Am I remaining professional?

[Alex39]

In my early days of working,  I had a terrible boss. He fraternized with young attractive women in the office, having inappropriate relationships with them and then moving them up the ladder to positions they weren't qualified for in return for favors they were giving him. He was married and double their age. I never engaged in this and felt it was wrong.  He exhibited extreme favoritism towards these women over every other worker making you feel terrible.   If you didn't bow down to him and his favorite girlfriends then you were ostracized in the office and treated like you were a bad worker. This happened to me and many others. I was purposely treated with such disrespect and this boss's actions made the environment there toxic and uncomfortable. He'd give you criticism that you were a bad team player, though I attended every meeting,event, and helped out everyone in the office. You could have made gold with your bare hands, it was never enough.  I was upset everyday, dreaded going to work, cried when I got home. You felt constantly like you were being targeted, that you were a bad worker for not treating him and his women like kings, that you were wanted to leave, that you were in this toxic bubble.  He gave these women your job piece by piece then  threw you to the side to do stupid work that they didnt want to do. And he moved them up and gave them raises.  You never felt safe or supported,  like you were always being targeted by him and his possy. The environment was toxic.  He screwed over another guy in the office who was trying to get an in-office promotion. He made him apply and interview like everyone else, left him hanging with no answers for months and he spent months bringing in candidate after candidate, then even made this man interview the other candidates for the job he was going for. The guy finally asked him if he got the job or not, and our boss chastised him for being a poor team player and mocked him for applying for the higher position. This man was a great worker and qualified.  This man was also told that the only way to get ahead was to kiss butt to the boss's favorite woman at the time, and that is how you get him to like you. My colleague felt so uncomfortable,  being a happily married man, that he left after that. In total, 8 staff have left there in 4 years. 

I finally left, being one of the 8,  and have had a successful thriving career at my new place of employment. I've never had an issue since leaving there. And have been promoted and commended on being a great team player.  

It's been many years, and I even had to go to therapy over my experience at the previous place. I was diagnosed with PTSD and have worked so hard to get over it. I am in such a happy, transitional, and positive place in my career, just getting another promotion and feeling like I am a valuable team member. It took me years to trust others at work and I finally can. 

Well now my work is hiring this high position that would be over me and my colleagues and one of the finalist candidates is my old boss. When I saw his name my heart sunk. I grew anxious and all my old feelings are coming back that I worked so hard to resolve. I told my immediate supervisor that if this man gets hired, I will be leaving and how I don't want to leave. She grew concerned about me and brought me in to ask me about it. I told her about my old boss and all the horrible things he did and how it made everyone so uncomfortable. She was surprised.  She told a few people about it hoping that the word spread and he doesn't get hired. I also was asked to write an anonymous letter to the hiring team to let them know about this man. I tried to stay very professional and anonymous about this. It's been so upsetting ever since. 

I fear that now a group of people know it was me who is saying these things and I fear I am going to look emotional and unprofessional. What I wrote was factual and not emotional. But I fear people will see me as some scorned woman or unprofessional for saying something. But everything I experienced and went through was real and true. He isn't a good man. 

Am I being unprofessional? Looking unprofessional? Again, I know a few people know I worked for him, so they know it's me. They were the ones who said to write an anonymous letter and they would share it. 

I'm also an anxious mess. All I can think of is the traumatic toxicity I endured, and the anxious, emotions are all coming back. I keep reliving it. People keep asking me to talk about it. I had worked so hard to move on from this.  

 

 

[Batya33]

I think it’s ok and I also think you could have waited to see what happened - even if he gets the job and even if he accepts you’d still have time to leave before he started and certainly before he started working directly with you after on boarding.
I’m sorry you stayed so long at your former job. 
I’d say nothing more especially about what your opinion and perception is since if might come across the wrong way. I’d also stop talking about leaving in case it looks like you’re looking for an excuse to leave. 

I would not do anything anonymous or in writing. I’d speak to someone directly on the hiring team. If you decide to share information.  Share only objective facts. Remain professional in tone and demeanor. Do not over share. I’m sorry it’s such a small world !!

[Kwothe28]

47 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Am I being unprofessional? Looking unprofessional?

