What does it mean when a girl knows I like her but keeps getting awkward

[Jacob Chan]

What does it mean when a girl knows I like her but keeps getting awkward when I'm around? 

We are both quite introverted, I don't usually talk a lot, but I'm not shy either, I speak when needed. We both have never been in a relationship and I am probably the first guy going after her. Me (22M, was conscripted) and my crush (19F), we are both freshmen.

I met this girl during a university orientation camp for the community service club; she was in the same group as me. On the last day of the camp, I asked if I could take her out, and she said I could if she was free. Subsequently, she turned me down, citing that we'd be meeting three days later for a group meet-up.

During that meeting, she was initially awkward, but as I started talking a lot in the group, she slowly attempted to engage in conversation with me, and we ended up talking one-on-one during the last 30 minutes. A week later, I sent her a long birthday message, and she responded with a simple "thank you."

Everything remained quiet for a month, but then she added me to her Instagram close friend list and sent a personalized birthday message upon seeing my social media post. I thought these were signals she was sending me, so I decided to sign up for the same community service project as her.

On the day of the project, she avoided eye contact, was continuously nervous and awkward around me. It got to the point where when I stood opposite her, she slowly turned to face the wall, and at one point, she even hid behind her friend. During lunch, when we sat at the same table with six people, she deliberately chose a seat farthest away from me. During that same lunch, someone asked her what kind of guy she liked, and she seemed stressed, with her close friend nudging her and suggesting "tall," but she refused to provide an answer (I'm short, but about 2cm taller than her), I saw her glanced at me for a split second during this time. However, there was one instance when her friends were assigned other tasks, leaving just the two of us. This time, she didn't flee, probably because I was the only person she knew left there. I invited her to sit at the table, and we had a 20-minute conversation. When I talked to her, she consistently gave short replies and appeared very nervous, almost like an interrogation because she didn't ask me anything in return.

I became concerned that my presence was causing her distress, so I decided to message her directly and told her to let me know if I was making her uncomfortable, I would stop. She simply said that she felt okay, but just very awkward, and I'm not even sure what I've done to cause this. Furthermore, she told me that she added many people from our school to her close friend list on Instagram (?????), and I wasn't the only one. She responds to my messages within 30-60 minutes, but I know she's free because she's been looking at my Instagram stories. It seems that after every Instagram story I post, she views it within an average of 10 minutes.

I decided to ask her close friends if she was uncomfortable with me around, and they simply said she was feeling awkward and advised me not to overthink it.

What is happening? Is she interested and just feeling shy? Or she hate me and hope that I'm gone?

[Capricorn3]

9 minutes ago, Jacob Chan said:

What does it mean when a girl knows I like her but keeps getting awkward when I'm around?

Speaking for myself only, it would mean that I am not interested.

That said, I also get the impression that you're a little overwhelming, and you're way more into her, than she is into you.  She could be shy, but my feeling is she's not interested.

[MissCanuck]

20 minutes ago, Jacob Chan said:

Is she interested and just feeling shy?

No, she isn't interested and is hoping you take the hint. 

I would stop trying to get close to her. She doesn't hate you but it's quite clear she doesn't want to send you mixed signals when the romantic interest isn't mutual. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

35 minutes ago, Jacob Chan said:

I sent her a long birthday message

Inquiring minds would like to know what this consisted of…

[Jacob Chan]

 

Regarding the birthday message I sent her, I simply wished her a Happy Birthday and encouraged her not to be afraid to pursue the things she's interested in while she's still young. This is because she had previously told me that she wanted to learn martial arts but was afraid to. It's not a super long message, just 3 sentences, in fact, the message she sent was slightly longer.

In the birthday message she sent to me, she conveyed that the story I shared about myself was inspiring to her. She truly believes I can achieve all my goals because of my strong self-discipline. She also reminded me to remember to rest and not to push myself too hard. Previously, I shared with the orientation group about my aspirations and the steps I'll be taking to achieve them. I also shared with them how I got a full-ride scholarship because they asked.

[Deadtoyouforever74]

It might mean she's desperately in love with you and trying not to be found out. Maybe she is scared of rejection. 

She needs to feel like it's worth her time.  Her heart is one the line.

Good luck!

[NighttimeNightmare]

Hmm well I suppose in reading this again, I’m left wondering why you have a crush on someone you’ve shared a few conversations with, but who otherwise appears extremely uncomfortable around you, and even goes out of her way to avoid you?  
 

