Did the second date go well? (M21) (F20)

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

I’m m21, met f20 3 weeks ago and we had a date a few days ago but last night had our second date where we got dinner then went back to my place and watched a movie and she stayed the night.

We didn’t have sex but we cuddled all night and kissed goodnight. She was planning on going home but changed her mind and wanted to stay the night. We cuddled for almost 6 hours straight watching tv then before we knew it it was 4am so we went to bed. 

I drove her home this morning and when I went to kiss her bye she thought I was going for a hug so I only got her on the cheek. She texted me earlier saying she had a great night and for me to have a great day.

I’m just overthinking since we didn’t have sex that she might think I’m not interested in her. I didn’t want to force anything and have her get the wrong idea and think I’m only looking for sex.

 

I asked her out again just waiting on a response 

[Andrina]

Asking her out again, especially so soon, shows her you are indeed interested. To continue showing her you're not just in it for sex, make sure it's a date outside of your home. That you want to get to know her BESIDES the ultimate fun goal of eventually having sex. Of course, if she then wants to go to your place or hers afterward, you can follow her lead.

Don't make the mistake of spending extremely long times together during dates, such as full weekends, this early on.

Sometimes, people get so high on each other at the beginning that they can't stand being apart. Even if both are into that, it's usually a mistake--like a star that burns too bright too fast and quickly fizzles out.

After the next date, let her make some initial efforts as well with communication and asking you out as well. It's a good way to gauge her true interest, which is just as important, instead of you being the sole driver of this dating train.

Enjoy!

[Kwothe28]

I would more be worried that she doesnt get the false idea that you are looking for sex because you took her home on 2nd date. In fact, wasnt there another date that you did the same or tried it? Where we told you there is a certain implication behind that, which is very obvious even if you dont want that.

Anyway, I am also not a fan of too long dates at start. While its nice that you can spend hours with each other and enjoy that time, it gives a false hope for later. For example you spent 6+ hours with that woman. And you dont even know if she will say "yes" for a third date. Its too much investement at the very start where the return to that may be very low. Dating is gambling of a sort especially today when everything is at the click of a button. But you still should be careful about that. Plus, sometimes, less is more. 

But, you had a great time and you possibly will get a 3rd date. So everything might be all right. 

[Cherylyn]

Slow down.  Try meeting in public places, have a nice dinner, get to know each other verbally in person and postpone her visiting your apartment.  Don't rush. 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Slow down.  Try meeting in public places, have a nice dinner, get to know each other verbally in person and postpone her visiting your apartment.  Don't rush. 

A thousand times yes.  And ask her out for such a date as suggested above -in advance - and make one or two suggestions of things you could do.  

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

I’m just overthinking since we didn’t have sex that she might think I’m not interested in her. I didn’t want to force anything and have her get the wrong idea and think I’m only looking for sex.

I think you did fine.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

. She texted me earlier saying she had a great night and for me to have a great day.

She seems into you and the best way to determine that is to keep asking her out. Try not  to access things based on how much and how soon sexuality is introduced. As you mentioned, this can turn women off and they'll put you in the "just another guy looking for hookups" pile.

[Betterwithout]

I think you did the right thing showing sexual restraint considering you only met 3 weeks ago.

You have to really be careful of green lights and yellow lights at this stage.
Do you think you are both interested in more than a hookup?   

Either way, keep things light and fun.  Maybe things will progress sexually if you both want that, if not dial back and get to know each other first


 

[Coily]

You did fine. You could have been "that guy" looking for a hook up, but held off. This puts you in a better category of men. No need to rush sex, but have fun and let her lead a bit.

head up, keep rolling in this direction.

[smackie9]

To avoid this sort of thing again, go out on proper dates first/get to know one another IN PERSON, before inviting them over for a "Netflix and chill" date.

IMO she was looking to hookup, AND it's possible that's all she wanted. Not all women are looking for a relationship. I know you are still young BUT sleep overs are for kids so it's time to move on from that. You invite them over when the expectation of sex is on the table. If they say no, that's fine, at least that's establishing a boundary, and a conversation about expectations should follow.

[Batya33]

I did many sleepovers without having intercourse but never early in the dating process and the first time I was going to be alone in the person's apartment or at mine (sometimes 4th date) I would say in advance simply and directly "I'm glad we're getting together at your place and I'm not ready to have sex yet".  And since I typically waited months to have sex I'd routinely have sleepovers especially once we were regularly/seriously dating and we'd be sexual at times but the only time it was a "problem" despite clear communication was early on in dating where the man decided to try to pressure me.  Those relationships didn't last and I did not have sex with those men.  

I don't think it's a good idea on the first date after a first meet to meet up at someone's home or your own unless you both decide you want to have sex and/or see your purpose in getting together to have sex.  It's too early and too risky for mixed messages and no reason to have to be alone at that point unless you want sex.  Later on I think many couples can and do have sleepovers/hang out at each other's places whether intercourse is involved or not and it's fine, fun and great!