Sadly, I think yes. Its not a good look on you. Your job is to remain professional no matter what happens around you. You having a mental breakdown, writting letters to HR to near possibility of your old Boss coming over, is really not a good look. What do you think your employer would say about your mental breakdown? Is that a good look for an executive position? Getting a breakdown over your competitor for a position? Threatening to quit over it?

Dont get me wrong, I think your concerns are valid. Just that it isnt a good look for somebody aiming at higher position.

Also, your colleagues wont do a thing about it. They encourage you to write a letter because that is how they would "kill" 2 flies in 1 shot. Him and you. Sorry, but that is a corporate world for you. I understand your reaction, I really do. I had a Boss that literally yelled at me almost every day. Sometimes I do kick myself for not being more open about it. But you need to know that in corporate world that is not a good thing. You need to be professional no matter what happens. You getting branded as "that crazy one" around office is not a good thing if you want to move forward in corporate world. Sorry.

[boltnrun]

Unfortunately you are now known as the one who "tattles". HR and upper management will think if someone upsets you in some way you will go to someone else in the company and tell stories (And PLEASE tell me you didn't cry! Crying at work is the kiss of death). 

And I'm not trying to dismiss your previous experiences. I am sure they were terribly upsetting. I have had upsetting job experiences. But never, not once, have I told a potential or current employer about those experiences. Fair or not, you will be seen as overly emotional, unreliable and a potential problem employee. I simply said I chose to move on due to relocating or for a new and challenging opportunity. I did not say one negative word about any former employers or companies.

Now that it's already done, I would polish up your resume and be prepared to job search. You need to be prepared in case that man is hired or there's backlash as a result of what you said and wrote.

And in the future please remember that potential or current employers can't see what you experienced. They only know what you demonstrate. And that should always be cheerful, efficient professionalism.

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

You need to be professional no matter what happens. You getting branded as "that crazy one" around office is not a good thing if you want to move forward in corporate world. Sorry.

Agree. What's done is done unfortunately. However since for whatever reason, you put this in writing and it could affect his profession, you need to google "libel". Perhaps go to HR and retract this statement and talk to their legal advisors..

Try to get your emotions under control, particularly since he was not even hired and you took such drastic pre-emptive measures. And yes. update your resume just in case.

[DarkCh0c0]

Okay, HR here.

I hope you have written the anonymous letter. If I'm recruiting for a managerial role and I receive such letter, we would tread carefully and use what was shared as a disadvantage for when we want to make a hiring decision. Your concerns, if written professionally, will be taken in consideration and will even be raised (indirectly) during the interview process with that candidate. However, that won't guarantee that they won't hire him depending on how much they need him and their hiring criteria.

Considering how awful he was to you, I would also suggest polishing your CV just in case. Do limit gossiping about him as that can indeed be perceived as unprofessional. You've sent a warning to HR, and that's the most you can do. Try to carry on work as usual until you get the final hiring decision.

Keep in mind that if they do end up hiring him, then it could be that this company is not the best place to work at for you and that it's time for you to seek your job promotion elsewhere. Maybe, a blessing in disguise.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. Sounds unexpected and triggering. Please be very kind and loving to yourself no matter what. You've moved past him before, and you'll do it again if needed( by putting strong professional boundaries in place and leaving asap).

[Alex39]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Sadly, I think yes. Its not a good look on you. Your job is to remain professional no matter what happens around you. You having a mental breakdown, writting letters to HR to near possibility of your old Boss coming over, is really not a good look. What do you think your employer would say about your mental breakdown? Is that a good look for an executive position? Getting a breakdown over your competitor for a position? Threatening to quit over it?

Dont get me wrong, I think your concerns are valid. Just that it isnt a good look for somebody aiming at higher position.

Also, your colleagues wont do a thing about it. They encourage you to write a letter because that is how they would "kill" 2 flies in 1 shot. Him and you. Sorry, but that is a corporate world for you. I understand your reaction, I really do. I had a Boss that literally yelled at me almost every day. Sometimes I do kick myself for not being more open about it. But you need to know that in corporate world that is not a good thing. You need to be professional no matter what happens. You getting branded as "that crazy one" around office is not a good thing if you want to move forward in corporate world. Sorry.

