Should I stay or should I go?

[WitchSpace]

I'm with a man who I'm totally in love with. He says he loves me too and shows it all the time.
We've been together almost 2 years and he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up- big difference!!
He says he loves me, I'm the best partner he's ever had. His daughter adores me and I love her. His worry is that we have a lot of differences and he wonders if he was with someone more like him it might be easier.
He's a business person and in tech and I'm an academic scientist. 
I think that we work because where one of us is weaker, the other is stronger. He's my best friend.
He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.
He was married before and doesn't want to make a mistake again.

I want it to work and genuinely believe we are great together. What do I do? Carry on and wait? Try to convince him? Tell him to get lost? I don't know. 
We talked about a break but I told him I wouldn't be sitting waiting on him once he was done screwing around. It made me rage a bit!

[SherrySher]

7 minutes ago, WitchSpace said:

he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about

Honestly...the above right there is why you need to let him go.

If he has those kinds of thoughts, then he is not ready for a serious commitment.

Those thoughts are not going to go away. Curiosity killed the cat. He will eventually explore those desires, and it will be best for him to do so, as a single man.

Him expressing what he has to you, is him letting you know that he can't 100% commit to you, or anyone right now.

He has desires, and curiosities that are unfulfilled(and only exploring other women will they be fulfilled).

And he has not healed completely from his first marriage (otherwise he wouldn't have a negative outlook on marriage right now, or be so hesitant due to his 1st marriage). 

You need to let him go. Not sit around hoping and praying he will shift his thoughts (he won't).

Let him know that you're not in the same place right now relationship wise, you don't want the same things, and it's not going to work.

(Trust me on this, he already has a wandering eye if he's expressed his curiosity to you).

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, WitchSpace said:

 he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.
He was married before and doesn't want to make a mistake again.

Sorry this is happening. How old is is daughter? How long before you started dating, did he divorce?

He is not on the verge of asking you to marry him. He's stringing you along. Sadly he's telling you he wants to play the field. He will do so (or has already done so).

Step way back and reflect if you want your heart broken.

It's very insulting to say "you were ok when I was fat but now I want to pay around", no?😱

And... he thinks "marriage is a mistake he won't make again".

Run 👟👟.  Cut your losses and don't waste any more time on a man like this.

[Lambert]

You definitely should be enraged.... read how you describe him. Then look at what he is saying. Forget that. 

He must have no fear you'd ever leave if he can say such harsh and heartless things to you and expect that the relationship would not be effected.

I would not waste one day of my life on a guy that is on the fence about me.  

Life is hard enough. he's a real d-bag.

[boltnrun]

I also vote for telling him the two of you are incompatible and ending it.

It's been two years. Why waste another several years trying to "convince" someone to love you? Because if he truly loved you as the partner he wants to share the rest of his life with he wouldn't be bringing up wanting to be sexy for other women. That's just mean.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, WitchSpace said:

He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.

Complete dealbreaker, done.  Nice of him to be "honest" but anyone who has a strong enough feeling of "grass is greener" to share that with a partner - buh bye.  It matters not at all if he's acted on it -he has the dream of someone else because he thinks he now has more value with his six pack abs.  How sickening. I hope his daughter doesn't sense his bizarre attitude as she grows up and starts to date (whether she dates men or women or both).  He has one foot out the door -help him out and let him go with both feet.  Slam door as he leaves.  

Yes- for those who might disagree- yes - it's normal to have a fleeting fantasy -it's normal to wonder fleetingly "what if I'd said yes to that hot football player in high school who asked me to the prom" - it's normal to feel flattered if someone cute checks you out.  It's normal to share none of this with a partner -because it's so fleeting it wouldn't occur to you to share it with your partner when it's much more exciting to tell him that the limited edition rotisserie chicken was on sale and his favorite variety. 

But this guy is telling you he's now this hot commodity -and if someone glances his way or -gasp -at his six pack abs -well - your abs are gonna churn as you wonder who he's texting at midnight.  

[DancingFool]

2 hours ago, WitchSpace said:

He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.
He was married before and doesn't want to make a mistake again.

Oooof......and ouch.... He literally just told you that you are good enough for now, but since he feels that he is a higher value catch now, he wants to see how high he can upgrade. This is also extremely superficial and says something not so nice about him as a human being.

I'm really sorry, OP, but you kick this turd to the curb today.

Also, please don't take this as a commentary on your worth or value. This is not about you, but rather his delusions of grandeur and desire to test it out in real time. He is not in a headspace where he can actually appreciate the quality relationship he has with you. Also, you are right not to wait on him. Sure some day he might regret ruining things with you, then again, he might not. What he values and what he is after have shifted and that's that. No reason for you to waste another minute of your life on this.

 

[boltnrun]

Also, don't be available in case he tries to play around and finds out he's not the uber-hottie he thinks he is and tries to boomerang back to you. That would be what they call adding insult to injury.

He wants to eff around, let him. But you don't have to settle for someone like him.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'd make the decision for him, and tell him to hit the road.  With that said don't allow him to place you at his mercy.

You have a voice here, and your self-respect is your best friend in this situation.

[catfeeder]

10 hours ago, WitchSpace said:

he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.

If a BF ever said this to me, he'd be history.

[SooSad33]

11 hours ago, WitchSpace said:

He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.
He was married before and doesn't want to make a mistake again.

I'd be done.  Any man I'm involved with 'wondering' what it'd be like being free to roam & live it up with other's is not for me... plus, sounds like he's questioning a lot in general when he's says things like either marry you or move on, then you say he doesn't want to make another mistake.. on marriage?

Be done with this one.

[smackie9]

He's already stepping out of your relationship mentally. I know that this happens to a lot of people who have never been in what would be "attractive" or ever had "attention" from others. Those plastic surgery reality shows prove this. Many ditched their spouses after their makeover. 

IMO he has it already set in his mind what he wants to do. I agree with the others, boot him to the curb. 

[Caesar45]

Oke you have big problem lady.

I was a fat man once and lost wait went to the gym etc.

My life has changed dramactly. Months ago I was chasing girls and after I lose weight and get in shape they begin to chase me.

This made me really mad because deep inside I was the same person It was just me sad old me with my loneliness I said to myself "now you all care about me just because I look cool and have muscle where were you when I was fat but full of love is this it just the way I look is that only matters damm you all" This caused me to went on full playboy mode even dated with multiple girls in one day.

Now I know what I say is terrible but try to understand this. Fat people gets rejected a lot they are forced to settle for the less because they have to and when they got in shape finally another world just opens up in front of them.

This makes them sad mad and also pumps up their ego which makes them go in a frenzy just like it has caused me. This is not love its just pure hatred of seeing the terrible reality of the realtionships "You always have more chance when you are handsome or beatiful" this is what he is facing now he is full of hate belive me not towards you its towards the life the reality of todays society. Plus he can now also get the chicks he want whom he couldnt in the past so he is exploring his options.

Best thing you can say is this "You are still the same person deep within, your body changed but your soul remains the same. I have loved you when nobody did with your flaws which you worked so hard to fix so remember this when you grow fat again" because I wont be around.

Belive me even he laughs it now he will understand it sooner or later.

Hit him where it hurts.