Is any of this narcissistic behaviour?

[johnbarney]

I had a good friend and I asked her a couple of months ago about the possibility of a relationship between us to which she said maybe, then we spent a weekend together and I asked again and she said she enjoys my company but because of bad experiences with other guys she's not ready for a relationship at the moment so I suggested that we spend lots of time together and that I'll wait for her and she thought that was a good idea. We spent many weekends together and I brought this up every so often and got a similar response each time, with her saying it's not me but it's really hard for her to trust someone not to hurt her again. When we talked about it a couple of weeks ago, she said that as she's got so much going on in her life, she isn't in a place for a relationship at the moment and I asked if she might never have another relationship again and she said maybe.

We spent the next couple of weekends together but during the last weekend a friend found a Facebook post by another guy confirming that he was in a relationship with her and he told me! I was shocked by this as we had just spent the day together and she hadn't mentioned it at all! So I asked her about this and tried to keep the conversation friendly, but I did say that I've always been honest with her and would never have messed her around. She claimed that he was just a friend and that she's not sure why he did that and would need to talk to him about it. This seemed odd as my understanding is that the post would only show up if she had confirmed that they were in a relationship. She had removed the post from her page and probably didn't imagine I would see it on the guy's side as I don't know him. She also said that she'd only met him a week ago but I found a Facebook post where she and him had been chatting 8 weeks ago so I asked her about this. She then got very angry with me and said that I had thrown what she had said back at her and that I was a narcissist, and that she hadn't messed me around. Soon afterwards the guy who she seems to be in a relationship with blocked me so I can only assume that she told him what happened. Although I don't think it was unreasonable of me to ask her about that, I apologised the next day as I wanted to keep the friendship going but she said that it's a sign of a narcissist to do something and then apologise the next day. She has now blocked me which is very upsetting as I considered her to be a good friend and also it's awkward as we have several mutual friends and I don't know what to say to them if they ask about her or what she might say to them about me.

I'm wondering whether or not it would be a good idea to make contact her at some point on another channel to try to make things ok. I'm struggling to sleep and can't stop thinking about her.

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, johnbarney said:

She has now blocked me.

Sorry this happened. Were you dating or just friends? 

When someone tells you they don't want a relationship, believe it.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Don't stalk her social media. Or ask friends to stalk or snoop or check up on her or her people.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women for a low-key coffee ☕. 

Don't chase uninterested women or women in relationships.

 

[johnbarney]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Were you dating or just friends? 

When someone tells you they don't want a relationship, believe it.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Don't stalk her social media. Or ask friends to stalk or snoop or check up on her or her people.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women for a low-key coffee ☕. 

Don't chase uninterested women or women in relationships.

 

Thanks for your advice. We were just friends but spent the whole weekend together for a couple of months so it kind of felt like dating in some sense but where she wasn't ready to label us as more than friends yet.

 

She seemed like a really genuine person and what I don't understand is if she didn't see me in that way, why didn't she just say so? Because I told her that I was waiting for her and not seeing anyone else. I've become more and more attached to her over the weeks and I cannot believe that she could start seeing someone else and not tell me when she knew how I feel! But when I asked her about her new relationship (which she tried to claim was just a friendship), she denied not seeing me in that way when I questioned her about it.

 

I'm not going to delete our mutual friends - I see them more than she does but it's awkward because they know I've spent a lot of time with her and will probably ask me how she is when I see them so I don't really know how to handle this because if I tell them we're no longer talking then it could sound as though I've done something wrong when I haven't. I was speaking to one of them last night and she asked if I'll be bringing her with me next time we all meet up so I said I don't know but that's kind of just kicking the can down the road.

 

It's going to be hard for me to move on and want to be with another woman because I like this one so much. I do feel as though it would be best if she hadn't blocked me. How can someone go from being so friendly to just blocking me? I would never do that to someone.

[Wiseman2]

She didn't string you along and was clear that she didn't want a relationship. You crossed too many boundaries became possessive and obsessive so she had no recourse but to block you.

[Batya33]

You agreed to a casual arrangement -she told you off the bat she didn't want a relationship with you - the "other guys in the past" is an excuse and/or she's in denial.  You're not her psychiatrist or a mental health expert so I'd avoid the diagnosis and chalk it up to you settling for scraps -you wanted more and lied to yourself that what she offered was enough.  

