Tinder

[Anonymous]

Why do some guys match with u on tinder and then never reply if you message them first?

Thought guys wanted girls to message first sometimes 

(Im generally considered attractive)

[Rose Mosse]

Are others responding to you? I'd focus on those that are responsive. Don't bother about the ones who don't care to speak with you.

[Tanzi]

13 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Why do some guys match with u on tinder and then never reply if you message them first?

Thought guys wanted girls to message first sometimes 

(Im generally considered attractive)

Maybe they haven’t been back on since you’ve matched …. Or maybe they are already speaking with someone else 🤷‍♀️ 

[BeaTlesFan77]

I hope it works for you.  However, just the thought of swiping these days gives me a migraine.  I better get the Excedrin out now.  LOL!

[Kwothe28]

I think I explained my theory here once. And how dating sites devolved into just another social network like Instagram. So lots of users chase a "like". Somebody for ego boost. As far as a real talk goes, "match" doesnt guarantee you anything, not even that they will respond to your message. No matter how good and interesting it is. 

So it happens that you match but dont get respons. Maybe its weird to you because you are an attractive girl so it doesnt happen often. But, as you can see, it happens to everyone. 

[Coily]

Same when we men send the first message, the other party just isn't more than swipe deep. There are also bots, scammers, and just bums on dating sites; who don't reply either.

All in all it's no reflection on you, but the users of the site.

[1a1a]

I strongly suspect many guys swipe right on every profile 

[poorlittlefish]

It's not just Tinder. It's happened to me multiple times on multiple sites. I guess they think they can do better, so I take it as their loss and my lucky escape. 

[Anonymous]

10 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Thought guys wanted girls to message first sometimes 

(Im generally considered attractive)

Tinder is hit or miss. It's a hookup app so even if these profiles are for real, it's a numbers game to get a response.

You don't have to chase this heavily. Just move forward to the next profile and see what happens.

If you are using apps for validation rather than dating, you may be wasting your time.

[limichelle]

I feel a lot of people swipe right and so they may not even be a true match.  I would just unmatch them and move on. 

[Batya33]

I feel this happens on sites in general where it's easy to click or swipe.  I regularly get friend requests from people on Facebook where we have a mutual friend but they don't want to be a Facebook friend -they want to sell me their "coaching" service or products from their MLM.  Or I get a message expressing interest in something I posted or asking a question, I reply and never hear back.  The ability to connect with just a click or a swipe means on both ends someone might contact you with no real interest (so the person reading your message might decide you didn't really show interest in him in particular.)

I didn't do Tinder but messaged many men through dating sites.  Short.  Two-three lines and I'd try to personalize based on what he wrote. Most of them responded to me.  I didn't see it as gendered - I preferred to have the man do the asking out for a date. 

Messaging a man or suggesting a first meet to me was not anything to do with dating - dating was when after a first meet in person he asked me out on a date he planned in advance. 

I spoke to men all the time in real life.  I flirted with men in real life.  I showed interest in men in real life.  Not because "guys" liked it but because I wanted to meet people I had things in common with.  Passively waiting for a man to speak to me every single time made no sense at all given my goal.

I received messages from attractive men on dating sites.  I didn't reply - for various reasons.  Even if I found the person attractive.  Just because you may be considered attractive doesn't mean a man is going to be interested in communicating with you -even if he finds your photo attractive looking.  That's true if the site is focused on hookups only.  But not if a man -or a woman-is looking for someone they have something in common with.  Looking attractive can be a positive but it's only one of many factors.

[Rose Mosse]

Are there apps with no swiping? It seems to be very time consuming. 

[Jibralta]

On 3/3/2022 at 9:54 PM, Coily said:

the other party just isn't more than swipe deep.

Ha! Great phrase.

On 3/3/2022 at 9:54 PM, Coily said:

There are also bots, scammers, and just bums on dating sites; who don't reply either.

Yeah, it could be bots. Bots were definitely a thing even before tinder and 'swiping.' Just google "dating sites and bots." Even without the quotes there's tons of stuff out there about it. I'm sure the bots are now even more plentiful and more sophisticated than they once were.

On 3/3/2022 at 10:22 PM, 1a1a said:

I strongly suspect many guys swipe right on every profile 

I bet a lot of people do.

[Carnatic]

Can't speak for the guys who aren't messaging you but I can't image not messaging back if messaged first. There are occasions when I'll get a match and then not message them first. I do that when I'm sick of messaging first and getting no response so I decide to give the woman I've matched with the opportunity to message first. I know it's generally understood that in hetero matches, the man has to be the one to message first but since there are some women out there who will message first then I'll think, maybe they have a better way of breaking the ice than I do.

Arguably it works too... any of the dates I've ever had through Tinder are with women who messaged first; any time that I've messaged first... even if she messages back and we have a short conversation, don't lead anywhere.

I don't think this is necessarily a gender thing though. I think it's more a thing where some people (including me) will only swipe right on people they'd definitely be interested in meeting. Other people will swipe right on anyone that isn't a hard-no and only decide once they get a match if they're actually interested in meeting that person. The latter seems to be more common but idk, that could be different for men and women.

Maybe you're getting a lot of matches who haven't decided yet whether they do want to date you. It could be anything really, even if you are attractive. For example I see a lot of tinder profiles of women who are really into fitness, they list going to the gym as a passion, complete the new bit where you can say how often you go to the gym, mention it in their profile and more than half the photos are of them in the gym. These women probably don't struggle for matches, a lot of men would be really attracted to them, but it's just not me, as much from a lifestyle thing as anything else. I would swipe left on these profiles but maybe another version of me would see an attractive woman with a good body, swipe right and only if we match have more of a think and decide she isn't for me after all.

It could also be that they think you're a catfish. You're attractive, especially if you have professionally taken photos. As a photographer you'd think I'd be all for advising people to get photos done professionally to have a better chance on Tinder but whenever I see what looks like a model shoot then I myself suspect it's not a real person. Maybe that's what's happening, especially if you're defying expectations of women on tinder by messaging first. I see lots of nice looking women who clearly aren't catfish though so it's not just a 'you're attractive therefore not real thing' but it could be the case maybe.