Why would he reach out to me and then say he’s not able to meet up with me?

[ladyglam]

Why would he reach out to me and then say he can’t meet up?

I recently met a guy a few months ago and really like him. He just broke up with his girlfriend shortly before we met and I was scared of getting hurt, so I asked to just be friends for now.

He disappeared for two weeks after that and has been very inconsistent with texting me.

We saw each other at event Saturday and he text me the next day saying it was really great to see me, and so on. 

We’ve been texting back and forth more frequently the whole week and he seemed really engaged in our conversation. When I asked him if he could meet me this weekend because I wanted to share something with him. he said his schedule was really busy and he could see what he could do. I wanted to share my feelings for him and tell him the reason why I wanted to be friends and that I’ve been hurt in the past.

I then asked if he could meet me Sunday during a two hour time frame. He text back and said he couldn’t meet that day and time but didn’t suggest another day or time.

Then he asked me a follow up question about a novel I’m writing.

I blocked his number, deleted his contact and all of our messages.

I’m trying to move on but rejection really hurts 😞

[smackie9]

Get the hint: He wanted to date you/have sex...he doesn't want to be your friend. No guy wants to be in the friends zone. So of course you are going to be a low priority to him. 

If you like him, then tell him. Let him know you would like to take a chance on dating him. 

[ladyglam]

13 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Get the hint: He wanted to date you/have sex...he doesn't want to be your friend. No guy wants to be in the friends zone. So of course you are going to be a low priority to him. 

If you like him, then tell him. Let him know you would like to take a chance on dating him. 

Thank you for your reply. That’s what I wanted to share with him in person. Maybe I should have gone about it in a different way?

[smackie9]

1 minute ago, ladyglam said:

Thank you for your reply. That’s what I wanted to share with him in person. Maybe I should have gone about it in a different way?

Ya take the friends card off the table. 

[Batya33]

Just now, ladyglam said:

Thank you for your reply. That’s what I wanted to share with him in person. Maybe I should have gone about it in a different way?

Yes. If you want to show someone you’re interested in dating ask the person out on a date you plan in advance. He’s a busy person and you already declined to date him so he wasn’t really interested in making time to meet you so you could share information in person. 

[smackie9]

Just remember he is single, and could also be dating others. 

[Jaunty]

He thinks you're kind of a time waster, probably.   

 

[Kwothe28]

Truth to be told I would have reserves too if I were him. You told him that you just wanted to be friends. So why should he take you seriously now? Because you changed your mind? He doesnt know that, for all that he knows you just want to have a friendly drink. Because you straight up told him you just wanted to be friends!

For the record I don think him dodging the question and saying how he was busy(maybe he is, who knows) is the right answer either. Just that he has no idea what you want. And neither do you since you changed your mind so quickly. Also, yes, in meantime maybe he just met somebody and didnt wanted to deceive you. But him and you both could have better communication. 

[Jaunty]

Your blocking and deleting was sure dramatic.   I mean ... he thinks you want to be "friends."   Chatting via text about your novel is friendly.  

In any case, clearly you did not want to be friends, and it's for the best that you won't be interacting with each other any further.

[ladyglam]

I just don’t get why when I saw him this weekend at a group event he was quizzing me about my latest trips out of town about who I was with and why I was gone, acting jealous and stuff. Now he won’t even meet with me in person.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, ladyglam said:

I just don’t get why when I saw this weekend at a group event he was quizzing me about my latest trips out of town about who I was with and why I was gone, acting jealous and stuff. Now he won’t even meet with me in person.

Because you asked him to meet you to talk in person -you didn't ask him out on a date you planned for the two of you in advance - why should he take the time to travel to meet you in person to talk -you can do that by phone.

[ladyglam]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Because you asked him to meet you to talk in person -you didn't ask him out on a date you planned for the two of you in advance - why should he take the time to travel to meet you in person to talk -you can do that by phone.

Ok, I see. But I’m not sure if he’s dating anyone and I was scared to get rejected but got rejected anyways.

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, ladyglam said:

Ok, I see. But I’m not sure if he’s dating anyone and I was scared to get rejected but got rejected anyways.

You weren't rejected. He declined your cryptic invitation to meet up to talk so you could talk to him -it was all about you so why was he supposed to spend his precious free time meeting up to receive whatever message you wanted to share.  He may not be dating anyone.  That can change in a day, in an hour because he is single and available to date.  You declined his interest in you.  

[Jaunty]

Move on now. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, ladyglam said:

I recently met a guy a few months ago and really like him. He just broke up with his girlfriend shortly before we met and I was scared of getting hurt, so I asked to just be friends for now.

Sorry this happened. If you have baggage from the past, it seems like you are not ready to date. This man may be on/off with his GF.  This was a chance encounter that didn't work out.  Please don't enter a dating situation with the caveat that you are defensive, damaged and need kid glove treatment. He didn't reject you per se, he just saw this as casual.

[MissCanuck]

If he's making excuses not to see you, he's not really interested anymore. He might be talking to someone else as well. 

I'm sorry. 

[MrMan1983]

The blocking thing is petty but if you wanted to shoot your shot you could just send him a message explaining the past situation and that you would be open to dating now if he is. Usually face to face is better however in this case you may need to explain in advance.

Could also say you understand if he has already met someone else by now though. Least your cards are on the table, and the worst that can happen is he says no.