It's not just a label.  Do you want to be with someone seriously who would think being committed, boyfriend and girlfriend, partners is "just a label" -really?  She didn't want to be committed to you. She saw no serious potential because if she had she never would have sabotaged it by telling you she didn't want a relationship.  She was happy to share your bed and your company no strings attached. 

You wanted more so you were trying to read signs with someone who told you off the bat she didn't see potential with you.  It's safer that way for you -to be with someone unavailable.  I commend her for being honest.  She then felt trapped by you because you were changing the arrangement by questioning her about other men.  She's keeping her options open as she told you she wanted to.   Now be honest with yourself.  You like her but like yourself more and figure out what you're worth and what you want and avoid people with incompatible goals.  IMHO!

[johnbarney]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She didn't string you along and was clear that she didn't want a relationship. You crossed too many boundaries became possessive and obsessive so she had no recourse but to block you.

She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment but that she didn't have anything against me in that way. And she knew that I was waiting for her and not seeing anyone else. So why wouldn't she have just said she wasn't interested in me if that was the case? If she'd just said that the first time then we would have continued as friends without me asking her about this again.

[johnbarney]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You agreed to a casual arrangement -she told you off the bat she didn't want a relationship with you - the "other guys in the past" is an excuse and/or she's in denial.  You're not her psychiatrist or a mental health expert so I'd avoid the diagnosis and chalk it up to you settling for scraps -you wanted more and lied to yourself that what she offered was enough.  

It's not just a label.  Do you want to be with someone seriously who would think being committed, boyfriend and girlfriend, partners is "just a label" -really?  She didn't want to be committed to you. She saw no serious potential because if she had she never would have sabotaged it by telling you she didn't want a relationship.  She was happy to share your bed and your company no strings attached. 

You wanted more so you were trying to read signs with someone who told you off the bat she didn't see potential with you.  It's safer that way for you -to be with someone unavailable.  I commend her for being honest.  She then felt trapped by you because you were changing the arrangement by questioning her about other men.  She's keeping her options open as she told you she wanted to.   Now be honest with yourself.  You like her but like yourself more and figure out what you're worth and what you want and avoid people with incompatible goals.  IMHO!

We didn't actually sleep together - the reason she stayed at my place is that she lives a long way away.

 

She didn't say she didn't want a relationship with me - she said she wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment but she didn't say it was a no to me so my understanding was that once she was ready for a relationship then there was no reason that things couldn't go that way between me and her. I don't understand why she wouldn't have just said no when I asked her about it if that was how she felt.

 

Seeing as I had made it clear that I was waiting for her, meaning that I had made a serious committment, don't you think it's reasonable for me to question her about why she's suddenly in a relationship with another guy which she hadn't told me about?

[MissCanuck]

She's been lying to you (about this other guy) and taking advantage of your crush on her. That makes her dishonest and selfish, but not necessarily a true narcissist in the clincal sense. 

Don't bother trying to make things okay with her. Notice she isn't worried about making anything okay with you? Your emotional energy is going to waste on this woman. She doesn't care the way you do, and she should never have agreed to spend so much time with you knowing how you felt about her. 

Unfortunately, the writing is on the wall here. But you would be wise to learn about reading between the lines - when someone says they're not ready for a relationship, take it as your cue to back way off. Not try to spend more time together. It's often just an excuse, and even if it's not, it doesn't mean that when they are ready they will choose you. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, johnbarney said:

said that it's a sign of a narcissist to do something and then apologise the next day

That is like, the last thing narcissist would do. Narcissist has the inflated sense of self-worth no matter what they have accomplished or not in life. They make no mistakes in their head and they wouldnt apologize unless its fake apology and greatly benefits them in some way.

So, does she has the inflated sense of self worth? Needs constant admiration? Is she entitled? Does she in any means exploits others by, for example, manipulation?

Because, the situation you described isnt saying much. OK, she wanted you orbiting there, maybe just for attention and maybe just not to lose a friend. In meanwhile she fooled around with some other guy while telling you how she isnt relationship material and such stories. Its dishonest and I find her reaction very silly. But doesnt mean she is a narcissist for that. Unfortunately, lots of people are like that, dishonest. Dont make contact, you will be better without someone like that.

[johnbarney]

57 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

She's been lying to you (about this other guy) and taking advantage of your crush on her. That makes her dishonest and selfish, but not necessarily a true narcissist in the clincal sense. 

Don't bother trying to make things okay with her. Notice she isn't worried about making anything okay with you? Your emotional energy is going to waste on this woman. She doesn't care the way you do, and she should never have agreed to spend so much time with you knowing how you felt about her. 

