Trip Coordination for a Girls Trip

[Alex39]

I have a girls bachelorette trip in a month in the pacific northwest. The trip is Saturday to Sunday. We rented a hotel room. I paid money towards this. 

But now I'm having travel planning issues. I want to go on the trip, but the area is hard to get to. 

If we drive, it's a 4 to 5 hour ride with traffic which is almost guaranteed. I don't like driving in this area or that long. 

There is also a shorter boat option. It's much faster, only 3 hours total and you can take your car on. So not full driving. 

I offer to drive one of my friends. Then another girl decides to jump in with us. 

Other girls are going in another car. 

We decide it's best to take the boat with my car. We split the cost. 

I book the boat ticket there. But now the boat back on Sunday is booked up. They only have boats at 9am or 7pm.

The girls planned to leave around 1pm. I wouldn't mind leaving at 10 or 11, but now none of those are even possible. 

I don't want to leave late at night when it's dark in an area I don't know. 

I'm okay leaving at 9am, but the other girls insist on staying and enjoying the area longer as was the plan. I can't control the boat times.  

They then say how they'll just go back with the other girls later in their car. There is no room for me. 

So I'm left by myself. I feel uncomfortable with this. But they refuse to go home earlier. Now I just feel like I'm their ride there and since the return isn't good for them, they are ditching me so easily. I'll be alone in an area I don't know with my car. And if I go alone, it's really expensive for me without splitting the cost. 

What do I do?

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 What do I do?

Be flexible. You don't really have another choice unless they all want to leave early when you want to leave. 

[Alex39]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Be flexible. You don't really have another choice unless they all want to leave early when you want to leave. 

Should I leave at 9am without them? They refuse to leave early. 

[catfeeder]

With GPS it’s pretty simple. I drove 5 hours for a wedding week and drove myself back, and I’m twice your age.

You’re too young to act so old, honey.

Go enjoy yourself and don’t sweat the logistics. 

[catfeeder]

1 minute ago, Alex39 said:

Should I leave at 9am without them? They refuse to leave early. 

Either take the 7 pm or just do the drive early afternoon. Whoever rides with you is irrelevant. GPS doesn’t require much effort, just listen to the directions.

[Seraphim]

I drive 8 hours in one day no problems in light , dark, snow , rain, snow doesn’t matter on one of the busiest highways in North America. I am almost 57. 
 

If this is this wedding again, stop right now and don’t go. 

[catfeeder]

5 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I drive 8 hours in one day no problems in light , dark, snow , rain, snow doesn’t matter on one of the busiest highways in North America. I am almost 57. 

I hear. I’m old, and I make an 11 hour trip a few times a year to stay with friends, and I recently did a two day trek to stay with family. I love long drives and feel liberated by GPS and an EZpass for tolls. I was doing this long before such luxuries using a map and compass and cash for tolls! Still loved it!

[shouldhavelearned]

Do what makes you feel comfortable.

 

Maybe one or two of them will change their mind.

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Should I leave at 9am without them? They refuse to leave early. 

Why do this to yourself? Let them figure out the travel arrangements and drive and just chip in for gas. If they don't want to take the ferry at 9 am what are the choices?

[Starlight925]

Why does this have to be a thing?  Why do you feel the need to minimize this by saying you feel you’re just their ride?

Just take the boat there, and stay and enjoy Sunday with everyone, and drive home early afternoon.

I drive hundreds of miles at a time, all the time, and I’m triple your age.

You hyper focus on these perceived sleights, which is so unfortunate. 

[MissCanuck]

You're problem-shopping again, Alex. 

[Batya33]

Not a driver but after 9-11 I was invited to a good friend's wedding I was going to fly to - um, an hour flight but yes I was going to fly -treat myself to an easier trip.  Then 9-11. So now I'm not flying a month later - many didn't and I didn't want to book the flight either.  World was chaotic that way.  So - I took Amtrak.  I lived near the station and on the other end was a 15 minute cab ride.

8 hour Amtrak ride (yes one month after 9-11 this felt much safer than a plane).  Which I did twice in 2 days -I couldn't take off work.  I met really interesting people on the train including -totally random - a professor from my grad school I'd graduated from 7 years earlier. 

And - I had to change into my wedding outfit at the train station/fix hair and makeup -no time to check into the hotel given timing -it was like when Clark Kent goes into a phone booth and spins around and exits in full regalia.  That was me in a gross train station bathroom.  I had to bring my overnight stuff to the venue.  I didn't know too many people at the wedding either but I went -with a positive attitude.  

I was in my mid 30s.  I did this and I'm so glad - they really appreciated me coming! Be a trooper.

[boltnrun]

You keep nit picking things about this trip. You obviously don't want to go so don't go. If there's room for everyone in the other person's car they don't need you to drive them.

Either go with the flow or cancel. 

[Batya33]

Also if this ruffles your feathers so much - reconsider dating your guy who can't keep most plans/keep plans straight.  So far.