I'm not having a mental breakdown at work at all. And I only told my one supervisor that I'd leave not everyone else at all. And I didn't threaten to quit. I simply told my supervisor that I wouldn't want to work for someone like him again. 

Knowing what I know now and that he'd be her boss too, my supervisor doesn't want him either.  I was told to write up some facts about him by the HR depart, from someone who is my friend, because they wanted insight into who he was to work for. 

 

[Alex39]

20 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Okay, HR here.

I hope you have written the anonymous letter. If I'm recruiting for a managerial role and I receive such letter, we would tread carefully and use what was shared as a disadvantage for when we want to make a hiring decision. Your concerns, if written professionally, will be taken in consideration and will even be raised (indirectly) during the interview process with that candidate. However, that won't guarantee that they won't hire him depending on how much they need him and their hiring criteria.

Considering how awful he was to you, I would also suggest polishing your CV just in case. Do limit gossiping about him as that can indeed be perceived as unprofessional. You've sent a warning to HR, and that's the most you can do. Try to carry on work as usual until you get the final hiring decision.

Keep in mind that if they do end up hiring him, then it could be that this company is not the best place to work at for you and that it's time for you to seek your job promotion elsewhere. Maybe, a blessing in disguise.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. Sounds unexpected and triggering. Please be very kind and loving to yourself no matter what. You've moved past him before, and you'll do it again if needed( by putting strong professional boundaries in place and leaving asap).

Thank you. I was very professional and only wrote a short paragraph about him. That was it. I was very factual and to the point without feelings or emotions. The hiring committee person that I know asked me about him. She knew that I worked for him. Then asked me to write up something to share, because he'd be their boss too. Everyone is worried. At this point in his candidacy I don't even think they'd have to raise these concerns to him. They just wouldn't choose him. He's already interviewed with many people at the corporation. 

 

[Alex39]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Unfortunately you are now known as the one who "tattles". HR and upper management will think if someone upsets you in some way you will go to someone else in the company and tell stories (And PLEASE tell me you didn't cry! Crying at work is the kiss of death). 

And I'm not trying to dismiss your previous experiences. I am sure they were terribly upsetting. I have had upsetting job experiences. But never, not once, have I told a potential or current employer about those experiences. Fair or not, you will be seen as overly emotional, unreliable and a potential problem employee. I simply said I chose to move on due to relocating or for a new and challenging opportunity. I did not say one negative word about any former employers or companies.

Now that it's already done, I would polish up your resume and be prepared to job search. You need to be prepared in case that man is hired or there's backlash as a result of what you said and wrote.

And in the future please remember that potential or current employers can't see what you experienced. They only know what you demonstrate. And that should always be cheerful, efficient professionalism.

I have not one bad word or thing to say about my current workplace. Everyone is great, I don't gossip, because there is nothing to gossip about. Everyone does their job and does it well. I don't need to tattle, because it's a fair and professional place of employment. 

[1a1a]

Two things, if you do have to leave I am confident you will thrive in a new location, you have already proven yourself valuable in this one. 
 

And is crying at work really this kiss if death? That sucks. A person with higher emotional reactivity (say, a person who, due to their gender has not been socialised into repressing their feelings and is also running on lack of sleep for example), can still possess a set of skills that make them an invaluable employee *grumbles at the male centric ideal of the working world*

[Batya33]

Just now, 1a1a said:

Two things, if you do have to leave I am confident you will thrive in a new location, you have already proven yourself valuable in this one. 
 

And is crying at work really this kiss if death? That sucks. A person with higher emotional reactivity (say, a person who, due to their gender has not been socialised into repressing their feelings and is also running on lack of sleep for example), can still possess a set of skills that make them an invaluable employee *grumbles at the male centric ideal of the working world*

I think at many workplaces it is. And that's cause it's work.  I am paid in part to remain professional.  To keep on the game face and if I can't it's called -go to employee assistance, take a day off for mental health, whatever. 

I'm not going to complain about whether it's gender related. It depends on the workplace, the industry, the type of work that needs to get done.

I worked when I was physically ill, when I was pregnant and hormonal, after major relationship breakups, and I knew being overly emotional in my workplace -nope.  When I was a teacher and attacked by a student I think I may have cried.  I was in my early 20s.  In over my head. 

