Met Someone I Really Like

[Mike Robert]

Hello,

I recently matched on an app with someone 3 weeks ago and it has been going amazing and we have plans to meet real soon. 2 weeks in we decided we want to take this seriously and we stopped talking to others. 
 

For a while (>1 year) I was single and I wasn't the one to go sleeping with other women, so I would engage in watching porn and watching stuff on OnlyFans - I've never sexted or anything in that nature. 

Once I realized she was amazing, I naturally just cut it all off and feel so much better and I did it because it was the right thing to do in my mind because I want to continue talking to her and we became exclusive so I felt like it was the right thing to drop these habits. 
 

I know it's early and all since it's less than 1 month and we aren't even official, but am I overthinking things? I have bad anxiety so I feel like it's me overthinking. 

[LootieTootie]

I think this is fine and natural. You're feeling good about a new prospect and haven't felt the need to fantasize by watching porn or go to only fans. It's a good sign.

[Mike Robert]

2 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

I think this is fine and natural. You're feeling good about a new prospect and haven't felt the need to fantasize by watching porn or go to only fans. It's a good sign.

Thank you! I really needed that. Once I realized she's so great I just stopped and feel better. I was single for a long time and just felt this time around if I meet someone then out of respect I should quit all that and even afterwards to be honest.

[LootieTootie]

9 minutes ago, Mike Robert said:

Thank you! I really needed that. Once I realized she's so great I just stopped and feel better. I was single for a long time and just felt this time around if I meet someone then out of respect I should quit all that and even afterwards to be honest.

Also its very normal for someone to be on "dry spell" and use porn and then all of sudden stop using porn because now they're actually have sex. For most people, sex is a need.

[Mike Robert]

2 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

Also its very normal for someone to be on "dry spell" and use porn and then all of sudden stop using porn because now they're actually have sex. For most people, sex is a need.

Yeah I agree. We still are waiting to make it official but we decided to be exclusive. I guess the feeling of talking to someone after a while pushed me to stop watching porn and OF content. 
 

thank you again! Really needed this

[ShySoul]

Porn is a fantasy world centered around the physical. When you actually have someone you emotionally connect with, you see what you were really missing. The porn suddenly seems so hollow and empty in comparison. At least, I would hope that would be the natural train of thought.

Good luck with the relationship. I hope the two of you are happy together.

[Mike Robert]

29 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Porn is a fantasy world centered around the physical. When you actually have someone you emotionally connect with, you see what you were really missing. The porn suddenly seems so hollow and empty in comparison. At least, I would hope that would be the natural train of thought.

Good luck with the relationship. I hope the two of you are happy together.

Thank you! As I kept talking to her when we met I stopped doing all of that stuff knowing how well we connect. It's been a while since I've had that type of connection with someone so it feels great and I feel great. 
 

We meet for the first time soon and I feel like if I want things to be official then doing these types of things are the right move.
 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, Mike Robert said:

I recently matched on an app with someone 3 weeks ago and it has been going amazing and we have plans to meet real soon. 2 weeks

1 minute ago, Mike Robert said:

As I kept talking to her when we met I stopped doing all of that stuff...

^^I'm confused, have you met in person? 

[Mike Robert]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^I'm confused, have you met in person? 

Sorry I meant met on the app.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, it's fine that you stopped watching adult content. 

But I wonder, why do you feel so guilty about that to begin with? It's a pretty normal thing to do, especially when someone is single and doesn't have another outlet. 

[Kwothe28]

I dont understand? You met somebody on an app, never saw each other and after a week of talk you were exclusive? Or did you meet in meantime?

I dont mind that you and her dont talk to other prospects, but you never even saw her. Dont you think you are rushing things?

[MissCanuck]

12 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dont mind that you and her dont talk to other prospects, but you never even saw her. Dont you think you are rushing things?

Also this. 

OP, it's fine to be excited about a potential new interest, but remember to keep perspective too. You have no idea how well you will mesh offline, if the chemistry will be there, if things will still be interesting after a couple dates, and so on. 

Go and have fun when you meet her but keep your expectations in check. See how you get on when you're face-to-face. 

[TeeDee]

Yes, you are totally over thinking things.  You matched on an app.  You haven't even met yet & you are talking about exclusivity & making thinks official.  Just NO. It's all too fast & completely unrealistic.  

The apps don't mean anything.  Who somebody is on a dating app may have no bearing on who they are in real life. You have to stop building this up in your mind & go meet in person.  Remember a 1st meet is NOT a first date.  All the talking & texting & whatever else before you meet in person is meaningless.  Nothing counts until you meet.  It's all just a figment of your imagination, a fantasy at this point.  Slow down.   You two don't even know each other. Getting to know somebody takes time.  It's more than a few texts or conversations.  It's watching how they behave; seeing how they are under pressure,, laughing together and crying together.  

Go meet. Keep it short & light, under a hour, in a well lit place with minimal alcohol. You two are strangers.  A few texts & conversations are no substitute for in person interactions.   You need time to assess the quality of your interactions not just the number of texts you exchange.  

