NC Bandwagon

[Zerohero]

So true about the lets be friends thing. When you here that it's time to just leave it there. If she wants you , she will be calling you.

[ufoureah]

ok she phoned to tell me I was on her mind and that she wanted to go kayaking. I told her she was able to join me since I was going on Sunday. She is getting back to me.. Iam staying calm.. Iam having her make all the moves.. babysteps. my work is not done yet.. Iam making sure this is her choice.. It looks good guys. she knows Iam doing lots of work and I am not stopping. This is for me.. for us and hopefully forever. It definitely feels good that she is finally missing me after 2 months.

D...

[ufoureah]

saw her on messenger tonight.. she asked me what I was doing.. i was getting my new piano tuned. so I called my new peiano love of my life and she got really upset.. Is that crazy. she said it was too soon and that she didn't want to hear it.

Iam freaking out... now Iam running!!!

push and pull ..

what is going on?

her kid was suspended today for having a cigarette in her possession. she is in 8th grade. my ex says that she now realizes she is alone. I have hope we will definitely will become friends. I need to have a life in place b4 I get together with anyone not even her. i would like to do things a bit differently this time. less needy. go out do things with all my new friends and not make my partner the center of my life. I will never be single again and wonder who Iam after we break up. That was the scariest thing ever!!!!

I feel good you guys. babysteps. patience and progress.

D...

[ufoureah]

hiked 15 miles today.. feel great.. made peace with the fact that things will never be the same .. I may not even want her back after Iam done with all my work.. I know Iam wishy washy.. we'll see. I had tentative plans for Wednesday with her. I cancelled them and made plans with another friend to meet for coffee. Iam trying to avoid my ex to see what will happen. I need space now. I need to be by myself to finish my growth process.

I read this book by Pia Mellody called facing love addiction and it has really hit home. OMG.. check it out. Iam sure many of us suffer from the same disease.

Kayaking in the AM...

 

D...

 

where did everyone go?

[zrehman]

DAY 1

 

What's up peoples! It's the first day of NC. And it sucks!

 

I miss her deeply and want her to realize what a great guy I am and how good we are together. But I realized I can't make her see that ... that is up to her and if she decides to move on, than its her loss.

 

I do think about her a lot, think about different things, such as us joking around, the things we used to do together, how GREAT the sex was. But my great and wise friend on eNotAlone: helloladies21 told me that I need to start thinking about all the wrong she has done to me. I can no longer afford to think about the good things and need to start thinking about the bad things, that will help me move on and heal.

 

She really did do me wrong and she hurt me. She doesn't know it. Yes, she wants me to be "friends" with her, but how long would that last??

 

She knows I'm hurting, but yet she continues to move forward ... so why should I wait in this ditch hoping she comes back. Screw her ... she has no remorse or guilt for hurting me and she is being selfish on choosing her own path ... I don't want anything to do with her.

[kiwi24]

so today i broke my day 9 of NC....have to start all over again...its tough but gotta do it!!

[zrehman]

so today i broke my day 9 of NC....have to start all over again...its tough but gotta do it!!

 

Ugh! What happened?? Are you ok?

[kiwi24]

Ugh! What happened?? Are you ok?

 

Actually, I posted this in another thread...post below. Nothing really happened. I thought i was doing good...but i just wanted to hear his voice....after we broke up he said he'd stay in touch. so the next day i had sent him a text message saying "hi" n he never responded back. from that day on I went NC and nor did he try to contact me.

 

Post below....

 

OMG I did it and I can't believe it!!!! UGH....

 

 

I was going so strong being on my 9th day of NC. No more crying even though i had my depressive moments. I thought i was getting better.

 

But I broke NC today and I really didn't have a pressing need. I called him at his work today around 11:30 and left a vm saying "hey it's me...jsut calling to see how you are.." Then it was 1 pm n I was obessing that he was sitting at his desk not picking up the phone either too busy or just ignoring me. So I called again around 1:15 pm. This time he picked up...General convo went like this.

 

Me

Him: Hey wat's up?

Me: Nothing much, just got back from lunch.

Him: oh

**pause**

Me i was just calling to say hey n how u doing.

Him: oh ok...i'm doing ok...hey i'm running into a meeting right now...did you need anything?

Me: Nope

Him: oh ok...well i'll call you later today

Me: okay be

Him: bye

 

Now I am obessing over the fact that is he going to call me later or really he was just lying and saying that like when we broke up he said hed keep in touch but didnt.

 

**sigh** i love him so much n just want him back...n i was doing so good...dunno what happened.

[SighSob]

kiwi24 don't worry, we all make mistakes don't we? Just try to be stronger next time you feel the need to contact him! Come to ENA and post your feelings, it should help you.