I probably did cry but that job was short-lived. I believe I got upset/teary in grad school -I think I cried to an older classmate and -small world - he ended up marrying someone I worked with several years later and I still know him -in fact I texted with my female friend a few hours ago.  That was at school not work.  I saw that as different.  He was so calming and reassuring.  But at work - would not have been a good idea. At all.

Honestly I'd be there for a coworker who was teary/upset and be 100% discreet and respect that person but I wouldn't want to work in an environment where my coworkers regularly got emotional/cried etc - I'm all for that socially and personally -not at my workplace.  

[boltnrun]

30 minutes ago, 1a1a said:

*grumbles at the male centric ideal of the working world*

Well, I'm female so I definitely do not perceive the working world from a "male centric" point of view. And I still don't think crying belongs in the workplace unless the person was given some devastating news such as an accident or death of a loved one. I just don't think crying in response to work stress or a comment from a coworker is professional.

I've worked during a bout with insomnia that lasted literally weeks. And I didn't cry. Even when a coworker yelled at me and told me my brain did not know how to process information intelligently...still didn't cry. But man was I pissed lol! Didn't curse, didn't yell back. Gotta maintain that professionalism.

[Alex39]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Unfortunately you are now known as the one who "tattles". HR and upper management will think if someone upsets you in some way you will go to someone else in the company and tell stories (And PLEASE tell me you didn't cry! Crying at work is the kiss of death). 

And I'm not trying to dismiss your previous experiences. I am sure they were terribly upsetting. I have had upsetting job experiences. But never, not once, have I told a potential or current employer about those experiences. Fair or not, you will be seen as overly emotional, unreliable and a potential problem employee. I simply said I chose to move on due to relocating or for a new and challenging opportunity. I did not say one negative word about any former employers or companies.

Now that it's already done, I would polish up your resume and be prepared to job search. You need to be prepared in case that man is hired or there's backlash as a result of what you said and wrote.

And in the future please remember that potential or current employers can't see what you experienced. They only know what you demonstrate. And that should always be cheerful, efficient professionalism.

I did not cry at all. I keep my composure at work always. 

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I did not cry at all. I keep my composure at work always. 

That's terrific. You will be viewed at the very least as a worker who can stay composed even under extremely stressful circumstances.

[1a1a]

37 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Well, I'm female so I definitely do not perceive the working world from a "male centric" point of view. And I still don't think crying belongs in the workplace unless the person was given some devastating news such as an accident or death of a loved one. I just don't think crying in response to work stress or a comment from a coworker is professional.

I've worked during a bout with insomnia that lasted literally weeks. And I didn't cry. Even when a coworker yelled at me and told me my brain did not know how to process information intelligently...still didn't cry. But man was I pissed lol! Didn't curse, didn't yell back. Gotta maintain that professionalism.

I’ve got mad respect for that. 
 

All the same, things that upset us generate energy. Crying releases it. (Expressed anger releases it. Deep breathing and focussed attention in the moment followed by some strenuous exercise at the earliest available opportunity also releases it, the last one absolutely requires practice to be the default though. What I’m saying is, crying is a natural, human emotional response to stressful situations, (like having your PTSD triggered) and I think you’re throwing out the baby with the bath water if you dismiss an otherwise good employee for having a reaction like that. (Generalised you, not you specifically). )

[Alex39]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

That's terrific. You will be viewed at the very least as a worker who can stay composed even under extremely stressful circumstances.

I just worry that as much as I spoke professionally that maybe I said too much. And I worry that someone might think of me as unprofessional.  I don't want to ruin my career at this place or my reputation. I'm a great worker, add a lot of value, and have been really successful. I regret listening to my colleague who said she would share my message. And I know she did it anonymously, but still, a few people I think know it was me. Maybe I should have just let it play out. But I cant take it back now. 

I'm wracked with stress, guilt, uncomfortableness, praying for this to blow over. I want this to blow over. It's eating me alive. I want to just get back to my job which I know is so important and what I work hard at. I'm someone who stays under the radar and I like it that way. 

 

[greendots]

I agree with DarkCh0c0.

As to how this will pan out: there are a few factors that come into play here. How long have you been working at your current company? The longer you've worked there, the more credibility your statement has. Did you voice a concern or did you make a complaint? As long as your concern was done in a professional manner, you should be fine.

