Best Dating Apps for Career Women Over 30?

[moodindigo91]

Hi guys 🙂 hope everyone's doing great. 

I've been on this forum for like ever. I've had what we'll just describe as "bad luck" with previous relationships dating back a decade if we're being honest. Anyway, I'm 31 now and I have been single now for close to a full year. I have been living alone and working at my new job for almost 6 months now. I am enjoying my job and get along well with my coworkers. Despite my ex still trying to contact me here and there, I am finally starting to feel ready to get back into dating. I met a guy at work who is impossibly cute, and I think we like one another, but he's a bit younger than me and also, of course, I don't really want to limit my pool to people I see at work for obvious reasons. I have never used a dating app before. I am thinking about possibly joining one just to kinda expand the pool of men I meet. I am curious what people's opinions are on dating apps, and which ones would be best to join if you are a woman in her 30's with a pretty demanding career. That's super specific but I'm sure there are plenty of experiences that would be helpful! I don't want to be on multiple apps, one preferred. What do you guys think?!

[lostandhurt]

It depends on what you are looking for.

-Serious relationship with the possibility of marriage and children

-Casual dating to get your feet wet again

-Hook ups to scratch that itch

-Somewhere in between all those

Once you know what you want you will get better advice on at least which ones to avoid.

Lost

[moodindigo91]

26 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

It depends on what you are looking for.

-Serious relationship with the possibility of marriage and children

-Casual dating to get your feet wet again

-Hook ups to scratch that itch

-Somewhere in between all those

Once you know what you want you will get better advice on at least which ones to avoid.

Lost

Fair! I think I'm in between casual dating to wet the feet and serious dating. I am open to being casual but I am also interested in dating to marry at this point. I guess the dating app would be for that purpose, because I can easily find casual dates/hookups without an app. 

[waffle]

51 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

I have never used a dating app before.

Boy are you in for a treat. 😐 

[mylolita]

17 minutes ago, waffle said:

Boy are you in for a treat. 😐 

I’ve never even used them and I’m laughing at this Waffle🤣

[Batya33]

22 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

Fair! I think I'm in between casual dating to wet the feet and serious dating. I am open to being casual but I am also interested in dating to marry at this point. I guess the dating app would be for that purpose, because I can easily find casual dates/hookups without an app. 

I was in my late 20s/early 30s when I joined dating sites. I had an incredibly demanding career and absolutely had men who did not want to put up with that.  Which was good -even though I traded my 15-year demanding career for an equally demanding job after marriage and later added a part time outside job, these men were not on the same wavelength with me since they didn't value my ambition, work ethic, financial independence. 

 I would not join unless you are serious minded.  Otherwise a huge waste of time.  I would also focus on singles events in your city and strongly consider relocating to a larger city with a higher concentration of single professionals in their 30s (I did - I was 28 -only 10 miles from where I grew up but a much higher rent district -and  totally worth it for the social benefits/finding a husband).

I met many men because I was geographically desirable -I worked long hours but could go to events without having to worry about how to get there/back or timing. I did that a lot.  Certain men simply didn't want to have to travel far outside the city just to date someone when there were so many local women like me.  

My friend in her 30s who is a highly educated professional with a demanding career met her second husband on Tinder (she-divorced one child - he -never married/no kids -both early 30s I think).   They've been married a couple of years now.  

(I reconnected with my future husband when we were 39  we were early 30s when we broke up.  I had one long term relationship in between - a set up by a grad school classmate with a guy she worked with - and a number of shorter term relationships -one guy I met at a religious retreat, one was my friend's older brother I met through social events, three-four through online dating sites -2-3 months each.  My future husband and my long term boyfriend each had profiles on dating sites at various times -meaning I met them a different way but these good people were part of the online dating sites too.)

Ask friends to set you up.

I'd stop being "open" to casual dating too much -because if you truly want something serious act the part and don't settle for casual scraps.  

 

Good luck!

[Cherylyn]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'd stop being "open" to casual dating too much -because if you truly want something serious act the part and don't settle for casual scraps.  

 

 

Exactly. 