Unfortunately, the writing is on the wall here. But you would be wise to learn about reading between the lines - when someone says they're not ready for a relationship, take it as your cue to back way off. Not try to spend more time together. It's often just an excuse, and even if it's not, it doesn't mean that when they are ready they will choose you. 

What I don't understand is why she wouldn't be more careful not to hurt someone else when she said she's so worried about being hurt again.

 

What I meant was do you think she was justified in saying that I'm a narcissist for asking her about the fact that she was chatting to him 8 weeks ago when she had said that she only met him a week ago, and then for me apologising for asking about that the next day?

 

It's tough because she's been so friendly though and I really don't get it when someone can go from being so friendly to blocking someone? And it's also very rude to me when I had her to stay so many times, gave her lots of lifts and was always really nice.

 

I do tend to take things literally. If a woman isn't interested, why doesn't she just say so instead of making excuses and making it seem as though things might go further one day?

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, johnbarney said:

why she wouldn't be more careful not to hurt someone else when she said she's so worried about being hurt again.

Because she is selfish, apparently. She is not you and doesn't think the way you do. 

8 minutes ago, johnbarney said:

What I meant was do you think she was justified in saying that I'm a narcissist

No. It tells me she has no idea what true narcissism is. This term gets thrown around a lot these days, yet very few seem to have any true notion of what such a personality disorder entails. She is pulling out big words to deflect from her own sh***y behaviour. 

10 minutes ago, johnbarney said:

If a woman isn't interested, why doesn't she just say so instead of making excuses and making it seem as though things might go further one day?

See above where I said she is selfish. She was fine enjoying your company until she met someone else she wanted to date. You have to understand too that even people without malicious intent are rarely as straightforward as we hope, as many struggle being honest about lack of interest so they don't hurt someone's feelings. That's why you have to become better at taking a hint (I'm not ready to date, I'm traumatized from my past, and so on), rather than expecting people to be 100% honest all the time. It's a valuable skill in learning to protect ourselves from unnecessary pain. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, johnbarney said:

She didn't say she didn't want a relationship with me - she said she wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment but she didn't say it was a no to me so my understanding was that once she was ready for a relationship then there was no reason that things couldn't go that way between me and her. I don't understand why she wouldn't have just said no when I asked her about it if that was how she felt.

 

Seeing as I had made it clear that I was waiting for her, meaning that I had made a serious committment, don't you think it's reasonable for me to question her about why she's suddenly in a relationship with another guy which she hadn't told me about?

Not ready said right off the bat = doesn't want a relationship with you.  That's why things could never go that way with her unless she had a sudden change of heart which is highly unlikely since she told you right off the bat. 

She didn't say no cause it was fun to play house and hang with you and be flattered by how into her you were.  It's silly -sorry -to "wait" for someone who already said that -and likely to result in her losing respect for you since you're settling for the scraps she was tossing at you.  

A serious commitment takes two people.  She never agreed.  She's free to pursue, date, hook up with have sex with or get engaged to anyone she pleases.  I'm sorry you're disappointed.  And no she did not use you.  She wasn't exactly the most thoughtful person  - very self absorbed/selfish - but she told you how she felt and you telling her you were "waiting" is really not her concern - it's your risk once she was honest with you.

I don't think you acted in a narcissistic way just unfair to expect her to behave as if she was in a committed relationship with you.  She wasn't.

[Lambert]

I think you both made mistakes. You should have accepted that she did not want a relationship with you.

Waiting for her, using friendship as a front to get it to be more, expecting her to manage your feelings were wrong.

Instead you should have accepted it and told her, in time, when your feelings have faded, maybe you can be friends again. 

It's very ego driven for you to just wait in the wings and expect that if she decided she was ready for a relationship, that would be a relationship with you. 

A person that is really interested goes for it head strong into a relationship no matter what.  Any mixed feelings you should take as a no.

It was not right that she lied but again, look at your role in this.

I say look at yourself because you are the only person you can control or change. 

Whether she's a liar or narcissist, that's her problem.  You are responsible for you.  For allowing yourself to be string along, to being lied to, when you had evidence to the contrary. 

Look at how you're evaluating these things.  On one hand you're saying she's a narcissist and liar. On the other, you're saying you considered her a good friend.  Those things don't go together. 