Also, is the role for middle management or above? If it's the latter, well, you don't hire a big league boss without doing your homework. It's too risky. Should the HR department of the company you work for be serious, they'll investigate his profile, check out Glassdoor (or similar) for reviews, and share their findings with the ultimate decision makers. Having said that, if he got the interview due to an internal high ranking connection, then anything is possible.

 

 

[Alex39]

22 minutes ago, greendots said:

I agree with DarkCh0c0.

As to how this will pan out: there are a few factors that come into play here. How long have you been working at your current company? The longer you've worked there, the more credibility your statement has. Did you voice a concern or did you make a complaint? As long as your concern was done in a professional manner, you should be fine.

Also, is the role for middle management or above? If it's the latter, well, you don't hire a big league boss without doing your homework. It's too risky. Should the HR department of the company you work for be serious, they'll investigate his profile, check out Glassdoor (or similar) for reviews, and share their findings with the ultimate decision makers. Having said that, if he got the interview due to an internal high ranking connection, then anything is possible.

 

 

I've been at the company for four years. Gotten higher educational degrees whilst here, a promotion, and have built an office from nothing to something more substantial. I'm currently involved in the early stages of planning and designing a new large office space, a large project. I get along with all workers within the department. I have a great report with clients. I collaborate with others often. 

I get along with my supervisor really well, higher bosses, and I have been commended on being a great team player, communicator, and valuable asset. I'm typically very quiet. I keep to myself, I never complain, I do my job and let it speak for itself. I'm not one to speak up typically, so this is very unusual I think for others to hear from me. I voiced a concern and started my statement by saying I don't recommend this candidate. I listed three main bullet points as to why I dont recommend the candidate. And then explained my reasoning as a past worker of his breaking down those bullets into examples of what I experienced under his ruling. I even ended my statement by praising my current organization and stating that I wouldn't want someone like this man to ruin things here. 

This is above middle management,  I high paid, high level position. 

[greendots]

10 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I've been at the company for four years. Gotten higher educational degrees whilst here, a promotion, and have built an office from nothing to something more substantial. I'm currently involved in the early stages of planning and designing a new large office space, a large project. I get along with all workers within the department. I have a great report with clients. I collaborate with others often. 

I get along with my supervisor really well, higher bosses, and I have been commended on being a great team player, communicator, and valuable asset. I'm typically very quiet. I keep to myself, I never complain, I do my job and let it speak for itself. I'm not one to speak up typically, so this is very unusual I think for others to hear from me. I voiced a concern and started my statement by saying I don't recommend this candidate. I listed three main bullet points as to why I dont recommend the candidate. And then explained my reasoning as a past worker of his breaking down those bullets into examples of what I experienced under his ruling. I even ended my statement by praising my current organization and stating that I wouldn't want someone like this man to ruin things here. 

This is above middle management,  I high paid, high level position. 

From what you've written: having worked at the company already for 4 years, being promoted, being respected at work and getting along well with colleagues as well as management and so on, and they're are recruiting for a high level position–you bet they'll take your concern seriously and investigate.

The drawback is if the got the interview due to a high ranking connection. Then, anything is possible.

[DarkCh0c0]

You will be fine Alex. If it helps, think of it as if you were looking out for the company and your colleagues' best interests. If this is a good and healthy workplace, it's harder for a bad apple to get through the full hiring process. Also remember that his unprofessionalism will show during the interviews. It's not something that will go unnoticed. HR and hiring managers know what to look for and which questions to ask to dig into someone's character specially when they've received such feedback about him.

29 minutes ago, greendots said:

The drawback is if the got the interview due to a high ranking connection. Then, anything is possible.

Yes. That's why there's no guarantee that he won't be hired.

And Alex, try not to worry about what your colleagues think. You did you and the best you could. You cared about yourself and your colleagues. It's fine, really.

[Alex39]

37 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

You will be fine Alex. If it helps, think of it as if you were looking out for the company and your colleagues' best interests. If this is a good and healthy workplace, it's harder for a bad apple to get through the full hiring process. Also remember that his unprofessionalism will show during the interviews. It's not something that will go unnoticed. HR and hiring managers know what to look for and which questions to ask to dig into someone's character specially when they've received such feedback about him.

