WebChick Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Ok here's the dilly... I know this forum has been an excellent tool for many heartbroken lovers that want to get over their exes...or just have a place to heal. The NC thing is truly what works ultimately. I am going to do something...just as a "test"..you know like a trial thing. Like when an infomercial gives you something ..for a "30 day trial" and if you don't see results, you get your money back. Too bad we don't get that here ..lol Well...I have decided to give the NC thing a 30 day trial period...and after that 30 days ...I will at least have a much clearer vantage point on things than I do right now. If anyone else wants to join me during this "trial" period ...hop on, lets see how far we can go It's going to be a long bumpy ride!! Hold on! The only requirement is that you post on this page once a day with your progress. For 30 days. Starting now. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 hehehe.... peer pressure! Ah... I don't have an ex I need to do NC on, but if I did, I would join you! 30 days - sounds like a sound plan. Happy No Contact! Link to comment
WebChick Posted May 28, 2005 Author Share Posted May 28, 2005 Come on Annie!! NC can be tested on ANYone..lol Use it on your hamster, do it on a friend...remember this is JUST a test...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep lol Link to comment
WebChick Posted May 28, 2005 Author Share Posted May 28, 2005 Tomorrow (Saturday May 28th) will be my first "official" NC day on this site... so in preparation I did the following: 1) I deleted his screen name from all my accounts..to avoid any temptation to send him anything ...as an excuse to engage in conversation. 2) I made plans to be busy all weekend, so I don't have an excuse to be inside (aside from working) . 3) I pulled out a bunch of books I have been wanting to read with plans of finishing each and every one within 30 days. This is merely preparation...the day to day stuff will be hard, but by being adequately "equipped" with what I need, it will make it much easier. I will also only post ONCE a day..at night..as opposed to during the day. This will mean oneFULL day has actually passed... If anyone has more suggestions...toss them out Link to comment
ufoureah Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 count me in... I too will eliminate her name from my e-mail, and IM list.. Iam going to work out in my yard and kick a-- in the gym... Good luck!!! D... Link to comment
WebChick Posted May 28, 2005 Author Share Posted May 28, 2005 Welcome Aboard UF!!! Glad to hear you're joining the NC Bandwagon ..lol At least we will have company along the way Stay strong Link to comment
smiles21 Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Well, i have done most of that stuff, deleted from AIM, erased number from phone.. Day 12 of NC. I hope she doesn't call.. i will probably pick up the damn phone. Link to comment
moonunit Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 i'm on day 11! (though he did text me). seriously, i am thinking of going on a european vacation for a month just to clear my thoughts. so i am jumping on the bandwagon as well. Link to comment
socalguy123 Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Ok I had 3 weeks of NC, but then broke it for about 2 weeks, of intermittent calls, emails, and 2 dinners. Lots of hugs one night, which really F'd my world So now, starting today, I'm going back to NC. I can't do FULL NC, as we both work in the same building, on the same floor--so I see her at least 1x-2x a week... I do the courtesy nod or small talk, if it's obvious we can't avoid each other, but mostly I don't make time for her, or give her the time of day. She's currently having a "friends with benefits" situation with some guy she was friends with, during our relationship. It kills me, in a way--I think if I ever saw him on the road (he bikes everywhere, no car, and this is L.A.), I'd be so tempted to run his skinny, tree-hugging, woman-swooping, emaciated self down with my car. I would never, but the situation still sickens me. I don't miss her now, but I really feel somewhat betrayed, and duped--wish she could have broken up with me straightforwardly, instead of just hanging out with her new FWB, all the while getting me more and more angry. Anyway, enough of her. I think and feel I'm done with her, but it's a dull ache, that NC can always help. I'm trying to figure out a way to fill up my life again, with my own life. I mean, friends are around, and I can always hang out with them--but no one I know likes to do new, interesting, cool stuff, except for this girl that I could have a crush on, but she has a BF who recently moved to London (visa /job problems). She's decided to stay with him, even tho he may never get a job here, and potentially she'll move to london. She's hot, she's fun, and she's taken... If I hang out with her, I feel good, but then I feel worse, knowing I'm wanting her, and it's a 1-way street. I'd personally like to date around more--but when is the right time? whenever? I wouldn't mind a friends with benefits situation either--but where to find em? I guess I'm just going a little nutty. So, here's my plan for the weekend: resting tonight--feeling a little sick (too many cigs?). tomorrow--get some work done in my house--putting up 3 shelves, 4 paintings, cleaning up the place. going to a martial arts school in the afternoon--should be great unless I don't recover feeling ill today. Sunday, my god-daughter has a bday party for her 1st year--ack! i forgot to get a gift! Monday, I'm hoping to have a few friends over at my place for a barbecue... Anyway... here's to NC! Link to comment
Mr. Sub Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 OK. Count me in as well. No phone calls. No emails. Maybe I can go a step further by not listening to msgs and reading incoming emails. Starting on May 28, 2005 Link to comment