Agree with the above though, once I'm friends zoned I'm very wary of going down that path again as it usually shows that person is not quite as interested as I would want them to be to pursue things.

[MrMan1983]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

If he's making excuses not to see you, he's not really interested anymore. He might be talking to someone else as well. 

I'm sorry. 

This, or he thinks he's in the friends zone so why bother meeting for something platonic when it's not what you want.

[ladyglam]

I admit I need to do some deep emotional work. I started seeing a therapist because of this situation with him over the past few months. 

From the moment we met, the first words out of his mouth were condescending and passive-aggressive. He's a scientist and he thinks he's so much more intelligent than everyone. Very arrogant, huge ego, and has no humility. He had a way of making me feel like I was stupid.

The first night we met he told me he needed to be in control and that I had to always have my nails painted. He was insecure that my place was nicer than his, that I had a high income, that I owned my own business, and that I had a great career and a good relationship with my family. He asked what my brother did for a living and when I told him he was a truck driver, he had a look of disgust. He bragged that everyone in his family is a mathematician or a doctor. He put down my accomplishments. I told him about a keynote talk I did at a conference last year and it was like he didn't believe me or that I was lying.

When I first met him, he initiated all the conversations and text messages, not me. I was a bit hesitant because I did see some red flags and should have followed my intuition. He started asking if I'd ever been in love, and that it was so good to see me whenever we got together, and so on.

He always appreciated compliments from me. He asked me one day what I thought about him when I met him, etc. It always felt like I had to feed his ego. He's introverted and I'm extroverted. At the event I saw him at this weekend, we pretty much hung out the whole time in a smaller group of 4, with two other women. I was very friendly with one of the other gals and he was mad that I wasn't giving him more attention, so he turned the conversation on himself by telling them he was a scientist and the other women started swooning over him, saying how cool that was. When the girls asked me about my accomplishments and I responded, he was dead silent, didn't say anything, and started messing with his phone.

I'm 6 years older than him and financially independent. His ex-girlfriend is 14 years younger and financially unstable. I found out that she's been living here for a year and had been sleeping on the floor the whole year because she wasn't able to afford a bed. I'm not making light of her situation, I actually feel for her.

After I friend zoned him, I joined a dating app and saw he was on there too. In his profile he was calling himself a knight in shining armor and that he was handsome and intelligent.

Anyways, I'm not blaming everything on him. I have work to do on myself for sure but this situation really screwed with my mind. Other than him being intellectual and physically attractive, I'm not even sure what I saw in this guy. That's one of the reasons I blocked him because I'm trying not to keep him in my life because whenever I'm around him I feel like crap.

 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, ladyglam said:

   That's one of the reasons I blocked him because I'm trying not to keep him in my life because whenever I'm around him I feel like crap.

It's good you blocked him. You dodged a bullet. He seems like an arrogant jerk. There's no point interacting with someone this full of himself.

[Batya33]

So odd. You have such judgment and criticisms of him and he’s been thoughtless and disrespectful and yet you kept in touch ? Why ?? He’s not arrogant because he’s a scientist. I’ve met humble scientists and arrogant chefs and plumbers   He’s arrogant because he’s arrogant. And I question why you waste your time with such bizarre acting individuals. 

[Sindy_0311]

19 hours ago, ladyglam said:

When I asked him if he could meet me this weekend because I wanted to share something with him. he said his schedule was really busy and he could see what he could do.

19 hours ago, ladyglam said:

I then asked if he could meet me Sunday during a two hour time frame.

He already responded by saying he was busy on the weekend... No need to ask twice... 

Also why would you tell him you need to see him because you want to share something? I guess he doesn't want to hear confessions from you... because he would have proposed a call instead, ok at least ask what it's about... I don't really see any interest from this guy. And not because he has been "friend zoned" but because he is arrogant and doesn't really like you. 

In fact I have an other opinion. I think you didn't friend zoned him, you just told him you prefer wait... this has nothing to do with friendzoning someone, which usually happens when there is no attraction and no willingness at all to move things further. But you confessed your attraction by saying you didn't want to get hurt and prefer wait some time to date him... (the door was open) 

19 hours ago, ladyglam said:

so I asked to just be friends for now.

Also I think you blocked him for the wrong reason. you like him, he "rejects" you, so you punish him. But I guess he doesn't really care, because he perfectly knows you will unblock him someday... After saying you didn't want to date him because it was to soon, you let him have access to you, but he never took the initiative to ask you out again. he's was not that interested to begin with... 

Hope you will find a way to move on... 

 

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, ladyglam said:

From the moment we met, the first words out of his mouth were condescending and passive-aggressive. He's a scientist and he thinks he's so much more intelligent than everyone. Very arrogant, huge ego, and has no humility. He had a way of making me feel like I was stupid.

Considering what you've shared above, may I ask why you chose to continue dating him?   Or even having a "friendship" with him?

What was/is going on within you that you would choose this type of man for yourself, as a friend or otherwise?

 

 

[boltnrun]

If he's that bad why do you want to start dating him?

[Sindy_0311]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Considering what you've shared above, may I ask why you chose to continue dating him?  

What was going on within you that you would choose this type of man for yourself?

 

I guess OP is just trying to demonize him to persuade herself that she did the right thing by blocking him.... IMHO she does like him, its obvious.