Take some time to care for yourself and hang with your family and friends. This too shall pass. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, johnbarney said:

We didn't actually sleep together - she said she wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment. I had made it clear that I was waiting for her

She didn't ask you to wait for her. She also did not want a relationship and was clear on that. It's ok to have a crush, but if it was crystal clear it was just a friendship, it's your responsibility to move on.

[Rose Mosse]

1 hour ago, johnbarney said:

I do tend to take things literally. If a woman isn't interested, why doesn't she just say so instead of making excuses and making it seem as though things might go further one day?

Yeah, that’s where reading between the lines and making judgment calls about what’s best for you, kicks in. You’re going to run into a lot of problems if you’re expecting people to spell it out for you and be honest with you. That’s fine in your world and you can be that way in the way you treat and respect others but be a little more realistic and willing to see that she’s not a good choice of partner or friend.

You may be addicted to the highs she gives you if you’ve been adding to any fantasy you’ve had that you could win her over. When someone gives any excuse the answer is No. Don’t seek to change anyone or live based on future fantasies. You weren’t in a relationship and were never going to be. 

Mind you, she likely seems “really genuine” because she is but she has issues and she leads men on. Calling you names and narcissist are just ridiculous. That’s your cue to back off and start making new friends.

Pursing a “friendship” and I place that in quotations because your intentions are anything but are misplaced and inappropriate. If anyone asks you what’s going on between the two of you let them know that’s none of their concern and change the topic. Avoid gossip and move on from that social group or her.

[johnbarney]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Because she is selfish, apparently. She is not you and doesn't think the way you do. 

No. It tells me she has no idea what true narcissism is. This term gets thrown around a lot these days, yet very few seem to have any true notion of what such a personality disorder entails. She is pulling out big words to deflect from her own sh***y behaviour. 

See above where I said she is selfish. She was fine enjoying your company until she met someone else she wanted to date. You have to understand too that even people without malicious intent are rarely as straightforward as we hope, as many struggle being honest about lack of interest so they don't hurt someone's feelings. That's why you have to become better at taking a hint (I'm not ready to date, I'm traumatized from my past, and so on), rather than expecting people to be 100% honest all the time. It's a valuable skill in learning to protect ourselves from unnecessary pain. 

Well the thing is, when I spoke to her about it she said she hadn't messed me around. I do wonder when she was going to tell me about the relationship if my friend hadn't mentioned it!

 

Yeah well it's pretty hurtful and it worries me that she might tell our mutual friends that I'm a narcissist if they ask about me! And another reason she called me a narcissist was that I went and spoke to her through the door after she had shut herself in the room in my house for several hours when she was upset but all I said is that it would be good to chat because I don't want her to feel this way - was that an unreasonable thing of me to do? I do feel that it's a bit bizarre for someone to shut themself away like that when they're a guest in someone's house but she was happy to come out of the room briefly to use my shower and washing machine!

 

The crazy thing is that she came to stay with me this weekend when she was already in this relationship and also when I asked her about it she said she was going to mention it to me but there hadn't been time yet which is ridiculous as there had been plenty of time and it seems as though she wants to create a picture that she's done nothing wrong and convince herself of that! I had actually said to her a couple of weeks ago that my worry about going on waiting is that it would hurt if she ended up with another guy but she reassured me by saying that she's not dating anyone at the moment! Regarding hints, I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt because isn't it possible that someone would genuinely make excuses to delay going into a relationship?

[johnbarney]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Not ready said right off the bat = doesn't want a relationship with you.  That's why things could never go that way with her unless she had a sudden change of heart which is highly unlikely since she told you right off the bat. 

She didn't say no cause it was fun to play house and hang with you and be flattered by how into her you were.  It's silly -sorry -to "wait" for someone who already said that -and likely to result in her losing respect for you since you're settling for the scraps she was tossing at you.  

A serious commitment takes two people.  She never agreed.  She's free to pursue, date, hook up with have sex with or get engaged to anyone she pleases.  I'm sorry you're disappointed.  And no she did not use you.  She wasn't exactly the most thoughtful person  - very self absorbed/selfish - but she told you how she felt and you telling her you were "waiting" is really not her concern - it's your risk once she was honest with you.

I don't think you acted in a narcissistic way just unfair to expect her to behave as if she was in a committed relationship with you.  She wasn't.

Well the thing is I asked to kiss her on the first weekend and she didn't say yes but said she enjoyed my company so I asked if she just saw me as a friend and she said it's not that but she's taking things one day at a time at the moment because of what she'd been through. So I took that as an indication that she would be interested at some point - wouldn't it have been easier for her to just say yes when I asked if she just saw me as a friend otherwise?

