Can I girl have a guy bestfriend and vise versa??

[DariaM239]

Ok so. I have my 2 best friends in the whole world that I trust more than anything. I've known them both for over 10 years (we're in our 20's still). One is a girl and the other is a guy. The other day someone made a comment to me saying "I dont trust a girl with a GUY Best friend" to which I responded, "But I have a guy best friend'! and he said "Ok, but lets be real if you and him were to both get reaaallyy drunk, you guys would probably hook up or something" and I said definitely not because we've both been drunk before and nothing like that has ever happened. I've had conversations like this before with both guys and girls who find it hard to believe that any person could have a BEST friend that's the opposite sex. What do you guys think? 

[Coily]

Absolutely you can have tremendously great opposite sex friends. I have for years, and always make sure I become friendly with who they are dating or married.

Now yes there are some people who will mix the two, but there is usually some underlying sexual tension. People who want to believe that, usually have had a situation where they weren't honest with an opposite sex friend and think it's the same for everyone.

[boltnrun]

I have several male friends. I have even stayed in hotel rooms with two of them (not at the same time and we had separate beds). I had to share a couch to sleep on with one of them and we just had our heads on opposite ends of the couch. No one "hooked up" with anyone lol.  Neither of them even tried because we are not attracted to one another. 

However, I am careful to never do any of these things while I'm in a relationship. I feel that would be disrespectful to the man I'm involved with.  I've also never had the situation happen like you did, where a guy friend picked me up during an overnight with my date. In that case I could understand the guy getting upset. 

[Kwothe28]

I wanted to say how there is a woman at one thread where her best friend picked her up at 2AM and she got into troubles with boyfriend, but then I realized you are that woman lol

Anyway, yes you can. However you do run a risk of your future SO interpreting that kind of friendship for something more. Especially when your friend picks you up at 2AM. There is also a more prominent Forum member that had marriage fell apart because that kind of thing. People get burned so maybe they view it as a red flag of sort. People also get jealous. My ex was jealous at my best friend that I know from kindergarden and we went together in same class 12 years in school. People also project those kind of feelings and think that because they wouldnt trust themselves with people of opposite sex, you cant trust yourself too. So its problematic for future relationship. Especially when you behave in a way that could be interpreted wrong. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, DariaM239 said:

I've had conversations like this before with both guys and girls who find it hard to believe that any person could have a BEST friend that's the opposite sex. What do you guys think? 

Why do you care what individual people think -to this extent?

Yes people can have best friends of the opposite sex. Of course.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I wanted to say how there is a woman at one thread where her best friend picked her up at 2AM and she got into troubles with boyfriend, but then I realized you are that woman lol

Anyway, yes you can. However you do run a risk of your future SO interpreting that kind of friendship for something more. Especially when your friend picks you up at 2AM. There is also a more prominent Forum member that had marriage fell apart because that kind of thing. People get burned so maybe they view it as a red flag of sort. People also get jealous. My ex was jealous at my best friend that I know from kindergarden and we went together in same class 12 years in school. People also project those kind of feelings and think that because they wouldnt trust themselves with people of opposite sex, you cant trust yourself too. So its problematic for future relationship. Especially when you behave in a way that could be interpreted wrong. 

Yes I agree and agree with Bolt about appropriate behavior when in a romantic relationship (meaning assuming hetero couple/friend of opposite sex )

[lostandhurt]

Yes you can but you should know he probably has thought about having sex with you unless he is gay.

This is the thing other men know since they are men and that is why some guys have a problem with it. To them it is just some guy hanging around waiting his turn.  Right or wrong that is the thought process.

 Lost

[DariaM239]

10 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Yes you can but you should know he probably has thought about having sex with you unless he is gay.

This is the thing other men know since they are men and that is why some guys have a problem with it. To them it is just some guy hanging around waiting his turn.  Right or wrong that is the thought process.

 Lost

He's not gay and he has a gf! His gf and I are actually good friends too. Not all guys think that way 🙂 

[boltnrun]

All three times I stayed in a hotel room with male friends we were all drunk AF and NONE of them tried anything. Yes, I remember (I wasn't blackout drunk). One of them even, um, self pleasured in his hotel room bed and I unfortunately woke up and heard him. That says a lot when a guy would rather jack off than make a move on the woman in the next bed. And no, it wasn't me who got him horny but a young woman he met earlier in the evening. (And this is a 100% true story.)

[catfeeder]

When it comes to someone’s private beliefs, there’s no proving a negative.