[moodindigo91]

17 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I was in my late 20s/early 30s when I joined dating sites. I had an incredibly demanding career and absolutely had men who did not want to put up with that.  Which was good -even though I traded my 15-year demanding career for an equally demanding job after marriage and later added a part time outside job, these men were not on the same wavelength with me since they didn't value my ambition, work ethic, financial independence. 

 I would not join unless you are serious minded.  Otherwise a huge waste of time.  I would also focus on singles events in your city and strongly consider relocating to a larger city with a higher concentration of single professionals in their 30s (I did - I was 28 -only 10 miles from where I grew up but a much higher rent district -and  totally worth it for the social benefits/finding a husband).

I met many men because I was geographically desirable -I worked long hours but could go to events without having to worry about how to get there/back or timing. I did that a lot.  Certain men simply didn't want to have to travel far outside the city just to date someone when there were so many local women like me.  

My friend in her 30s who is a highly educated professional with a demanding career met her second husband on Tinder (she-divorced one child - he -never married/no kids -both early 30s I think).   They've been married a couple of years now.  

(I reconnected with my future husband when we were 39  we were early 30s when we broke up.  I had one long term relationship in between - a set up by a grad school classmate with a guy she worked with - and a number of shorter term relationships -one guy I met at a religious retreat, one was my friend's older brother I met through social events, three-four through online dating sites -2-3 months each.  My future husband and my long term boyfriend each had profiles on dating sites at various times -meaning I met them a different way but these good people were part of the online dating sites too.)

Ask friends to set you up.

I'd stop being "open" to casual dating too much -because if you truly want something serious act the part and don't settle for casual scraps.  

 

Good luck!

Thank you! I appreciate this a lot. I guess I said I'm open to being casual because that's what I've been doing more or less since my ex left. I have had a friend set me up twice. One guy we had a good physical connection but everything else was lacking and we just (I think mutually) just stopped communicating. The other guy was the opposite, very secure and stable, good career, appreciated my ambition, had a fun time on the date, but I was just not physically attracted to him enough to continue that.

I already live in a pretty large and fairly famous city, and I also live very close to Los Angeles and pretty close to San Diego. I just relocated here for this job and I would definitely relocate (probably back to San Diego) once I feel like I have enough experience to be hirable at a higher salary (because it's expensive as hell out here lol). But, since I'll have be stay put here for a while most likely. 

I have never considered attending singles events though. Where does one find out about those? Haha pretty much all of my social outings are work-related or with people I work with. I get along well with my legal assistant who is also a single female slightly older than me. 

[moodindigo91]

13 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Exactly. 

haha sure sure I have been casual since my ex left because I didn't feel ready until nowish to really get back out there in earnest! 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

I have never considered attending singles events though. Where does one find out about those? Haha pretty much all of my social outings are work-related or with people I work with. I get along well with my legal assistant who is also a single female slightly older than me.

So I would check meetups and facebook groups and places of worship.  Organizations related to hiking and biking often do singles events.  Take swing or salsa dancing lessons -how my friend met her husband -they married when she was 39 and he was 29!  Had twins in her 40s.  I attended singles events starting in college and stopped I guess about 20 years later.  

[Cherylyn]

3 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

haha sure sure I have been casual since my ex left because I didn't feel ready until nowish to really get back out there in earnest! 

Whittle down your search and narrow your parameters otherwise you'll end up with crumbs of society.  Afford to become very picky and choosy otherwise you're wasting everyone's time.  Hoping for the best for you.

[smackie9]

Just google dating sites for professionals. Pick there.

[Kwothe28]

Respectfully, I would avoid dating sites. Unless you are chasing validation, dont think you are gona have too much luck there. Average looking girl would get probably double digits of matches/messages a day. And that is about it as you wont get too much quality there. Maybe with some good paid one there is a difference. But dont think you would get significant difference from what Ive heard.

How about enrolling into some course instead if you have time for that? You would maybe meet somebody with similar interest in that way.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, moodindigo91 said:

Thank you! I appreciate this a lot. I guess I said I'm open to being casual because I also live very close to Los Angeles and pretty close to San Diego.

