LADIES: Who pays on our 1st date???

[rainbowsandroses]

28 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

Update:

I changed my mind and just sent her a text asking her out this weekend...😳

Keep us posted! 💙

[ShySoul]

Honestly, you're handling everything just about perfect. You even waited on a kiss so that it will be more special and romantic when it happens. So stop thinking about things and just do what comes natural. It's worked so far and it will continue to work. There's no set time to get in touch again, so forget about looking desparate or taking to long. If you want to speak again, speak again. If you want to go out again, make plans as soon as you are both available. The person you are has got her interested, so just keep being that person and keep doing what you are doing.

If you want to avoid "text banter" you could always go for a revolutionary concept... call her? I know it's old fashioned, but it seems like text has become the default means of communication. You were advised to text afterwards, you text to see how they are, you asked for the date by text. A phone call mixes it up and stands out. Plus, why wouldn't you want to actually here the person's voice instead of staring at a screen?

[rainbowsandroses]

1 minute ago, ShySoul said:

If you want to avoid "text banter" you could always go for a revolutionary concept... call her.

It's funny (interesting funny) but I never liked talking on phone, I always preferred text, but I'm dating a new man since divorce and he hates texting and calls me.

And gotta admit, I like it now!  

Just goes to show, preferences can change when you're with the right person. 

[ShySoul]

I didn't like talking on the phone either. Then the right person came and I found I could spend hours talking with her. Of course that was before texts were even a thing. Once texting started I became even more of a fan of the phone call. Texts feel so impersonal and cold. If it's someone I'm interested in, I want to actually talk to them, hearing their voice and finding ways to make them laugh. It makes you feel like you are together, even when you have to be miles apart.

Find it amusing that the shy person who jokes about being antisocial is the one who advocates for calling people. I'm a walking contradiction.

[RN4L_1969]

Update:

So after we sent a few texts back and forth this evening, I asked her out for this weekend. Now mind you, I text/write with "emotion", hence...I like using emojis, heh. And apparently she likes using emojis too.

So good news is that she's down for a second date...but I didn't feel any emotion or excitement I guess? So this is what she wrote back to me after asking her out this weekend:

"Sure, I'd like that. I'll double check my calendar but I should be free Saturday"

I wrote back: "Sounds great :)"

Am I reading too much into this since there were no emoji's or ! points?

>>>>I'm off to 😴<<<<

[Capricorn3]

4 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

Am I reading too much into this since there were no emoji's or ! points?

You're overthinking. Over analyzing.  Chill. Relax. Deeeep breath.  Go with the flow.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, RN4L_1969 said:

Sure, I'd like that. I'll double check my calendar but I should be free Saturday"

I see what you mean, sounds a bit.... flat?

I find punctuation makes a difference along with emojis like you said.

Take the same sentence. 

"Sure, I'd like that!  I'll double check my calendar but I should be free Saturday" 😉

Better?

That said, try to not get too hung up on it, it's a text and she agreed!  😍

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, RN4L_1969 said:

"Sure, I'd like that. I'll double check my calendar but I should be free Saturday"

 

That sounds very OK. Doont overthink because she didnt put emojis there lol

[kim42]

I think it's easy to start overthinking messages from someone that you like, I struggle wuth this mydelf. Try to relax, sometimes people are too tired or forget to use emojis.

She seems to be interested.

[SherrySher]

Honestly, her reply sounded good to me. 🙂

It's hard to tell what was going on with her right that second she replied.

Was she rushing because something distracted her (doorbell ringing, notification went off, was feeling sleepy)...or who knows.

Quite often texts can be misinterpreted because it is so hard to tell how someone is feeling right then due to lack of tone.

The only way to know for certain, is to see how this second date goes.

Usually after the second date, you can tell if you and this person are really vibing, or if you're not as into each other as you had hoped.

Fingers crossed.

[SherrySher]

I just wanted to quickly touch on the points made previous about multi-dating, or not multi-dating.

If someone chooses to multi-date, or not multi-date, there could be a number of reasons behind it.

It's really not for anyone to judge or criticize as we don't know why they chose what they did, and it's really not for us to know.

We each navigate our own dating lives to what suits us the best.

But each person makes their own decisions based on their own preferences and there is no right or wrong.

As for choosing to date someone who multi-dates, or doesn't muti-date, it is totally down to your own personal preference.

