Dating for 4 months

[Stephaniee]

Hello everyone 

I need your advice so I have been dating this guy for 4 month we went on 7 dates, he never let me pay but on the 8th date he was acting weird I asked him what's wrong he kept talking on wanting to be more serious *mariage*  but at the end of the date he asked to split the bill. So do you guys think he was just trying to butter me up to split the bill? Cuz previously when I use to ask him directly he would refuse 

(My girlfriends told me that when a guy likes you he will be direct about it*money matters* or he won't let you pay )

What do you guys think? 

[Jaunty]

I doubt he was trying to "butter you up" my mentioning marriage.  That's farfetched.  Maybe he wanted you to split the bill.  

[shouldhavelearned]

Why so few dates, Four months and only seven dates? 

Pretty quick for a marriage

Not buttering you up

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Stephaniee said:

 dating this guy for 4 month we went on 7 dates, he never let me pay but on the 8th 

How is the relationship overall?

Is this a distance situation? Do you see each other twice a month because of time restraints or are there other reasons it's so seldom?

As far as splitting the bill, have you ever treated or reciprocated such as making dinner?  

Do you both work? Are you roughly similar in jobs/income? As far as hidden meanings or buttering up, it doesn't seem related to paying for dates. Why and how did he bring up marriage after only 8 dates? 

[lovergal]

I mean do you really expect him to pay for every dinner?

[itsallgrand]

Instead of playing a game, why not just be courteous and kind and pick up the bill somewhere between date 1 and 8? Don't ask, just do it. 

[Stephaniee]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How is the relationship overall?

Is this a distance situation? Do you see each other twice a month because of time restraints or are there other reasons it's so seldom?

As far as splitting the bill, have you ever treated or reciprocated such as making dinner?  

Do you both work? Are you roughly similar in jobs/income? As far as hidden meanings or buttering up, it doesn't seem related to paying for dates. Why and how did he bring up marriage after only 8 dates? 

Well, I live far away and we work in different places so we don't meet as often. Recently I quit my job,but I did pay for other things like for cinema or when we had dessert.( like if we went to 2 places in one date)

For marriage, I did feel like it was out of nowhere! That's why I asked this question. I mean from our 3rd date I felt like he was intense with his emotions but I told him we should slow down.

[Kwothe28]

Maybe he just wanted you to pay/split the bill for once after 8 dinners?

Also what is the problem if he paid for 8 dates? Suddenly you are worried that he doesnt like you because he didnt pay for 8th on his own? I think you girfriends are way in your head about that.

[smackie9]

communication is your answer. Just ask him, talk about it and other things he has brought up. 

[Batya33]

If  you quit your job then you do your fair share by planning free or inexpensive dates or inviting him over to watch a movie, go for a hike, go to museums on their free/pay what you wish days.

[Cherylyn]

When my husband and I were dating,  instead of splitting the bill,  we took turns paying for the bill.  For example,  for restaurant dining,  he would pay for my meal and next time,  it was my turn to pay for his meal in addition to mine.  It was only fair.  I didn't mind.  Same with entertainment tickets.  We paid for our own and I was considerate of his budget. 

I agree with @Batya33.  If money is tight for you,  there are other ways to have a good time and more wallet friendly, too.  Take walks together,  go to the park,  enjoy a picnic such as packed homemade food and the like.  Be economical.  In many ways,  it's actually more enjoyable and relaxing.  Paying for everything to be entertained such as dining out and such is way overrated not to mention it doesn't taste as good as food from home.

 

[kehratha]

On 8/22/2023 at 3:39 AM, Stephaniee said:

Hello everyone 

I need your advice so I have been dating this guy for 4 month we went on 7 dates, he never let me pay but on the 8th date he was acting weird I asked him what's wrong he kept talking on wanting to be more serious *mariage*  but at the end of the date he asked to split the bill. So do you guys think he was just trying to butter me up to split the bill? Cuz previously when I use to ask him directly he would refuse 

(My girlfriends told me that when a guy likes you he will be direct about it*money matters* or he won't let you pay )

What do you guys think? 

From his point of view, maybe he is done with paying for someone who doesn't want something serious (like marriage).

Are you guys casually date or are you into something for the future?

[Tiddytok5]

He feels like you're using him and wasting his time. He's looking for marriage and paternership, not a gold digger who wants free meals.

You're giving him mixed signals.  If you expect free things out of him always, he isn't interested.

It doesn't appear that you're really genuinely interested in him, just the fact that he didn't pay this time.

If you're interested seriously in him ..which , stop listening to these alleged friends (which might be intentionally trying to sabatooge) and either take turns paying,  start paying for your things, or leave him alone.

It isn't a man's responsibility to pay for a women's expenses.   

He isn't obligated to pay for any of your expenses,  nor are you entitled to his earned resources. 

Do you not care that he has bills and expenses of his own?? Do you not care that he could be experiencing financial hardships and difficulties...especially with the added expense of "you"?

You are not entitled to his hard earned resources. 

He was not put on this planet to be a "cash cow"

Start paying for your own or taking turns...

Or leave him alone and find a guy to sponsor you financially.  Just be upfront about your intentions and expectations.