Situationship and confused! Help

[kjkjkj123]

I’ve been seeing this guy from work for almost two years now. When I met him I was married and he has a girlfriend. We became friends and eventually our relationship became very sexual. We have a lot in common and it feels like I’ve known him my whole life. When we hang out its a great time. I’m getting a divorce from my husband and it hasn’t finalized yet. So, I know we both have express to each other our feelings but we didn’t go to deep and we have made love. Not until recently, he started to change. We used to text every time and every day and now our convo isn’t like that anymore. We don’t flirt like that if we do it’s very brief. I can definitely see a change.. I did call him out on it and he said I have a lot going on just giving you space but He still try to spend time with me. Now I’m confused because he’s giving me mix signals. I really like this guy and I want to be with him. I feel like telling him how I feel about him but idk if he feels the same because of the mix signals. He is still with his girlfriend. Does he need space to figure out? What is he thinking? 

[melancholy123]

What are YOU thinking??  He's got a gf!  I think he wanted to get laid and now that he has the bloom is off the rose.  Dont mess around with guys who are in a relationship!

[SooSad33]

You've been seeing this guy for 2 years - and has had a gf this whole time?  Sheesh.

I was thinking it is normal , over time for the honeymoon phase to come to an end.. hence less often things can happen, as you mentioned.

BUT, with his gf still in the picture...

I thought you'd mention you were BOTH single now.

Did you ever think.. if he's been cheating on her, he'd do the same with you? ( I guess technically he is..)  And you are all okay with this whole situation?  😕

Nah, I would have walked away longgg ago , like within months, with being aware the guy was still involved.. So, I'm assuming you've gotten emotionally involved.

I just suggest you find your inner strength and just get out of this whole ordeal.  And focus on your own life- your divorce and try being on your own a while to sort yourself out & get back to good.

 

[MissCanuck]

11 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Did you ever think.. if he's been cheating on her, he'd do the same with you? ( I guess technically he is..)  And you are all okay with this whole situation?

OP is married, so the same can be said for her. Yes, she is getting divorced now but apparently she cheated on her husband with this man. 

OP, I woudln't expect to get into a relationship with this guy. He knows you're about to be single and free to actually date, and he is backing off. He doesn't seem to want what you want out of this, especially if he is still in his own relationship. The logistics of ending a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship are generally easier than ending a marriage, so if he wanted to be with you, he could break up with his girlfriend. He hasn't done that and is drifting away. 

I think you need to accept that this affair isn't going to transition into a relationship. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, kjkjkj123 said:

 What is he thinking? 

He's thinking you're married and he doesn't want this mess any longer.

[Tinydance]

I'm sorry but I don't understand how you think you're actually in some kind of relationship with this guy? Are him and his girlfriend polyamorous? Does she know about you? If not then he's just cheating and you're the side woman. It's been two years so it really doesn't look like he's planning on leaving his girlfriend. He doesn't actually have to text you much or do anything really because this is just an affair. His girlfriend is his actual partner and you're just for sex.

[Kwothe28]

What is so confusing? It was interesting when you were "forbidden flower". Now that he already took the flower and its not forbidden anymore due to divorce, its boring. So he checks out. He already has the girlfriend, dunno what you expected there. If he hasnt left her in 2 years why do you hope he would do now? Because you divorced or will too? Not how it works OP. 

[smackie9]

It's not confusing at all. You are expecting him to dump his GF right? that's why he's backing off. He isn't interested in doing that. 

[reinventmyself]

He liked it when he knew it wouldn't go any further and now that your divorce is nearing, he realizes he'd have to make a choice.  

[Rose Mosse]

13 hours ago, kjkjkj123 said:

I’ve been seeing this guy from work for almost two years now. When I met him I was married and he has a girlfriend. We became friends and eventually our relationship became very sexual. We have a lot in common and it feels like I’ve known him my whole life. When we hang out its a great time. I’m getting a divorce from my husband and it hasn’t finalized yet. So, I know we both have express to each other our feelings but we didn’t go to deep and we have made love. Not until recently, he started to change. We used to text every time and every day and now our convo isn’t like that anymore. We don’t flirt like that if we do it’s very brief. I can definitely see a change.. I did call him out on it and he said I have a lot going on just giving you space but He still try to spend time with me. Now I’m confused because he’s giving me mix signals. I really like this guy and I want to be with him. I feel like telling him how I feel about him but idk if he feels the same because of the mix signals. He is still with his girlfriend. Does he need space to figure out? What is he thinking? 

He already got what he wanted and he got tired of you. I'm sorry to say that. He's with someone else so you were just a distraction. It may have felt like something more to you because your marriage was ending and you were moving on, feeling vulnerable or lonely. 

This wasn't anything more than an affair and something on the side for him. He may also sense that you are clingy or want more out of him. It's not something he's willing to give or wants to deal with.

[Andrina]

Guys who don't make a quick exit when they realize a woman is married aren't looking for longterm. A taken woman is exactly who they want, because they get to knock boots without putting in the effort of what a longterm relationship requires.

And why would you hurt another woman like this by sleeping with her man? What would you think of a woman that did this behind your back?

It's no surprise that the two wrongs didn't pan out to the fairytale you fantasized about.

[Wiseman2]

I know, I know. You're going to both leave your fridgid abusive partners behind and ride off into the sunset together happily ever after.

The only obstacles are the children, getting taken to the cleaners and your psycho partners' reactions.

Otherwise you're soulmates, have a special connection and can't help who you fall in love with.

[Cherylyn]

Give both of each other permanent space!

[HeartGoesOn]

It was smooth sailing until you started asking questions.   Since the both of you were cheating on each other's SO, what are you confused about?

Why not own your part in this, and take the lesson with you?

[Stargazer2]

Maybe you were only interesting as the side woman to his other relationship, but he doesn't really want to breakup with her.   And now that your getting divorced he's thinking you're going to want a monogamous relationship with him, and he doesn't want that, he wants to keep having multiple women in his life??    Just guessing...