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I’m anxious of where I stand with him. What does he think of me?


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I have been going out with a guy I met at work. We've been on about 5 dates, and he shows all the signs of liking me:

⁃ Seems very nervous sometimes

⁃ “Do people stare at you a lot?” “I don’t know if that guy was staring at me or you” after a guy was checking me out

⁃ “You’re the best (my name) I know”

⁃ Goes out of his way for me

⁃ Stares at me, remembers little things I say

⁃ (talking about someone who complimented him) “He said I’m the best but he hasn’t met you” 

⁃ Texts me first almost every day

⁃ Asks me to hangout often

⁃ Always pays

 

BUT he hasn't made a move, or said that he has feelings for me. It's like we're only friends, even though I feel like there's chemistry. Sometimes I wonder if he's even into me since I'm used to guys being more forward when they want a relationship. Is it probable that he likes me and is just nervous? If that's the case, what should I do?

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There's a golden rule to follow while dating: if he's into you, you just know it (you're relaxed, no anxiety, he's showing it, ect.). But, if you're questioning if he's into you, then he's not that into you.

Very simple. Follow your gut and subtle signs.

I think if at date 5 he hasn't made a move, then I'd out. I'd have expected a first kiss and some hand holding/something physical by date 5 for sure.

If he asks you out again and you don't want to waste your time with him, I'd just tell him you don't want to move forward with this and wish him the best. No need to tell him the reasons cause it doesn't change the facts. What you see is what you get in dating and the why doesn't matter.

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7 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I think if at date 5 he hasn't made a move, then I'd out. I'd have expected a first kiss and some hand holding/something physical by date 5 for sure.

I was going to say this, too. 

After 5 dates, I would not be keen to keep going out with a guy who isn't making any sort of move to express some physical affection. That would tell me he's either not that into me, is inexperienced with women, or is far too nervous for my liking. None of that bodes well for building a closer connection. 

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I have a slightly different spin on the two posts above.  I was thinking that if you've already had 5 dates it shows (to me) that he clearly likes you.  I mean, he didn't stop asking you out after the 1st date, or 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th.  Surely that must show his interest?  Why can't people simply enjoy the moment, go out, go with the flow?  Why must everything have some sort of "time line"?

Enjoy what you have with him. No rush.

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7 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Why can't people simply enjoy the moment, go out, go with the flow?  Why must everything have some sort of "time line"?

I don't think a timeline is necessary. 

But I would not be enjoying dates very much with a guy who seems to scared to make a move, either. 

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4 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

I mean, he didn't stop asking you out after the 1st date, or 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th.  Surely that must show his interest? 

A friend can show interest too.

But a man who is really into you would try to touch you, hold your hand, stare deeply in your eyes, put his arm around your shoulders... Anything physical!

If he can't do that by the 5th date, then for whatever reason it is I wouldn't think he's a good candidate.

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1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

But I would not be enjoying dates very much with a guy who seems to scared to make a move, either. 

No problem. That's what makes life interesting - what works for one doesn't work for another.  Nothing wrong with that.

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10 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

A friend can show interest too.

But a man who is really into you would try to touch you, hold your hand, stare deeply in your eyes, put his arm around your shoulders... Anything physical!

If he can't do that by the 5th date, then for whatever reason it is I wouldn't think he's a good candidate.

FOR MORE CONTEXT: I don’t think he’s had a girlfriend before. His friends definitely made a big deal when they saw us together. He’s cute, but nothing crazy- I like him mostly for his personality and i feel like he definitely has self esteem problems even though he feels confident on the outside

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43 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

There's a golden rule to follow while dating: if he's into you, you just know it (you're relaxed, no anxiety, he's showing it, ect.). But, if you're questioning if he's into you, then he's not that into you.

Very simple. Follow your gut and subtle signs.

I think if at date 5 he hasn't made a move, then I'd out. I'd have expected a first kiss and some hand holding/something physical by date 5 for sure.

If he asks you out again and you don't want to waste your time with him, I'd just tell him you don't want to move forward with this and wish him the best. No need to tell him the reasons cause it doesn't change the facts. What you see is what you get in dating and the why doesn't matter.

Does my reply to the post change anything?

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2 minutes ago, Arielle842772 said:

I like him mostly for his personality and i feel like he definitely has self esteem problems even though he feels confident on the outside

He has self-esteem problems that you are not qualified to solve.

If a man doesn't have enough confidence and self-esteem to show he's into me and make a move, then he's not a good candidate to be my partner. I personally would be looking for a confident man who would make a move and whose actions are in line with his words. Someone who would also make me feel special. It doesn't matter what friends think. What matters is what you are actually getting from him.

