yes I had just been out the entire night before at my class reunion, & had just walked in the door not 15 minutes before him. He seemed disappointed at this. I then excused myself and bid him a good day. He left and called three times the week after that. It took a while but through NC I came to realize he was not what I needed he was only using me and he was toxic for me. Through this NC I have started to realize that we took what we had for granted and wasted time arguing about petty things when we should have cherished the little bit of time we had together. I really am itching to see what he gets out of it.

Mijo, Hi I joined the forum today and found your last post. Facebook/Myspace: I have simply started scanning and skipping the information about him. We decided NC together but for me it has been hard. I know its very hard to overlook the information about him but like I said in my post I have started to doing things that I have never done before to keep from contacting him. You feel a need to respond when you get something from him or want to send a quick message when you see he is online. Fight it! I have my days when I have to fight it so hard that I give myself a head ache but once I get past the first 30 minutes I'm good. I don't think you messed it up you just set yourself back a little. As for myself I feel just as lost as you. I haven't called or texted yet and I want to be strong enough to not do so. Its going to take a lot of work but we can get through this girl! It may not have the outcome we want it to have but we will be better people for having the strength to go the distance. What is it you want the outcome of your NC to be ultimately, if you don't mind me asking? I know I want to be with him but I can't make him come back to me, I have also come to find out that NC does work in one way or another. I initiated NC for the first time ever without knowing what it was with an ex 2 years ago(he broke it off with me- go figure! after I caught him cheating) I stopped talking to him completely he calls I ignore it he leaves messages says he loves me I ignore it says he is ready to settle down and get married I ignore it ( I know in my heart that he is saying this to get what he wants out of me just to get the rush of the chase, when the chase is over he would do the same thing over again). I guess in the end I got what I wanted after I didn't want it anymore. Be strong you will see something positive out of this. That experience is what has helped me make my decision with this one. One thing that you may wan to think about doing is to write him a letter that you know you will never send. Tell him all of the things that you would tell him if he were in front of you, how you feel now, how you felt when it ended, when you met, get all your anger and frustation out in this letter. read it then shred it. It will make you feel a bit of empowerment and may give you some insight into yourself. It may take a while to feel happy again but in the meantime we have this forum. Let me know what you think...Chin up Chick!

OK so after deciding NC I found this thread. I was in an LD relationship for a while. I was traveling to see my ex and the last time we saw each other was the greatest time that we had had in a while. Then aproximately 2 weeks ago we got into a small argument over the phone. We hung up, I thought about it twice and called back by then he had already left to his friends house. I had called him to talk things over I didn't want him to be upset, while he was there & I didn't want him to go to sleep upset. Well to make a long story short I wasn't able to contact him till 2 days later... more than enough time for it to fester and him get more upset (he has been under an extreme amount of stress lately and this was the drop that tipped the glass, no excuse I know) when we did get in contact I got the we need to talk message. I replied I know. We finally did talk and I ended up pleading with him to work things out. He said he wanted to but with everything going on in his life right now he didn't know how we could with me being here and him being there. What I never told him is that I'll be moving there this summer as my job has a larger need for me there. We had our talk and decided NC for a couple of months- his reason was I wasn't moving there any time soon, and it was hard for him to see other couples together, & know that he had someone but just couldn't be with them ( I didn't tell him I was moving because I didn't want it to seem like I was desperate to do anything to keep him & that this was a way of hanging on to him) mine was because I needed to grow outside of the relationship before going further ( we had started to have small arguments here and there which had begun to make me feel insecure as if though he was picking a fight for no reason). When we broke it off he asked if there would be a chance for us in the future I said yes but I think I may have sealed my fate (I left it open for him to do as he pleases and play with my emotions till then..any suggestions would be a great help) I really do want to work things out especially if I will be living close to him. But I want it to be the icing on the cake not the cake itself. How do I or should I let him know about my move. Should I break the NC or should I just move and let what happens happen? The past two weeks have been very rough I have had to resort to nearly breaking my back trying sports I have never played in order to keep myself busy and not call. I have been trying to be strong because the NC was mutual. But I miss him sooo much. We use to talk first thing in the morning, Right after work and right before bed. I'm very confused and I know this seems like I'm rambling but I have so much to say and not sure who to say it to. I don't want to burden any friends or family because I know the first thing they would say is what did you expect with a long distance relationship? Please somebody say something that could give me hope or help.