Jacob Chan

My descriptions of her character are verified by her besties, they've spent all their high school lives together. I am on good talking terms with her besties. In fact, they keep talking to me when we meet lol. Sometimes, they reply to my Instagram stories as well. Actually, I assumed she was fine with me because or else her besties would have flagged it out to me. I've asked her besties to sort of help me, and they gave me a few sentences of advice (e.g., don't speak too formally, be friends first - And because of that I learned how to message like a Gen Z and I've been trying to approach her like a normal friend which I believe is not too overwhelming). However, it seems like her besties don't want to get involved. And one thing I just remembered, I was added to a Telegram chat group for the project and I forgot to indicate my attendance for the first session because I was too busy that day. At midnight, I received a message from her bestie asking if I was going to attend the project session, I actually thought she used her bestie as a proxy to remind me to indicate my attendance. Now I'm confused about that because, without the reminder, I might not be there? After the last time I met her, I directly messaged her this (but in Gen Z language): "XX, am I making you feel very uncomfortable and stressed? If I am, you must let me know okay? I'll stop. If whatever I do makes you unhappy, then it defeats my purpose. I really hope you enjoy the activities you sign up for. Don't avoid me please, I feel very sad when you do that, you can just tell me anything directly, I am very open and transparent. I hope you'll be happy because life is too short to be unhappy!". She replied after 10 minutes: "I'm okay, just that it's awkward sometimes." I then proceeded to message one of her 2 besties because I was afraid she wouldn't dare to tell me directly: "Do you know what happened to XX? I feel like she keeps avoiding me. I think I am making her uncomfortable by being in the project". The bestie replied: "Maybe she is a bit awkward, but I think you're thinking too much." I am quite sure her bestie communicated with her before replying to me. Up till this point, none of her besties or herself have directly told me anything that suggests I should stop being around her or that she is being upset by my presence. It is only her behaviour that is weird, and that's super confusing. But whatever the case, I'll stop actively pursuing her. I seriously don't have the time to keep guessing, it's mentally crippling. Else, my academics will take a toll. I need to spend time building my garden, if not no matter how hard I try to catch any butterflies, they'll still fly away. She'll know where to find me anyway since she's viewing my Instagram stories within 10 minutes after I post them.

My younger sister, 20F, behaves really similarly to her, sheltered and shy as well (totally wild in front of me though). That's why before I actually asked the girl out, I asked my sister about that. My sister shared with me that even if she likes the boy who asked her out, she'll never go out one-on-one with the boy if they've only met for a few days, in my case, it was 4-whole days of camp. She further added that one-on-one interaction in a group meeting is ideal. That's why I thought it was only normal for the girl to turn me down and suggest meeting in a group setting, which was totally what she did. And during the group-setting meeting, she initiated conversation one-on-one, although she looked awkward at the beginning. This is totally in line with whatever my sister has told me. As such, I continue to follow her to the project she's in, or else we'll never meet again after the camp. And when I attended the project session, she started becoming so weird.

Hahahaa. Sounds cute, and I really hope this is the case. But for now, I'll stay away from her and see how things go first. Seems like my friend is interested in joining the same project as her, and asked me to join him. But even if I go back, I'll probably leave her alone, acting like I've never liked her before. Won't initiate any communication or look at her unless she initiates it. Thanks for sharing!

Yes. I know he is making a lot of assumptions and doesn't know her well, that's why I deliberately mentioned they've only met once.