smiles21 Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Socal guy, i know working with the ex is hard, i did it in a previous relationship, i even had to quit the job it was so bad. As for your ex and this other guy, sounds like she is using him maybe to heal from you? Which, in my opinion isn't gonna work for her in the long run but still hurts you. My current ex has been hanging out a lot with this guy from work, who she worked with while we were dating. Think he was a cause of our breakup possibly. We dated for 2.5 years, but girls change from the ages of 17-19, i learned that. I'm 21, i really need to find a girl 20-21. Younger girls need to go through that phase still, where they wanna be independent and single and be crazy. Day 12 of NC. Link to comment
salmonhead_uk Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Hey im on day 4 already. but im gonna need you guys! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Link to comment
ufoureah Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 It's 8:30 AM and eventhough I felt so great yesterday, this morning I feel as tho Iam going to die. I know she has plans today with a friend, who seems to come back everytime we break up. I think the girl has a secret agenda and yes iam jealous that they are spending lots of time together making memories especially now that the Summer is going to be here and we had lots of plans. My ex is not attracted to her now, but I fear that in time with this great foundation they may just fall for each other. they work together and my ex is a manager and has a rule about not dating people at work, but it crosses my mind and makes me so miserable. I just found out yesterday that I have been diagnosed with adult ADD. well I probably may have had it for all of my life and she told me I did. I am just dying to tell her. do I want sympathy.. Iam sure.. I need to go on medication. Will that bring her back? She told me she didn't like how she felt about herself when she was with me. Her son has ADHD and she understands that meds help. I know she still loves me.... So Iam hoping that if she knows Iam taking meds for my condition she may take me back later when the meds take effect. It will help me with impulse control, which caused this break-up in the first place. Am I crazy to think that? When do I tell her? Do I wait until she contacts me. I have being the information person and if she ever calls to say hello, I just overwhelm her with news. How do I go about that? She says she needs time to decide whether she can ever trust me again, whether she can ever forgive her, whether we have a chance to go back together.. She left me after a week after our huge fight and I thought for sure it was over, but she is contemplating something. We were planning on getting together to talk on Sunday, I was to call on Friday to find out if that would be possible. Well I had a major melt down on Thursday and called her at work crying. It was as tho my whole world was falling on my head. I found out my uncle died, my dad needs gallbladder surgery, work is stressful, my rearview mirror fell down, my new polo shirt got pen stains all over it (she is the stain master) and I spilled diet coke all over my carpet, all in a matter of 2 hours. I called her because she wasn't around to go ask Jeeves what to use for pen stains. that used to be her job... I was hysterical. Looking back I feel like such an ass. she was finally coming out of her shell after 6 long weeks and I blew it.... So you can guarantee that I didn't call on Friday to see if we can talk on Sunday.. Ok iam going nuts. Lots of anxiety and I just need to talk to someone so I just write here.. I hope you guys don't mind....Do you think I blew it forever??? My neighbor is coming over to help me hang kayaks. I bought yard stuff and iam going to work on my house this Summer. I am going kayaking in the morning for the first time without her.. All this is killing me. I know it's good for me, but that still does not mean that I don't miss her. she always takes so long to think about things and I know she does not deal with them, she just suffs them under the tug. I know I need to relax, and back off. we always play this push pull thing and I need to totally back off. AAAAAAAAh Sorry for this long one. Iam sure they will get shorter soon. thank you all for being here. D... Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 You know I'm riding shotgun on this bad boy!!! 8) Link to comment
liasonred Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Count me in... Tomorrow will be my 14th day NC but today I really had the urge to contact her... Not sure why, think I just wanted to know she was ok but I resisted by coming to this site and reading all the positive posts. I'm joining so I have an extra incentive to stick with NC. Link to comment
WebChick Posted May 28, 2005 Author Share Posted May 28, 2005 Hey everyone!!!! Glad so many people are joining this "trial period" of NC with me. This is officially day 1...and honestly I have been extremely busy...it has been a great day, work wise... I reached a goal I have been aiming for, so that puts my mood over the top Please keep this in mind..... This is all for YOU not for your ex... DO NOT do this to impress, depress, get your ex back, piss your ex off, or to create a reaction. This time is for YOU..after this 30 days...you can worry or concern yourself with them. Until then, this is in order to focus on YOU. Otherwise you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. Any time you get an "urge" just remember...it's only for 30 days... then you can evaluate where you are. This is basically as a way to give youself an 'edge" or a headstart on your emotions...when they catch up , you will be somewhat more objective about what to do next. I hope that makes sense... ONE more thing.... if you can keep your posts to ONCE a day...with your progress, that would be good...otherwise you are still obsessing by posting so much. Try to fill your time doing other things..THEN post. It gets easier with time. Good luck everyone Link to comment
