Dreading my sister's visit

[bungalo]

My sister is coming into town for a nine day visit.  She is family and I love her, however, she can't shut up.  As she's gotten older, she has developed this habit of blabbering non-stop and giving voice to her every thought. Here's a typical example.  When she wakes up, she will immediately blather on in excruciating detail about every nuance of her morning ritual, saying things like, I'm just going to drink my coffee, then I'm going to do some stretches and probably decide what to wear today, look at my news feed...then she will go into some banal story, such as, how the other day she was stretching and she heard this little click noise in her joints and wondered if she should contact her doctor.  Yes she's a hypochondriac.

Last summer when she visited me she would not stop talking about her allergy to red bell peppers.  Before every meal she would give everyone within ear shot a 15 minute account of how they adversely affect her, and on and on.  When I've tried to watch a movie or listen to music with her, she will talk right over everything to the point where I might as well turn everything off,  because it's drowned out by her yammering.  She is a Kindergarten and first grade teacher, and it almost seems like she has generalized the entire world, and believes she has to give a step by step, blow by blow account of what is happening with her personally with her every utterance.  I swear, she must breathe through her eyelids of something, because she never pauses.  The only way to get a single word in is to interrupt her.  She will ignore what anyone else has to say, or give it just a second of acknowledgement, and then immediately change the subject back to herself and all the minutia in her life, which consumes her.

Yes she seems like a narcissist and a control freak, just terrified that there will be a pause in the conversation.  Needless to say, it's absolutely exhausting being in her presence.  Her husband has cancer. It was in remission, but now it has returned.  He is an extremely introverted, quiet and independent guy.  But I for one, would never leave my spouse alone (she is over 2k miles away!)  if they were sick.  I do have another sister who can put her up during her stay, but she hates her house with the thin walls, and her loud dogs, and after one night she will be angling to come back and stay with me.  Thoughts?

[Starlight925]

Yikes.  Yikes.

My sister is similar.  Can't leave 3 seconds in between breaths before she yammers on, blathering about some mundane thing.  I know I wouldn't be able to take 9 days.  One night is enough.  In fact, years ago, I started staying at a hotel when I'd visit her, as I don't need to hear what happened with her toothpaste that morning, or how this towel needs to be washed, etc.

When she calls me, I LITERALLY lay the phone down, on speaker, and move throughout my house doing chores.  She's never noticed I'm not talking.

Can your sister stay at a hotel for part of her visit?

I've tried interrupting my sister, it doesn't work.

Just this week, I had lunch with a friend who does this.  Ended up being 3 hours, because she just. would. not. shut. up.

On a business trip years ago, I roomed with a work friend years ago who started blathering the moment her eyes opened.  Mine weren't even open yet.  I declined to room with her after that.

All I can say is, I empathize, and I've had to minimize my time with these blatherers.

A couple of choices:

Ask her to stay at a hotel for at least part of the visit, or let her know that unfortunately, 9 days is too much out of your schedule,  so can she please cut the trip?

Or ask your other sister to take her, thin walls & all, for part  of it.

[Jaunty]

I'm sorry.  I, too, have a family member who behaves this way and I find it so exhausting that I almost want to lay down on the floor and expire.

[Kwothe28]

Have you heard about the term "emotional vampyre"? I believe your sister is one.

https://www.betterup.com/blog/emotional-vampires#:~:text=care most about.-,What are emotional vampires%3F,depressed%2C anxious%2C and insecure.
 

Quote

 

What are emotional vampires?

In mythology, a vampire is a creature that survives by feeding on the blood of other living beings. They’re typically a type of undead creature, so they live forever, but they can’t survive long in sunlight. Chances are you won’t find many of them lingering around your workplace.

Energy vampires, on the other hand, thrive at work. That’s because many of us wrap our identities around what we do for a living. We bring our whole selves to our jobs and measure our self-worth against our accomplishments. An emotional vampire feeds on what we care most about.