Thank you for the advice. Haha. I always dreamed of dating a girl, growing up and maturing together, walking through different life stages together and always being there for each other. But I never had the chance to do so. I know a few friends, my scout leaders, who have been with their partner since 14 and are now in their 30s married with teens, and I really envy them! I don't even know why I look so desperate now, I had been living fine for the past 6 years without liking anyone. Thinking about what I did for the past month, I feel like a fool, chasing after nothing which I thought was something. Now that the whole picture of what has happened is clear in front of me, it's my time to feel awkward and ashamed when I meet her besties who knew exactly what happened lol. Anyway, we're in different faculty far apart and I probably will never meet her or her friends physically again if I don't join her project. I guess that will be good for us. Haaha, her besties will surely text me to ask whether I'll be going to the next session of the project and why I am not going anymore. But I guess overall, it's good, at least I learnt some new things. Haha, have to heal my heart from this unrequited liking now.

Ok. Thanks for your analysis! Maybe is time to stop doing all this sh it and focus on my academics and career. I should be grinding right now instead of getting all bonkers over a girl. My study backlog is insane right now because of this. I'll just stop going to the project. Since she views my every Instagram story after 10 minutes I post them, she'll know where to contact me if she's interested. I seriously think she turned on the notification bell for my Instagram stories, if not who in her right mind would be scrolling Instagram so frequently especially when the workload in my uni is so high? Yeah, I just posted something on my story 5 minutes ago, and she sees it in 2 minutes. Man, the first girl I liked blocked me on Instagram as soon as she found out I liked her. The second girl I liked literally stopped viewing my stories and liking my posts after my friend told her I liked her. Girls are confusing. The one and only girl who liked me before, I just told her directly I was not interested and thanked her for liking me. Simple and straightforward, she stopped approaching me and disappeared. 😕

Thanks for your advice. That's why for the last 2 times she's behaving weirdly, I've not talked to her at all for the entire day, giving her space. Only kept talking to her 2 besties (who seemed to laugh at her reactions sometimes). Hopefully, after some time, she will get better.

Yes, I understand this. I've only interacted with her for 7 whole days (out of which the last 2 days she started being awkward with me) and I don't know her well. That is why I am trying to get near her to understand her better, and let her understand me better, so we can better evaluate each other's suitability. But before I get to do that, I need to clear up all her nervousness and awkwardness. I have been able to talk so well with her 2 other best friends, and through them I got to know her better, they text me occasionally. They've only said good things about her.

My brother who talked to her once suggested that she was too shy and that I should break the ice next time, he also said that the way she behaves seems like a 13-year-old shy little girl because she's not seen the world and stays in her room to study and do volunteer work with elderly for 19 years of her life. Although she's smart and knowledgeable academically, but is a baby in terms of approaching relationships. She may want to try it out but is afraid and does not know how, and I need to guide her (I can try but I'm evergreen too). He says I should purposely go up and wave at her and say "Hi" even if she's purposely looking elsewhere. When she looks shy, I should strike up a conversation with her. Approach her like we would when we were little teens. Tease her here and there to get her more comfortable with me and then see how it goes when she's less nervous. What is your opinion on this?

I am 22M and she's 19F, I have never been married nor had sex, studying all my youth away to get into a top university with a full-ride scholarship, at the same time serving the poor. Besides, 5 minutes ago, I just completed a psychometric test for a fast-track career programme that I got shortlisted for. I have been a goody2shoes all my life. I've never told her all these, those are just my personal thoughts and I believe the mindset of most Christians. I have been behaving like a normal person would.

I was attracted to her initially because, after 4 whole days of interaction in the camp, we did many team-building activities together and shared many group interactions. She seemed like a nice-natured and kind girl, especially when we were doing community service together for 3 days, she was really warm and patient towards the elderly and the intellectually challenged youths. She doesn't drink, smoke, or party but just stays home and helps take care of her siblings and chores and study. Initially, she seemed really mature and calm, but it wasn't until she knew I liked her and joined the project she was in did she started behaving weirdly, that's why I was confused. I'm quite a traditional and religious person and I don't believe in having sex before marriage. Regarding the chase, I hope she's the first and the last, I am looking for a wife and a mother of my kids. Of course, now is too early to make a judgement. I joined the community service project she's in to get to know her better and let her know me better, so we could better evaluate each other's suitability, little did I expect things to turn out this way. I don't like chasing after girls, because a few broke my heart and it took a long time to recover. I've only ever liked 2 girls excluding her, one was 6 years ago, another was 10 years ago. Besides, chasing after a girl who is not interested in me is a waste of time, I need to maintain a good GPA or else my full-ride scholarship will be rescinded. Therefore, if I establish that she's totally not interested, I'll leave the project. I'm already quite busy with academics and running another program that mentors youth at risk. If she's interested but confused, I believe with time and effort, we can work things out together. I did not fill in the details, or else the post will be super long. We are both book nerds, family-oriented and enjoy helping the less privileged. I like her because she's different from other girls I could ever find these days. Pure, simple with a kind heart and doesn't go crazy over materialistic pursuits.

