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He deleted me after first date?


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He deleted me after a first date because I left him on read?


Hi, I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense or if I’m being too paranoid. I matched with a guy on tinder who lives very close to me, we text for two weeks on Snapchat and everything is great and we get very close. On Saturday we met up, to describe the date in a nutshell he had complimented me many times saying how I was cute, pretty, hot, had a cute laugh and how he was very attracted to me. He made the first move to kiss me, the only sexual activity was that I was touching him a bit and he had ejaculated and said it was due to the fact that I was very hot and he was attracted to me. He has always said that he wants a relationship.He had planned for a cinema date for today. On Sunday morning I decided to let him text me first so I would know that for real he likes me, he texted me Sunday afternoon saying “I have just woke🙈” to I replied “ haha I hope you had a great time last night!” He replies “yes I did I hope you had a great time aswell, I’ve been sleeping all day haha” but I felt something was off I had a gut feeling so I left him on read to give him some space. Yesteday round 6pm he texts and says “well I guess from you not replying to me that you didn’t have a great time at the weekend, no hard feelings sure. You’re a great girl and I hope you find what you’re looking for :)” and deleted me off Snapchat. I tried to add him and I texted saying “why did you delete me? I thought you didn’t like me I just wanted to give you some space!” But three hours went by and he didn’t addd me back so I cancelled it but it said that he had seen my text even thought it said my chats would be pending? I’m very hurt at this, I’m confused as to whether he was annoyed and thought I wasn’t interested even though I showed a lot of interest on the date. Or did he see that as an excuse to delete me because he didn’t like me or find me attractive? I want to know what should I do, should I try Persue him and tell him that I like him or should I let it go? I am a twenty year old woman.

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11 minutes ago, Anxietygirl said:

I matched with a guy on tinder who lives very close to me, the only sexual activity was that I was touching him a bit and he had ejaculated

Delete and block him. It was just one date and of course you realize he just wanted sex. 

Next time slow your roll. Make the first meet in public, just coffee or drinks and keep it brief. If there's a connection you can decide if you want to see each other again.

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Given his "low performance" issues, he probably thought you are ghosting him for that. Sorry, sometimes its "one and out" with some people. You do one thing they dont like and they discard you. With his behavior and lack of confidence in himself and patience with you, I think you dodged the bullet there. 

Edited by Kwothe28
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Yikes, you definitely dodged a bullet here. Please don't contact him again.

Overall, this is a bit of a learning experience for you.

First of, beware of over the top compliments and guys who are trying too hard to sweep you off your feet, too pushy, too quick with things. These are all red flags. It's basically manipulative behavior and the question for you is what is he trying to manipulate you into? Answer will always be nothing good. So beware and don't just drink up those compliments like you are dying from thirst.

Second thing is learn to be more patient with yourself. Only way to truly know if someone was genuinely into you is if he contacts you again in a reasonable amount of time and set ups another date. You will just have to wait and see on that. Again, don't get caught up in chatter, watch the actions.

Third is lots of dates are one and done. Nothing to do with you or what you did or how great the date was. You don't know this person and what's going on with them and their life and they don't owe you explanations. Maybe his ex called, maybe something came up at work, etc. There are literally millions of reason why someone can have a great date with you and never follow up for more and virtually all of those reasons have nothing to do with you personally. It's disappointing, but step away from beating yourself up about it.

Finally, if you are interested in someone, don't play games or try to test them. If you are interested, then talk to them following the date. Try not to project or overthink or decide that there is something wrong because he didn't text you as you expected or when you expected. In this case, you dodged a bullet, but in other situations you will sabotage yourself if you carry on like that.

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1 hour ago, Anxietygirl said:

 I had a gut feeling so I left him on read to give him some space. Yesteday round 6pm he texts and says “well I guess from you not replying to me that you didn’t have a great time at the weekend, no hard feelings sure. add him and I texted

Be honest.  You left him on unread to play games.  *Not for his benefit to give him space. It was a calculated move. Was reading it and leaving it be too much to ask for?  That would be giving him space. Hope that teaches you a lesson

Remember, online dating is a numbers game.  Someone who has confidence and low tolerance for games are likely to read through that.

I know things have changed, but personally the first time you meet (to me) isn't a date.  It's a time to meet to see if there attraction off screen and to decide whether you would move forward on having a legit date.  I personally wouldn't get some guy off I just met.  But that's me.