They may not drink blood, but similar to their mythological counterparts, emotional vampires drain the well-being, vitality, and confidence of those around them. They suck away our energy and passion. 

 

Narcissists can also qualify in that category.

People that are emotional vampires are very "draining". For example I had a friend from college. She could make a disasterous situation out of her going to the bathroom. She would put lenses in the morning because she couldnt see properly. But would drop those lenses and try to find them even though she cant see properly. Even though it seems like a funny story, you can imagine how draining it is when somebody tells you that for a long time. She could also talk for hours about her problems whether you listened or not. After that I would be emotionally exhausted. 

Anyway my problem solved by itself. After college we didnt hang as much or at all now. Yours is family but you still need to put some distance there. Its not healthy for yourself to have somebody like that a lot in your life.

Also, if she is a narcissist its not strange that she goes away from her ill husband. She cant be a center of attention when he is the one that is gravely ill. He should be in a center of attention and she should be the one to listen to him. So she doesnt like that. Hence why she comes to you for attention.

[bungalo]

Thanks everyone!  The whole visit took me by surprise because we were initially going to stay at a Lakefront condo (seperate quarters), but she cancelled due to my brother in law's cancer, but then she rebooked her flight to stay with me, and before I knew it, it was a done deal.  I can't stand her diarrhea mouth.  A hotel unfortunately is not an option, because I already told her she could stay with me. I have heard of Emotional Vampires!  I don't really think she's a gaslighter or nefarious, it's mostly the endless mundane self-obsessed chatter 24/7.  I am going to see if my other sister can help lighten the load, but she's not crazy about her behavior either, so it will be tough.  

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, bungalo said:

   I do have another sister who can put her up during her stay, 

Try to focus on this. If you don't have to let her stay with you, it will be much more tolerable for everyone.

[SooSad33]

Okay, well it's only 9 days 😉 .. you can do this.. I think.

Yes, ask the other sister to help a little in this.  Like at least 2-3 days?  If the loud one doesn't approve, oh well, tell her you've already talked to the other sister and she's expecting some time with her too.

Maybe you can arrange an outing? A Park, a restaurant, a movie etc... Something, to somehow TRY and make this best way possible over those days.

[Cherylyn]

Are you sure you weren't referring to my local mother-in-law (MIL) ?  MIL talks incessantly regarding drivel,  never comes up for air,  monopolizes every conversation and no one can get a word in edgewise.  It's so bad that my husband and sons get up from the dinner table,  leave and help me load the dishwasher!  Then they tell me to go spend time with MIL.  Uhh, nope!  😴 This is how she is regardless of where we are whether at a party,  restaurant,  my house,  her house,  everywhere.  It's hilarious for me to observe others as they barely tolerate MIL.  I can only imagine what they're thinking which is the same as my thoughts or worse!  😆

However,  I will say that ever since MIL became a recent widow after being happily married for a long time,  she suddenly sounds matter of fact,  "blah,"  no longer talkative anymore,  rather silent,  no longer chats for hours on the phone with us weekly and lost her enthusiasm for life.  I actually miss the "old her" and how animated and carefree she was with her mindless chatter because it was a reflection of her good stage in life.  She suddenly went silent which is very sad.  😢

I also have a friend reminiscent of MIL but at least she'll pause at some point and I can finally have my say. 

Back to MIL.  We deliberately do not frequently socialize with her because it's not a joy to be in her presence.  Despite residing locally,  we only see her and my in-laws a few times a year at best and that's more than enough. 

As for your sister,  I'd cut her some slack due to her husband's cancer diagnosis. 😢 If your sister is with you for 9 days,  try to remain patient and then she'll leave.  You won't see her for the better part of the year due to 2K miles distance which is actually in your favor.  Who knows?  Perhaps the next time you'll see her will be at her husband's funeral which is awfully sad to think about.  