Yes. That's why there's no guarantee that he won't be hired.

And Alex, try not to worry about what your colleagues think. You did you and the best you could. You cared about yourself and your colleagues. It's fine, really.

Thanks for the support. I don't know why I'm panicking and freaking out. Most likely they will let him know they went with a better candidate and leave it at that, as there were very good competitive candidates. Or he gets the job and I look elsewhere.  

I feel so overwhelmed with anxiety. I can't eat or sleep. I don't know why I'm sick over this. I think because my accusation of him having inappropriate relationships with women under him, is a huge deal, and I don't want people to think I engaged in that or was scorned somehow. That didn't happen at all. 

Again I don't want to be viewed as unprofessional or a liability myself. 

The fact that I am pretty much re-living the trauma again is not helping. Honestly I feel stupid. Who is traumatized by a past work place? But that's how I feel. I literally have had panic attacks almost daily over this whole thing. Not at work,in my own time at home. Again, I try to stay cool and collected at work. 

I'm afraid that this may backfire on me and my workplace may see this as an issue with me. And try to get rid of me. Then my life is over. 

What if this man ever finds out what I said and sues me. I just am in such a fearful state right now. I'm in a constant panic. 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

What if this man ever finds out what I said and sues me

Okay. He can't sue you for this.

Take a deep breath.

You are going over the worse case scenarios in your head, but the odds are none of them are true.

Breath.

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

Honestly I feel stupid. Who is traumatized by a past work place?

A lot of people. Don't feel bad for being human and having a past. We all do.

Have you sought therapy to unpack what happened in your previous workplace? Or did you let it be? Trauma is NOT to be taken easily and it's not something you can solve on your own. There are trauma-informed therapists who can get where you're coming from and help you untangle the knots.

And you are not a liability. Your colleagues have moved on from the stuff you've shared and they have work priorities, deadlines and their own personal lives to think of. You can move on too. Give yourself permission to do so.

Do consider a few sessions of therapy to help you with this trauma. You never know if it can be triggered again in a different setting and it'll be helpful for you to have some coping mechanisms in place.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Alex39 said:

. I regret listening to my colleague who said she would share my message. And I know she did it anonymously, but still, a few people I think know it was me. 

They'll probably just put a copy in your file. An accusation of sexual harassment is serious but it's not about "facts" it's about proof. Right now it's just your version of what happened at your former employment.

He can't sue you for libel unless he finds out you wrote this accusation and it specifically resulted in his not being hired. Which won't happen. If they don't hire him, they'll probably just use the typical neutral reasons. In the meantime take care of yourself and your health.

[catfeeder]

I think a company that is forward thinking cares about this kind of stuff and is committed to avoiding the type of climate this guy created. It may be why they floated candidate names, to flush this kind of stuff out.

Otherwise, why bother floating when you can just do things the old fashioned way—just announce?

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, 1a1a said:

What I’m saying is, crying is a natural, human emotional response to stressful situations, (like having your PTSD triggered) and I think you’re throwing out the baby with the bath water if you dismiss an otherwise good employee for having a reaction like that. (Generalised you, not you specifically). )

It depends on the circumstances. It is a natural reaction for many. 

So the employee should go to the restroom or step out and cry.  I had to do that. 

I once had a panic attack in public during a really important work meeting with high level people there.  The panic attack was because one of my coworkers had messed up one thing she was tasked with doing that morning to be all ready with the result that my boss was really unhappy including with me.  I'd had little sleep and I panicked.  And I had to stay in that room.  No one ever knew.  I felt like running. I felt like shaking, screaming whatever -all natural reactions to panic. 

But I'm paid to remain professional.  So I forced myself to stare at my writing pad, to stare out the window and focus, to do very quiet deep breathing and internally pray.  This was in 1999.  Luckily I wasn't required to speak or do anything at that moment.  I was an otherwise extremely good employee and if I had shown my emotions in that environment then I could see it being very bad for my job performance/potential. 

Yes, I could have pretended to be very ill and left but I knew I'd be called on in a few minutes.  23 years later and I remember every second of those 5-10 minutes it lasted.  Horrible.  And, no, I would never have expected my boss to understand if I visibly freaked out -understand, yes -let it go professionally -not so sure.