Of course joining groups, clubs, volunteering, taking classes and courses and other real-life venues to meet people is great, but if you would like to expand your dating portfolio, try some paid dating apps, such as eHarmony (relationship oriented), Elite singles (need college education) and other more exclusive paid apps. Some of the paid apps require verification of certain criteria and identity.

This rules out a lot of nonsense because at the very least they have a credit card to pay for a subscription. People who hate dating apps tend to be right about garbage like most of the free and hookup apps such as Tinder, since any clown/catfish can throw up a profile in 2 minutes. You'll have to cough up some money for a while but a three month trial may work to see how you like it. Paid apps work better in metro/more urbane areas.

[Cherylyn]

I'm old school.  The best way to meet people is in person.  Put yourself out there in society in person such as special interest organizations of your choice.  Or, network through friends and family as they've already done their homework for you.  Despite this Internet world, it's still better to meet people in real life.  People in real life are better to know than misconstrued electronic communication between two people. 

Generally, when you meet men or a man in person,  you can immediately sense whether or not you're interested in him as opposed to going back and forth electronically.  Something is lost behind a computer screen.  In person is still the best. 

[Batya33]

The best way I met people was in person. So when I used dating sites I met them in person asap. I was really old school too which is why it was safer and better than going to a bar or club - which I did for certain singles events.  But I wasn’t going to try to meet a figure husband on a random night at a bar although some do !

 

My husband had a profile and my long term ex before him did too at various times and they are both fine people.  
I know of several married and life long committed couples who originally Meg through online dating sites in the last 20 years.
One has his 21st anniversary coming up - they’re 50 and she’s a doctor and he’s a lawyer.  Two kids one in college and one now applying to colleges. Another friend - they met in their late 30s and have one teenage son. Both educated professionals l and fine people. Civil partners - man and woman. 
I met over 100 men in person   Communicated with hundreds  also met men many other ways including at work  (how I met my husband originally)

Eharmony was not for me but I agree with paid sites.  Be really choosy on th sites and meet in person asap after a screening phone call where you do as much listening as possible while being casual and friendly.

I weeded out many liars that way and people with mental health issues that were masked by screens and typing. And people who couldn’t have a normal conversation and others who wanted to talk about sex on the phone but their messages were normal. 

make sure online is not your only way. Good luck !

[bluecastle]

I'll share my own experiences, for whatever they're worth. 

My personal dating app experience, spanning from my early to late 30s, has been with Tinder, Bumble, and Raya. All in all I found them to be pretty similar, with Tinder a bit fluffier than the rest. Met some meh people, met some great people, some questionable people. Had dates and brief dating runs that were fun, forgettable, awful, edifying, painful and pleasurable. Met my girlfriend of almost four years—a career woman in her 30s—on Bumble, something we love to laugh about.  

The way I see it the problem with the apps has little to do with the question of Bumble vs Hinge vs Tinder vs Match. It's that people expect way too much from them, they expect it immediately, and have very little patience for the inevitable discomfort of dating. The appeal of the fire emoji, you could say, has hampered the appreciation of the slow (and occasionally stinging) burn. 

Me, perhaps because I came of age in a pre-app world, I think of the apps like going out to a bar, a party, a whatever/wherever lots of people are. You scan the room, find yourself drawn to some person or another, make small talk. Sometimes you exchange numbers and go out, often you don't. Most of these experiences do not culminate to much of anything: a laugh, a kiss, a brief dalliance, a fade out, a flare up. So it goes. 

All of which is to say I'd recommend using the apps, trying a few out, seeing how it all feels for you, and not spending too much time thinking about them. 

 

 

[Cherylyn]

Online dating seems daunting to me.  I feel fortunate to have dated and married my husband prior to online dating existence.   We met in person and even though times have changed,  I'm glad I didn't do it any other way. 

Wishing you the best of luck as you go the online dating app route.  Hope it works out well for you.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Online dating seems daunting to me.  I feel fortunate to have dated and married my husband prior to online dating existence.   We met in person and even though times have changed,  I'm glad I didn't do it any other way. 