Your sister is currently undergoing miserable stress right now.  If one person is sick in the household,  it casts a pall for the entire family as they're dragged down terribly with endless depression.  Try to have compassion in that regard and tolerate your sister's jabber jaws for 9 days.  Then it will be over and you'll wave her off at the airport.  

Try to be nice and patient with your sister.  Put yourself in her shoes.  How would you feel if your husband was diagnosed with cancer?  😢   It is insurmountable heavy duty woes and personal turmoil she must endure as a wife and mother if she's a mother and her children as well.  Her immediate family is internally suffering in their own way. 

I will add that if I had my druthers,  I'd prefer a non-stop talker in my midst compared to "polite" people who are socially in tuned yet they hesitate to interrupt. They have a darker side to their defective character.  They have no qualms committing offenses,  abuse in all forms,  lies,  deceit and betrayal which I've been on the receiving end from my sister,  her husband (my brother-in-law BIL),  my cousin and her husband.  Give me a non-stop drivel talker any day compared to outwardly so-called nice people who are awfully shady,  fake and phony.  No thanks.  I don't trust them as far as I can throw them.   Or, I've known some people who are predictably inappropriate verbally or written.  It runs the gamut from foul language,  vulgarity,  rudeness,  underhanded compliments,  hurtful sarcasm,  gaslighting,  cynicism and the whole lot.  They make me vomit. 🤢   I've had more than enough of them.  I've heard it all and then some.  😒 Give me a silly jabber jaws any day compared to the worst I've experienced during my lifetime. 

Since I know so many sides of distrustful characters,  if I were you,  I'd put up with a superficial talker-sister any day compared to some despicable relatives,  in-laws and others whether in my past or current life.  This is my perspective.   

[1a1a]

Could give this a try, repeatedly

 

https://captainawkward.com/2012/02/02/question-182-the-three-sentence-rule-or-how-do-i-get-my-partner-to-shut-up-about-karl-popper/

[tattoobunnie]

Sounds like she's super lonely.  That if she doesn't have verbal diarrhea, she is left to her thoughts, and they aren't happy ones.

I have taught myself to tune out; key phrase to seem like you're listening.

• really?
• oh!
• wow
• that's crazy

I wouldn't take her blabber personally.  Sounds like she has very little people to connect with, so says the most mundane stuff.  If you can't zone out, ask her questions to steer the conversation.

[bungalo]

Thanks folks.  The only thing that is sort of working is being unresponsive to her non stop chatter.  But I've been timing it, 10 seconds of silence is her limit.  She doesn't even notice me look off into the distance, not responding in anyway whatsoever.  I have cut her slack due to her husband, my brother in law's condition. It makes me wonder if new ager Louise Hay is right (Heal your life author).  As I recall she says that people manifest diseases as a response to their toxic environment.  Dying is one way to get out of a relationship.  Her husband, my brother in law, was born in South America. He speaks fluent English, but is remarkably QUIET!  This jabber jaw thing (thanks Cherlyn!) is not a new development, it's been going on for at least 15 years.

I believe that people who are incessant talkers are massively insecure.  All day long I get 30 minute updates on her current ouchies and soreness and gastrointestinal state.  I mean talk about no filter. I'm ready to join a monastery for a few months, and it's only been 2 days!  

I did take a break today and went to the store without her, and took a nap. My other sister who lives in town is dropping by tomorrow so I won't feel obligated to be her sole endless word receiver target, or whatever the **** she thinks I am.  

[Cherylyn]

@bungalo.  I hear you.  My local MIL (mother-in-law) was an incessant talker and monopolized every conversation without ever coming up for air!  In the past,  I left the land line phone receiver on the table or countertop,  completed a task,  came back to the phone and she was still talking!  She never knew I had left to do a chore and came back!  She talked non-stop.  My husband,  sons and my eyes glazed over whenever she went non-stop with her drivel and banal conversations. 

