I really dislike my new home and change

[Seraphim]

We arrived at our new posting on Sept 3. Before I moved I thought I would be excited. I am definitely NOT. My new Q is all new and renovated but so so so much smaller than my other one and had no basement. I had to donate or trash many of our belongings. 
 

I got much more involved in my community here early and have joined a choir and gone out with new friends and restarted my business. 
 

I, however, am not feeling it. I want to go home but know I can’t . Even though I am trying to fit in and be happy I am just .not . feeling. it.

 😢

Everyone  in my family tells me I should be happy that I have a place to live that is newly renovated and that it’s something that I’m able to afford as housing prices are absolutely unbelievable. Still not feeling it that does not replace feelings. And only serves to aggravate me further. It is like telling me I don’t have a right to my own feelings. 

[Andrina]

Sorry to hear that. Just know it's often normal to long for a previous home after moving. And as a glimmer of hope, it often takes a few years to get into the groove of a new place. 

[Seraphim]

Oh, I know. It is my 38th move in my life time . But gah! I never had to shimmy around bedroom furniture because the room is too small. 

[Lambert]

Ugh! Seraphim I'm so sorry you are unhappy with the move. 

Family and friends often mean well with their look on the brightside talks. But I'm with you,  the forced brightside doesn't make me feel better. It seems canned and like people just want to brush over it.

Is it helpful to think of this as just temporary? Do you know how long you have to live there? 

[Seraphim]

8 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Ugh! Seraphim I'm so sorry you are unhappy with the move. 

Family and friends often mean well with their look on the brightside talks. But I'm with you,  the forced brightside doesn't make me feel better. It seems canned and like people just want to brush over it.

Is it helpful to think of this as just temporary? Do you know how long you have to live there? 

That is it forced happiness doesn’t work for me. 
 

My husband doesn’t want to move again and is hoping to finish his career here. So 7.5 years. Doesn’t mean it will happened. Officer postings are generally 2 years long so we could be gone again. The thing is also there are many schools on this base so he could conceivably spend the rest of his career here. 

[DancingFool]

I say be as grumpy as you want to be and vent away.

I know people mean to make you feel better when they try to point out the up sides, buuuut....sometimes it's OK to actually tell them, "listen, just need to vent and blow off some steam."

I'm sorry that the house looked so promising but turned out to be less than.

[Seraphim]

9 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

I say be as grumpy as you want to be and vent away.

I know people mean to make you feel better when they try to point out the up sides, buuuut....sometimes it's OK to actually tell them, "listen, just need to vent and blow off some steam."

I'm sorry that the house looked so promising but turned out to be less than.

That is the thing. I process by talking . I have always been this way and if I can’t speak and be acknowledged and process I can’t move ahead. But my family hasn’t caught on in 55 years . 🤣

[Batya33]

Can you do something to treat yourself a little?  I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

[Coily]

Tiny bathrooms are absolute hell, especially in a hurry so to speak.

Is on base required or the only practical option? You definitely have my sympathies.

[melancholy123]

I was so beyond thrilled to move 5.5 yrs ago, and I got everything I wanted in a house.  We lived on our farm for 26 yrs and I wanted to move after 3 months there but my husband would not move...it was not the farm that was the issue, it was the area.  It never did get better.  So I am sorry you are having a tough time, but a move can take a longer time to adjust to than hoped.  Give yourself time to adjust since you dont really. have a choice by the sound fit.  I adjusted to the farm but was never happier than the day we sold it!

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry Seraphim.  I hope over time, you will grow acclimated and eventually become comfortable in your new home and community. 

There were times when I pouted a lot due to my circumstances.  Therefore, I made the best of a non-optimal situation by immersing myself into healthy distractions.  It seemed to perk me up albeit temporarily which is better than nothing. 

 

[Seraphim]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Can you do something to treat yourself a little?  I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

Hahaha I did today I bought some candles at Bath & BodyWorks hubby will crap a duck . 🤣

[Seraphim]

3 hours ago, Coily said:

Tiny bathrooms are absolute hell, especially in a hurry so to speak.

Is on base required or the only practical option? You definitely have my sympathies.

The bathrooms here are actually pretty nice and now I have more than 1 thankfully!! Our bedrooms and living-room is tiny though. I had to put one of my dressers actually in my closet. And now I can’t hang clothes in it. 🤦‍♀️ My husband had to put his end table in the spare room or otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to open his dresser. And I have about 6 inches on my side of the bed to shimmy between the bed and the window to get out of the room. Unfortunately housing in this area is about $3000 a month if you want to rent somewhere and 780,000 to 1,000,000 to buy. 

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, melancholy123 said:

I was so beyond thrilled to move 5.5 yrs ago, and I got everything I wanted in a house.  We lived on our farm for 26 yrs and I wanted to move after 3 months there but my husband would not move...it was not the farm that was the issue, it was the area.  It never did get better.  So I am sorry you are having a tough time, but a move can take a longer time to adjust to than hoped.  Give yourself time to adjust since you dont really. have a choice by the sound fit.  I adjusted to the farm but was never happier than the day we sold it!