I guess I don’t understand how someone could “like” someone who is behaving in these ways towards them?  
 

is it the chase you enjoy? Or you think she’s physically attractive and want to sleep with her…. What is it because it doesn’t seem you two really know one another so I’m confused. 
 

but with that said, you mention she’s 19 and has never been in a relationship so her behavior could just be nerves caused by unfamiliarity — if that’s the case I’m unsure how she’d be able to function and navigate a healthy relationship with anyone if she’s already reacting like this. 

[Kwothe28]

I think she is not interested. See, women that are interested wouldnt shy away that much. They would have eye contact, deliberately sit closer to you, be interested in conversation and ask you about yourself. She doesnt do any of that. In fact, she does a complete opposite. So yeah, not interested in a slightest. Dont pursue this one, its a lost cause.

[Jacob Chan]

50 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Hmm well I suppose in reading this again, I’m left wondering why you have a crush on someone you’ve shared a few conversations with, but who otherwise appears extremely uncomfortable around you, and even goes out of her way to avoid you?  
 

I guess I don’t understand how someone could “like” someone who is behaving in these ways towards them?  
 

is it the chase you enjoy? Or you think she’s physically attractive and want to sleep with her…. What is it because it doesn’t seem you two really know one another so I’m confused. 
 

but with that said, you mention she’s 19 and has never been in a relationship so her behavior could just be nerves caused by unfamiliarity — if that’s the case I’m unsure how she’d be able to function and navigate a healthy relationship with anyone if she’s already reacting like this. 

I was attracted to her initially because, after 4 whole days of interaction in the camp, we did many team-building activities together and shared many group interactions. She seemed like a nice-natured and kind girl, especially when we were doing community service together for 3 days, she was really warm and patient towards the elderly and the intellectually challenged youths. She doesn't drink, smoke, or party but just stays home and helps take care of her siblings and chores and study. Initially, she seemed really mature and calm, but it wasn't until she knew I liked her and joined the project she was in did she started behaving weirdly, that's why I was confused.

I'm quite a traditional and religious person and I don't believe in having sex before marriage.

Regarding the chase, I hope she's the first and the last, I am looking for a wife and a mother of my kids. Of course, now is too early to make a judgement. I joined the community service project she's in to get to know her better and let her know me better, so we could better evaluate each other's suitability, little did I expect things to turn out this way. 

I don't like chasing after girls, because a few broke my heart and it took a long time to recover. I've only ever liked 2 girls excluding her, one was 6 years ago, another was 10 years ago.

Besides, chasing after a girl who is not interested in me is a waste of time, I need to maintain a good GPA or else my full-ride scholarship will be rescinded. Therefore, if I establish that she's totally not interested, I'll leave the project. I'm already quite busy with academics and running another program that mentors youth at risk. If she's interested but confused, I believe with time and effort, we can work things out together.

I did not fill in the details, or else the post will be super long. We are both book nerds, family-oriented and enjoy helping the less privileged.

I like her because she's different from other girls I could ever find these days. Pure, simple with a kind heart and doesn't go crazy over materialistic pursuits.

[Capricorn3]

17 minutes ago, Jacob Chan said:

Regarding the chase, I hope she's the first and the last, I am looking for a wife and a mother of my kids.

Whoa.  You come across as way too intense, which may explain why she feels so uncomfortable.

How old are your children?  How old is this girl you are chasing?  I am assuming you're divorced?

[Jacob Chan]

7 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Whoa.  You come across as way too intense, which may explain why she feels so uncomfortable.

How old are your children?  How old is this girl you are chasing?  I am assuming you're divorced?

I am 22M and she's 19F, I have never been married nor had sex, studying all my youth away to get into a top university with a full-ride scholarship, at the same time serving the poor. Besides, 5 minutes ago, I just completed a psychometric test for a fast-track career programme that I got shortlisted for. I have been a goody2shoes all my life.

I've never told her all these, those are just my personal thoughts and I believe the mindset of most Christians. I have been behaving like a normal person would.

[Capricorn3]

1 minute ago, Jacob Chan said:

I am 22M and she's 19F, I have never been married nor had sex, studying all my youth away to get into a top university with a full-ride scholarship, at the same time serving the poor. I've never told her all these, those are just my personal thoughts and I believe the mindset of most Christians. I have been behaving like a normal person would.

Oh, I'm sorry - I misunderstood your previous post.

I would say don't push too much - the more you push, the more she backs off.

[Jacob Chan]

24 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Oh, I'm sorry - I misunderstood your previous post.