Date from a place of confidence and don't play games.  He may or may not been a good guy, but now you are left to second guess yourself whether your actions changed the outcome. 

Edited by reinventmyself
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22 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

Be honest.  You left him on unread to play games.  *Not for his benefit to give him space. It was a calculated move. Was reading it and leaving it be too much to ask for?  That would be giving him space. Hope that teaches you a lesson

Remember, online dating is a numbers game.  Someone who has confidence and low tolerance for games are likely to read through that.

I know things have changed, but personally the first time you meet (to me) isn't a date.  It's a time to meet to see if there attraction off screen and to decide whether you would move forward on having a legit date.  I personally wouldn't get some guy off I just met.  But that's me.

Date from a place of confidence and don't play games.  He may or may not been a good guy, but now you are left to second guess yourself whether your actions changed the outcome. 

Sorry I think you misunderstood, I didn’t leave him on unread I left him on read. I didn’t know what else to do, if I thought he didn’t like me I didn’t want to be texting him I wanted to see if he liked me by texting. I understand he texted me the afternoon after the date and he said he enjoyed it and made conversation but he wasn’t as enthusiastic as before and usually after a “great date” you’d be even more interested and enthuasisatic. Now what I mean by touching was touching his leg while we were kissing I wasn’t actually doing anything sexual and I made it clear to him I don’t want to have sex the first time meeting and he respected that. I appreciate your opinion a lot, do you think he deleted me out of being annoyed for being left on read or maybe the attraction wasn’t there? What do you think?

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Delete and block him. It was just one date and of course you realize he just wanted sex. 

Next time slow your roll. Make the first meet in public, just coffee or drinks and keep it brief. If there's a connection you can decide if you want to see each other again.

Thank you! I’m just very happy that I didn’t do anything sexually, by touching I meant touching his leg while kissing, I’m happy that I didn’t give into it. When he first tried to kiss me I laughed and pulled away because I was nervous and it happened second time but we did kiss a lot, all of them that he initiated. I didn’t like the fact that he kept driving to remote dark places either meaning he was looking one thing. It’s sad because I thought he was going to be different!

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2 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

Opps.   I apologize.  Disregard.

Don't fall for flowery words.  Time and actions are what you need to keep your eye on.

Sorry this happened to you

No problem! I know maybe I should have been upfront and asked him if he was interested but I didn’t want to come across as needy! Thank you very much for your opinion I greatly appreciate it. It’s just sad how a lot of guys are like this 

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3 minutes ago, Anxietygirl said:

Now what I mean by touching was touching his leg while we were kissing I wasn’t actually doing anything sexual and I made it clear to him I don’t want to have sex the first time meeting and he respected that.

You dodged a bullet.

Don't bother with the "I'm not that type of girl" speech, just don't steer the date into provocative areas this way.

Actions speak louder than words. That means drive yourself to the meet, have a nice Getting-to-know-you time for a couple of hours, then go home.

If a guy likes you he'll ask you out again, not block you because you didn't respond asap.

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35 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Yikes, you definitely dodged a bullet here. Please don't contact him again.

Overall, this is a bit of a learning experience for you.

First of, beware of over the top compliments and guys who are trying too hard to sweep you off your feet, too pushy, too quick with things. These are all red flags. It's basically manipulative behavior and the question for you is what is he trying to manipulate you into? Answer will always be nothing good. So beware and don't just drink up those compliments like you are dying from thirst.

Second thing is learn to be more patient with yourself. Only way to truly know if someone was genuinely into you is if he contacts you again in a reasonable amount of time and set ups another date. You will just have to wait and see on that. Again, don't get caught up in chatter, watch the actions.

Third is lots of dates are one and done. Nothing to do with you or what you did or how great the date was. You don't know this person and what's going on with them and their life and they don't owe you explanations. Maybe his ex called, maybe something came up at work, etc. There are literally millions of reason why someone can have a great date with you and never follow up for more and virtually all of those reasons have nothing to do with you personally. It's disappointing, but step away from beating yourself up about it.

Finally, if you are interested in someone, don't play games or try to test them. If you are interested, then talk to them following the date. Try not to project or overthink or decide that there is something wrong because he didn't text you as you expected or when you expected. In this case, you dodged a bullet, but in other situations you will sabotage yourself if you carry on like that.