You represent one instance of anecdotal evidence against his belief, and he can point to every time he’s seen college buddies hook up.

So it’s kinda pointless, really. If this is a guy you’re interested in dating, it’s a disappointment that he’s so narrow minded. But he’s showing you where he stands on the issue, and it’s up to you whether you’d allow him to come between you and your friend.

[SooSad33]

Sure it's fine, especially if you don't see them in any other sense than a 'friend'.  And as long as you two remain with that kind of respect and boundaries.

Sounds like you two have grown on each other this way over the years. So, this other guy is not right in this circumstance.

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, DariaM239 said:

. The other day someone made a comment to me saying "I dont trust a girl with a GUY Best friend" to which I responded, "But I have a guy best friend'! 

Opinions vary. Was this the guy who made the comment?

 

[DariaM239]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Opinions vary. Was this the guy who made the comment?

 

No, this was some guy I met at a friends party this past weekend. 

[Cherylyn]

Yes, it's possible. 

What do I think?  It's very individual.  Some people have no qualms having opposite gender best friends whereas (even though I can't speak for all couples),  my husband and I have friends,  couple friends but we don't have opposite gender friends.  Same with all relatives and in-laws.  I'm not saying it's right or wrong.  It's just our personal preference,  our comfort zone, what we chose and how we are.  That's all.  The majority of our married friends are the same way.  Again,  to each  his or her own.  I don't see anything wrong with opposite gender friends though.  Whatever floats your boat.  😉

[lostandhurt]

10 hours ago, DariaM239 said:

Not all guys think that way

I know most women want to think that but since you are not a guy you can only guess or hope.  I do agree not all guys think that way but most do.  Does it mean they will try and have sex with you?  No of course not but it doesn't mean they haven't thought about it and the guy you stayed the night with knows it too.

  I don't think you should throw away a 10 year friendship for some guy that has a problem with it but you do need to accept that it will be a little harder finding someone that is 100% okay with it.

 If you were dating a guy and he had a super hot girl best friend that picked him up from your house after he tried to sneak out while you were sleeping would you feel the same if his best friend was a dude?

 Lost

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, DariaM239 said:

 my 2 best friends in the whole world.  I've had conversations like this before with both guys and girls who find it hard to believe that any person could have a BEST friend that's the opposite sex. 

Using the guy "BEST friend" lable will certainly deter someone from dating you. Why can't you just have male and female friends? Perhaps you're trying to avoid serious relationships? 

[NighttimeNightmare]

I have a few female friends who I (a) don’t want to date or sleep with (b) don’t think or fantasize about dating or sleeping with (c) would never want to date or sleep with them

 

…. And it’s been that way for 15+ years.  
 

i think a lot of people are just unhealthy in general and so they struggle in their ability to form legitimate connections that aren’t based on trying to sleep with people.  When you run into people like this they aren’t going to find it difficult to believe that there are people in the world who don’t function that way. 

[Batya33]

I think it depends whether the person is in a relationship/wants a relationship and who she seeks out for relationships -like if the man has a female best friend.  And it's individual -my husband one time in the 18 years we've been together this time around objected to me meeting a male friend alone for a drink for an hour prior to us all meeting up -the friend wanted to speak of a personal matter (not romantic!) and had not yet met my then boyfriend.  I cancelled the plan and my friend not only understood he went out of his way to make sure my husband felt comfortable when they did meet that evening -and they became friendly.

I have disliked certain aspects over the years of my husband's friendships with certain women -not of the unfaithful variety more about priorities as far as spending time, etc and one particular woman who tended to drama queen/drinking too much.  

There's no sweeping broad generalization and I find it offensive to men if anyone says a man cannot -full stop -ever be best friends with a woman if he is heterosexual. It's just not true and it's assumptions about men are ridiculous.  But in a marriage/serious relationship the couple of course can decide -we're going to drop all of our opposite gender friends because it's inappropriate -if they both agree -who am I to judge or comment?

[DariaM239]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Using the guy "BEST friend" lable will certainly deter someone from dating you. Why can't you just have male and female friends? Perhaps you're trying to avoid serious relationships? 

Friend and best friend are 2 different things. I wouldn't call my 2 best friends just "friends" because they are way more than that to me. A best friend to me is like family. 

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, DariaM239 said:

Friend and best friend are 2 different things. I wouldn't call my 2 best friends just "friends" because they are way more than that to me. A best friend to me is like family. 

So if you’re just starting to date someone typically the subject of best friends doesn’t even come up. If and when it does you can mention in context the person is male just like you might mention what type of work your best friend does.