I would say don't push too much - the more you push, the more she backs off.

My brother who talked to her once suggested that she was too shy and that I should break the ice next time, he also said that the way she behaves seems like a 13-year-old shy little girl because she's not seen the world and stays in her room to study and do volunteer work with elderly for 19 years of her life. Although she's smart and knowledgeable academically, but is a baby in terms of approaching relationships. She may want to try it out but is afraid and does not know how, and I need to guide her (I can try but I'm evergreen too).

He says I should purposely go up and wave at her and say "Hi" even if she's purposely looking elsewhere. When she looks shy, I should strike up a conversation with her. Approach her like we would when we were little teens. Tease her here and there to get her more comfortable with me and then see how it goes when she's less nervous.

What is your opinion on this?

[NighttimeNightmare]

45 minutes ago, Jacob Chan said:

I like her because she's different from other girls I could ever find these days. Pure, simple with a kind heart and doesn't go crazy over materialistic pursuits.

I’d just be careful not to create a fantasy of what she could be to you 

 

all of the reasons you listed as to why you like her are on-paper traits, traits that many other people also possess. But the reality of her interactions concerning you and her doesn’t look good. She’s being dodgy - for whatever reason (shyness, nerves, lack of interest, lack of experience, etc) That’s the reality you have to work with. 
 

so sure, she has traits you like on paper, but that doesn’t translate into her being able or willing to have an actual experience with you personally.  Inventing “if onlys” isn’t going to really do any good

[Jacob Chan]

Just now, NighttimeNightmare said:

I’d just be careful not to create a fantasy of what she could be to you 

 

all of the reasons you listed as to why you like her are on-paper traits, traits that many other people also possess. But the reality of her interactions concerning you and her, doesn’t look good. She’s being dodgy - for whatever reason. That’s the reality you have to work with. 
 

so sure, she has traits you like on paper, but that doesn’t translate into her being able or willing to have an actual experience with you personally.  Inventing “if onlys” isn’t going to really do any goof 

Yes, I understand this. I've only interacted with her for 7 whole days (out of which the last 2 days she started being awkward with me) and I don't know her well. That is why I am trying to get near her to understand her better, and let her understand me better, so we can better evaluate each other's suitability. But before I get to do that, I need to clear up all her nervousness and awkwardness. I have been able to talk so well with her 2 other best friends, and through them I got to know her better, they text me occasionally. They've only said good things about her.

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, Jacob Chan said:

 it wasn't until she knew I liked her and joined the project she was in did she started behaving weirdly.

Try to step back a bit. You seem too intense. Do the opposite of what your brother suggests and give her a bit of space. 

Try not to come on this strong, it seems to be making her uncomfortable. Your laser focus on her would make many girls shy away from you.

[Jacob Chan]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try to step back a bit. You seem too intense. Do the opposite of what your brother suggests and give her a bit of space. 

Try not to come on this strong, it seems to be making her uncomfortable. Your laser focus on her would make many girls shy away from you.

Thanks for your advice. That's why for the last 2 times she's behaving weirdly, I've not talked to her at all for the entire day, giving her space. Only kept talking to her 2 besties (who seemed to laugh at her reactions sometimes). 

Hopefully, after some time, she will get better.

[Capricorn3]

OP, I have re-read your original post and, seriously, when I see your description of her behaviour it all screams of a girl who is not interested in you (sorry).  Please re-read your words below:

she avoided eye contact, was continuously nervous and awkward around me. It got to the point where when I stood opposite her, she slowly turned to face the wall, and at one point, she even hid behind her friend. During lunch, when we sat at the same table with six people, she deliberately chose a seat farthest away from me. . When I talked to her, she consistently gave short replies and appeared very nervous, almost like an interrogation because she didn't ask me anything in return.

I became concerned that my presence was causing her distress, so I decided to message her directly and told her to let me know if I was making her uncomfortable, I would stop. She simply said that she felt okay, but just very awkward, and I'm not even sure what I've done to cause this.  She responds to my messages within 30-60 minutes, but I know she's free

Do any of your words above show you someone who has any interest in you at all? Genuine question.  To me it shows a girl who almost doesn't want to be around you in any way at all (imo).

I think you should back off and stay off.  This girl is not for you.