Regarding the birthday message I sent her, I simply wished her a Happy Birthday and encouraged her not to be afraid to pursue the things she's interested in while she's still young. This is because she had previously told me that she wanted to learn martial arts but was afraid to. It's not a super long message, just 3 sentences, in fact, the message she sent was slightly longer. In the birthday message she sent to me, she conveyed that the story I shared about myself was inspiring to her. She truly believes I can achieve all my goals because of my strong self-discipline. She also reminded me to remember to rest and not to push myself too hard. Previously, I shared with the orientation group about my aspirations and the steps I'll be taking to achieve them. I also shared with them how I got a full-ride scholarship because they asked.

What does it mean when a girl knows I like her but keeps getting awkward when I'm around? We are both quite introverted, I don't usually talk a lot, but I'm not shy either, I speak when needed. We both have never been in a relationship and I am probably the first guy going after her. Me (22M, was conscripted) and my crush (19F), we are both freshmen. I met this girl during a university orientation camp for the community service club; she was in the same group as me. On the last day of the camp, I asked if I could take her out, and she said I could if she was free. Subsequently, she turned me down, citing that we'd be meeting three days later for a group meet-up. During that meeting, she was initially awkward, but as I started talking a lot in the group, she slowly attempted to engage in conversation with me, and we ended up talking one-on-one during the last 30 minutes. A week later, I sent her a long birthday message, and she responded with a simple "thank you." Everything remained quiet for a month, but then she added me to her Instagram close friend list and sent a personalized birthday message upon seeing my social media post. I thought these were signals she was sending me, so I decided to sign up for the same community service project as her. On the day of the project, she avoided eye contact, was continuously nervous and awkward around me. It got to the point where when I stood opposite her, she slowly turned to face the wall, and at one point, she even hid behind her friend. During lunch, when we sat at the same table with six people, she deliberately chose a seat farthest away from me. During that same lunch, someone asked her what kind of guy she liked, and she seemed stressed, with her close friend nudging her and suggesting "tall," but she refused to provide an answer (I'm short, but about 2cm taller than her), I saw her glanced at me for a split second during this time. However, there was one instance when her friends were assigned other tasks, leaving just the two of us. This time, she didn't flee, probably because I was the only person she knew left there. I invited her to sit at the table, and we had a 20-minute conversation. When I talked to her, she consistently gave short replies and appeared very nervous, almost like an interrogation because she didn't ask me anything in return. I became concerned that my presence was causing her distress, so I decided to message her directly and told her to let me know if I was making her uncomfortable, I would stop. She simply said that she felt okay, but just very awkward, and I'm not even sure what I've done to cause this. Furthermore, she told me that she added many people from our school to her close friend list on Instagram (?????), and I wasn't the only one. She responds to my messages within 30-60 minutes, but I know she's free because she's been looking at my Instagram stories. It seems that after every Instagram story I post, she views it within an average of 10 minutes. I decided to ask her close friends if she was uncomfortable with me around, and they simply said she was feeling awkward and advised me not to overthink it. What is happening? Is she interested and just feeling shy? Or she hate me and hope that I'm gone?