 

My view was that I like her more than anyone else in the world so surely it's worth waiting for the right person rather than ending up with someone who's not as good.

 

No but as we were good friends and she knew that I was waiting for her, don't you think that she owed it to me to let me know asap if she was seeing someone else? Rather than me finding out because a friend saw a post saying that she was in a relationship!

[johnbarney]

1 hour ago, Lambert said:

I think you both made mistakes. You should have accepted that she did not want a relationship with you.

Waiting for her, using friendship as a front to get it to be more, expecting her to manage your feelings were wrong.

Instead you should have accepted it and told her, in time, when your feelings have faded, maybe you can be friends again. 

It's very ego driven for you to just wait in the wings and expect that if she decided she was ready for a relationship, that would be a relationship with you. 

A person that is really interested goes for it head strong into a relationship no matter what.  Any mixed feelings you should take as a no.

It was not right that she lied but again, look at your role in this.

I say look at yourself because you are the only person you can control or change. 

Whether she's a liar or narcissist, that's her problem.  You are responsible for you.  For allowing yourself to be string along, to being lied to, when you had evidence to the contrary. 

Look at how you're evaluating these things.  On one hand you're saying she's a narcissist and liar. On the other, you're saying you considered her a good friend.  Those things don't go together. 

Take some time to care for yourself and hang with your family and friends. This too shall pass. 

If she didn't want a relationship with me then I really think she should have said though. Rather than making it look as though we're dating in front of our mutual friends and then throwing me under the bus!

 

The friendship wasn't a front - I really enjoy her company and it would be great to be in a relationship with her but I'd still want to be friends with her if she doesn't see me in that way. And if she'd just said no when I first asked her about dating then I'm sure that would have happened!

 

I didn't see it as ego driven - rather, my interpretation of what she said was that she would be going into a relationship with me if she was ready!

 

I didn't say she's a narcissist - I said that she labelled me as one. She may well have lied but I enjoy her company and so would still be friends with her.

 

Things aren't going well with my family and I don't have a very big social circle 😞

[johnbarney]

55 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She didn't ask you to wait for her. She also did not want a relationship and was clear on that. It's ok to have a crush, but if it was crystal clear it was just a friendship, it's your responsibility to move on.

My view is that it wasn't clear whether it would be a friendship forever or become a relationship and I was waiting for her to make up her mind.

[johnbarney]

29 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Yeah, that’s where reading between the lines and making judgment calls about what’s best for you, kicks in. You’re going to run into a lot of problems if you’re expecting people to spell it out for you and be honest with you. That’s fine in your world and you can be that way in the way you treat and respect others but be a little more realistic and willing to see that she’s not a good choice of partner or friend.

You may be addicted to the highs she gives you if you’ve been adding to any fantasy you’ve had that you could win her over. When someone gives any excuse the answer is No. Don’t seek to change anyone or live based on future fantasies. You weren’t in a relationship and were never going to be. 

Mind you, she likely seems “really genuine” because she is but she has issues and she leads men on. Calling you names and narcissist are just ridiculous. That’s your cue to back off and start making new friends.

Pursing a “friendship” and I place that in quotations because your intentions are anything but are misplaced and inappropriate. If anyone asks you what’s going on between the two of you let them know that’s none of their concern and change the topic. Avoid gossip and move on from that social group or her.

Well it's a real shame that people can't just say what they're thinking! Her ex husband did terrible things to her so I did think that it was genuine that she needed time to trust someone new because of that.

 

Despite everything, I've really enjoyed her company and I would never cut someone off so it's deeply upsetting that she has done that to me. Especially seeing as I took her for a walk, bought her lunch and drove her to the train station before she left yesterday so I thought things were kind of ok but then she blocked me when she was on the train and I was driving home!!

 

I would have wanted to stay friends so my intentions weren't anything but. I volunteer with those people and get on with them well so am not going to avoid them because of this but I don't know what to do because they may have speculated that she and I were dating and if they ask me how she is it's going to be really awkward to explain that I don't know!

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, johnbarney said:

she had shut herself in the room in my house for several hours when she was upsetI do feel that it's a bit bizarre for someone to shut themself away like that when they're a guest in someone's house but she was happy to come out of the room briefly to use my shower and washing machine

Is she homeless or from a bad home? Why is she at your place like a BnB? 

How old is she? Stop inviting her over. It's that simple. 