Wishing you the best of luck as you go the online dating app route.  Hope it works out well for you.

Dating online is silly and for people who hide behind screens or lie to themselves that they are actually trying to date. I used dating sites as a way to make a first contact just like I agreed to blind dates set up by friends. We’d talk once and plan to meet  
With online sites I never kept chatting with anyone who wasn’t up for a phone call after the first one or two messages and I never chatted after length after the first meet unless he’d asked me out on a proper first date after the meet  and if he had I focused on not chatting a lot and getting to know the person in person  

Yes you were fortunate not to be a single woman in her 30s wanting a baby and husband. It was a ton of work and effort and stress and aggravation. 100% worth it at least. It sure was daunting. So many things that are hard in life are and if it works out the victory is even sweeter. 

[lostandhurt]

For sure a paid app since it weeds out a lot of people that waste your time.  Inmates get computer time and a free app is perfect for them to troll people.  I actually met a woman that told me she saw a profile pic of a guy and you could see the stainless steel toilet in the background in his cell. Stick to paid sites please.

 Next is that some sites do better in different parts of the country.  I would do some research on what works best in southern California as there are reviews for everything these days.  Average things out and it will narrow your search.

Lastly you need thick skin to be on a dating site. There are some really crude people, forward people and just plain ole crazy people on them so being able to let it slide helps so much.

There is a huge learning curve and things change fast so listen to people that have had recent success on a dating site like in the last 5 to 8 years. 

Most importantly be safe. Anyone you meet will be a total stranger so treat him/her as such.

Oh and I almost forgot that you are going to get way more pics of guys junk then you could imagine.  Don't ask me why they think it will work but they send them anyways.

  My personal opinion is that a site with a large membership of the type of person you are trying to meet is key.  If you want to meet a cowboy then going to Elite Singles is not going to work.

I just did a quick search and there are over 2,500 online dating services in the US alone.

Match comes out on top on most listings then eHarmony

Don't think much about the subscription costs since you could blow that much on one night out trying to meet the right person.

Good luck, have fun and be smart and safe

Lost

[Batya33]

I thought Match was fine and some friends liked Eharmony.  I never paid for a subscription but what I liked was that when I reported someone -he was dating two of my friends at the same time and I believe lying about age and/or marital status - they removed his profile.

I would find people in your age group or older who use dating sites -not people in early 20s

[Coily]

As a battered OLD meander-er (friends would never help and my crazy work schedule meant no regular after-work life), I can say that you're in for an adventure.

I've tried just about every app/site plausible, and it boils down to what is popular in your area. From a man's perspective, we are competing against the guys who will just spam any profile, guys who send long thought-out intros, and everything in between. So expect a constantly full inbox; filled with everything from the sleazy to the saccharine compliments, and when you don't respond there are some jerks who will insult you.

Now that I've mentioned the dark side,  I have also found there are real genuine lonely people looking for love. They don't have good networking skill, busy lives, or are just way too shy for thier own good.

As far as recommendations with the "Major" sites:
Match, eHarmony, and Bumble have yielded the best range of professional and classy women.
Hinge, Tinder, and Coffee Meets Bagel was a mixed bag of personalities, I had to be very choosy  there.
OK Cupid, POF, and FB dating Well let's just say you get what you pay for with those two <shudders>

I would suggest looking for more niche sites, but not being in your area I can't make any comment. All that said, meeting through a group setting is always best; but it's not easy in the professional world.

[DarkCh0c0]

Have you written down what you need from a man and how you expect to be treated by him? It'll be helpful for you to skip dating time wasters and focus on matches that meet your goals.

Once you have the list down, you can ask yourself "where do these men hang out?" And go from there. They could be on dating apps, but also they could be at Opera shows, volunteering projects, cooking classes, ect. 

[mylolita]

8 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Online dating seems daunting to me.  I feel fortunate to have dated and married my husband prior to online dating existence.   We met in person and even though times have changed,  I'm glad I didn't do it any other way. 

Wishing you the best of luck as you go the online dating app route.  Hope it works out well for you.