jayp Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 I want to join the nc bandwagon, my wife and I are seprated(she is seeing someone else). She also has custody of our child. so the only way to speak to my daughter is to call my wife. Any advice? Link to comment
WebChick Posted May 29, 2005 Author Share Posted May 29, 2005 Hey Jay..welcome!!! Well since you have a child maintaining SOME contact is necessary. My suggestion is to keep ANY and ALL contact very cordial, civil and only regarding your child. DO NOT discuss you her or the relationship . These are things only she should bring up..and if she does...keep your replies as brief and to the point as possible. Stay busy in between this contact period...work on yourself. Focus on YOU. This period is in order for YOU to heal... In 30 days you can evaluate how you want to proceed. Whether that's to try to salvage the relationship, to go ANOTHER month without contact...or whatever... but for NOW..it's about YOU. We're all here together, so you have company. Good luck!! Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 UFOUR, do yourself a huge favor OK? Calm down. Take deep breaths and count to one hundred if you have to. YOU HAVE to remember that you will only drive yourself as crazy as YOU allow to happen. I know saying "stop thinking about it" is a very simpleton thing to say and very hard to accomplish. But it is a scientific fact that you can control your own thoughts. Look into working on that first. The fact is that you unload all of this emotional trauma that you're experiencing on her and she tucks tail and runs. Can't say I blame her really. She seems to have enough of a hard time dealing with her own problems and then to have you unload yours on her is pretty unfair. I am not being critical, or trying not to be, but you have to realize that you are trying to guilt this girl back by playing the sympathy card. People aren't attracted to problems. They are attracted to happy and independent individuals. If I were you, I wouldn't make it a point to tell her I had been diagnosed with ADD and am on meds. What I would do, is do my absolute best to show....not tell...show her that I'm perfectly happy and all is well. Then, in a casual manner, somehow ease that information into a conversation. Don't make it like you are trying to impress her that you have seeked and are receiving help. If you force this information on her, she will see right through it and think of you as being manipulative. The key for you right now, IMO, is to just put on a happy face! This will draw her back to you and you can SHOW....NOT TELL HER...show her that the meds really do make a difference. We are all pulling for you and know you can do this. Now make it happen!!! Link to comment
ufoureah Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Thank you Keefy... you are right.. I have been extremely anxious the last 6 weeks, because I am never sick and I passed out from not eating and they found a calcified tumor in my head. I have spen 6 weeks alone and going form dr to dr to have tests done etc etc... Iam calm. iam working on me. Iam getting help.. Well guess what.. I was minding my own business today and my cellphone rang... it was her.... for the for the first time in 6 weeks. OMG I was calm as can be... she said she was out with her daughter.. she mentioned the place (we used to go there on Sundays all the time) and she sounded down. She said I have your dad's bedframe and eventhough I don't want to meet you, would like to meet tomorrow and go for brunch? I almost fell over... I said sure a bit hesitantly. 10AM she said. i tyold her to pick the place...I told her I could only stay for an hour because I had plans. OMG... Iam freaking out!!! I need to be very careful, I must pretend like I just met her for the first time. she is a stranger.. anything I could talk about... help... iam calm i promise... D Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Talk about all the things that you know she enjoys talking about...i.e., not you guys. Keep it all upbeat. This is critical. Nobody enjoys spending time with a "stick in the mud". Lots of joking and laughing. Cut it short like you said you needed to, and then go about your day. Let me repeat that...go about YOUR day. Try your best to leave whatever happens, where ever you leave her. Dont analyze and try to make things fit into what you want to happen. Go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Best of luck. Keep us posted. Link to comment
liasonred Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I have kept myleft busy today also webchick, strange i've been ok for a while and now i keep thinking bout her. Just wanna know if she's ok but will hate myself if I break this NC. So far so good though. Link to comment
WebChick Posted May 30, 2005 Author Share Posted May 30, 2005 Liason....good job Just one day at a time... 30 days is truly NOT a very long time....and they say most people need to do something repetively for at LEAST a month before it feels normal ..or beomes a habit. Link to comment
WebChick Posted May 30, 2005 Author Share Posted May 30, 2005 UF.....I would be VERY VERY cautious. Just try to go with the flow...as Keefy said. It is imperative that you END THE DATE FIRST. On a positive HAPPY note. Then resume NC ...until she contacts YOU again. Ideally I would say decline her offer...but since you already accepted , then just try to be, happy, but somewhat aloof. Have a great time!!!! Link to comment
ufoureah Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I almost feel like we are not at the point where we should be going to brunch... Bizarre. i had a meltdown 3 days ago.. I had told her I would call on Friday to see if we could talk, Bt since i broke down and broke down NC and was crying on the phone I refrained from calling her. weird.. women play these funny games..I should learn from this... what do we talk about... I told her I had wanted to meet her to talk, but now iam tonguetied... I will leave the date early. AAAh I wish I had the foresight to say sorry I don't think so... or whatever. D thank you guys I hope I don't screw it up Link to comment
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