[Jacob Chan]

17 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

OP, I have re-read your original post and, seriously, when I see your description of her behaviour it all screams of a girl who is not interested in you (sorry).  Please re-read your words below:

she avoided eye contact, was continuously nervous and awkward around me. It got to the point where when I stood opposite her, she slowly turned to face the wall, and at one point, she even hid behind her friend. During lunch, when we sat at the same table with six people, she deliberately chose a seat farthest away from me. . When I talked to her, she consistently gave short replies and appeared very nervous, almost like an interrogation because she didn't ask me anything in return.

I became concerned that my presence was causing her distress, so I decided to message her directly and told her to let me know if I was making her uncomfortable, I would stop. She simply said that she felt okay, but just very awkward, and I'm not even sure what I've done to cause this.  She responds to my messages within 30-60 minutes, but I know she's free

Do any of your words above show you someone who has any interest in you at all? Genuine question.  To me it shows a girl who almost doesn't want to be around you in any way at all (imo).

I think you should back off and stay off.  This girl is not for you.

Ok. Thanks for your analysis!

Maybe is time to stop doing all this sh it and focus on my academics and career. I should be grinding right now instead of getting all bonkers over a girl. My study backlog is insane right now because of this.

I'll just stop going to the project. Since she views my every Instagram story after 10 minutes I post them, she'll know where to contact me if she's interested.

I seriously think she turned on the notification bell for my Instagram stories, if not who in her right mind would be scrolling Instagram so frequently especially when the workload in my uni is so high? Yeah, I just posted something on my story 5 minutes ago, and she sees it in 2 minutes.

Man, the first girl I liked blocked me on Instagram as soon as she found out I liked her. The second girl I liked literally stopped viewing my stories and liking my posts after my friend told her I liked her. Girls are confusing. The one and only girl who liked me before, I just told her directly I was not interested and thanked her for liking me. Simple and straightforward, she stopped approaching me and disappeared. 😕

[Capricorn3]

35 minutes ago, Jacob Chan said:

He says I should purposely go up and wave at her and say "Hi" even if she's purposely looking elsewhere. When she looks shy, I should strike up a conversation with her. Approach her like we would when we were little teens. Tease her here and there to get her more comfortable with me and then see how it goes when she's less nervous.

What is your opinion on this?

My opinion is not to listen to your brother.  Teasing her and trying to force conversation with her, (when she clearly doesn't want to), will only make her more uncomfortable. You are way too pushy (imo). 

 

[Capricorn3]

19 minutes ago, Jacob Chan said:

Maybe is time to stop doing all this sh it and focus on my academics and career.

Sounds like a good idea. 👍

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Sounds like a good idea. 👍

I agree and agree your approach is too intense and that is why she feels and acts so awkward -and please never read into someone adding you to social media as a sign of interest in dating you -if you are dating someone and they add you to have another point of contact, that's different IMO. Good luck with college!

[smackie9]

Just ask her out on a date. If she says no, that would mean she's not interested. 

[Andrina]

You took a risk, which was good, asking her out. But when she cancelled and never scheduled an alternate date, that was the time to move on. I've always been shy too, but always let a guy know when I was free if I couldn't meet with him on the day he suggested.

Since you're into her, you're trying to logically explain why she is acting awkward that doesn't involve the idea that she's just not that into you.

Even if you don't say: "I'm sizing you up to see if you meet the standards of being my future wife and mother of my children." Believe me, that energy from you is coming across loud and clear, and it will scare a woman away when you're for all intents and purposes, acquaintances.

How about lightening up and making a goal of just enjoying a woman's company by living in the present? Not projecting into the future, and if you find yourselves to be compatible and having the same dating and life goals after you get past the honeymoon stage (if you even make it that far), then you can have hopes of a forever love when it gets to the one year mark and beyond.

Many in their late teens and early twenties go through many relationships before finding "the one." The human brain isn't even fully formed until around age 25, so what a person wants from the late teens to the late twenties could do a whole 360 degrees. It's why there is a higher divorce rate for people who marry under age 25.

I'd be pleasant to her whenever you encounter her at school, but would no longer initiate communication in person or on social media. Start thinking of her as just another student who is not available for you to date. If her stories popping up on your social media disrupts your ability to move on, delete her. Good luck.

[DariaM239]

You're doing too much and you're overwhelming her. You probably don't mean to come off that way but maybe it's a bit too much for her. Although, if I were her, I would've been direct with you and just say straight up that I'm not interested. Perhaps she's too shy to say anything but based on her behavior, I would take this as a hint that she obv wants nothing to do with you. Cause believe me when a girl is interested she'll make it known! Best of luck to you!