Partners internet usage

[justagirl92]

Just wanting others opinions. I understand men are visual creatures but i cant help but feel sick to my stomach with my partner

When hes at work he will constantly watch tiktoks of other women, specifically the ones trying to show their *** etc. I have tried to have conversations with him where he says its nothing to do with me (and granted when we are in a good place he is very loving, tells me im beautiful all the time etc) and its just boredom and that he likes ***

Now im not insecure in myself, its more so that him doing this makes me think hes a sleezeball and a pig when it comes to what he thinks of women and makes me think he would cheat (no he never has)

Am i crazy and is it simply just a guy thibg? Or am i right in feeling disrespected by it

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, justagirl92 said:

When hes at work he will constantly watch tiktoks of other women, . I have tried to have conversations with him where he says its nothing to do with me 

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is he?

Try not to buy into the "boys will be boys" excuse. He makes you feel awful and that's what you need to pay attention to 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

It's fine if this doesn't work for you even if other women would be fine with it or even turned on.  It's insulting to generalize about men being "visual creatures" -men who choose to react to what is visual by seeking out these videos is not because they are visual creatures. It's because that person's values justify reacting to temptation by looking at those videos. 

Do you think a man who looked at child porn could defend himself by saying "well you know men are visual creatures." Or if he cheats on you and says "well you know men are visual creatures" is that ok? 

Sure overall a man likely focuses more on a woman's looks initially than, overall how a woman focuses on a man's looks initially but excusing behavior with some notion that men can't help themselves is just silly. 

Figure out what your values are.  Confirm that your values make sense to you if you need to reconfirm.  Then date people where you have compatible values.  He doesn't because he is watching these sorts of videos a lot and is looking at naked women a lot.  My sense is if it happened one time it would be ok or some other lesser thing like an offhand tactless comment about how he finds a certain actress hot - but this is at a level where now it's incompatible with your values about how human beings should be treated. 

IMHO men should be treated like individuals and when you dismiss it with that excuse it starts to be offensive to people who work hard at reacting to temptation by living a life of character and integrity -or they choose to refrain from watching porn if it makes their partner uncomfortable -depending on how important it is to them. 

Men are not robots.  Yes- what he's doing seems to be "legal" and he's not hurting anyone and again it might even be a turn on to certain people in a relationship but he has the ability to control what he's doing if he chooses to -if he chooses not to it's ok -just find someone who doesn't enjoy looking at these sorts of porn videos to the extent he does.  Good luck.

[Starlight925]

This is not only disrespectful to you, but he's minimizing your feelings, deflecting by telling you how beautiful you are, blah blah blah.  He's trying to get you to "look over there" while he watches this stuff.....and who knows what else.

I'm not saying he should stop completely.  Yes, men are visual creatures, I get it.

But he's doing this while at work?  Sounds like he's obsessed to the point where he just "can't stop".

Is he on a work computer?  That alone is cause for worry.

Bottom line, it makes you feel bad, and sounds like he's not going to stop.  He's going to continue to do it, while he distracts you with sweet nothings.  You have a choice here, I'm sorry to say.

 

[MissCanuck]

He sounds immature and brutish. 

I would not date a man like this. 

[Kwothe28]

56 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

and brutish. 

I read "British" so I chuckled lol

OP, what do you think "its a guy thing"? Some people in a relationship or even marriage still watch porn to relieve themselves sometimes. But your guy goes to work, and then gets sexually arroused by some women shaking buts on TikTok. That is not really suitable for work and shows the lack of restrains he has toward that kind of content. That he does it at work is especially disturbing fact. 

[SooSad33]

Yup, they are visual creatures...we know this 😉 .

Yes, they like to 'look', watch etc.  My first ex had a bunch of playboy mags.  I didn't care.. heck my sister gave me a few of her 'men ones' once,  lol.  I never really removed them from the top shelf of my closet.

We used to watch some 'good' porn on occasion, back in the day. But none of that bothered me.  I meant something to him & knew it. ( So, it did not over power him).  I didn't want to know what him and the boys talked about either.. less I knew, the better.

As for it being at his work - that's kinda risky.  

From what little you said, I don't see him as a sleezeball.  What would concern me is if he NEVER paid you proper attention and was off in the shower pleasing himself to all the stuff he's watching online on a regular basis.  

[smackie9]

Nope his behavior is not acceptable, and what is worse is that he dismissed your feelings about it. Time to find another more respectable BF. Seriously, punt this guy to the curb. 

[waffle]

On 1/8/2023 at 5:52 AM, justagirl92 said:

I understand men are visual creatures . . . 

Don't buy into this excuse.  It is a choice pure and simple.  His problem is he lacks impulse control (not to mention maturity), not that he's "visual."  🙄  Biggest B S excuse out there.

[Coily]

Just a him thing. He gets bored and seeks stimulation in the most base and kind of sad ways.

It would be one thing if the two were out and some drop dead gorgeous woman walked by and he stared a little, then said "OP you're beautiful." But it's just him seeking tik-thots for a distraction, pathetic more than anything.

Ultimately the fact that it lowers your opinion of him is all that matters, and that doesn't change behavior is all you need to know.

[Andrina]

On 1/8/2023 at 5:52 AM, justagirl92 said:

its more so that him doing this makes me think hes a sleezeball and a pig when it comes to what he thinks of women

I prefer a guy like me, who only has a rare moment where we can't help but check out an extremely good looking person a few times a year when out shopping, etc. Or to briefly admire an especially charismatic we have a crush on who's on a favorite show.

To me, that's normal.

What your bf is doing is not normal. To me, something like that done on a daily basis is a real show of what he enjoys in life. Ogling. If you can't help but think of him as a pig and sleezeball, why would you consider him as a prized person to make your one and only? Yeah, hold out for the gold and haul this garbage to the sidewalk.

[Jibralta]

On 1/8/2023 at 5:52 AM, justagirl92 said:

Am i crazy and is it simply just a guy thibg?

It's definitely not a 'guy thing.' Only one time in my life have I observed a guy who I might describe as someone that 'constantly' checks out women on his phone. We were at a party for our coworker's infant son! I accidentally saw what was on his phone, even though he tried to hide it. I thought it was so odd. Like, you have to do that here? Now? Where are you? You're not in your bedroom. Get your sht together for god's sake.

Until that happened, he'd seemed really normal. But clearly he was not. None of the other guys at the table were ogling naked women on their phones. That was literally the first (and last) time since smartphones came out that I've seen a guy with so little self control.