So I got my heart broken this week...

[sarafollows]

Anyways, this is gonna sound weird but I  had a parasocial relationship with the lead singer of Greta Van Fleet. Anyways. Yesterday he came out gay and I am absolutely devastated.  I went home and cried about it for 30 minutes. Then today I woke up and cried again in disbelief.  I mean, it makes sense that he would come out cause if you look him up it is obvious. But as a straight female, I saw the SNL performance on tik tok and fell into a trap and fell hard for him. Now I feel like I need to reevaluate my life. I have never been in a real relationship and so i tend to lean toward parasocialships and musician obsessions to bring me joy. But now I feel very sad.  What can I do to help me through this? Can anyone relate?  I know I sound crazy and probably need help but I need advice. Thanks. 

[Capricorn3]

1 hour ago, katyfran45 said:

I have never been in a real relationship and so i tend to lean toward parasocialships and musician obsessions to bring me joy. But now I feel very sad.  What can I do to help me through this?  I know I sound crazy and probably need help but I need advice.

The only advice I can give is to look into professional help.  I think when anything reaches the obsession stage to bring you joy, it is no longer healthy (imo). You're basically living a life of fantasy.  You're not in the real world.  Counseling/therapy may benefit you.

[Kwothe28]

I had to look it up to see how he looks. If you didnt know that one is gay then you dont have eyes.

Anyway, what do you mean "parasocial"? Do you even have contacts with those people(for example message them online) or just imagining the relationship betwen you? My guess is that because you dont have a real relationships you are trying to build up parasocial ones. And yes, that is something you would need to unveil on therapy.

[kehratha]

3 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I had to look it up to see how he looks. If you didnt know that one is gay then you dont have eyes.

Anyway, what do you mean "parasocial"? Do you even have contacts with those people(for example message them online) or just imagining the relationship betwen you? My guess is that because you dont have a real relationships you are trying to build up parasocial ones. And yes, that is something you would need to unveil on therapy.

On my time, this would be called stalking a celebrity, nowadays is "parasocial relationship" whatever that means...

Whatever is called, OP, is far from healthy and I agree with the others, this should be addressed to a therapist...

I hope you are very very young 🙂  

[Capricorn3]

1 minute ago, kehratha said:

I hope you are very very young 🙂  

OP is 24.

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, katyfran45 said:

Anyways, this is gonna sound weird but I  had a parasocial relationship with the lead singer of Greta Van Fleet. Anyways. Yesterday he came out gay and I am absolutely devastated.  I went home and cried about it for 30 minutes. Then today I woke up and cried again in disbelief.  I mean, it makes sense that he would come out cause if you look him up it is obvious. But as a straight female, I saw the SNL performance on tik tok and fell into a trap and fell hard for him. Now I feel like I need to reevaluate my life. I have never been in a real relationship and so i tend to lean toward parasocialships and musician obsessions to bring me joy. But now I feel very sad.  What can I do to help me through this? Can anyone relate?  I know I sound crazy and probably need help but I need advice. Thanks. 

I've never heard of parasocial relationships, but a quick google search tells me that they are not uncommon and can actually be somewhat helpful for someone that lacks confidence in social situations. Of course, they can take a very negative turn, but I don't get the impression that you were stalking him or anything like that. It seems to me that you enjoyed having a crush while benefitting from the (seeming) safety of not being disappointed by the demise of a relationship.

Alas, you were not actually safe from disappointment. 

Celebrity crushes have always been a thing. When I was growing up in the 80s and 90s, there were these teen magazines plastered with images of celebrities for us to worship. This insipid expectation developed before the 80s and 90s (girls screaming and fainting in front of Elvis or the Beatles), and I'm absolutely sure this expectation still exists, but the medium has changed from physical to digital. When I was a kid it was considered normal for girls to fawn over images of New Kids on the Block and Jason Priestley. Actually, I remember feeling a great deal of pressure to comply with this expectation. My mom was actually worried that I didn't go ga-ga over these images like 'normal' girls did, and my sister and friends rolled their eyes at me like I was being difficult lol.

Even though I heartily resisted the Teen Crush Bandwagon, I was absolutely stunned in 1993, when I learned that River Phoenix had died. I was 16, he was 23. I grew up watching him grow up. I had a huge (secret) crush on him, like he was a friend's older brother. I never really imagined a relationship with him, but I knew that he was out there...somewhere. Well, I felt his death like a blow to the heart. He was no longer out there, anywhere. I didn't cry or complain or anything like that, but man! What a huge disappointment that was! And what a surprise to feel it so intensely! I mean, I didn't realize that I had attached any hopes to him until he died. But I obviously had. 

Anyway, these things happen. It sound to me like you have a healthy perspective on the whole thing, to be honest. You know that what you're doing is a little silly. No one has to tell you that. I can't explain the intense disappointment that you felt when you learned that Josh Kiszka was gay, just like I can't explain my disappointment when I learned that River Phoenix was dead. I should also tell you that I didn't learn any major life lessons from that experience, except maybe that hopes don't have to be fully formed sentences. Sometimes sht just happens.

 

[Batya33]

I also was stunned when River Phoenix died (I was 27, I saw the movies too).  I agree with getting professional help and yes it's a celebrity crush but at a level that is concerning.  Nothing social about it and I'd avoid flavor of the moment labels because that might dissuade you from getting help.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, katyfran45 said:

 I feel like I need to reevaluate my life.  I feel very sad.  What can I do to help me through this? 

It's fine to have celebrity crushes. Happens all the time.  However your reaction is unusual and you seem to be aware of this. It's just a symptom of more serious issues.

Please see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Discuss the anxiety, sadness and other issues. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. That's what could help you through this.

[Andrina]

This is a good watershed moment to realize you need to deal with your issues of what you're fearing about a real romantic relationship. Yes, a skilled professional will help give you the skills to move out of this stage that's keeping you stagnant. Take care.

[smackie9]

Living these fantasy relationships show you may possibly have a social disorder. Get this looked at by a professional. It will definitely improve your life, and help you learn to develop normal relationships. 

[sarafollows]

Hey guys, thanks for all the comments. I know it will get better. I am going to speak to a therapist. Hopefully I don't go through this sadness again. 

[Jaunty]

Here's another way to look at it:  if you really love someone, you love them for who they really are.  This is a gay person.  Your "relationship" is what you call "parasocial."  I don't know what this means but obviously it doesn't include any real face to face sharing of life with the object.  So, since you would not be dating and conducting a sexual relationship or getting married, why does his being gay change anything, really?

If you think he's all that, he still is.

[lostandhurt]

2 hours ago, katyfran45 said:

Hey guys, thanks for all the comments. I know it will get better. I am going to speak to a therapist. Hopefully I don't go through this sadness again. 

The sadness will pass but what got you here is what needs to be discussed at length with a therapist.

 Labeling something does not make it okay, healthy or a social norm, it just has a name someone thought up.  

 Do you have friends?  How much time do you spend online each day?  Do you have a fulfilling life away from a screen?

 Lost