So true!! thank you very much! I guess I’m just upset because I thought he really was decent and was very kind and wasn’t going to be very childish. I understand I should have maybe texted him back but I had a bad feeling. Im just happy I didn’t have sex or do anything I still have my pride, I worry incase he wasn’t attracted to me at all and was just saying tbem words?

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16 minutes ago, Anxietygirl said:

So true!! thank you very much! I guess I’m just upset because I thought he really was decent and was very kind and wasn’t going to be very childish. I understand I should have maybe texted him back but I had a bad feeling. Im just happy I didn’t have sex or do anything I still have my pride, I worry incase he wasn’t attracted to me at all and was just saying tbem words?

Why would you assume someone is decent or kind when you don't know him at all and had just met him once? Even if you did chat for a couple of weeks, it's still not enough to make that kind of a judgment about someone. All you can really roughly determine is that he is OK to meet up in public.

Goes back to you need to learn to be more patient and observe before you judge.

As for him finding you attractive, honestly, you need to learn to take that for granted in a way. If he didn't find you attractive, he'd have never gone out to meet you. It's really that simple and also....kind of meaningless. Like so what he finds you attractive? Another notch on your belt? The more important question is does he want to date or is he just looking for a quick pump and dump?

What are you looking for? Casual hook ups or a bf? If you are looking for a bf, then Tinder is not the best site for that as most people on there are only looking to hook up. 

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You are both young and learning who you are and how to date as adults so relax about the whole thing.

Leaving him on read told him yes I read what you wrote but I am not into you enough to respond in a timely manner.  He got butt hurt and over reacted.  Don't play games.

 I am sure he was pretty insecure and embarrassed after ejaculating in his pants and when you left him on read it just added to that.

 If you like this guy and think this was a huge misunderstanding then wait a few days for things to calm down and call him.  If he doesn't answer leave him a message and then let it go.

  If were on the fence about him anyways then it was a good learning experience.

  Mistakes happen everyday to everyone and if we blocked and deleted everyone in our lives when they make a mistake or misunderstand our actions we all would be pretty alone don't you think?

 Look at this from his point of view and then decide what to do.

  Lost

 

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1 hour ago, Anxietygirl said:

I didn’t like the fact that he kept driving to remote dark places either meaning he was looking one thing. 

Very creepy. This is why you drive yourself to a date.

Once you're in a stranger's vehicle you completely lose control of the situation. In this case he just turned out being a jerk, but he could have assaulted you or worse. 

Always be in control. Both of your pre-meeting communication and especially on a first meet. Until you know someone better and what they are about, slow down and stay in control.

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4 hours ago, Anxietygirl said:

I replied “ haha I hope you had a great time last night!” He replies “yes I did I hope you had a great time aswell, I’ve been sleeping all day haha” but I felt something was off I had a gut feeling so I left him on read to give him some space. Yesteday round 6pm he texts and says “well I guess from you not replying to me that you didn’t have a great time at the weekend, no hard feelings sure. You’re a great girl and I hope you find what you’re looking for :)” and deleted me off Snapchat. I tried to add him and I texted saying “why did you delete me? I thought you didn’t like me I just wanted to give you some space!”

Well, it was sudden yes.. but you both reacted wrong or thought in the wrong sense.

I didn't see anything wrong with you just leaving it as 'read', but he did.

And then your reaction, saying YOU felt he didn't like you?  I didn't see any fact in that....

If someone reacts in such a way in this, then good riddance!

Imagine having your first argument and the guy goes cold... No thanks.

 

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2 hours ago, Anxietygirl said:

No problem! I know maybe I should have been upfront and asked him if he was interested but I didn’t want to come across as needy! Thank you very much for your opinion I greatly appreciate it. It’s just sad how a lot of guys are like this 

Standing your conditions comes from a place of strength.   It's not being needy.

Edited by reinventmyself
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4 hours ago, Anxietygirl said:

he kept driving to remote dark places

Yikes, OP. Don't let strange men do this. 

Meet them in a public place and don't get into their cars. It's better to err on the side of caution than to get yourself into a situation you can't get out of. 

 

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7 hours ago, Anxietygirl said:

He deleted me after a first date because I left him on read?