However,  ever since her beloved husband passed away recently,  she went silent.  She no longer calls to chat and she's no longer in the mood to frequently socialize in person.   When we do see her for major holidays or her birthday,  she sounds so "blah" and quiet.  Whenever she rarely calls my husband,  her calls are monotone,  matter-of-fact,  dull and brief.   We actually miss her former chatterbox habit because it was a reflection of how blissfully happy she was in her marriage.  Nowadays,  she's too quiet and beyond depressed.  Perhaps this could be your sister if or when her husband loses his battle with cancer.  ☹️

9 days will go by fast.  Before you know it,  you'll be waving good-bye to her at the airport.  2K miles is faraway and fortunately,  the geographical distance is in your favor. 

Good thing you took a break,  went to the store without her and squeezed in a nap! 😴  Your other sister lives in town and will drop in tomorrow to relieve you. 👍  She can be your sister's sounding board. 

 

[SherrySher]

I'm going to give a bit of different take on this situation.

For a huge part of my life, I was a doormat. I would allow people to treat me however, and not say a word.

I would take people's bad treatment and bad behavior and find all kinds of excuses as to why they can't help it. (much to my demise).

I would allow people to take and take and take, until it literally got me quite ill.

I no longer do that.

People know what they are doing and how they are behaving. It's not that they are unaware.

Your sister knows she enjoys the spotlight, she knows she is making it all about herself and wants an audience. Full stop.

Just because she is family, does not mean you have to endure or suffer out her incessant, self centered attitude.

Please read the above sentence again.

People get so caught up in the fact that a toxic person is family, that they allow that person to behave badly over and over and over again.

Why do we do that to ourselves?

Toxic, is toxic.

You are allowed to say no.

You are allowed to not have this person stay at your house.

You are allowed to have short visits, so this person does not drain you.

YOUR ENERGY AND HAPPINESS MATTERS. 

There is nothing wrong with protecting your own energy and your own well being as well as your own happiness.

You do not have to bend to every whim of someone else's, yes...even family.

It is sad that her husband is not well, but that does not mean she gets to abuse people by draining them and by ignoring everyone else's feelings and needs.

You can show support by sending thoughtful messages, and texts, by having phone calls when absolutely necessary, but again, you are not forced to sit there for hours listening, nor should you.

If she is struggling that much and needs a listening ear that badly, there are all kinds of therapists, counsellors, crisis workers, psychologists, etc.

They will be more than willing to help her work through her issues.

Don't guilt yourself into thinking you need to suffer it out for someone else's sake.

I can tell you from experience, being around toxic people, will eventually wear you down and can eventually make you ill. 

Not kidding.

It does take a toll on a person's physical and mental health.

Showing support, does not equal enduring toxicity.

Remember that.

 

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, SherrySher said:

I'm going to give a bit of different take on this situation.

For a huge part of my life, I was a doormat. I would allow people to treat me however, and not say a word.

I would take people's bad treatment and bad behavior and find all kinds of excuses as to why they can't help it. (much to my demise).

I would allow people to take and take and take, until it literally got me quite ill.

I no longer do that.

People know what they are doing and how they are behaving. It's not that they are unaware.

Your sister knows she enjoys the spotlight, she knows she is making it all about herself and wants an audience. Full stop.

Just because she is family, does not mean you have to endure or suffer out her incessant, self centered attitude.

Please read the above sentence again.

People get so caught up in the fact that a toxic person is family, that they allow that person to behave badly over and over and over again.

Why do we do that to ourselves?

Toxic, is toxic.

You are allowed to say no.

You are allowed to not have this person stay at your house.

You are allowed to short visits, so this person does not drain you.

YOUR ENERGY AND HAPPINESS MATTERS. 

There is nothing wrong with protecting your own energy and your own well being as well as your own happiness.

You do not have to bend to ever whim of someone else, yes...even family.

It is sad that her husband is not well, but that does not mean she gets to abuse people by draining them and by ignoring everyone else's feelings and needs.

You can show support by sending thoughtful messages, and texts, by having phone calls when absolutely necessary, but again, you are not forced to sit there for hours listening, nor should you.

