I'm 30 and shes 29. No contact for two days and her birthday is tomorrow.

[Mcuber]

Hi everyone I'm looking for a bit of advice for my situation. For a bit of background I started dating this girl last march and we are both the same age. Things started out great between us hanging out and hooking up until around a month and a half into it when she said she was feeling stressed due to graduating and ending it.

 

We have recently been reconnecting since last july seeing eachother once with her going away on a trip for 3 weeks with her family. When she came back she said that she wants to see me and I also noticed that she is on hinge. She has been contacting less canceling a date and she has not responded to my last message for two days. I also believe she noticed me on hinge as well and removed me from being able to match with me being anxious starting another account and noticing that she is still there however I believe she removed this account to before I could delete which makes me feel like it was a big mistake to start another account. I felt like she could have blocked me on Instagram and Facebook after this but we follow eachother and are friends.

 

I'm planning in starting no contact with her not responding in two days however tomorrow is her birthday. Should I give her a happy birthday message on facebook or messenger and then start no contact depending on how she responds? Also if I ignore her birthday, dont send her a happy birthday message and she asks why what would be a good response? I also feel she could get shock and wonder why I didnt message her happy birthday. Also what would her perspective be removing me from a dating app twice? as I feel it could of killed any attraction I could of had. I feel that her attraction has dropped however I would still like to make things work. Any other advice or insight would be appreciated! Thanks!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. If she's not contacting you and blocking you from apps, it best to step back and let it go.

You seem to believe that "no contact" is some sort of get your ex back tool or something to make her notice you, but unfortunately it looks like she simply moved on.

[Andrina]

5 minutes ago, Mcuber said:

She has been contacting less canceling a date and she has not responded to my last message for two days.

 

6 minutes ago, Mcuber said:

around a month and a half into it when she said she was feeling stressed due to graduating and ending it.

Don't you see a pattern of bailing? She's crappy dating material. Who cares about her birthday when she hasn't even replied to you for two days? Would you do that to anyone? Do you base your decisions solely on looks and anything goes for a woman's behavior?

Your self-esteem is in the gutter if you don't block and delete after all of this.

[MissCanuck]

18 minutes ago, Mcuber said:

I feel that her attraction has dropped however I would still like to make things work.

You can't make things work when the other person isn't interested, my friend. 

If she's been fading and hasn't responded to your last message, there is no reason to wish her a happy birthday. It seems she was trying to let this fizzle anyway, so I would take that hint and move on.  

[shouldhavelearned]

Skip the happy birthday and block

 

No contact asap 

[Kwothe28]

So, she ended it, you kinda reconnected but not really and now she is lowkey ghosting? Yeah, I dont think you owe her anything, even a birthday message, feel free to do no contact. I doubt that she would ask, but if she does just say that you had a lot on your mind and forgot. No need for big arguments and explanations. Maybe even better to just block it altogether. After all she did ghost you and even removed you so you wouldnt see her on dating app.

Dont feel bad about the birthday thing. I can tell you that couple of times I extended courtesy toward exes and congratulated, I never got that courtesy back. She wont remember yours nore care to congratulate. 

[Lambert]

Before I give any advice about how I would handle this.  I want to call out something.

If you are using no contact to end things for good with this woman,  why would you wish her a happy birthday? 

Are you hoping no contact will get a reaction from her? To make her change in some way? 

You cannot fix another person. how they are is how they are. You're only choice to accept as is or not.

So my advice follows that.  Don't be afraid to cut people out if your life.  

1 hour ago, Mcuber said:

Also if I ignore her birthday, dont send her a happy birthday message and she asks why what would be a good response?

If you're not speaking to her, there is no response needed. 

 

1 hour ago, Mcuber said:

Also what would her perspective be removing me from a dating app twice?

She knows you in real life.  What's the point of contacting you on a dating app? 

 

1 hour ago, Mcuber said:

Any other advice or insight would be appreciated!

Move on. Date someone better for you. block her everywhere she hasn't blocked you.  Don't look back. Have an amazing life.

[Lambert]

2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Dont feel bad about the birthday thing. I can tell you that couple of times I extended courtesy toward exes and congratulated, I never got that courtesy back. She wont remember yours nore care to congratulat

So true! I've ultimately regretted every single time I did.  All it does is confirm they got your heart. 

[SherrySher]

1 hour ago, Mcuber said:

Hi everyone I'm looking for a bit of advice for my situation. For a bit of background I started dating this girl last march and we are both the same age. Things started out great between us hanging out and hooking up until around a month and a half into it when she said she was feeling stressed due to graduating and ending it.

 

We have recently been reconnecting since last july seeing eachother once with her going away on a trip for 3 weeks with her family. When she came back she said that she wants to see me and I also noticed that she is on hinge. She has been contacting less canceling a date and she has not responded to my last message for two days. I also believe she noticed me on hinge as well and removed me from being able to match with me being anxious starting another account and noticing that she is still there however I believe she removed this account to before I could delete which makes me feel like it was a big mistake to start another account. I felt like she could have blocked me on Instagram and Facebook after this but we follow eachother and are friends.

 

I'm planning in starting no contact with her not responding in two days however tomorrow is her birthday. Should I give her a happy birthday message on facebook or messenger and then start no contact depending on how she responds? Also if I ignore her birthday, dont send her a happy birthday message and she asks why what would be a good response? I also feel she could get shock and wonder why I didnt message her happy birthday. Also what would her perspective be removing me from a dating app twice? as I feel it could of killed any attraction I could of had. I feel that her attraction has dropped however I would still like to make things work. Any other advice or insight would be appreciated! Thanks!

You are essentially trying to still piece together a very flimsy connection that is just not working.

She removed you twice, once should have been enough for you to know she is no longer interested.

She is not wanting to connect, she is not contacting you, and is only using you at this point as a possible back up while actively searching for someone else.

It doesn't matter if it's her birthday, you need to accept that this is not a match, saying "Happy Birthday" to her won't magically have her finding you attractive again and rushing to your side.

It might seem like a nice gesture, but it won't do any good at this point.

If I were you, I would delete this contact and accept that she is not someone who is compatible.

[Cherylyn]

I'll chime in with others.  If she doesn't respect you enough to give you common courtesy,  return the "favor" by doing likewise:  ignore.  What goes around comes around.  😒

[catfeeder]

She doesn't view you through the right lens. You deserve to be with someone who does.

If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

This isn't the right match for you. Shut this one down and go find her.

[Sally .C.]

I'll echo the others...

I don't know if you'd wish her a happy birthday out of a desire to be kind, or to entice a response on her end, or a mix of both...but I wouldn't recommend it. You may get a 'thanks' in response, but it won't change her interest level overall.

If it were your birthday...do you think you'd hear from her?

[Coily]

She's treating you poorly and disrespectfully, I'd be done as she's not even giving you a carrot on a stick.

[Cherylyn]

I've learned that even though some people in my life were either unkind,  ignored me or both,  I still continued being nice to them to a fault.  What happened?  I set myself for their opportunity to mistreat me badly. ☹️ I experienced further disappointment,  angst,  turmoil,  distress and depression.  Never make yourself vulnerable to unfavorable outcomes which I've since learned the very painful way.  Be kind to yourself.