[Lambert]

i think this is a good example of  lopsided relationships and expectations. i think its kind of rude you (all of you) can't compromise for the good of the group.  Meaning, you either are a total victim to all these so called friends over and over or you're so difficult they stand against you.

I would be annoyed they all just decide to drive back with someone else, and there's no room for me? what's that about?

Generally speaking, you go together, you come back together.  but that's me & my friends.

I would plan the way there and the way back at the same time. You know you have to come back, why wait to the last minute for the return trip? 

Why do you continue these relationships? you're never in the same page. 

Do what is best for you.  That's what these friends do.  So you do you. 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I would be annoyed they all just decide to drive back with someone else, and there's no room for me? what's that about?

Generally speaking, you go together, you come back together.  but that's me & my friends.

Yes -or -what I do -I make my plans independently -I am a person who doesn't like to depend too much on others for rides/transportation (not because I don't drive -I mean even going together on the train) and if collaborating works out, great.  I have a dear friend who now works with me who has offered now 3 separate times to pick me up/drive me home when we were both going to work around the same time - she doesn't live close to me but I live close to work -typically I walk some/take a short train ride - and all 3 times something came up with one of her 3 kids and/or she changed the day she was going into the office. 

So I just never accept her offers anymore (I never asked -one time I asked her if she was in the office and I wasn't -to check my office for something I thought I'd left there -and turns out she couldn't go to the office anyway) -I get it- she has a complicated life -but if I rely on a ride the time I leave my house is very different and that throws off other parts of my schedule.  I'm not mad at her -but I think it's better to default to arranging your own transportation.

[Lambert]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes -or -what I do -I make my plans independently -I am a person who doesn't like to depend too much on others for rides/transportation (not because I don't drive -I mean even going together on the train) and if collaborating works out, great.  I have a dear friend who now works with me who has offered now 3 separate times to pick me up/drive me home when we were both going to work around the same time - she doesn't live close to me but I live close to work -typically I walk some/take a short train ride - and all 3 times something came up with one of her 3 kids and/or she changed the day she was going into the office. 

So I just never accept her offers anymore (I never asked -one time I asked her if she was in the office and I wasn't -to check my office for something I thought I'd left there -and turns out she couldn't go to the office anyway) -I get it- she has a complicated life -but if I rely on a ride the time I leave my house is very different and that throws off other parts of my schedule.  I'm not mad at her -but I think it's better to default to arranging your own transportation.

this is a great point @Batya33

I'm similar... I like to be on my own schedule, especially for work and other routines.  Depending on someone outside your immediate household is too much pressure on the relationship.

 

[catfeeder]

I can appreciate why the people who drive down with you don’t want to cut their visit short just because you want to leave early. So they’ve taken it upon themselves to arrange their own return. That’s not rude, it’s agile. It’s also not about you. You’re making it about you so you can pull your default pout.

Your friends could view you as ditching them early, but they’ve chosen not to turn it into a thing.

[tattoobunnie]

You drive 2 hours, and let someone else drive the rest of the way.  Not sure where you are, but it doesn't get dark till 9 in the Northeast.  So if you leave at 9 AM, it'd still be full sun after 5 hours at 2 PM.  I think you are worrying way too much about Sunday traffic.  If you are tired, pull over, and get something to eat.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, Alex39 said:

. The trip is Saturday to Sunday. 

And you want to leave at 9am Sun? Which means what? They get up at 7am to catch the ferry?

Can you cancel the ferry reservation and simply car pool with the others instead of doing all the driving and rearranging their plans?

[boltnrun]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

And you want to leave at 9am Sun? Which means what? They get up at 7am to catch the ferry?

That would be a hard no for me.

Last year I went on a trip with my brother and his kids. We took separate cars (he with his kids, me alone). Bro wanted to visit a museum that I also wanted to visit. And he said he wanted to get there when it opened at 8:00 am. And I said "Cool, have fun. I'm not getting up at 6:45 am while I'm on vacation." He ended up coming with me at around 10:00 am. 

If there's going to be any drinking and shenanigans on Saturday night, no way will anyone want to be up at 7:00 am the next morning. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

And you want to leave at 9am Sun? Which means what? They get up at 7am to catch the ferry?

No way would I do that when I can make other arrangements. 

It's MY trip, too. Why would I tiptoe around someone who causes issues over minor parking details and who wants to bail at the halfway point?

I'd opt instead to enjoy every minute of my trip, and working 'around' someone who sounds about as much fun as a doorstop would be a no-brainer for me.

[shouldhavelearned]

Go on Friday 

[Cherylyn]

Absorb the cost and go home alone.  If you can't all agree when to leave,  then leave on your own.  This is your workaround. 

After this wedding business is over,  don't accept bridal party participation for future weddings.  Attend as a guest, give a practical gift and be done with it.  Or,  if you are unable to attend, safely send money online as a gift,  write your regrets and wish the nuptials well.  It's what I would do. 

[tattoobunnie]

Sorry, just reread your timeline about the boats.  Have someone else drive home.  You can ride shotgun.