Feel Really Low

[MrHorizontal1234]

It was an old friend of mine's 30th Birthday and I didn't get invited. I went out to a gig with my father and his gf and a venue where a friend (or should I say casual acquaintance) work and even they were going to this thing. A couple of the lads that went out used to bully me at school. I went home a billy no mates. I'm feeling really angry, both at myself, and some of the people. What a dreadful way to spend an evening.

[boltnrun]

I'm sorry. I've been excluded from things too and it doesn't feel good. But I dealt with it by forming my own friend group. I have a few really close friends who I know would never leave me out of anything.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry - that hurts and I hope you feel better.  I've been there for sure.

[catfeeder]

Oh, I'm so sorry. Is this someone with whom you've been close recently?

Is it possible that he views you as someone who may have been kind to him but, otherwise, may not be particularly interested in him beyond that?

None of this is asked to dismiss the hurt you feel, that's valid. My heart goes out to you.

[ShySoul]

Sorry this happened to you. It never feels good to be excluded. As someone who has never been part of the in crowd, I've chosen to adopt the attitude that if they didn't ask me, they are the ones missing out. I make my own fun doing the things I like and being with the people I chose. So don't let these people get you down. Don't dwell on what you didn't do. Instead, find the thing you love, and dive into that. Just have fun being you. Odds are you'll find people who you get along with better and will treat you better as well. And look at it this way, did you really want to spend time at a place with people who bullied you?

 

[BeaTlesFan77]

I've been there too and know it hurts.  Like Shy said, concentrate on what you love and find joy in that. I also wouldn't want to associate with people who bullied me and made me feel bad about myself. 

[Kwothe28]

Old friend as in "We used to be good" or old friend as "We still hang out"? 

I am asking because lots of times people not necesseraly fall out but just dont be so close anymore. For example I had a friend who I met because we both played D&D. We hanged out for years and both helped each other a lot. But we dont play D&D together and we dont hang out as much, so surprise, I wasnt invited to his daughter 1st birthday party(big deal here, you have almost like a wedding reception crowd of 100 people). But again, we dont hang out as we used to. Again, sometimes friends get bumped up to acquaintances.

Sorry it happened. But now you know that they arent really friends to you at least. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Old friend as in "We used to be good" or old friend as "We still hang out"? 

I am asking because lots of times people not necesseraly fall out but just dont be so close anymore. For example I had a friend who I met because we both played D&D. We hanged out for years and both helped each other a lot. But we dont play D&D together and we dont hang out as much, so surprise, I wasnt invited to his daughter 1st birthday party(big deal here, you have almost like a wedding reception crowd of 100 people). But again, we dont hang out as we used to. Again, sometimes friends get bumped up to acquaintances.

Sorry it happened. But now you know that they arent really friends to you at least. 

I agree with this perspective. My mom used to tell me their loss and it was sweet and all and didn't resonate. Even now my highschool friends post memories on FB about things and parties I was excluded from back then and it twinges! One has a daughter who is now a son and who has experienced plenty of bullying and exclusion - I wouldn't wish it on anyone but life is interesting that way.  It often will twinge decades later -it's just a normal response and if you find yourself going past that I like the advice above.

[MrHorizontal1234]

12 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Old friend as in "We used to be good" or old friend as "We still hang out"? 

I am asking because lots of times people not necesseraly fall out but just dont be so close anymore. For example I had a friend who I met because we both played D&D. We hanged out for years and both helped each other a lot. But we dont play D&D together and we dont hang out as much, so surprise, I wasnt invited to his daughter 1st birthday party(big deal here, you have almost like a wedding reception crowd of 100 people). But again, we dont hang out as we used to. Again, sometimes friends get bumped up to acquaintances.

Sorry it happened. But now you know that they arent really friends to you at least. 

Not really a close friend, but still I remember going out for his 24th bd like it was yesterday.

It just feels really horrible to loose everyone. I even thought about ending it.

[boltnrun]

Please talk to your parents or contact a hotline if you're seriously considering harming yourself. You have value. 

[MrHorizontal1234]

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Please talk to your parents or contact a hotline if you're seriously considering harming yourself. You have value. 

I just want to let them know that what they did has made me feel awful.

[Capricorn3]

26 minutes ago, MrHorizontal1234 said:

Not really a close friend, but still I remember going out for his 24th bd like it was yesterday.

