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Dakota6560

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  1. Dakota6560
    Hey Life, it's just a part of life man. Going through relationships and getting hurt. No one wants to do it but you try again hoping this next girl is the one. It is tough mentally and emotionally and sometimes physically but when you do meet that special one it will all be worth it. Just try to learn from past experiences and i don't mean just the bad but the good. The things you enjoyed and cherish. That is were you will grow the most. remembering the great things you had together and wanting that and more in someone else. Hey, I know your lonely and Michael does too. We have been down that ugly lonely road before once or twice in our life. Just remember it doesn't go on forever and eventually you will find your way back to happiness and you won't look back. Just remember with every step you take you get one step closer to your happy place. That is where you will find peace within yourself to allow you to just be happy and care free with your life. You won't think of her and you will be ready to have a great romantic experience with a new and exciting woman. Your doing great Life. You have the right mind set and all you need to do is be patient and soon enough you will be fully healed and ready for the next great love.
  2. Dakota6560
    Life, have you heard the term in order to build something up you must first break it down. Well, first you must be broken down and that is where you are right now. You feel lonely and empty like no one can ever replace her. As time goes and you start reminding yourself of how she hurt you and let you down you will slowly build yourself up to the point where when you are ready to meet someone new you will be better internally then before and much more prepared for this relationship. All this takes time and you must want it to heal. keep reminding yourself about how great you are. Don't be negative at all!! I know for right now she is in every thought but it soon will pass. You must help it along though. You must be willing to move on or it will eat you up longer then it needs to. AS for something to do. You won't know until you try. Heck, if you go do something you might meet a new friend or more. It's out there just don't say but do it. Expand your horizons. Nothing is greater than a man who expands his mind.
  3. Dakota6560
    Hey RS, I understand the pain you went through and you needing to vent. It sucks when you see your ex with someone else. i do agree that it is bull that she is hanging out at bars you introduced her to. I think it was very cool of her friends said hi to you. That means when she told them of the breakup she didn't mention any negative things about you because if she did they wouldn't of given you the time of day. Try to remember that. As for him. Forget it. If he is mature she'll find out sooner or later. As for her going home with him. Yeah, it used to eat me up too but know I don't care anymore. I think about it and it doesn't hurt. Everything you went through I went through. I am telling you that ugly feeling you have every time you think of her and him will go away. Just keep living your life and every opportunity to do things or go somewhere do it. Life's too short and we need to enjoy all the time we have.
  4. Dakota6560
    Hey Life, it sounds like you are having some moments of inspiration there. That's great. Learn from everything that happens. Take something from each relationship you have this way when the next one rolls around you will be better suited. For instance, this last one is the one I realized I had no confidence in myself. I studied it and found out I had been going in a downward spiral for over 2 years! I didn't realize it because I am always cheery and happy but I never had that swagger because I always put myself down. Then after this relationship it hit me!EUREKA!! I need to remind myself of all the good things and never mention the bad. Bam! I feel incredible. Never been this happy in my life. Life, we are all here for one another and we have all been were you are at and soon enough you will be feeling whole again like we are. Be patient and remind yourself that you will be happy again. Your mind is incredible if you tell it enough it will believe you and the hurt and sorrow will deminish. I keep reminding you of this because this will help you more than anything. I can confess to it's power. So, keep up the positive attitude and you seem to be doing very well. Keep it up!! Auburn, I am sure you know were i stand with this new girl. I think she is great and she is just what the doctor ordered. I hope you do continue to see her because with out a doubt this young lady is thinking about you and no one else. That's a great girl!!!!!!
  5. Dakota6560
    Hawaii, You are making crystal clear sense and your stance on life couldn't be any better. I too am starting to think that way and have been feeling better every day. Just keep thinking positive and you will be. AS for my ex. I see her and it doesn't hurt. Right now i am thinking of her and there is no pain. I go out and smile and say hi to people with a new open attitude. I love it! The mind is an incredible thing. What ever you think it will do. If you think great things about yourself you will believe them and so will people around you. I am glad to see you aren't going to quit your job. If you do it will project that you are weak and that's not what you are about. We are about overcoming obstacles and succeding. I gotta tell you I think your positive attitude is great and it is spreading to all of us. Keep it up because I am!
  6. Dakota6560
    Hey RS, that's great that you are starting to lose that hurt and pain over your ex. Heck I would to after partying 4 days in a row(you beat me by one). I know it can still be rough though when you see them out and you know they are with someone else but like you put it. maybe we need this to get over them. I am going today to the gym were she works out and last time I saw her and her new boy. At first it felt terrible and i just wanted to get out of there but I stuck it out. Today, the guys I workout with will be going with me and it should be better with a support group. I won't let her dictate my life. Just cause she is there doesn't mean I have to stop going there as well. I just think it kind of sucks that you see them and they don't say hi or see how you are doing but I guess that is the point of getting over someone. You very well can't if you keep in contact with them. I do agree with you RS about another thing and that is bring on the ladies. I am having fun and my confidence keeps going up. Here's to new beginnings!