I have to agree with you here Cherylyn!

 

Last or the traditionalists and tech phones here and at (only ha!) 32 I can say there aren’t many of us about!

 

I think if you you gonna use dating sites, you have to go in with your eyes open. Realise there will be a lot of sifting through, a lot of people trying to suck you into back and forth messaging, photo swapping, all of that. I know people who have met and married from them, but I gotta say, there is nothing like meeting someone in person the first time you lay eyes on them! You get instant human chemistry, you can see their body language straight away, get a feel for their tone of voice and all the other micro behaviours people have that simply can’t come across through a screen or messaging.

 

I would say unless you run your powerhouse CEO energy company, everyone has time for love and friendship, they really do. People do a whole bunch of things with busy careers - make time to exercise, do yoga, go food shopping, enjoy a hobby even. If you have time for any of that, I think you realistically have time for love, which, to my romantic foolish heart is probably the most important thing in the world, before career or exercise or houses! 
 

You also don’t have to just go to a bar to meet someone, there are so many ways to suit different personalities. Clubs, library, hobby groups, volunteer groups, work, family events, friends match making, friends parties and meet ups - just being about in life! 
 

I understand we aren’t all party lovin’ extroverts and as an extrovert myself sometimes I have to remember that people are nervous and shy about dating (understandable!) and that online seems like the easier and comfortable way to avoid the “searching and scanning” in real life but, honestly, I really can’t stand up enough for real life.

 

Real life everything! I am trying to throw this smartphone into the sea, no joke! 
 

As animals, us humans need contact, we smell smells, we hear sounds, we taste tastes - we need those experiences to feel alive and connected. I understand the convenience of online dating, I really do - but just because something is a modern convenience doesn’t mean that it is better or makes anything easier!

 

My advice would be to take your day off or your half day or your free hours and go out there and live your lovely life and put yourself where people are living and enjoying, passionate about what they are doing. Y’know, I often think myself, if alcohol had been taken out of most peoples first meet situations, half the babies and marriages that have been created wouldn’t be here anymore! 🥲

 

I think OP if you are busy, a mix of both might do it, but I wouldn’t spend my whole dating life only meeting men found online and I would be very selective and meet or phone call with them as soon as you can!

 

x

[mylolita]

Also, just to add, and sorry OP for me and “my theories!” 🥲🤪

 

But, as a woman, you will feel much more special if approached in real life. I think it’s very important and weeds out anyone who isn’t that invested or is only interested in a mild way.

 

Here’s my thought! In real life, it takes a lot for a guy to approach a woman. A confident guy who’s single might only approach a few woman max a month in real life. When he decides to take that risk, the woman will have really blown him away, and he’s decided it’s worth facing the rejection. Now, online, rejection is faced much easier. A single man might scatter messages to 10, 20 plus women a month. Is he as driven by them as the woman in real life? Do they compel him in the same way? I’m not so sure. He wouldn’t be cold approaching 20 a month at a bar or meet up, most probably.

 

In real life, you get to almost sort through guys. The ones that are really magnetised by you are going to risk it, and a bigger risk it is. And I think most women find that very attractive! They like the risk being taken for them, they appreciate the confidence and boldness and they know it’s a special moment, even if they aren’t interested. Rejecting a message or ignoring it from a guy you don’t like online is ten a penny I am sure. It doesn’t have the same gravitas.

 

I am not trying to tell you to reject all sites but, I have to say, something is lost. Your five senses get put down to one - sight. And we function on 5, that’s why they are there! 
 

I also realise this is another wild card but, if you are on the contraceptive pill, I would look into the science behind stopping that whilst dating. There are concrete studies which show it changes a woman’s hormones and perception of smell, and can make her choose “the wrong guy” genetically for her. Biologically we are quite amazing, but modern interferences throw us off.

 

Sorry if I come across a mad scientist loon here! Just adding a few thoughts!

 

Dating is a beautiful experience OP! Meeting new people is awesome. You have to kiss a few frogs, they say! You’ll get there. Just make time for love! You will have time!

 

x