If that meet goes well then you can schedule an actual date.  After you have dated for a while -- at least a month, meaning at least 4 in person dates -- then you can talk about being official.  To be exclusive or official now before you even met tells me you are going waaayyyyyy tooo fast & will burn out because nothing you are doing in grounded in reality.  It sounds like you are a love bomber who does not move prudently or cautiously.  You are going to end up sorely disappointed if you don't slow down.  

[Batya33]

54 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

After you have dated for a while -- at least a month, meaning at least 4 in person date

I'd add that four dates in four  days doesn't count - get to know a person in person over a period of time- a month or more as TeeDee suggested.  Please have zero expectations of in person chemistry.

[Mike Robert]

Wow! Thank you everyone. Lots of great advice in here honestly I'm so appreciative. 
 

Yes, we have only FaceTimed and called and we are meeting in person soon and we both said we are gonna see how we feel in person as well like a lot of you have mentioned. We want to see  how we interact when we are together and if that connection is still there. 
 

I think the fact we connected so well emotionally has helped a lot and we both haven't felt like this connected with someone in a while. 
 

I know it's long distance and it's hard but we have a lot of the same long term visions which I like.

 

Appreciate all the advice!

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Mike Robert said:

. We still are waiting to make it official but we decided to be exclusive
 

thank you again! Really needed this

It's fine if you want to cut back on porn. However what is the hold up with meeting in person? Is this a distance situation?

How can you make anything "official" until you know who this is and meet in person?  Please try not to just replace one online habit with another.  Make arrangements to meet and date a while. 

[Mike Robert]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's fine if you want to cut back on porn. However what is the hold up with meeting in person? Is this a distance situation?

How can you make anything "official" until you know who this is and meet in person?  Please try not to just replace one online habit with another.  Make arrangements to meet and date a while. 

Yes it's the distance and we should be meeting real soon!

 

and yes good point in replacing habits. Overall, I feel great at the moment!

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Mike Robert said:

Yes it's the distance and we should be meeting real soon!n. And  yes good point in replacing habits. Overall, I feel great at the moment!

How far apart are you? Who contacted who on the app? Why pursue a distance situation if you can't see each other regularly to date or even set up a time to meet? 

[Mike Robert]

19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How far apart are you? Who contacted who on the app? Why pursue a distance situation if you can't see each other regularly to date or even set up a time to meet? 

Ohio and Nevada. We matched on the app then eventually exchanged numbers. We just haven't had the best luck with what's here so we both went on the app.

We should be meeting in a couple weeks so that should be a big test.

[boltnrun]

Don't make the mistake of making your first meeting a days-long marathon date when she stays at your place or you stay at hers. Schedule it as though you two are local to one another. A marathon first meet creates a false sense of how you two would interact in an actual relationship.

[Mike Robert]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Don't make the mistake of making your first meeting a days-long marathon date when she stays at your place or you stay at hers. Schedule it as though you two are local to one another. A marathon first meet creates a false sense of how you two would interact in an actual relationship.

 

thank you! We are going to talk today about scheduling a hard date as she has some family here as well. 
 

I'm definitely going to try what you recommended. 
 

appreciate all the advice on here!

[smackie9]

You just made a simple choice to adjust to your new situation. Not sure why there is anxiety surround this. My guess you are anxious about you investing so such in someone you haven't met yet. Yes you need to slow your roll before you end up completely disappointed. Dating is a crap shoot...always a gamble, but life would be boring if we didn't take risks. Whatever happens, like things don't work out...so what, The sun rises and sets, life goes on. 

[boltnrun]

I know two people who met (he was visiting her area), spent an amazing two solid weeks together where they were inseparable and spending all day every day together, had an absolutely wonderful time...then he went back home and realized he was still in love with his ex (who he ended up marrying and having a family with!), so he messaged the woman he'd spent the two weeks with to say sorry. She was pretty upset about it because nothing during those two weeks indicated he was in love with anyone else. She said those two weeks were magical and she was completely blindsided.

Despite exchanging messages and somehow deciding you two are in some kind of relationship, you can't possibly know for sure until you meet and spend a reasonable amount of time together.

[yogacat]

If you both chose to not to pursue other romantic options and have agreed to be exclusive before meeting that's your preference.

You are overthinking whether she would not not approve of your habits and you are getting nervous if she would know. This could mean if you are trying to hide something like it would be a sin if she ever found out.

Would it bother you/her if you found out about her habits that she has in the past or what she does now?
 

[Mike Robert]

32 minutes ago, yogacat said:

If you both chose to not to pursue other romantic options and have agreed to be exclusive before meeting that's your preference.

You are overthinking whether she would not not approve of your habits and you are getting nervous if she would know. This could mean if you are trying to hide something like it would be a sin if she ever found out.

Would it bother you/her if you found out about her habits that she has in the past or what she does now?
 

We both agreed that for the most part whatever happened in the past has happened in regards to our history. I stopped doing all of that a little after we started talking because I felt connected to her and what I did was more so when I didn't know her and was single. I also feel like it's more respectful towards the girl I'm talking to if I didn't engage in that type of stuff.

 

It wouldn't bother me of her habits as long as she's willing to change and I feel the same.