I hear you. Well I better get some of my retirement dreams after following him all over the place. 

[Seraphim]

43 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I'm sorry Seraphim.  I hope over time, you will grow acclimated and eventually become comfortable in your new home and community. 

There were times when I pouted a lot due to my circumstances.  Therefore, I made the best of a non-optimal situation by immersing myself into healthy distractions.  It seemed to perk me up albeit temporarily which is better than nothing. 

 

Getting back to working is helping a bit thankfully. It is so hard when you don’t enjoy where you are . 

[mylolita]

Hey Seraphim,

 

Like others, I can’t offer any advice and it sounds like you really can’t be bothered with any platitudes anyway! I get it! 
 

If it means anything at all, lil ol’ me across the pond is in a kinda similar boat. Well, kind of. Just packed up and moved from the first house we ever bought a couple of days ago. Manically packed up a 4 story town house with a basement, 6 years of antiques and belongings, our 2 month newborn, 2 year old lil miss and our 3 year old boy. I am full of the weirdest mix of emotions. We have nowhere lined up to go! Staying at our in laws for the week until we can get ourselves into a temporary apartment (but that is only for 4 months).

 

My feelings are similar to you. This next house should be our forever home (I thought the last one was gonna be, how wrong I was!) I am filled with dread some days - did we make the right decision? Will we be happy in the new area we have decided on? Will I ever be able to love another house like I did our first one? 
 

Just letting you know even though, we are not exactly in the same boat, I am moving too and in limbo and well, what you are feeling now is a worry of mine. 
 

I guess life never runs the way we planned it and sometimes we have to roll with the punches. What do they say… make a daily gratitude journal or something? HA! Maybe get to planting those flowers and getting real creative with small space living. Pintrest has some amazing and inspiring ideas if you enjoy interiors. I am not being corny, but sometimes small spaces can be even more beautiful than their large alternatives! Sometimes when you are hemmed in you are forced to get creative.

 

I really hope you can settle in and feel okay in your new life Seraphim. Thoughts go out to you and best of luck. I hope we both settle into our new homes soon 😉 

 

Also, not trying to give advice. Sometimes you feel how you feel and that’s that. No problem - I’m sure you’ll get there. You’re a seasoned mover pro. I can’t imagine moving 38 times!!! 

 

Love,

Lo x 

[catfeeder]

Oh, Seraphim. I hear, and I'm so sorry you're not thrilled about your new place.

You might consider it a psyche-safety net to consider this a temporary home despite not knowing what circumstances might prompt a change, or when.

From there, you can challenge yourself to make-shift spaces as you might for a vacation rental, even while you consider ways to right-size furnishings, etc. to grow more comfortable over time.

But no, there isn't anything helpful about others telling you to love what you don't love. Sometimes people offer such suggestions to help them SELVES feel better, as it's discomforting to hear that someone is unhappy with what you hoped would be such a great move for them.

A good example is Freshman Misery--that first semester where a college kid wants to drop out and go home. Very few parents say, "Sure, do that!" Most tend to encourage a longer wait-and-see period, even while cautioning against shutting down to adopting potential joys.

Head high, you can vent here at any time friends and family don't prove satisfying.

[Seraphim]

On 10/30/2021 at 6:21 PM, mylolita said:

Hey Seraphim,

 

Like others, I can’t offer any advice and it sounds like you really can’t be bothered with any platitudes anyway! I get it! 
 

If it means anything at all, lil ol’ me across the pond is in a kinda similar boat. Well, kind of. Just packed up and moved from the first house we ever bought a couple of days ago. Manically packed up a 4 story town house with a basement, 6 years of antiques and belongings, our 2 month newborn, 2 year old lil miss and our 3 year old boy. I am full of the weirdest mix of emotions. We have nowhere lined up to go! Staying at our in laws for the week until we can get ourselves into a temporary apartment (but that is only for 4 months).

 

My feelings are similar to you. This next house should be our forever home (I thought the last one was gonna be, how wrong I was!) I am filled with dread some days - did we make the right decision? Will we be happy in the new area we have decided on? Will I ever be able to love another house like I did our first one? 
 

Just letting you know even though, we are not exactly in the same boat, I am moving too and in limbo and well, what you are feeling now is a worry of mine. 
 

I guess life never runs the way we planned it and sometimes we have to roll with the punches. What do they say… make a daily gratitude journal or something? HA! Maybe get to planting those flowers and getting real creative with small space living. Pintrest has some amazing and inspiring ideas if you enjoy interiors. I am not being corny, but sometimes small spaces can be even more beautiful than their large alternatives! Sometimes when you are hemmed in you are forced to get creative.

 

I really hope you can settle in and feel okay in your new life Seraphim. Thoughts go out to you and best of luck. I hope we both settle into our new homes soon 😉 

 

Also, not trying to give advice. Sometimes you feel how you feel and that’s that. No problem - I’m sure you’ll get there. You’re a seasoned mover pro. I can’t imagine moving 38 times!!! 