It just feels really horrible to loose everyone. I even thought about ending it.

That was 6 years ago. That's a long time. And if he's not a close friend, why does this upset you so much?  Do you not have closer friends? People you see and hang out with regularly?

That said, if you have such low feelings so as to make you think of ending it, please contact a hotline a.s.a.p. You need professional help at this time.

[boltnrun]

13 minutes ago, MrHorizontal1234 said:

I just want to let them know that what they did has made me feel awful.

This is what they call a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Your parents would be horrified and grief stricken if you harmed yourself. 

If you truly feel this way it's vital you reach out to someone for help. 

[MrHorizontal1234]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

This is what they call a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Your parents would be horrified and grief stricken if you harmed yourself. 

If you truly feel this way it's vital you reach out to someone for help. 

Parent, my mother took her life 6 years ago.

[MrHorizontal1234]

20 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

That was 6 years ago. That's a long time. And if he's not a close friend, why does this upset you so much?  Do you not have closer friends? People you see and hang out with regularly?

That said, if you have such low feelings so as to make you think of ending it, please contact a hotline a.s.a.p. You need professional help at this time.

No, I don't have any friends. Just a couple, one from school, who I reconnected with recently. They both went to this thing and I wasn't invited along.

[boltnrun]

34 minutes ago, MrHorizontal1234 said:

Parent, my mother took her life 6 years ago.

I'm sorry about that. 

But please remember how that made you feel. Please don't put the people who care about you through that.

Also, please consider ways to meet people. Whatever your interests are, there's a group of people who are into the same things. 

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry.  I've been there, too.  No one enjoys feeling excluded.  Look at it this way:  They don't deserve to be graced by your presence.  That's how I look at it.  It wasn't meant to be.  Since they've shown their true colors (character) to you,  they're not even worth the dirt underneath your shoes!  Head high.  Don't mope.  They're not worth it.  Value yourself and consider yourself very expensive meaning people who don't treat you right are nobody and unimportant. 

Enjoy solitude and only surround yourself with very moral people.  Everyone else is garbage.  🗑️

[Andrina]

Please know that the evolution of friendships is in a constant state of motion. Changes are inevitable. That's one of the reasons the saying exists: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. For everyone I know, including me, friendships can end or fade or lessen or grow stronger due to life circumstances--moving away, having children, jobs that take up more time, what you like to do in your leisure time changes, illness.

When you have a spouse, vows have taken place to stay together for better or worse, etc. This doesn't exist in friendships, and shouldn't. It's nice if you find a lifetime friend, but that's never a promise. People have only so much time in their lives to devote to a limited amount of people.

Wanting the guy who didn't invite you to be told how badly you feel is the wrong plan. He no longer deserves a spot in your life. Instead of wallowing in this negativity, it'd be more proactive to build the satisfying life you envision. It's a good time to overhaul your life. What hobby or sport or activity could you find a passion for? I'm in a hobby where I interact with a group twice a month. None of us hang out outside the group activity, but that's okay. We enjoy interacting for those slotted times. 

Also know that it sometimes takes years of seeing someone regularly before you become friends who do things one on one. Sometimes you click and can make plans to hang out right away. 

The thing of it is, when you don't have much going on in your life, a friend can feel smothered that your entire social life revolves solely around him/her.

It'll be good if you seek therapy, as life will throw you all sorts of things, and it's important to learn resiliency. You might also look into volunteering where needed. I heard of one woman who had terminal cancer and would hand out individual flowers to people on the street. It brought her joy to bring others joy and let her momentarily forget her own major problems. 

Take care.

[MrHorizontal1234]

I just feel I have been so inactive. Regarding vows, yes, I think he is married. So I am currently speaking with a mental health charity and they've suggested groups that go on walks etc. I think it is worth a try. Hobby or activity? It's my harmonica playing and a youtube channel I am trying to build. I am currently signed up with a mental health support service and have a session booked in with a private therapist for next week.

Despite all of this possitivity, I am still feel very bad how I've let it get to this point. I go on facebook and I look back over the years and I think "how did I end up here"

[boltnrun]

It's OK! I am in my late 50s and a few years ago I had to take a disability leave from work because I was so anxious and depressed I couldn't leave home. I started therapy and now I am much, much better.

I hope you find the therapy helpful.