Hi, I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense or if I’m being too paranoid. I matched with a guy on tinder who lives very close to me, we text for two weeks on Snapchat and everything is great and we get very close. On Saturday we met up, to describe the date in a nutshell he had complimented me many times saying how I was cute, pretty, hot, had a cute laugh and how he was very attracted to me. He made the first move to kiss me, the only sexual activity was that I was touching him a bit and he had ejaculated and said it was due to the fact that I was very hot and he was attracted to me. He has always said that he wants a relationship.He had planned for a cinema date for today. On Sunday morning I decided to let him text me first so I would know that for real he likes me, he texted me Sunday afternoon saying “I have just woke🙈” to I replied “ haha I hope you had a great time last night!” He replies “yes I did I hope you had a great time aswell, I’ve been sleeping all day haha” but I felt something was off I had a gut feeling so I left him on read to give him some space. Yesteday round 6pm he texts and says “well I guess from you not replying to me that you didn’t have a great time at the weekend, no hard feelings sure. You’re a great girl and I hope you find what you’re looking for :)” and deleted me off Snapchat. I tried to add him and I texted saying “why did you delete me? I thought you didn’t like me I just wanted to give you some space!” But three hours went by and he didn’t addd me back so I cancelled it but it said that he had seen my text even thought it said my chats would be pending? I’m very hurt at this, I’m confused as to whether he was annoyed and thought I wasn’t interested even though I showed a lot of interest on the date. Or did he see that as an excuse to delete me because he didn’t like me or find me attractive? I want to know what should I do, should I try Persue him and tell him that I like him or should I let it go? I am a twenty year old woman.

Just no. Can you double delete block block. 

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2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Yikes, OP. Don't let strange men do this. 

Meet them in a public place and don't get into their cars. It's better to err on the side of caution than to get yourself into a situation you can't get out of. 

 

Yeah it was stupid of me to get into his car, I should have guessed by going to McDonald’s drive thru and dark places that it was a red flag, I’m just very happy I didn’t do anything sexually, only a slight bit of touching. I haven’t lost my dignity and didn’t give in although what was strange was that he kept on trying to kiss me a lot, the first two times I laughed and pulled away because I was nervous 

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1 minute ago, Anxietygirl said:

Hi, thanks so much I think it’s the right thing to do. What reasons are you saying that? Just to make me feel better about it haha 

Because he took you to remote dark places in his car and you'd just met him.  

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5 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

Standing your conditions comes from a place of strength.   It's not being needy.

Yes! Usually when a guy is being nice I have no problem showing interest as I don’t believe in playing games if a man is being respectful and kind, but If a man like this one did what he did I couldn’t express myself the way I wanted to in fear of being hurt. But now with everyone’s helpful advice I realise he’s nothing more than a weirdo!!!

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Just now, Anxietygirl said:

but If a man like this one did what he did I couldn’t express myself the way I wanted to in fear of being hurt. But now with everyone’s helpful advice I realise he’s nothing more than a weirdo!!!

But then why did you want to see him again?

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5 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Well, it was sudden yes.. but you both reacted wrong or thought in the wrong sense.

I didn't see anything wrong with you just leaving it as 'read', but he did.

And then your reaction, saying YOU felt he didn't like you?  I didn't see any fact in that....

If someone reacts in such a way in this, then good riddance!

Imagine having your first argument and the guy goes cold... No thanks.

 

Hi, thank you for your very kind and helpful comment, I don’t think I did anything wrong by leaving him on read I just wasn’t sure of how he felt and by him being creepy on the date I think I should have deleted him more like! Would it be okay if you could please elaborate on why you think there was no fact in me saying to him that I didn’t think he liked me? Thank you!!

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5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Very creepy. This is why you drive yourself to a date.

Once you're in a stranger's vehicle you completely lose control of the situation. In this case he just turned out being a jerk, but he could have assaulted you or worse. 

Always be in control. Both of your pre-meeting communication and especially on a first meet. Until you know someone better and what they are about, slow down and stay in control.

I will never make the mistake of getting into the car again!!! Luckily he never assaulted me or did anything like that but I did feel slightly uncomfortable when he went in for a kiss and twice I pulled away and laughed, not thay I didn’t want to kiss him I did but i wanted to talk first. 

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