And let's face it. If he was into you, you would just know it and you wouldn't be posting about it in a forum. It's the fact you don't know that confirms he's sending mixed signals and he's not that into you. So my advice stands still: listen your gut and the subtle signs.

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9 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

He has self-esteem problems that you are not qualified to solve.

If a man doesn't have enough confidence and self-esteem to show he's into me and make a move, then he's not a good candidate to be my partner. I personally would be looking for a confident man who would make a move and whose actions are in line with his words. Someone who would also make me feel special. It doesn't matter what friends think. What matters is what you are actually getting from him.

And let's face it. If he was into you, you would just know it and you wouldn't be posting about it in a forum. It's the fact you don't know that confirms he's sending mixed signals and he's not that into you. So my advice stands still: listen your gut and the subtle signs.

I guess I know he’s into me but I don’t know if this is worth my time anymore. We’re still teenagers (18) so I get that we’re all insecure but I just want to hear him say he likes me

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16 minutes ago, Arielle842772 said:

I guess I know he’s into me but I don’t know if this is worth my time anymore. We’re still teenagers (18) so I get that we’re all insecure but I just want to hear him say he likes me

Gosh, you are both still so young (and dare I say, maybe not so experienced in the dating world).  Give the guy chance.  Has he treated you well?  Is he rude to you? Is he uncouth? Has he given you any reason to make you think there are red warning flags all over the place?  You guys have barely starting dating.  Give it a chance.

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17 minutes ago, Arielle842772 said:

guess I know he’s into me but I don’t know if this is worth my time anymore. We’re still teenagers (18) so I get that we’re all insecure but I just want to hear him say he likes me

That's totally understandable.

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31 minutes ago, Arielle842772 said:

We’re still teenagers (18)

That changes my position. You didn't mention how young you both are. 

If he has never had a girlfriend, then you are likely going to need to show him the ropes. So, be prepared to be taking the lead here. 

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11 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Gosh, you are both still so young (and dare I say, maybe not so experienced in the dating world).  Give the guy chance.  Has he treated you well?  Is he rude to you? Is he uncouth? Has he given you any reason to make you think there are red warning flags all over the place?  You guys have barely starting dating.  Give it a chance.

He’s the sweetest guy I’ve met and I can’t tell you how many times he’s gone out of his way for me. I just get a bit frustrated on how slow he’s taking things, but its better than the last a-holes I’ve dated who moved way too fast

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45 minutes ago, Arielle842772 said:

 its better than the last a-holes I’ve dated who moved way too fast

What do you mean by "slow"? Not trying to get sexual asap?

Take your time and if you like him, things will progress naturally.

Be more confident. Accept that he is a bit shy and that not all guys are grabby "aholes" . That is not actually a sign that they're into you, it's a sign that they're horny.

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12 minutes ago, mical said:

Probably because you work together and guys can get in a LOT of trouble for flirting with girls at the workplace. Any unwanted flirting can be regarded as sexual harassment. Serious stuff.

No matter how attractive I find someone at work I will never flirt, compliment, invite out on a date, for those reasons alone. UNLESS, she initiates first and crosses the line lol 

So in this case, I’d say you would need to make the first move. Don’t worry, you probably won’t get reported :p

 

We goto the same school and have gone on 5 dates 

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Sounds like he does like you but needs a little push. Have you initiated "the talk" yet? Meaning asking about his feelings? Its delicate but something that you might need to do in order to push him. 

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I wouldn't do the "go with your gut" for this one because you're likely to mistake your own insecurities/mindset for "gut".  I think he's just shy. When I was 16 I had to go in for the first kiss actually -I planned it! We dated for about three years.

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17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What do you mean by "slow"? Not trying to get sexual asap?

Take your time and if you like him, things will progress naturally.

Be more confident. Accept that he is a bit shy and that not all guys are grabby "aholes" . That is not actually a sign that they're into you, it's a sign that they're horny.

By slow, I mean he hasn’t said he has feelings for me, made a physical move (like a kiss), or even called me pretty

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13 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Sounds like he does like you but needs a little push. Have you initiated "the talk" yet? Meaning asking about his feelings? Its delicate but something that you might need to do in order to push him. 

No, nothing like that! He hasn’t even called me pretty/cute yet. 

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4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I wouldn't do the "go with your gut" for this one because you're likely to mistake your own insecurities/mindset for "gut".  I think he's just shy. When I was 16 I had to go in for the first kiss actually -I planned it! We dated for about three years.

He isn’t shy with other people though. Not even other girls. He’s pretty popular because he’s funny, and has a lot of friends

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The more someone likes you, the more that is at stake.

That can make some people awfully nervous.

Try holding his hand when you walk together. Keep talking while doing so as though it's the most natural thing in the world.

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