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Is any of this narcissistic behaviour?


johnbarney
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27 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Because normal people assume as they should that if they block someone it means just the same thing as “don’t contact me”.  Like when I put my hand up in a “stop” configuration it means “don’t approach “ just the same as if I said it. I do that regularly if someone on the sidewalk wants me to sign something. Or if someone tries to speak to me in public or to my child and I step away or walk away I shouldn’t have to explain why I am trying to block the person from getting too close. People are entitled to space when they’ve requested it. Or shown you they want it. Rarely can a mistake be made if someone blocks you or holds up a hand - physically blocks you I’m public.
Stop playing around this way because if you get to a certain point no one will care if you say in your fantasy world that the person should have said stop in a different way  or done it your way. 

It's rather depressing to think that however much time you spend with someone and whatever you do for them they might decide to just cut you off at any time, no matter how nice they seemed 😞

 

I would never have done this to her

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13 minutes ago, johnbarney said:

It's rather depressing to think that however much time you spend with someone and whatever you do for them they might decide to just cut you off at any time, no matter how nice they seemed 😞

 

I would never have done this to her

Yes, no doubt 😞

But that's why you can't blindly spend time and money on someone and naively expect them to do what you wish in return. It's not a transaction; it's a relationship. And you have to be realistic about the kind of person you are in a relationship with. You can't just close your eyes and dive in. You have to be patient and do some character analysis over time. 

Edited by Jibralta
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1 hour ago, johnbarney said:

It's rather depressing to think that however much time you spend with someone and whatever you do for them they might decide to just cut you off at any time, no matter how nice they seemed 😞

 

I would never have done this to her

But you can’t live your life expecting others to do what you would do. They are not you. You weren’t nice in an altruistic way.  You wanted her to reciprocate by dating you. She wasn’t into you. She chose to stop being in contact.  Her right.  Her right to be left alone.
 

When you give altruistically you expect nothing in return. In fact the highest form of charity is giving anonymously. 
being nice to someone means showing up from a position of confidence and not giving to seek approval or a date or that sort of thing. Be thoughtful while showing self respect and appropriate boundaries.  Don’t give what you will resent later because it was too much. 

 

I had a needy friend. She was lonely.  I am a nice person.  So I offered what I could offer with appropriate boundaries. I offered to meet up with her in my neighborhood for coffee or a walk. I couldn’t travel to her because of my family responsibilities and work. She declined. Because of traffic.

 

Then later she pressured me to invite her to my house to hang out all day while I cleaned and or supervised my son’s virtual learning. She said she was very lonely and needed companionship. I told her no.  Without getting defensive.  

I told her we were having no one over plus we have a small apartment and we’re teleworking and virtual learning.  She was displeased. I didn’t care. I didn’t interact further with her. I was comfortable with my boundaries. 

I also in the past declined to give her $ for her new business idea. Instead I gave her some time and some pointers. That’s what I was willing to do. 


Am I “nice?”  I don’t see it that way. I see it as I extended myself to the point I was comfortable with. She didn’t accept that and wanted more. I chose to respect myself and not give more than I felt comfortable with. My strong suggestion is you consider taking this approach with people instead of playing all martyr and victim. What you’re doing isn’t nice because you’re resentful and keeping score.  

Teach people how to treat you. Don’t be a doormat. No means no. She wasn’t into you.  It’s not nice to play games and ignore that for your own self absorbed reasons. 

oh my former friend still keeps in touch with me and apologized. I keep my  distance. I learned my lesson. Learn yours. IMHO. 

Edited by Batya33
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Stop trying to find ways around the block.

Your responses on here are starting to seem increasingly concerning.  You are obsessing.  If you cannot move past this obsession on your own, please consult a doctor who can refer you to professional help.

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