  7. Dakota6560
    Hawaii, That is great! Acceptance is a big obstacle. I am sure you are glad to see all your hard work is paying off and you are headed down the right track. I too feel acceptance and occasionally I think of what might have been but it doesn't hurt me. I just think about it and shrug my shoulders. Just keep up the positive outlook and keep reminding yourself of it. Don't be negative at all about yourself. Think positive and you'll be positive. The mind is a powerful tool. Great job Hawaii and I hope each day gets better and better for you.
  8. Dakota6560
    Hey Life, I am glad you kept yourself busy today. I know you thought about her a lot and wished she was sitting next to you during the movie but don't fret. I know this because I felt that for over a month but know i am okay. Just keep making yourself busy. I am sure there were times during the trip to the pool and the movie you didn't think of her. Well, as time goes so will your thoughts of her. Just be patient. I also applaud the fact that you are taking the high road and giving her that special place in your heart because for a time she was that special person in your life and you mustn't forget it. Every book has a beginning and an end but you can't have a book without the middle chapters. That is what she was. A great and sad chapter all in one but a piece of your life nonetheless. As for you guys being friends. That is a very tough proposition. You both need to go your separate ways to find what you truly want. That is the whole idea behind exploration. If you never leave your home how are you going to find your next great adventure! I am happy to hear you are optimistic and you realize time and patience will be your guide for now. Just don't lose track of that. Keep up the great work and although I am not a wine drinker I will have a glass of Vodka and water with you.
  9. Dakota6560
    Hey Life, I hope you are expecting to forget her instantly. Of course you will think of her as I think of my ex and auburn as well. It is life. All we want you to do is enjoy each day and don't just waste it thinking of her. Expand your avenues. Do things you thought you would never do. When your friends go out and invite you say yes!!! I know you will think of her but there will be instances when you don't and you'll think wow. I was having fun and for a few minutes I wasn't thinking of her. Each time you go out it will get easier and easier. Hey, I know she hurt you and you wonder why you put her on a pedastal but that is what love is. Thinking that person you are with is like no one else on earth. Sometimes it is not given back. That is the gamble. Heck, how great would love feel if you could get it from everybody? That is what makes it so special. You meet this people who seem like they are but are'nt quite there with you so you yearn for love even more and more until you find that perfect person who you fall in love with and this time you are both ready for it. That my friend is the greatest gift in the world. Don't lose sight and don't give up hope. As for the night time. I tivo the simpsons or seinfeld. I also love scrubs. Oh Auburn, I am reading the Da Vinci Code right now. I am loving it!!!!! So life there is so much to do but instead of saying it just do it. Heck, talk to your girl friends and just have a coversation with them. I do that all the time plus you get insight on how a woman ticks because believe you and me they are totally different. Good luck and keep up the positive outlook. Andrew
  10. Dakota6560
    Hawaii, the resolution of guilt is from within. It's okay to feel guilty but once you have gone through a period of feeling this you must realize that it is a lesson and next time you will better prepared. Look forward not backward or you might cause an accident. I know it is hard to get passed the fact that you have that guilty feeling and you feel as if you need to tell her but just realize it is best to understand that you need to forget about this young lady and move on to someone great and new. [ b]RS, She is trying to fill a void. That is what it comes down to. Women can't be alone. That is why she is with this guy. They don't want to feel lonely and that is why they jump from relationshiop to relationship. THe majority of women you meet will have a very small window of time when they are alone. It has nothing to do with resentment towards you. Trust me. Please try not to bring up those questions with her again. It will make her feel uncomfortable and I don't want her to think different of you. I know the feeling of seeing or thinking about someone with your ex because I saw it but I have done NC for over 3 weeks and believe it doesn't hurt that bad. Actually I didn't think of her very much this weekend and had a blast. It will come soon enough for you too. Trust me but try to regain the confidence in yourself .That is vital. Think of all the good things you posses and repeat them. DON'T dwell on the negatives. I tell you this because this wil help you. Once you feel confident you will be ready to have a great relationship with a wonderful women. So think confident. Good luck [/b]
  11. Dakota6560
    Hey Life and Auburn, I am sorry I haven't responded but I will say first things first and I have indeed watched the movie swingers and you are right the ending is uplifting. Life, I want to tell you I was going through the same problem you were. The hardest time for me was once I woke up because that was the first thing in my mind and throughout the day it was hard because we would talk during the day and go to lunch and suddenly I didn't have that anymore but I am here to tell you once you start doing the NC and that means NC (no lunch or anything) the healing will start. I have been away for 3 weeks and she is just a bleep on my radar. I go out and at the end of the night I realize I didn't think of her the whole time. I know right now you don't see that light but it's there. Life, you say you are smart, tall and handsome. Let me tell you something you are right but you must believe this first. I have been reading some books and the basic message is if you keep telling yourself something you will start to believe it. I used to think I was a loser because I got dumped. I had an awakening, and i realized that if I keep reminding myself of all the good qualities I have I will feel better about myself. Please do this, heck ask one of your girl buddies to help you. They won't say anything that isn't true and believe what they say. Auburn, your messages are right on. I did ignore your first paragraph because that is the short term image but the second is what is going to make Life happy again and ready to wow some other lady someday. Just remember Life this pain will go away but you have to do your part to heal. Hey, as for her not calling or texting. She misses you too but she has got to heal as well. Don't believe you were that expendable because I'm sure when you broke up with someone you missed them as well but you have to give them time to heal. Be strong.