 

Love,

Lo x 

It is hard to move . Good luck to you as well. 
I heard about a wall paper that you slap up and peel off like a sticker when you leave and it doesn’t ruin the paint. The issue here is the Housing Authority controls whether you can paint or not what colours and when you leave you must return it back to the exact same colour that they had it whether they are knocking the house down the next day or not everything must return back to the way you found it. It is a pain in the butt but that is the military. 

[Seraphim]

23 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Oh, Seraphim. I hear, and I'm so sorry you're not thrilled about your new place.

You might consider it a psyche-safety net to consider this a temporary home despite not knowing what circumstances might prompt a change, or when.

From there, you can challenge yourself to make-shift spaces as you might for a vacation rental, even while you consider ways to right-size furnishings, etc. to grow more comfortable over time.

But no, there isn't anything helpful about others telling you to love what you don't love. Sometimes people offer such suggestions to help them SELVES feel better, as it's discomforting to hear that someone is unhappy with what you hoped would be such a great move for them.

A good example is Freshman Misery--that first semester where a college kid wants to drop out and go home. Very few parents say, "Sure, do that!" Most tend to encourage a longer wait-and-see period, even while cautioning against shutting down to adopting potential joys.

Head high, you can vent here at any time friends and family don't prove satisfying.

I am just hope they post us out in 2 years and my husband is hoping for it for other reasons now . 

[mylolita]

Just thinking Seraphim,

 

I understand this is military housing? Not sure how it works at all I am totally ignorant but if it’s mostly the house you have a problem with, would it be possible to rent or buy somewhere different on your own coin as a temporary set up?

 

Also, is it possible that they can move you within the area but to a different house? Something more to your taste? After 38 moves and your husbands service you’d think they might be able to help you out a little! 
 

Just really (probably!) useless suggestions! 
 

And PS you can titivate without painting! Buying plants, re-arranging furniture, different lamps for more ambient lighting, hanging art on the walls, candles or even a nice home scent, something that relaxes you? I know it’s all trivial but it could ease things for the short term?

 

Thinking out loud 🥲

 

Lo x

[Seraphim]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

Just thinking Seraphim,

 

I understand this is military housing? Not sure how it works at all I am totally ignorant but if it’s mostly the house you have a problem with, would it be possible to rent or buy somewhere different on your own coin as a temporary set up?

 

Also, is it possible that they can move you within the area but to a different house? Something more to your taste? After 38 moves and your husbands service you’d think they might be able to help you out a little! 
 

Just really (probably!) useless suggestions! 
 

And PS you can titivate without painting! Buying plants, re-arranging furniture, different lamps for more ambient lighting, hanging art on the walls, candles or even a nice home scent, something that relaxes you? I know it’s all trivial but it could ease things for the short term?

 

Thinking out loud 🥲

 

Lo x

There is a shortage of military housing unfortunately since they tore down much of it in the past 10 years and then the housing market blew up to ridiculous amounts . In this area it is 780,000 to even start looking to a 1.5 million. With inflation at the highest in 20 years due to the pandemic and prices and interest only sky rocketing further we would be insane to buy now. Once in a military house the only way to a new one is getting pregnant. Not happening with this gal. 🤣 ( I am 55)

I have done all the pictures and making it “ my space”. The issue is more the lack of space . The space is just 995 Sq feet and unfortunately it is that no matter how we look at it. 😢

[Jibralta]

8 hours ago, Seraphim said:

The space is just 995 Sq feet and unfortunately it is that no matter how we look at it. 😢

Oh, I sympathize! Three people in 995 sf is tight, especially when you were living in a bigger place right before moving there. I'm still not fully adjusted to my apartment, and I've been living here for 8 years! Everything has to be neatly stowed away, or the place is unusable! So frustrating. 

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

Oh, I sympathize! Three people in 995 sf is tight, especially when you were living in a bigger place right before moving there. I'm still not fully adjusted to my apartment, and I've been living here for 8 years! Everything has to be neatly stowed away, or the place is unusable! So frustrating. 

For sure! I went from 4000 sq feet to 1300 sq feet and got all my parents and all my in-laws crap because they both moved to apartments while we were there and then came to 995 ft.² with no basement. It is impossible. 

[glamguru]

Sounds like a lot of adjustments! I would say your feelings are totally valid. Sometimes we try to "fix" the problem by over exerting ourselves and trying to make things happen when all we need is acknowledgement and validation of our feelings first...and then solutions come after. So give yourself time to be disappointed! And surround yourself with people who validate your feelings as well. 

[Seraphim]

15 hours ago, glamguru said:

Sounds like a lot of adjustments! I would say your feelings are totally valid. Sometimes we try to "fix" the problem by over exerting ourselves and trying to make things happen when all we need is acknowledgement and validation of our feelings first...and then solutions come after. So give yourself time to be disappointed! And surround yourself with people who validate your feelings as well. 

Thank you. Family just sometimes  doesn’t understand acknowledging feelings counts.