If she is struggling that much and needs a listening ear that badly, there are all kinds of therapists, counsellors, crisis workers, psychologists, etc.

They will be more than willing to help her work through her issues.

Don't guilt yourself into thinking you need to suffer for someone else's sake.

I can tell you from experience, being around toxic people, will eventually wear you down and can eventually make you ill. 

Not kidding. It does take a toll on a person's physical and mental health.

Showing support, does not equal enduring toxicity.

Remember that.

 

I actually agree with @SherrySher.    I guess I was thinking more along the lines of @bungalo's BIL (brother-in-law's) cancer diagnosis and felt sorry regarding cancer so I tend to take this into account due to special circumstances regarding life or death situations.  If it wasn't for the cancer,  I'd be more strict.  Also,  2K miles apart means that even though 9 days is taxing for the host @bungalo,  considering BIL's cancer and the fact that geographical distance makes in person get togethers with his sister is so rare,  I made exceptions in this case. 

If it wasn't for the cancer,  then I'd decline hosting an extended stay such as a 9 day visit. 

My MIL - mother-in-law was an incessant talker before her beloved husband passed away recently.  I tended to avoid her because the woman never came up for air. ☹️ She monopolized every conversation and no one could get a word in edgewise.  It was ridiculous.  It's a very spoiled attitude to be a conversation hog.  🐷 🐖 

I will say though that I have some very bad narcissists in my family and unfortunately, they're local relatives and some in-laws.  Several of them have zero empathy which makes relationships very dicey and challenging to put it mildly.  Hence,  I'm no longer generous with my time,  resources,  labor,  energy and enthusiasm to be helpful,  kind,  hospitable,  the whole lot.  I don't have anymore patience nor forgiveness left to give.  I've since pumped the brakes and do less to nil for them.  My husband,  sons and I do the bare minimum if that and we hardly see them at all throughout the year despite being within an hour's drive in either direction.  These enforced,  strict boundaries of mine are the healthiest form of control to protect my sanity and so that I feel safe from harm. 

I'm not referring to incessant talkers either.  I'm referring to cruelty at such levels which were so severe that it would curl your toes.  It's so bad that it's utterly disgusting to the core.  ☹️  Gaslighting,  deceit,  betrayal,  sneakiness or being called a liar are all unforgivable offenses.  And humble,  sincere,  remorseful apologies?  In your dreams.  It's laughable.  🤣  It will never happen in a million years.  

I divide people into categories.  If they have foibles yet don't take it too far to the point of malice,  then I'm ok with it as long as it's temporary.  It's the malicious behavior that is a real deal breaker for me.   Then I'm really done with that creature and I'm never coming back.  I want to live my life in peace and don't bother me.  I've written those types of people off and I revert to my daily happy routines with zero disruptions.  This is my perspective due to my experiences with so many different personalities and despicable characters during my lifetime.

Narcissism is a serious mental disorder for which there is no cure.  Anytime anyone acts in a rude or boorish manner,  they're selfish,  very self centered and SPOILED rotten.  They do it because they get away with it.  It's like getting away with murder.  They take advantage of your softness and meek behavior.   They use you and play you for a fool.  They are the puppeteer and you are their puppet.   They have your permission to abuse you because you allow it.  If I can afford it,  I discard people who don't qualify to be in my life or I simply enforce extremely strong boundaries with them.  I control the dynamic 100%;  not they.   What will save you is erring on the side of caution and developing street smarts. 

[SherrySher]

Cancer is an excruciating thing to go through, whether you're the one going through it, or a loved one watching someone go through it.

It is very difficult. I have been there a few times now with loved ones and it's not easy at all.

In times like that, there may be a bit more tolerance and leeway given the circumstances, but it again depends on the individual and the circumstances.

Not everyone can afford to give as much physical and mental energy as someone else might be.

However...9 days of someone incessantly talking, would be hard on anyone.

