johnbarney

It's rather depressing to think that however much time you spend with someone and whatever you do for them they might decide to just cut you off at any time, no matter how nice they seemed 😞 I would never have done this to her

I'd be happy for her to keep it anyway if she welcomes me back into her life

Also I just can't see the point in blocking someone because if they're determined to get in touch there's always another way but if you can trust them not to message you if it's not wanted, why not just state your wishes? Surely blocking someone puts you at risk if the person you blocked is dangerous? Honestly I feel as though this is something I'd like to point out but without coming across as threatening myself!

It's not stalking. Should I not at least remind her that I lent her money? Because if I don't then I'm being kind by not asking for it back whilst she has cut me out of her life and has probably forgotten about it!

Ok this isn't exactly an excuse but I did pick her car up from the garage for her after a repair and paid the bill which was about £150 and said she could just pay me back when she can. I'm not sure if she even remembers this and I wouldn't have pushed her to give the money back but do you think I should try to contact her about this? Because on the one hand I cared about her so much that I wasn't bothered if she paid me back or not but on the other hand she cares about me so little that she's blocked me! Also I'm trying to move on but it's really getting to me that all the time I can see that there are likes and comments on mutual friends' posts that I can't see because I'm blocked. And when the posts are public, I can see her comments by copying and pasting a link to the post into an incognito tab. But it's upsetting me so much to think that we could go through the rest of our lives with this situation and it's so unnecessary because from my side I can't see any reason not to just be friendly to each other. She may think that blocking me was the easiest option but I'm thinking about her the whole time and feeling so distressed and if she'd just chat to me it would make everything so much better!

Fair point but do you think maybe she should take this advice and stop commenting on all of the posts of her ex? I'd be really interested to know what he thinks tbh. Because her side of the story is that he asked to still be friends but then suddenly started ignoring her when she'd done nothing wrong.

No, I just find it ironic that she keeps commenting on the posts of her ex who's ghosted her but get she's blocked me 😕

Yes but she comments on every post that one of her ex's does on every channel and he never replies to them but he replies to other peoples' comments so it's clear that he's ignoring her. So I am wondering about possibly replying to one of them as well saying "I don't know why you don't want to know [insert her name] anymore - she's an amazing person" or something like that. Do you think that would be ok? As I wouldn't actually be commenting on one of her posts but she'd definitely see it and it would be ironic if she had an issue with it seeing as she continues to comment on everything he posts? The crazy thing is that her boyfriend has even put a comment on one of her ex's posts too!!

Ah that sounds like a difficult situation. I'm guessing you made it clear though? Whereas my friend said things like I'm not ready for a relationship now and I'll think about it. And she knew that I was waiting for her because she didn't say no.

I think thirties is still young. I'm in my late twenties and she never said it was an issue that I'm younger but her boyfriend does look to be in his fifties which makes me wonder if she prefers older guys? But if so then why didn't she say?

It's not ideal but I'd prefer it to being cut off and I don't want things to be awkward with the mutual friends.

All the thing is she wouldn't admit that she lied so now it even makes me start to doubt myself because she said I really hurt her! Thanks for being so understanding.

Ah sorry to hear that. It's really difficult because she says I'm the one who hurt her and now I can't discuss it with her. But even when I did when she was here, she got angry with me for labouring things on. I just feel that she told lies when I confronted her about the relationship to make herself not look bad and then she knew sure couldn't maintain the lies if she didn't cut me off. But now I think maybe I should have just not talked to her about this relationship so that we could have stayed friends! The crazy thing is the reason I thought she was interested and asked her out in the first place is that she was messaging me all the time and putting hearts in them!

Sorry to hear that. Like I said, it was one message and I said I won't contact her again if she doesn't want me to. I do think people should also think how much distress it causes someone to be blocked, especially without messaging them first. I think I've handled it very well by sending her a friendly message and not complaining about how I feel.

I sent one friendly message - I don't think that's unreasonable. She's making me feel as though I'm in the wrong when I'm not.

She blocked me on Facebook without sending a message first and I sent her one message on WhatsApp afterwards (in which I said if she doesn't want to chat then I won't bother her) - that is all. I hardly think that's stalking or harassing?

She didn't tell me not to contact her before blocking her on her Facebook. She's only saying it now, after I contacted her on WhatsApp. Being blocked is upsetting. But I've made it clear that I won't contact her again if I don't hear back. The irony is that she kept commenting on every post that one of her ex's does on several channels and he ignores them but doesn't block her. But I guess from her point of view she hasn't done anything wrong to him (I've got no idea what his side of the story is) whereas she thinks I've hurt her.

No I'm not

Ok so I decide today to contact her on another channel, just to say I'd like to keep things friendly and she's welcome to add me again on Facebook anytime and that I sympathise with what she's been through. And she's replied to say why did I contact her on there, I've hurt her so much and the annoying thing is I won't even admit what I've done wrong let alone acknowledge it. And now she's blocked me on there. This is so upsetting because I feel that she's hurt me but despite this I've just tried to be friendly to her and put it aside and she seems to be overreacting to the fact that I challenged her after she said she only met him a week ago. I'm really worried about the situation with our mutual friends because I see them more than she does and my fear is that if they ask about how she is and I tell them we're no longer in touch but don't explain why then they might get in touch with her to ask about it and then if she says I hurt her without me having told them my side of things then what if I lose them all as friends? But then I can't see the point in dragging her name through the mud if she's not going to say that about me. What should I do? Do you think she's just trying to convince herself that I'm a bad guy as an excuse to cut me off?

Yes I ask because I think it's hard to know. But I'm just saying, I feel as though most men don't ask which is crazy because it's hard to know. It is but I'm still feeling frustrated that she didn't just say it in no uncertain terms if she wasn't interested, that she didn't tell me asap when she was dating someone else and that she's called me a narcissist and blocked me as if I'm the one in the wrong. I've only ever been nice to her.

Well this is why she should have said no in the first place so that the friendship wouldn't have been awkward. It will probably take several months for me to move on.

Well the way I saw it, she might end up starving whilst I've got more money than I need and I care about her so it would seem crazy not to help out. Isn't it good to show a potential partner that I would do anything for her?

Well she kept moaning about her financial situation to me and I cared about her.

I can't imagine what would have happened if I'd just gone for the kiss without asking because I feel at though that's what most guys would have done but doesn't a situation like this show that we really need to ask?

Is it really insulting to offer to lend a broke friend some money when I have plenty of savings? Wouldn't it be rude not to offer?