[zrehman]

Hey hon

 

I am definitely in the same seat as you as far as me wanting to hear my ex's voice and for her and I to have our "amazing" conversations on the phone that we USED to have. But my ex doesn't want that anymore and I don't think your ex wants that anymore. I know its hard, and I know on my Day 9, I might even break down and want to call or text her to see what she will say ... but why would I do that ... I gave my ex everything and she doesn't want it.

 

So from me and you .... LET OUR EX realize what it's like in their life when we aren't in the picture anymore. Screw them!

 

If you don't mind me asking lol - what did happen with you and your ex?

[kiwi24]

well actually me and my ex dated for 2 years. We had our share of problems and commitment issues but we sorted all that out. Ultimately the guys parents did not want him to marry me because i come from a culture of "arranged" or semi 'arranged" marriages. His parents said I had all the qualities that they wanted but the fact that they didnt choose me and i was born and raised here for most of my life. My ex tried convincing them and at the same time said that he would step forward by the end of decemeber if his parents didnt agree. i told him i cant make him make that choice but he needs to atleaast let me know if there was a chance of a break up and he said break up was not an option.

Well his own self-imposed deadline came and called me out of the blue and said that we should just end the relationship because his family didnt agree...that they'd make life miserable for both of us and at the same time he'd b cut of from his entire family. He said he told me that we wouldnt break up cuz he thought he'd be able to convince them. Just 2 days before he took me to wedding photgoraphers so it came as a shock to me. For me i know his parents were just threatening him but would never cut off as he supports them financially and such.

[SighSob]

I thought we were in 2008...it's a shame a relationship has to end for these "reasons"(?)...

[Sara71]

Guys I'm just starting NC today. I don't know if it will work, either to make him miss me, or to help me get over him, but it's all I've got, so I'm doing it. I will have to see him though as we have a property division to settle. My plan is to be cool and collected and, if I'm gonna break down, that can happen in the car afterward or in the toilet. No begging, no demeaning myself. Grrrrr. so hard to do! Why does my stupid brain think there is a magic word that will make him realise he still loves me.

 

My BIG FEAR is that without me reminding him that I exist he will just forget me and may never miss me at all. Perhaps he will just feel happy that he never sees me. He did say that the thought of me with someone else didn't bother him at all, so I really think maybe this NINE YEAR relationship is really a dead duck, but gotta try. More importantly, got to get my life on track. I put everything on hold for this man (he earns big, so I had no need to develop a career, also we planned to have kids soon) and now I feel like I have NOTHING, which is probably part of what went wrong.. right? He was my everything. How sad is that?

 

Kiwi, are you a kiwi? I live in Christchurch, NZ

[zrehman]

I'm sorry to hear that hun, I can only imagine the pain I would be feeling if I was in that situation.

 

I think right now there is nothing you can do and I think your ex has to realize that and has to stand up for what HE wants ... he should be fighting for you!

 

My parents want me to get arranged as well, but I told them about my ex and I fought for her ... I was the first ever in generations to date a woman before marriage ... my ex should be ever so grateful of that, but she really didn't show it.

 

Do NC, be strong ... he will soon enough realize what he lost.

[kiwi24]

yea thats what i thought also...my parents said as long as the guy loved me and was willing to protect me against his parents and stand up for me they would support me...ultimately we are adult enough to make our own decisions. his family thinks that a name and status define a person then they are more than welcome to go find it..but im afraid they will ruin him...his family do have their share of problems....but i accepted him for him and loved him to death.

[zrehman]

Hey hon, I think you have the right mind set ... be cool and calm in front of him. Do not let him know how fragile you are.

 

And I think NC is best for you, figure out what you want and need and maybe he will realize what he is losing later on, but for now, focus on yourself and be strong ... be with friends and family.

 

I'm doing NC today too and its hard ... we can all do it together!

[kiwi24]

I'm sorry to hear that hun, I can only imagine the pain I would be feeling if I was in that situation.

 

I think right now there is nothing you can do and I think your ex has to realize that and has to stand up for what HE wants ... he should be fighting for you!

 

My parents want me to get arranged as well, but I told them about my ex and I fought for her ... I was the first ever in generations to date a woman before marriage ... my ex should be ever so grateful of that, but she really didn't show it.

 

Do NC, be strong ... he will soon enough realize what he lost.

 

I do love him a lot but literally how long can I wait...ultimately if he cant stand up for me then there is nothing to fight for. one day i was everything for him..supported him when he lost his job, when his dad developed cancer, when he was sick....etc...i dunno what more his parents want....

 

But if he can't stand up for me then there is no going back esp if he can cut me off so easily...and its hard because my family has started back up with the arranged stuff...

 

fyi...my sister is getting married through a "love" relationship that happened to occur on facebook. I'm happy for her.