It's funny, because when I was watching a loved one die, I preferred quiet.

I preferred not to talk about it and to deal with it on my own, and in my own time.

I know everyone deals with things differently though and we all cope in our own way.

But that's why I was saying, supportive texts and messages, giving car rides to and from the hospital.

Sending meals if they are too tired to cook, letting them know that you care.

Are all ways that DO show love, that DO show support and caring.

I just don't feel showing support means you should endure hours of incessant non stop talking.

But we all decide on what's best, and what we feel we can do, how much we can take, and what we can't take.

I draw my boundaries very carefully these days, and I would not allow my sister to drain me like that.

 

[SherrySher]

28 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I actually agree with @SherrySher.    I guess I was thinking more along the lines of @bungalo's BIL (brother-in-law's) cancer diagnosis and felt sorry regarding cancer so I tend to take this into account due to special circumstances regarding life or death situations.  If it wasn't for the cancer,  I'd be more strict.  Also,  2K miles apart means that even though 9 days is taxing for the host @bungalo,  considering BIL's cancer and the fact that geographical distance makes in person get togethers with his sister is so rare,  I made exceptions in this case. 

If it wasn't for the cancer,  then I'd decline hosting an extended stay such as a 9 day visit. 

My MIL - mother-in-law was an incessant talker before her beloved husband passed away recently.  I tended to avoid her because the woman never came up for air. ☹️ She monopolized every conversation and no one could get a word in edgewise.  It was ridiculous.  It's a very spoiled attitude to be a conversation hog.  🐷 🐖 

I will say though that I have some very bad narcissists in my family and unfortunately, they're local relatives and some in-laws.  Several of them have zero empathy which makes relationships very dicey and challenging to put it mildly.  Hence,  I'm no longer generous with my time,  resources,  labor,  energy and enthusiasm to be helpful,  kind,  hospitable,  the whole lot.  I don't have anymore patience nor forgiveness left to give.  I've since pumped the brakes and do less to nil for them.  My husband,  sons and I do the bare minimum if that and we hardly see them at all throughout the year despite being within an hour's drive in either direction.  These enforced,  strict boundaries of mine are the healthiest form of control to protect my sanity and so that I feel safe from harm. 

I'm not referring to incessant talkers either.  I'm referring to cruelty at such levels which were so severe that it would curl your toes.  It's so bad that it's utterly disgusting to the core.  ☹️  Gaslighting,  deceit,  betrayal,  sneakiness or being called a liar are all unforgivable offenses.  And humble,  sincere,  remorseful apologies?  In your dreams.  It's laughable.  🤣  It will never happen in a million years.  

I divide people into categories.  If they have foibles yet don't take it too far to the point of malice,  then I'm ok with it as long as it's temporary.  It's the malicious behavior that is the real deal breaker for me.   Then I'm really done with that creature and I'm never coming back.  I want to live my life in peace and don't bother me.  I've written those types of people off and I revert to my daily happy routines with zero disruptions.  This is my perspective and due to my experiences with so many different personalities and despicable characters during my lifetime.

Narcissism is a serious mental disorder for which there is no cure.  Anytime anyone acts in a rude or boorish manner,  they're selfish,  very self centered and SPOILED rotten.  They do it because they get away with it.  It's like getting away with murder.  They take advantage of your softness and meek behavior.   They use you and play you for a fool.  They are the puppeteer and you are their puppet.   They have your permission to abuse you because you allow it.  If I can afford it,  I discard people who don't qualify to be in my life or I simply enforce extremely strong boundaries with them.  I control the dynamic 100%;  not they.   What will save you is erring on the side of caution and developing street smarts. 

Thank you, Cheryl. I appreciate your thoughts.

You give a lot of thoughts to all situations in your life. It's good of you. ❤️

[Cherylyn]

Just now, SherrySher said:

Thank you, Cheryl. I appreciate your thoughts.