Some people don't mind at all, as they are multi-dating as well, and feel it's fine to have different options to find the best match.

Others aren't comfortable with that and prefer they and their partner focus on one person at a time.

Both cases are totally fine.

It comes down to what is suitable for you and what isn't.

If you get someone who wants to multi-date and someone who is a one person at a time, then it won't work.

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

Sorry. You're logic doesn't make sense. A woman who multi-date more than 1 guy early on means they are needy and have low self-esteem.

Are you sure it's not because you have a low self-esteem?

I am surprised you didn't ask her out again -honestly I'd have asked her out during the first meet i I were you.  I always multidated because I was looking for marriage and in my 30s especially it was really foolish IMO to put all my ticking clock eggs in one basket based on a handful of dates. Usually I became exclusive after 6-8 weeks -and he asked.  In the early 90s I advised my male friend who I'd set up with my female friend to wait to ask her out again.  I so regret that.  She interpreted it as lukewarm interest. In the meantime that week where he waited to call her for a second date she helped out with an election as a volunteer.  There she met her future husband. 

[boltnrun]

That's why texting is such a poor means of communication. You can't get inflection, emotion, intent from texts. I've gotten upset with someone who sent a snarky text until they explained they were joking. No way to tell that from a text.

Good news is, she didn't say no. Seems to me like she said yes. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

"Sure, I'd like that. I'll double check my calendar but I should be free Saturday"

I wrote back: "Sounds great :)"

That's perfect. Stay in light touch and try to set up something for Sunday. Please don't worry about emojis and text banter. 

[Lambert]

you're doing 👍 great

[Starlight925]

Yeah, I don't love the "have to check my calendar".   Um, open up your little google calendar, or iPhone calendar, whichever one you use, and be enthusiastic.  This is not the days of the paper-flip calendar that only existed back at the office.

But don't overanalyze this.  She didn't say no, nor did she leave you on Read.

Nevertheless, I agree that you should lightly plan something and text (or better, call) within a day or two to firm things up.  Maybe look into a restaurant or an event, and text with "Hey, I saw that there's a cool exhibit at XYZ on Saturday, and I can get us tickets, does that sound good?" to see her response.

Re:  Multi-dating.  You are both, presumably, multi-dating at this point, since you are not yet in a monogamous relationship.  You may not be seeing others, but she still may be, and until you have that all-important Exclusivity discussion, do not have any expectations that she isn't still entertaining other offers.  And this is not a bad thing, it's good to keep both of your options open until you decide to make things more committed.

[boltnrun]

24 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

This is not the days of the paper-flip calendar that only existed back at the office.

I have a paper day planner. 

24 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Re:  Multi-dating.  You are both, presumably, multi-dating at this point, since you are not yet in a monogamous relationship.  You may not be seeing others, but she still may be, and until you have that all-important Exclusivity discussion, do not have any expectations that she isn't still entertaining other offers.  And this is not a bad thing, it's good to keep both of your options open until you decide to make things more committed

Agree with this. Multi-dating is not an indication of attention seeking or low self worth. It's actually practical. 

[RN4L_1969]

13 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

You're overthinking. Over analyzing.  Chill. Relax. Deeeep breath.  Go with the flow.

Agree lol. I'm an Tech Analyst for a living, so.....

[RN4L_1969]

13 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I see what you mean, sounds a bit.... flat?

I find punctuation makes a difference along with emojis like you said.

Take the same sentence. 

"Sure, I'd like that!  I'll double check my calendar but I should be free Saturday" 😉

Better?

That said, try to not get too hung up on it, it's a text and she agreed!  😍

Perfect...you already know me lol - But yes...will do 🙂

[RN4L_1969]

7 hours ago, SherrySher said:

Honestly, her reply sounded good to me. 🙂

It's hard to tell what was going on with her right that second she replied.

Was she rushing because something distracted her (doorbell ringing, notification went off, was feeling sleepy)...or who knows.

Quite often texts can be misinterpreted because it is so hard to tell how someone is feeling right then due to lack of tone.

The only way to know for certain, is to see how this second date goes.

Usually after the second date, you can tell if you and this person are really vibing, or if you're not as into each other as you had hoped.

Fingers crossed.

Yes...well said and agree! And yep...🤞

[RN4L_1969]

7 hours ago, SherrySher said:

I just wanted to quickly touch on the points made previous about multi-dating, or not multi-dating.