  12. Dakota6560
    Hey auburn, actually Morgan Freeman is reading the letter written by Tim Robbins. You are right, we are all friends here. We all bonded by the same pain and the same ideals of overcoming that pain and living happily again. I am sure you still miss that one girl but I have to believe she did truly love you but I think her ex would've been in the way had you stayed with her. All she was was a great wonderful time that you got to experience and when it came down to it you backed off. It was a sign and if it was the absolute one you would have said yes. The next time you feel that love come around you'll be ready with open arms and open heart. Life101, I haven't heard from you. How are you doing? Keep me posted bud.
  13. Dakota6560
    That was an incredible story Auburn. I hope you knw when I say this I mean it "my heart goes out to you". You have traveled a very long and tough road but I admire your spirit and belief in hope. You know one of my favorite movies is the Shawshank redemption and that movie is all about hope. One of the greatest lines ever comes from that movie "hope is a good thing. Probably the best of things and no good thing dies.." You have a inspirational story and I truly hope you and everyone here finds that true love that will last our lifetime. It is very comforting to know there is a place I can go to feel secure and have a support group. I want to let you know I am glad to have met you and I can honestly say you helped me. Thank you very much for sharing your life with us. Godbless and I will look forward to more of your advice.
  14. Dakota6560
    Thanks for the compliment Auburn and I guess I am sending you one back because I really liked the 60 day rule. I am at about day 18 but I do feel better and I am sure once I get to 60 I will be capable to decide to talk to her or not. Life, I know all the pain you are going through because we have been there. When my first love broke up with me I was completely devasted. I just wanted to lie in bed and not do anything. I swore up and down she was my soulmate. But I was fooled. It took me a very long time to get over her so I am not going to sugarcoat your answer and say it will stop hurting in x amount of days. It is going to talk a lot of time. I am here to let you know you will get over this. You will look back at the times with her and have beautiful memories but I gurantee that you will meet a young lady who will fill your heart with love but you do have to be ready for that. So right now take this pain one day and at a time and try not to think that you won't meet someone because you willl. Just be patient and let yourself heal then when a great young lady comes along you will be ready. Unfortunately this is a part of life and we have all experienced this ugly side of it. Just don't think it is always going to be like this. Be strong
  15. Dakota6560
    Hey RS, I read this about feeling quilty and I thought you should read this. It might help. C-ya! We all know what it feels like to feel guilty about something and many of us struggle with feeling guilty all the time. Guilt makes us feel that we are somehow unforgivable. While this experience is common, it is detrimental to our overall wellbeing. Feeling guilty generally promotes a sense of powerlessness-an anguished agonizing over a past action that cannot be changed. The problem with this is that it doesn't inspire us to forgive ourselves, make amends for mistakes, and move forward free of emotional baggage. Originally, guilt referred to the fine paid for proven wrongdoing. Once you made the payment, in time or money, for what you had done, you were free-free of the sentence and free of the guilt. The problem with guilt as it is often experienced now is that it becomes a permanent state of mind for some people. In this case, it is a neurotic preoccupation rather than a fair assessment of wrongdoing followed by a course of action that leads to reparation. It is part of the human experience to make mistakes and hurt others. There is no way to avoid this entirely, and wallowing in guilt will not help you or anyone else. It will not prevent future suffering. Understanding this is the first step towards liberating yourself from guilt. If you are hanging onto guilt about something, the first thing you need to do is practice compassion for yourself; you are human and you make mistakes. Compassion and self-forgiveness are much more effective than guilt in helping you determine a course of effective action. You may need to make an apology, or you may need to make some changes in yourself. Know that with each action you create healing for yourself and anyone you have hurt. Finally, learn from your mistakes, but never beat yourself up. Know that you are inherently good, love yourself, and always do your best. Then there will be no place for guilt in your life.
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