You give a lot of thoughts to all situations in your life. It's good of you. ❤️

🧡 Thank you @SherrySher

[MissCanuck]

I have a coworker like this, and it drives me insane. She narrates everything she does, even when it is clear nobody is paying attention. 

I actually had to interrupt her at one point and tell her that I needed some peace and quiet and wasn't listening, but we could resume the chat later. 

You are likely going to have to do the same. Be respectfully direct. 

[Cherylyn]

I agree with @MissCanuck.  Since she's your sister and you're living together under the same roof for 9 days,  you can be more direct with her more than anyone else.  She's not a friend nor a colleague so you can tell your sibling to pipe down because she's driving you crazy with her incessant chatter.  You can also tell her that if she doesn't comply with giving you common courtesy,  then this is the last visit to your house.  In the future,  she'll have to make hotel reservations or you visit her and stay at a hotel.  There needs to be some sort of compromise since you can't always change people's foibles.  They are who they are.  Sometimes you can't control people so you have to control your dynamic with them.  There is no other recourse except strategizing yourself by altering your plans.  These should be your new enforced boundaries in order to save what little sanity you have left.  

 

[catfeeder]

Think of communicating your needs as being on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being disastrously direct and insulting. Think of hints as being a 1 through 4, and skip those since you know they don't work. So start with a 5 or 6 on the scale, being kind but still direct about your needs. 

Don't wait until you snap like a rubber band into hostility. That's not necessary. Simply state that you need to spend some time in your room or your office, and you'll meet her for dinner at X time, or whatever. You don't need to explain yourself, and you don't need to criticize her.

Hang in there, you can do this!

[Cherylyn]

That's good advice @catfeeder.  Often times,  I don't explain myself either.  I simply take the passive route and do what I prefer whenever I want.  However,  @bungalo is under the same roof with his sister for 9 days and there's only so much escaping you can do within 4 walls. 🏡 Since she's not a colleague nor friend,  he can be more brutally honest with her than most.  There are times when tip toeing around a person so you won't snap into hostility won't work because they still won't get the message in your "polite and nice" way.  Sometimes you have to put people in their place in order to get them to shut up. 😷  Then they're forced to change their ways and forced to show respect due to your command.  Sometimes you have to get ugly with people if you want results and if they respond negatively,  then so be it.  The relationship wasn't meant to be in the first place then.  There are times when being nice all the time makes you a doormat and you won't get the results you want especially in your own house. 

[Batya33]

On 6/24/2023 at 6:35 PM, catfeeder said:

Think of communicating your needs as being on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being disastrously direct and insulting. Think of hints as being a 1 through 4, and skip those since you know they don't work. So start with a 5 or 6 on the scale, being kind but still direct about your needs. 

Don't wait until you snap like a rubber band into hostility. That's not necessary. Simply state that you need to spend some time in your room or your office, and you'll meet her for dinner at X time, or whatever. You don't need to explain yourself, and you don't need to criticize her.

Hang in there, you can do this!

Yes, I agree -keep it matter of fact with no backstory- try to see when she comes up for air and say -as if you were on the phone - "I can imagine that was so ____ for you" (or some appropriate response to the drivel) "now I need to attend to some work stuff.  see you in about [guesstimate] - you know where [the food/extra TP, whatever] is!"

[Cherylyn]

I don't believe in tip toeing around the subject,  banishing myself to another room,  escaping,  fleeing,  getting a break by leaving and hoping the other person,  sister in your case,  will take a hint.  If you have to be direct,  both of you have reached a point where being nice wasn't working anymore.  Sure,  there is a way to be direct and respectful but generally no one enjoys criticism.  I realize this.  Sometimes,  it's criticism which needs to be heard and you need to speak your mind or bad habits such as incessant talking will never change.  People take advantage of your niceness as long as you allow them to walk all over you like a doormat.  Also,  you're hosting with your hospitality,  catering to a house guest and this is YOUR  house.  Therefore,   it should be mutually agreed that either behave properly or make hotel reservations.  You can't have it both ways.