Crush on the bartender girl

[J_W]

I have a crush on this bartender girl, and this is my second visit to the pub where she works. The first time I went was in October, and the second time was just last week. She recognized me and smiled as she served my friend. When I told her I had some time off during the holidays, she told me I should come to this pub every day. That evening I ran into her in the upstairs nightclub, we had a brief conversation, but she had to leave because she was waiting for a friend to get her a drink. Before she walks away, she says, "I'm sure we'll see each other here again". Due to work the next day I have to leave the club early. I am planning to go back to the pub she work. Do you guys think I have a chance to ask her hang out?

[Kwothe28]

Oh boi. You know that its literally her job to be that way? She was hired because she is cute and would attract the people like you. Who would come every day, drink there, pay her drinks in order for them to be around her. Its literally her job to be flirty and say stuff like "Oh I hope we will see each other again". Dont get your hopes up there.

[J_W]

Hey mate, I appreciate your response. I understand it's her job, but she works in a very popular pub here in Aussie, we don't tip them. She could have smiled at my mate when she served him,instead she smiled at me. I've never heard anyone working in a pub say I am sure we'll see each other here. Maybe I am thinking too much. 

[sunday_luthier]

As it has been said.  She is doing exactly what she is paid and trained to do.  And it's not just a question of tipping.  She is bringing in customers and making them want to come back.  She is good at her job.  Period.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, J_W said:

 she had to leave because she was waiting for a friend to get her a drink. 

It seems like she's seeing someone or tried to imply that to get out of an awkward situation. Bartenders get hit on all the time, so she's adept at sidestepping this type of thing. Since you are going to pubs and clubs anyway, why not talk to some interesting ladies and buy them a drink? 

[Batya33]

I would read nothing into this as far as interest in you personally or wanting to date you or even socialize outside of the bar- and she wants to socialize inside the bar as part of her job and part of her job only. You might not tip her but part of her salary might be tied to the profits.

[Jibralta]

8 hours ago, J_W said:

Do you guys think I have a chance to ask her hang out?

Why not? I say go for it.

[smackie9]

12 hours ago, J_W said:

I have a crush on this bartender girl, and this is my second visit to the pub where she works. The first time I went was in October, and the second time was just last week. She recognized me and smiled as she served my friend. When I told her I had some time off during the holidays, she told me I should come to this pub every day. That evening I ran into her in the upstairs nightclub, we had a brief conversation, but she had to leave because she was waiting for a friend to get her a drink. Before she walks away, she says, "I'm sure we'll see each other here again". Due to work the next day I have to leave the club early. I am planning to go back to the pub she work. Do you guys think I have a chance to ask her hang out?

Ya sure why not. Ask her if she wants to go ice skating or boarding, something fun. Or ask what she’s into for an activity.

[WalterSobcha]

Do ask her (you have nothing to lose) but as others have said, your interactions so far mean nothing, as it's her job to try to get customers to come back, so don't get your hopes up too much.

[Batya33]

30 minutes ago, WalterSobcha said:

Do ask her (you have nothing to lose) but as others have said, your interactions so far mean nothing, as it's her job to try to get customers to come back, so don't get your hopes up too much.

Also not if he'd feel awkward returning there if she declines.

[lostandhurt]

 If you don't ask her out then there is zero chance, if you do chat her up and ask her out you have a way better chance than zero right?

Rewards go to the bold most of the time.

Let us know how it goes and good luck

Lost

[OliviaJJJ]

From someone who works in retail and frequently deals with this type of situtation, this is my advice. Please understand she is paid to be nice to you and you will be invading a space she is unable to remove herself from.

You write your name and number on a receipt or something AND THEN YOU LEAVE so they can do whatever they want with it.

You ask, “could we talk on your break / when you get off?” without asking when that is, then you do whatever they say, AND THEN YOU LEAVE.

You just need to actively prevent them from feeling trapped.

[Orbital]

I was in a situation sort of like this years ago. Went to a bar  and my friend pointed out the waitress was into me. He just assumed this by the way she spoke and looked at me. I was right out of a bad breakup, so not really good at playing the game at the time lol. Anyway, went back a second time and saw her. I said something awkward about us hanging out sometime and she then told me she has a boyfriend. Girls like that have tons of opportunities. So, maybe she really had a bf, maybe not. She seemed to be extra flirty with me, but at the end of the day, it may not mean much. I do want to say I felt GOOD about TRYING. You really have nothing to lose. You become pretty indifferent to “rejection” at some point and then you find someone. Cheers. 

[Sindy_0311]

I suggest you don't ask yet to hang out. You should go to the bar again sometimes, try to figure her out better. Maybe she is having someone yet... 

If you want to trigger her interest, maybe after going with males friend sometimes and talking to her to learn more about her, someday you go with a girl and ignore her a bit. So she sees you in "dating" mode and will wonder about you... 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I suggest you don't ask yet to hang out. You should go to the bar again sometimes, try to figure her out better. Maybe she is having someone yet... 

If you want to trigger her interest, maybe after going with males friend sometimes and talking to her to learn more about her, someday you go with a girl and ignore her a bit. So she sees you in "dating" mode and will wonder about you... 

Disagree with the transparent attempt to make her jealous. Also disagree with using a woman for this purpose. It's not nice to use people like this. The only way this might be acceptable is if you ask a female friend to be your "wing woman". Not to try to make the bartender jealous but to help engage her in conversation with you.

[spinstermanquee]

On 1/4/2023 at 11:49 AM, boltnrun said:

The only way this might be acceptable is if you ask a female friend to be your "wing woman". Not to try to make the bartender jealous but to help engage her in conversation with you.

When I see a guy hanging with a female friend I certainly feel more comfortable - it speaks to their ability to establish/maintain/enjoy a platonic relationship with the opposite sex.  bolt's idea is nice!  if she has a boyfriend she'll let you know (or your wingperson will find out, haha).  In my single days I accompanied guy friends several times and noticed it was easier for them to meet ladies when we were hanging together.

[Coldarmy13]

I’ve never bothered trying to flirt with a bartender. I read their kindness and flirting as just that, her job. That hundreds of guys probably hit on her every week, I just don’t want to be another one.
 

Cant hurt to ask though. You’ll know for sure then.

[boltnrun]

Just now, Coldarmy13 said:

I’ve never bothered trying to flirt with a bartender. I read their kindness and flirting as just that, her job. That hundreds of guys probably hit on her every week, I just don’t want to be another one.
 

Cant hurt to ask though. You’ll know for sure then.

I agree. 

I used to be a regular at a bar and the male bartender told me he dealt with this situation on an almost weekly basis. One young woman had even taken to getting his schedule and then waiting for him outside the bar when he got off work even though he told her he was engaged to be married. He had to resort to having his live in fiancee pick him up so that woman would see for herself he wasn't available.  She still persisted, though. He said it made him not even want to be friendly and approachable even though those traits were key to doing his job well.

So yes, keep in mind she is constantly being asked out. As long as you're aware that you are one of many and would be able to respond graciously if she turns you down, I guess why not ask?

[Sihana]

Just ask her out and see what happens.

If she agrees to see you in other place other than the bar she works at then yes, you might have a chance.

[Coldarmy13]

1 hour ago, Sihana said:

Just ask her out and see what happens.

If she agrees to see you in other place other than the bar she works at then yes, you might have a chance.

Even then, great, but don’t necessarily look as it as a chance to be with her. I wouldn’t put her in a pedestal right away. Look at it as an opportunity to meet someone new and see if she’s someone YOU would be interested in. Also, consider if you’re comfortable with someone who’s doted over so often each time she works. If jealousy has been any issue for you.