[zrehman]

yea thats what i thought also...my parents said as long as the guy loved me and was willing to protect me against his parents and stand up for me they would support me...ultimately we are adult enough to make our own decisions. his family thinks that a name and status define a person then they are more than welcome to go find it..but im afraid they will ruin him...his family do have their share of problems....but i accepted him for him and loved him to death.

 

Well it seems that you did EVERYTHING right in the relationship and everything expected from a woman who loves a man.

 

If he isn't going to stand up for you ... then why waste your tears on a man who hides behind his family. You both are adults ... you are marrying him not his family!

 

If his family can't see it that way and want to be involved in the relationship, just think how worse it might get if you were married and they were always in your guys business ... you life would be hell!

 

Do NC and let him make the decision when he is ready to be strong on his own!

[zrehman]

I do love him a lot but literally how long can I wait...ultimately if he cant stand up for me then there is nothing to fight for. one day i was everything for him..supported him when he lost his job, when his dad developed cancer, when he was sick....etc...i dunno what more his parents want....

 

But if he can't stand up for me then there is no going back esp if he can cut me off so easily...and its hard because my family has started back up with the arranged stuff...

 

fyi...my sister is getting married through a "love" relationship that happened to occur on facebook. I'm happy for her.

 

Wow - that's awesome for your sister lol - good for her and congrats!

 

You see, you have the right mind right there ... that's what you need to keep you from contacting your ex. YOU DID EVERYTHING that you could and if he can't do something as simple as standing up for the woman he loves, than why would you wanna wait for him or fight for him anymore.

 

I think you should let him be and I can guarantee you that he will never find a girl like you who has done what you have done for him ... he will see regret the way he is acting. STICK TO NC hun ... you have to help me be in NC too! lol

 

If you break it, I might end up breaking it too!

[kiwi24]

Wow - that's awesome for your sister lol - good for her and congrats!

 

You see, you have the right mind right there ... that's what you need to keep you from contacting your ex. YOU DID EVERYTHING that you could and if he can't do something as simple as standing up for the woman he loves, than why would you wanna wait for him or fight for him anymore.

 

I think you should let him be and I can guarantee you that he will never find a girl like you who has done what you have done for him ... he will see regret the way he is acting. STICK TO NC hun ... you have to help me be in NC too! lol

 

If you break it, I might end up breaking it too!

 

it's GREAT to find someone who understand this "other" culture...i'm most definitely there for you!!! DAY 1 starts all over again tomorrow!

[zrehman]

it's GREAT to find someone who understand this "other" culture...i'm most definitely there for you!!! DAY 1 starts all over again tomorrow!

 

WE can do it together!!

 

We are a team ... I'll post on here, anytime I'm feeling the urge to call or text and I am counting on you to talk me out of it! hehe

[cookiedough1]

NC Day 4....I was posting on the other thread, but it's in the Getting Back Together forum......Having a hard time as well....

I am also afraid of going NC and him forgetting about me. I'm afraid that after some time it will be too late to salvage anything and that he wouldn't bother trying again. Sigh.

 

I hope all of you guys keep doing your NC thing....it's inspirational.

[kiwi24]

NC Day 4....I was posting on the other thread, but it's in the Getting Back Together forum......Having a hard time as well....

I am also afraid of going NC and him forgetting about me. I'm afraid that after some time it will be too late to salvage anything and that he wouldn't bother trying again. Sigh.

 

I hope all of you guys keep doing your NC thing....it's inspirational.

 

You should do NC for yourself and not for him. I know its very difficult since I broke it today but let me tell you its not worth it to break it because it will make you feel even worse. He was short with me and said he'd call me later...but its later and still no call. With NC every day your taking couple of steps forward but just one call/email will put u 5 steps back. I am again experiencing anger and depression because i actually felt happy i talked to him and that he would call me. But I'm not that fortunate. I brought this upon myself and so will you.

Just hold strong....**hugs**

[zrehman]

You should do NC for yourself and not for him. I know its very difficult since I broke it today but let me tell you its not worth it to break it because it will make you feel even worse. He was short with me and said he'd call me later...but its later and still no call. With NC every day your taking couple of steps forward but just one call/email will put u 5 steps back. I am again experiencing anger and depression because i actually felt happy i talked to him and that he would call me. But I'm not that fortunate. I brought this upon myself and so will you.

Just hold strong....**hugs**

 

Its not your fault cutie ... we are only human and sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us.

 

Did he call you back?

[kiwi24]

Its not your fault cutie ... we are only human and sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us.

 

Did he call you back?

 

Nope no call whatsoever....I actually was hoping he would. that he'd have enough respect for me to call me back....the person that loved him....he knew how much i loved him...sometimes he used to say "you dont love me anymore" just to get a reaction from me because that used to irritate me...

 

Tomorrow is a BRAND new day. I'm not quite back to square one even though this has put me back but I will be ok....as the song goes "the sun will shine tomorrow...", unless its couldy and overcast like today ;-P

 

I just need a hug.