You put in your mind that this would evolve into a relationship, even tough she clearly stated she didn't want that.

[Rose Mosse]

Ok let go of the narcissist comments and just drop this. Going on and on may not make you a narcissist but you are coming across as obsessive and willfully so. That means you’re not accepting that a friendship is NOT a good idea at the time.

She was over at your place too often also, cried and locked herself in a room the last time she was there and you are surprised why she blocked you on the way home? Are you leaving pieces out of this story? If she wants nothing to do with you then accept that and move on. It seems like a lot more happened at the house than you’re saying here.

Thank your friends for their concern but change the topic if it comes up. Acting clueless and complaining about her or disparaging her or her choices won’t look good for you. Leave her alone and don’t have her over again.

[johnbarney]

30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is she homeless or from a bad home? Why is she at your place like a BnB? 

How old is she? Stop inviting her over. It's that simple. 

You put in your mind that this would evolve into a relationship, even tough she clearly stated she didn't want that.

She lives hundreds of miles away and likes to come over to this area for events. It might seem crazy but I was driving all the way to her place every Friday and then driving her back on Sundays because she can't afford the train so it's the only way I could spend time with her.

 

Not sure it's relevant but she's in her thirties. Well seeing as she's blocked me it's pretty clear that she doesn't want to come back now! Which will be tough for me as she's been here for 8 weekends and it's hard to imagine the weekend without her 😞

 

My understanding was that she might want a relationship with me one day. She said it's hard for her to trust someone not to hurt her so I thought that spending lots of time together would help to build the trust but also I valued her friendship and really enjoyed her company. I don't think anyone else has ever made me feel so happy.

[johnbarney]

21 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Ok let go of the narcissist comments and just drop this. Going on and on may not make you a narcissist but you are coming across as obsessive and willfully so. That means you’re not accepting that a friendship is NOT a good idea at the time.

She was over at your place too often also, cried and locked herself in a room the last time she was there and you are surprised why she blocked you on the way home? Are you leaving pieces out of this story? If she wants nothing to do with you then accept that and move on. It seems like a lot more happened at the house than you’re saying here.

Thank your friends for their concern but change the topic if it comes up. Acting clueless and complaining about her or disparaging her or her choices won’t look good for you. Leave her alone and don’t have her over again.

Well if she's going to tell our mutual friends that I'm a narcissist then it is something to worry about because if this had happened between her and another guy then I would have trusted her side of things as I thought that she was such a lovely person.

 

Yes because although she locked herself in the room, I managed to pursuade her to come on a walk with me the next morning and we had a nice time together as if nothing had happened and I bought her lunch. And then I drove her to the train station. Don't you think it's pretty horrible to block me after having a nice day together without even sending me a message first? Well the other part of the story is that she got upset and locked herself in her room a couple of weeks ago because she was upset with me for the following reasons:

1. For falling asleep in front of films (the reason is actually that I was losing sleep over not knowing where things would go with her) and being on my phone a lot (which is crazy because she's on her phone way more than me!)

2. For relying on her for things (e.g. asking her if she'd make me a smoothie with the smoothie maker that she brought with her, which I hardly think is a big ask seeing as I was putting her up!)

3. For "labouring things on" and repeating things I'd said before when we spoke sometimes

I didn't want there to be an issue with her so I just apologised and she said she'd give me another chance but warned me that she's not someone to be messed with.

 

So after locking herself in her room this time, she did say it's a major flag for her that it's happened twice. But having said that, isn't it insane that she blocked me after we ended up having a nice day together afterwards?

 

The thing is if I just tell them we're no longer in touch then they might ask her why and then if she says it's because I'm a narcissist then wouldn't it be bad if I hadn't explained what happened to them?

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, johnbarney said:

I didn't say she's a narcissist - I said that she labelled me as one. She may well have lied but I enjoy her company and so would still be friends with her.

I don't think that any of what you did would be considered narcissistic behavior. I don't think you did anything wrong. She seems to be the one with problems.

14 minutes ago, johnbarney said:

Well if she's going to tell our mutual friends that I'm a narcissist then it is something to worry about because if this had happened between her and another guy then I would have trusted her side of things as I thought that she was such a lovely person.

You were very taken in by her, but not everyone will be deceived. Hopefully, your mutual friends don't believe everything they're told. And hopefully they know you well enough to know that you're not a narcissist!

You know, even if you were a narcissist, your friends would probably already be aware of that. They like you as you are, with or without a layman's (or professional) diagnosis.