If someone chooses to multi-date, or not multi-date, there could be a number of reasons behind it.

It's really not for anyone to judge or criticize as we don't know why they chose what they did, and it's really not for us to know.

We each navigate our own dating lives to what suits us the best.

But each person makes their own decisions based on their own preferences and there is no right or wrong.

As for choosing to date someone who multi-dates, or doesn't muti-date, it is totally down to your own personal preference.

Some people don't mind at all, as they are multi-dating as well, and feel it's fine to have different options to find the best match.

Others aren't comfortable with that and prefer they and their partner focus on one person at a time.

Both cases are totally fine.

It comes down to what is suitable for you and what isn't.

If you get someone who wants to multi-date and someone who is a one person at a time, then it won't work.

This is well summarized and I can receive this. Thank you for the balanced perspective on this!

[RN4L_1969]

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I am surprised you didn't ask her out again -honestly I'd have asked her out during the first meet i I were you.  I always multidated because I was looking for marriage and in my 30s especially it was really foolish IMO to put all my ticking clock eggs in one basket based on a handful of dates. Usually I became exclusive after 6-8 weeks -and he asked.  In the early 90s I advised my male friend who I'd set up with my female friend to wait to ask her out again.  I so regret that.  She interpreted it as lukewarm interest. In the meantime that week where he waited to call her for a second date she helped out with an election as a volunteer.  There she met her future husband. 

Dang...well I did ask her out for a second date last night and she agreed. So.   We.   Will.   See.

[RN4L_1969]

2 hours ago, Lambert said:

you're doing 👍 great

Needed that...thanks!

[RN4L_1969]

53 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Yeah, I don't love the "have to check my calendar".   Um, open up your little google calendar, or iPhone calendar, whichever one you use, and be enthusiastic.  This is not the days of the paper-flip calendar that only existed back at the office.

But don't overanalyze this.  She didn't say no, nor did she leave you on Read.

Nevertheless, I agree that you should lightly plan something and text (or better, call) within a day or two to firm things up.  Maybe look into a restaurant or an event, and text with "Hey, I saw that there's a cool exhibit at XYZ on Saturday, and I can get us tickets, does that sound good?" to see her response.

Re:  Multi-dating.  You are both, presumably, multi-dating at this point, since you are not yet in a monogamous relationship.  You may not be seeing others, but she still may be, and until you have that all-important Exclusivity discussion, do not have any expectations that she isn't still entertaining other offers.  And this is not a bad thing, it's good to keep both of your options open until you decide to make things more committed.

This is a great explanation and has helped me see this situation a little better. Although I still don't see dating as a "contest", I'm well aware it goes on. Ha...I guess if I'm paying and giving my undivided attention to her now, the thought that she's talking/trying other guys I guess rubs me the wrong way. But a previous post mentioned basically "to each their own", and I should focus on what I want to do and have now.

Also...to be clear. Of course I submitted messages to different women that I was interested in...BUT, the minute one of them and I started to connect and it was good; meaning, we went from email to text to calls...then that's when I focus on that person. Yes...I'm putting my eggs? in one basket lol, (I don't have eggs, but you know), and that's a risk I'm taking, but I'm not in a rush either.

And yes...this weekend will be a little bit more low-key then last lol. I will try and find an event with a dinner that's suitable for us to continue to get to know each other and softer on the wallet 🙂

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, RN4L_1969 said:

This is a great explanation and has helped me see this situation a little better. Although I still don't see dating as a "contest", I'm well aware it goes on. Ha...I guess if I'm paying and giving my undivided attention to her now, the thought that she's talking/trying other guys I guess rubs me the wrong way. But a previous post mentioned basically "to each their own", and I should focus on what I want to do and have now.

Also...to be clear. Of course I submitted messages to different women that I was interested in...BUT, the minute one of them and I started to connect and it was good; meaning, we went from email to text to calls...then that's when I focus on that person. Yes...I'm putting my eggs? in one basket lol, (I don't have eggs, but you know), and that's a risk I'm taking, but I'm not in a rush either.

And yes...this weekend will be a little bit more low-key then last lol. I will try and find an event with a dinner that's suitable for us to continue to get to know each other and softer on the wallet 🙂

It depends on the level of risk.  For me in my 30s especially given my goals of marriage and family -far too risky.